Signs of times…

Today marks the exact one month since mom was cremated. As I pause to remember mom, I suddenly recalled how mom will look at me and say wrinkles are slowly building around my eyes. To my mom, I was getting old, to which I always disagree, and sometimes, a small argument will break out. But as I see my days when I can still tell people I am in my 20s slowly diminishing, I can't help but say… age is indeed catching up…

Remember those times when you opened a forwarded mail and it talks about things in the 80s and 90s and you laugh at them, and how you can really relate to them. And at the end of the e-mail, you feel you’re really old? Well, let me present you with my version of those I-feel-old situation. It’s so true to me and I wonder if it will be true to you. For those who were born in the 80s and 90s… well… you will only feel this in about 10 years time.

I remember those times when I was a die-hard Real-Time-Strategy (RTS) games. It all started with Dune II, Command & Conquer, Red Alert and my all time favourite… Starcraft. Do you used to play them? I love them and would spend my time in front of the PC religiously jus to crack my head on how to get pass a level. I still love playing computer games, but I just couldn’t find the energy to play RTS game anymore. Now, I just want to play something that shoot and shoot and kill and kill and “bang bang bang”… all die. Ok… game over. Too lazy to think, just want to shoot something.

I remember those times when I can really eat. You know the leng-jai colleague who hails from UK whom I mentioned earlier? Man! He can really eat! We once went to a nice chicken rice and siew-yok store and after all of us have tamed the glutton in us, he raised his hands and ordered an additional plate of char-siew rice just for himself. I used to be like that… where buffet operators fear the sight of me. Those who are close to me will know… Zewt is always hungry… and if Zewt is not hungry… something is wrong. But you know what, that’s no longer the case… I just can't eat that much anymore and I can't help but relate that to … age. It’s true you know.

I remember the time I used to hate dislike playing badminton with uncles. They are so slow and always fail to pose any challenge. Badminton games are bored with them. Now on the other hand… playing with uncles made me feel good. It’s the only time I can win… ok la.. maybe not that bad. But you get the flow… and soon, playing with me will not be “challenging” anymore. Also remember those days when pain is not in my vocab in a game of football. Now, I can remain contact-less in the entire game and yet the next day… some parts somewhere will hurt.

There has also been a change in my figure of speech. I will naturally refer to a person in their teens as kids (no offence). And of course, the ever dreaded situation of your friends asking their children (yes, my friends have children) to call me uncle instead of ‘go-go’. Well, there are still people who calls me young, ya’ know… those people in their 40s. And oh… those young college girls used to be hot chicks. Now… well… let’s just not go there.

I remember the time when I can't wait to finish school and have a taste of college life. But now, every Sunday when I go back to school for my football game… I never fail to feel a little… nostalgic. Those days when I used to wear the white and green are so so so long ago. Meeting up with former school mates is getting increasingly difficult. And strange enough… every single time that we meet up… we will talk about the exact same old thing, and we never fail to laugh silly to it… to the exact same old thing.

Those forwarded mails did mention about this and while I am trying to stay original, I just have to bring this point in. A few years ago, the comment that I gave to my peers who are getting married is “so soon?”. Now… it’s “when is your turn?”. Yup, marriage is a common thing now and if you’re not married, something is wrong with you. If you’re still single and available… well… let’s just not go there too.

And yes… a pick from those e-mails… my friends will panic if they tell me their girl is pregnant. An abrupt wedding dinner will soon follows. Now on the other hand… I will usually have to wish my peers congratulations when they blow up their girl’s tummy.

Last but not least… I remember when life was simple and I don’t have to deal with those painful facts of life… death. While I have always been independent, mom’s passing made me apply E=mc2 into my maturity velocity. I have to force myself to grow up. I have to see many things from a very different perspective. And ya’ know, while it has been painful, it has also been rather fulfilling.

Some years ago, when me and my friends met up, and we asked about so and so… the answer goes something like “Oh that guy… graduated already lor”….

Some years passed, we met up, we asked about so and so… the answer goes something like “Oh that guy… become boss already lor”…

Now, when we meet up, we ask about so and so… the answer usually goes something like “Oh that guy… married already lor”…

Add a few more years into the future, the answer probably goes something like “Oh that guy… become father already lor”…

And don’t be surprise if the answer that follows a few years later goes like this… “Oh that guy… die already lor”….

Yup… that day will come…

P/S: Mom, a month has passed but there has never been a day where I ceased to think about you…