Monday, 7 April 2008

Of alone and lonely

Are you one who is afraid to be lonely? If you are, I am very sure you are not alone.

Loneliness is a state of mind which can sometimes, cripples oneself. I have met many people who are afraid to be lonely. The thought of being by oneself with no one around seems so frightening till some are willing to just do about almost anything to cure this. But what some people do not understand is that loneliness cannot be cured by just being around people.

There is also a distinct difference between being lonely and being alone. You can be in the midst of a huge crowd which means you are not alone, but yet, you can feel lonely. Oh yes, that is very possible. And it is also very possible for you to be just by yourself; which means you are alone, and yet, you don’t feel lonely.
Have you ever attended a big function and be in the company of many and while there are many buzzing activities around you, you felt as though there is no one with you? This usually happens when you don’t have someone to talk to and though there are many people surrounding you, they act as though you are invisible… this can make you feel… lonely. Of course, you are certainly not… alone.

A few years ago, I like to do things by all myself. There were people who told me that they cannot have dinner alone, they just can't do it. I find that very strange because I did that quite often and I found it to be absolutely normal. In fact, there were times where I actually preferred to have my dinner alone.

I am sure some of you are calling me a loner which I probably was. But then again, despite doing things alone, I don’t think there were times where I actually felt lonely. Surely, I was alone, but I was definitely not lonely.

So are you one who has been alone and felt lonely? Or are you a social butterfly and yet still feel lonely? If you have never felt lonely before, that is fantastic. But psychology experts have said that there will be a time where we will need to be alone.

Of course… feeling lonesome is a totally different story altogether…

50 comments:

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

I eat alone all the time, but I don't feel lonely. When I feel lonely, it's dangerous... that means I am close to being depressed. I have been through depression at the initial stage of my marriage when my hubby went away for sometime for work. I totally broke down. That was when I really felt lonely and I was really alone all the time.

Winn said...

we need some alone time sometimes. do u realise when u eat alone u tend to eat faster and more focus? HEHE

sometiems in the midst of conversation , everyone's lauging, and i LOL too...still i feel lonely in the midst of HAHAHA, but i wasnt alone..even it was me who poked the jokes etc, i laughed with loneliness

why dr zewt?

day-dreamer said...

Yes, I feel lonely most of the time. But, sometimes loneliness is a bliss. Haha.

I think it depends on individual when it comes to the definition of being lonely.

Dan-yel said...

I remember my most critical point of loneliness... It was devastating, for once in my life I felt how Jesus would have felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. When that last string that ties you to the world, just abandon you and whatever you do to get back to that person, it's only you and the darkness. It was heavy, it's like the night's shadow is pressing upon me, heavy pulling me down with every second.

I definitely feel like it did me justice to just cry and cry, what's more it was at a time when I was in the most important transition of my life, where I sacrifice and risk in a new future. I was angry with God, I wanted to just scream at Him and curse Him with all the breath that's left in me.

It was a really really dark night, the cold wind. It's heavy, and I ask myself why do I have go through this, why can I just be happy, and why I can't feel like I have no friend to rely on. It's heavy on my shoulders, the thought of ending my life was there, but I'm thankful I still had the will to live on, to fight on.

gina said...

Yes. You are right. Eventhough I have many friends, at times, I would feel so lonely that it's quite depressing.

At times, when I am all alone, I don't feel lonely. That is when I think.. as cliche as it might sound, I felt God's presence.

angeles said...

Tell winn her mind melayang-layang, that's why... ;)

I do a lot of things alone but I never felt lonely. In fact, I enjoy doing things alone, can take my own sweet time, dun hv to wait for ppl etc. And, I appreciate my Alone Time.. do u think that's weird??

So... are u feeling lonesome tonight? O.o

Rashikaps said...

Loneliness is depressing but seeking 'alone' time is very different .. very required.. to think about things, experiences, introspect, seek answers, read, write ..
Not until I felt lonely in a crowd did I realize that the opposite of lonliness isn't about hanging around with people .. it has more to do with one's own mindset, familiarity, and involvement..

Pookyma.Com said...

I only feel lonely when i'm sitting in front of my com without asking or anyone asking me out plus no one is online on msn.That's loneliness.The i start to think back on all those dulan stuff that happened to me!

cleaner of the year said...

hi, new in here. nice article/opinion. anyway, sad to say i am a loner..*sigh*

jun said...

You are absolutely right! I often ate alone but my friends will said you are so lonely. But I don't! I really don't feel like that. Sometimes, I even rather stay alone. Of coz with a companion it will better but sometimes, lonely can be a bliss too.

Twisted Heels said...

Some psychology today eh? It's normal to have some time alone because we all need our personal space!

Lynnwei said...

nice post! well, i do agree with u...there are time we just need to be alone. also abt being around ppl yet feels lonely. well, i feel tat most of the time but like u say, it's a state of mind.
whenever i start feeling that, i start to count the blessings in life, friends that i have...and it just sort of make me feel i am not lonely! tho some are far away, or simply not around me anymore but because i call them friends, and tat makes me feel i am no longer lonely.

^^

Jemima said...

To be adult is to be alone.

suituapui said...

Now, that angeles trying to flirt with zewt pula!!! Ooi, angel, he oredi kawin lah!!! Hahahahahaha!!! Forbidden fruit is sweeter, ya??? Anyway, zewt, no comment on your post! You've said it all and I couldn't agree more.

myop101 said...

dear zewt,

there are ocassions i feel lonely. but it is easily cured by calling my friends (and my wife)!

haha...that's the power of handphone...:P

KGC said...

I think it bogs down to confidence. I can eat alone in our company's cafeteria and do not feel lonely.

I did feel the loneliness doing just that before getting married. But after having a kid, what the heck! I need ME time. :)

missironic said...

alone and being lonely..words tat i'm not unfamiliar wif..for me eating alone is a norm..noting biggie..i can shop alone also..for me as long as im wif a good book or a mag, i can juz sit there n enjoy my meal or drink..is like a moment of sanctuary for me. of coz time again, it can get kind of bored..n yes, u do one company too..but as u get used to it..eating alone or doing tings alone is noting..in fact can juz speed tings up..

yes, some ppl can't eat alone..they tink it shows pathetic-ness...well, i used to tink like tat..but now, i dun bother watever ppl tinks.. :P

loneliness however really can kills you if goes on too long..but i dun experience tat la..alwiz find tings to occupy myself although being alone. :)

Huei said...

i like being alone..but not when i'm out eating..i prefer to tapau..n enjoy my food at home..alone..with the tv..n ofcos baby! =P

i like being alone..when i'm at home..but not when i go out..i feel so...akward..so..invisible..or maybe i'm too dependent >.<

then it's always nice to be alone once in a while..the feeling of freedom!

Clare said...

*cue to Elvis Presley's 'Are You Lonesome Tonight?' playing right after reading the post*

Sunshine said...

sometimes i like to be alone, and there are also times when i want to be surounded by people...

so fickle hor??

but there was one time, when im was in a room full of people and friends and still feel lonely...

sot jor hor...

Christopher said...

Yeah! Loneliness could kill! No doubt about it. So, here's where friends and family is important! But 1st we have 2 be emotional vulnerable 1st. But sometimes being alone is really important. We need to step back in order to go forward.

But loneliness and alone is different!

Hm...I'm alone right now! =)

Sharon said...

i don't think i'm lonely but i'd like to be alone sometimes...
i used to be a loner and i pretty much enjoyed being so. we all need some time to be alone sometimes

drumsticks said...

i think its okay to be alone.. shop, eat, watch movie alone.. sometimes its because can't find companionship, but sometimes its because i want to be alone. being alone i feel that's when we can be completely ourselves, do whatever and which ever way we want to and put things in perspective. its nice to be comfortable with ourselves i guess..

kayatan said...

zewt,
I just posted a very good video on gold vs dollar from youtube.com
That video gave an excellent explanation why gold standard is a much better monetary system than paper system.
The video has been dug 3686 times in digg.com

I am so happy that the main stream investor is seeing gold as a mesti asset class in their portfolio.

Sorry this comment has nothing to do with your post, but just want to bring to your attention a very good piece of economic education video.

Jamy

Tine said...

Nothing wrong about being a loner if you never feel alone being on your own.

jam said...

No one in this world can live on his own, without going out socialize with others. However, there are times when one need to be alone, especially when blogging. Haha!

bongkersz said...

you are lonely bro? :p

Elizebeth D.L. said...

I used to not able to dine alone. But nowadays, I can dine alone and feel perfectly fine. There are times where I prefer to eat alone rather than joining those ba-poh bitching during lunch time. Not that I don't bitch, but their topics are far off from what I can endure.

Anyway, I can shop alone too. The only thing I haven't tried to do alone is watching a movie in cinema.

Jun said...

hahaha i've written 1 or 2 posts on loneliness before, and we share pretty much the same thoughts on loneliness ;) i find that the older i get, the more i crave for being alone. do u hav this sorta feeling at times too?

CK Tan said...

i used to do things alone, like u too zewt!
i eat alone, stay alone, watch movie alone, shop alone, browse bookstore alone and travel alone. i used to think i can be alone but not lonely.
however, sometimes things can be relative. when it so happen that you are not alone anymore, suddenly you can stand being alone. it's like you lost the abilitity to be alone, yet not lonely. i guess tat's worse when you are still lonely when you are not alone.
ok, i start to merepek already. NOW? i am alone and lonely and lonesome as well. my heart yearns....

good day to you zewt n jules.

Jermayne said...

Hi Zewt,

I totally agree with you...
As an only child; practically all my life -> i do a lot of things alone; but i dont feel lonely. (at least not yet until now)

I appreciate spending my time alone sometimes; esp reading(because i cannot stop sometimes!!); and i don't find eating alone abnormal.

For me; having a good company is a bonus and not just any companion will make dining a good one. :)))

Of course; i also feel that as i grow up -> i have become more selective in terms of having a company.

Call me weird.

zewt said...

purple mushroom - well, i have a feeling you're much stronger now isnt it? i think it's a phase, i am sure u learnt a lot from it.

winn - yup... the time when u dunno what you were laughing at, those times, you're the one who's funny... unfortunately.

day-dreamer - bliss huh? not when it's a pro-longed one.

dan-yel - guess that's what God meant when He said He knew how we feel... what we go through. the things that Jesus went through, all very similar to us. May the Lord continue to bless us with His wisdom and understanding.

gina - not cliche... for some, we can wait forever and yet, unable to feel God's presence.

angeles - i think we all appreciate our alone times, nothing weird at all. nah... i am certainly lonesome no more...

zewt said...

rashikaps - you got the exact point that i am trying to say.

pookyma - hahahha... so you're loneliness is confined to the virtual world eh?

cleaner of the year - hi there, welcome to AZAIG. i think it's a phase and i am sure u will get over it

jun - second one who enjoy loneliness... well, i think i know what u mean. indeed, sometimes, it can be pure bliss.

twisted heels - personal space and feeling alone is ... slightttttly different... i think...

lynnwei - i guess what you meant it... the feeling of the heart?

zewt said...

Jemima - not necessarily... we're not designed by God to be alone.

suituapui - thanks thanks... a teacher agree with me is certainly an honour.

myop101 - hahahhahahaha.... that is... quite a great escape.

KGC - bravo... indeed, confidence plays a big part... and you're scaring me!

missironic - yeah, some ppl just cant eat alone, they think it's utter sadness... they just dunno the bliss behind it.

huei - feeling of freedom... wah, that is a bit too far. but of cos... being alone does gives you a certain degree of it.

zewt said...

Clare - hmmm... i need to find that song.

sunshine - i think it's normal la... different times, different needs.

Christopher - dont worry, like u said, being alone and lonely is different. so while you're being alone, i am sure you're not lonely... and that is important.

Sharon - another loner... yeah, being alone sometimes is bliss, like what others said. but we must not be a loner for too long.

drumsticks - yeah, when u want to be alone, then u need to be alone. very fulfilling at times.

kayatan - i shall have a look.

zewt said...

Tine - brilliantly said...

jam - hahahahahaha... that is so damn right!!!!!

bongkersz - certainly not bro... hehehehe...

Elizebeth DL - oh... that thing... there were times when i actually watched a few movies alone!!! it was a very sad time for me.

Jun - hahhaha... hmmm...i dont think it comes with age... i think it's a phase and it's natural human needs.

CK Tan - wow... that is very deep! hahaha... but i know what u mean. i think it's the ability of human to adapt.

Jermayne - no one is weird, you are just different, which makes you unique. i guess being the only child shape you a certain way.

Huei said...

well it does..like lets say holiday..if u go with a group of frens..u have to wait for each other..one might like this while others might not..very difficult. alone..u can go wherever u want..whenever u want..n eat whatever u wan!! =P

ethel said...

I feel lonely most of the time. But sometimes, I feel so alone. In fact, I cannot even tell the difference! :P

Kel said...

maybe it was just me or it could be my damaged brain.
i actually prefer doing things alone and dont feel lonely at all. lol

Bengbeng said...

there r times when i really feel the need to be alone but most times after a short spell of being alone, I will need company again. I don't like to be lonely. To me it is not a pleasant sensation. Having a family helps lotz!

zewt said...

huei - that's true... actually, i plan to travel alone one of these days... if i ever get the opportunity.

ethel - aiyoo... like that susah leh...

Kel - trust me... it's normal.

bengbeng - but then again, being alone and feeling lonely is 2different things!

aSstHa said...

somehow... u n kenny always hv a post that reflects my heart at that very current moment.. although this comment is albeit delayed but i remember the feeling... all too well...

i hate being alone... being alone means i have to face the thoughts i've been trying hard to surpress during the day... and sometimes it consumes me... so i always have my schedule jam packed with activities so by the time i'm home, my mind is too tired to think anymore...

being lonely is aso a very familiar feeling for me... i can be with friends and family laughing as if i dun have a care in the world... they can't tell the difference, but here's the catch... u do... u somehow feel every emotion flowing through u is fake.. forced... some sort detached from ur body... like the laugh is mine, the smile is mine... but i don't feel it... it's controlled... i really hate that feeling... cos it's a really lonely place to be... feeling lonely whilst surrounded with people...

melbie said...

I have a friend who tells me all the time that she cannot have a meal alone.. and I always tell her she have to learn to be comfortable with herself hehe .. you are your own best friend anyway :) at least it is supposed to .. I like having my own company every now and then..

But just as purple mushroom said, when I start to feel lonely, it's time for me to be careful for depression might hit me anytime ... that's when I know I need to have my friends around even though I might still feel lonely around them .. ugh, mentally incorrect hehe ...

zewt said...

asstha - that's right... the fake feeling of being with a lot of ppl and having to laugh and show that you're happy is the worst of loneliness... i think the right word is... emptiness... dont u think?

melbie - i think it is more like you are missing a particular person... that's when loneliness sinks in... right?

SpikeySpikey said...

Zewt, I must be one of the biggest party animal and social butterfly around. However, I can relate to the being with a lot of people and feeling lonely. Don't get me wrong, it's not that people ignore me but I have SOOOO many people surrounding me but not have QUALITY time. :) interesting article...

zewt said...

spikeyspikey - ahhhh... so you know what i mean. yeah, being over-socialable sometimes take us away from the importance of human2human connection.

SpikeySpikey said...

Zewt - I got SO MANY ppl surrounding me TALKING to me, but still feels empty sometimes. You know what I mean right? :) So being the popular social butterfly with tons of friends? Haha... Thanks again. I really like this post.

zewt said...

spikeyspikey - time to make true friends... i am sure you have one in sharlydia... :)

TRACE said...

"alone but not lonely", how many of us in this world really understand this?

zewt said...

TRACE - not many, but we can start...