Sunday, 9 October 2011

Malaysians react like dicks to BN and pussies to PR


C’mon, you and I know it.  Dicks are easily aroused.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t know the girl or the girl is a total bitch.  Just an extra bit of cleavage or a skirt that is an inch too short till it shows some knickers, some dicks get steamed.  Yes, steam… the Malaysian way of referring to an erection. 

And that is how most Malaysians react to BN, just like dicks. 

It doesn’t matter how much BN has screwed up the country, but just some sweeteners… hmmm, steam already.  Take the recent agreement to form some committee to review the electoral process… wah, check out the reaction in facebook… all dicks got hard.  I even saw a comment saying BN has finally woken up and will reform.  No need to know the details, just one announcement is enough to make you steam.  See now what entailed out of it…

It doesn’t matter whether they spent MYR1.8b in a facebook page or wasted MYR12b+ in PKFZ or going to spend MYR5b on a mega structure (is this still going on?) or blew the budget in building the palace and a whole fucking long list of fucked-ups.  Just announced that there will be no toll during Hari Raya… steam! Everyone happy…

For those who received tax refund earlier in the year… for perhaps a couple of hundreds, or maybe slightly more than a thousand bucks… wahhhh, steam until without fucking also can cum.  I actually saw a few comments saying… if govt refund me every year, I don’t mind voting them. 

It’s like to some dicks, don’t even need to show cleavage… bra strap also can make them steam already.  No need to reform... just show indication of reform... everyone will support BN for sure.

Ok… some may say credit should be given when credit is due.  I agree.  But the thing is, most Malaysians react to PR like pussies.

C’mon, you and I know it.  It can be quite a task to make a arouse a pussy.  The environment must be right, maybe put on some music, maybe also need a romantic dinner before that, you have to say the right thing and of course… you need to touch the right place.  Your fingers require great skills… maybe some tongue action… a lot of effort.

But just as you get the juice flowing, you called her Evon when her name was Elaine… boomz… all your efforts gone. An absolute FML situation.

And that is how most Malaysians react to PR, just like pussies. 

Recognised by the Auditor General as the most efficient state, achieved a very rare surplus budget, high level of investment, the chief minister travels with AirAsia (yes he did), the chief minister eats at coffee shop… all these are expected, nothing out of the ordinary.  But just one fuck-up… Kampung Buah Pala… ohhhh… PR cannot rule, PR don’t know how to rule, etc. etc.

Subsidised water bill, management of all the abandon projects, initiatives to help the poor and a whole list of things the Selangor state govt has done where BN will never do… all are expected.  But, just 1 church raid fiasco… ohhhh… Selangor state govt losing grip… ohhh… Selangor state govt cannot rule… the pussies get turned off.

A whole long list of qualified, competent, willing to serve the people type of MPs as compared to those on the other side… and then you have 1 or 2 who came out to make stupid statements… ohhh… PR in deep shit… ohhh… PR not united… ohhh… PR just like BN.

A promise of a clean govt, open tender, cleaning up of the judiciary... which we ALL wanted.... but just one dispute on hudud.... damn, the pussy is dry already....

On that note... any BN govt dudes reading this post... don't need to millions to all the public relations company to boost your image.  Employ me... I charge 10%, and I sure know how to make all these dickhead steam until XXX you in the ballot paper...

For PR fellas... too bad, you're fucked... you know hard it is to please pussies... metaphorically speaking of course. 

Sunday, 18 September 2011

Malaysians in orgasm and cum watch this video

All Malaysians were led into an orgy of orgasm via the "ISA-to-be-repealed" announcement.  Unfortunately, not many realised that the orgasm they felt (or still feeling), was induced through syiok-sendiri type masturbation instead of full fledge sex.

Firstly, ISA is not abolished yet... and the terms of conditions applicable are... 2 new laws to be enacted as replacement for ISA.

So while all Malaysians were basking in orgasm... apparently, the now much loved BN govt is telling Bangladeshis that they can come and vote in Malaysia.  But of course, we all intellectual Malaysians know it's not true... Why? Because the BN govt denied it.  So it must not be true.

But if you believe that piece of news is true... then you would love this and... spread it!

Even Lee Chong Wei and the uncle at the Yut Kee coffee shop are getting into the act!

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Hypothetical problems from legalisation of illegal workers


Over the last few weeks, there have been several allegations about how the Malaysian govt’s move to legalise illegal workers has taken a further step – by granting these once illegal workers citizenship, a right to vote.  Some sites even published screen caption of people with red MyKad being a registered voter, etc. etc.

There will be people who choose not to believe such allegations, while some will. And there are those who just don’t give a shit.  I believe it’s true. I don’t have the proof but that’s just me.  You can think otherwise.

The current noise seems to centre upon this being translated into more votes for the ruling regime, electoral fraud, dirtiest general election, etc.  I think that is pretty short-sighted.

Since I don’t have proof, I think I need to assess the situation hypothetically.  When all these thousands illegal workers who became or will become citizens of Malaysia hypothetically ended up helping you-know-who win the next election, do you think that’s the end of it?

Hypothetically speaking, will they be able to find job?  Where will they stay?  If they are not able to secure a job, what will they do to survive, (hypothetically speaking of course)?  Will they resort to (hypothetically speaking) committing crime? 

Humanity factors aside, are they “clean” from diseases?  In case you don’t know, some maids who carry “official” health certifications have not actually gone through tests because these “official” health certificates were obtained ala “boleh” style.

What if they start telling their comrades that there is free citizenship on offer (hypothetically speaking) and everyone back home can now come and claim this?

Hypothetically speaking, if they are Muslims, it means their children will be considered bumiputera.  What does that mean to you and me?

Anyone care to add?

If the allegations are hypothetically true (the sentence sounds wrong but what the heck…), it is not about “ohhh, so and so will win election”… “ohhh, going to have a lot of phantom voters… “ohhh, this is why we need Bersih”… “ohhh, we need another royal inquiry”…

It is more than that.  What we need to really comprehend is that the ruling regime is willing to risk everything just to make sure they remain in power.  Some call it treason, but I disagree.   They are not selling the nation to another sovereign power (maybe not yet).

It is however, betrayal at the highest order.

But then again, it may not be true – so no worries.

And of course, the nasi-lemak, char-kuey-teow and bak-kut-teh still taste good – so why worry.

And why should you listen to Zewt who is not based in Malaysia talking about hypothetical problems in Malaysia – so don’t bother. 

Sunday, 10 July 2011

She who walked on behalf of Malaysians

My initial intent was to blog about my experience of gathering with fellow Malaysians at Hong Lim Park, Singapore - some 150 odd of us congregated in solidarity of our comrades back home.  Yes, Malaysians all over the world were allowed to gather peacefully - except for 1 country... the home country.

But that has to take a backstage, for a woman is now the Malaysian Lady Of Liberty. The name is Annie Ooi (hope I get the name right) - who defies the saying "the spirit is willing, but the body is weak".  For her, both spirit and body are as strong as ever.

While millions only dared to stay in front of the computer checking facebook updates, Annie endured tear gas and water cannon - for she was deemed as a threat to national security.  And in a way, she endured all that on behalf of us all.

It will be my honour to one day shake Annie's hand.





BN Govt - the mainstream media may protect you, but in truth - you're truly fucked this time. 

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

3 degrees of mediocrity

The first degree…

Slightly more than 2 years ago (before I moved to Singapore), me and a bunch of friends made our way to Singapore for a sports event.  A friend of mine brought his girlfriend along.  For the girlfriend, it was her first holiday trip out of Malaysia. 

No, my friend was not dating a young teenager.  But rather, she is from a not so well to do family which limits her opportunity to travel overseas.  Ya’ know, not everyone has the luxury to trot around the world and post pictures of such trotting over facebook.

Anyway... It was after a dinner function and me, my mate & his girlfriend with another mate wanted to go to Orchard Road.  We hailed for a cab as we saw one coming.

As it stopped, I opened the door and immediately got into cab, only to realise that there was a little commotion taking place between my other mates and the girlfriend.

Do you know what happened?

My mate’s girlfriend was in complete shock that I just jumped into the cab without telling the cabbie where we wanted to go, obtain an agreement from the cabbie that he will take us there and succumb to a cut-throat price.  She could not believe it, to the extent that she didn’t dare to get into the cab in that instance – needed some convincing.

You should have seen her reaction and what she uttered out in Cantonese – it was quite hilarious.

Later on in the trip, she continued to be shocked by the fact that public buses and MRT are on time… public toilets are clean… there are hardly any potholes on the road, the list goes on.

Let’s not term this as “katak bawah tempurung”.  Like I said, some people are just not born into a fortunate family which allows them to occasionally jump out of the “tempurung”.  And hence, for these Malaysians; who grew up in such environment – these people are abused by mediocrity without them knowing it.  Mediocrity is not a choice, it’s just the way it is for these people.

The first degree of mediocrity… is when mediocrity is not known to be mediocrity.


The second degree…

Look into the mirror, chances are you will see one who falls within this category.  Ya’ know, those of us who are fortunate to know about the outside world due to the luxury of physically jumping out of the “tempurung”.  Such luxuries which give us the opportunities to realise that the room for improvement in so many things are huge.

But so what? We know things suck, and we just don’t give a damn.  We are used to it.  Mediocrity is a lifestyle.  As long as you’re in Malaysia, it’s expected and accepted.  We live with it.

The second degree of mediocrity… is when mediocrity is normality.


The third degree…

This was quite some time ago and I was travelling in a cab in Malaysia.  Yup – the one where I have to tell the cabbie where I want to go, get an approval from him and be screwed in terms of fare. 

I like to talk to cabbies – always an enlightening experience.  And so, our conversation flowed from food to new roads being built to traffic jams and ended up with cars.  Proton came into the picture.  To cut the long story short, I made a comment about the infamous quality of Proton’s power (or powerless) window, to which the cabbie responded…

“Kenapa orang sering cakap pasal tingkap Proton?  Mana ada tingkap kereta yang tak rosak lepas setahun?  Saya dengar tingkap kereta Jepun pun rosak selepas setahun.  Ini hah (referring to his Proton)… tingkap yang masih ok, lebih setahun dah.  Ini hah Proton lebih baik dari kereta Jepun!”
[Why do people often talked about Proton’s window? Are there power windows that remain fuctional more than a year?  I heard Japanese cars’ windows will be spoilt after a year too.  This Proton of mine, the windows are still fine after a year. Proton is better than Japanese car!]

I soon realised he was not being sarcastic.  He was serious.  I was not against him defending Proton – but was astonished that he actually believed that Proton was better than any other car out there.  The conversation continued to flow and this too came from him…

“Negara kita ada angkasawan!  Negara lain mana ada.  Indonesia ada? Singapura ada? Thailand ada? Ini bermakna Malaysia lagi hebat dari negara lain!”
[Our country had an astronaut.  Other countries don’t.  Does Indonesia have one? Does Singapore have? Does Thailand have?  It means Malaysia is better than other countries!]

I do not know whether I should shatter the cabbie’s pride.  Actually, I reckon I can’t.  He was really into it.   I can only pay tribute to the effectiveness of propaganda. And believe me, there are actually quite a number of people out there who falls within this category.

And hence, the third degree of mediocrity… is when mediocrity is believed to be superiority.


Monday, 6 June 2011

A piece at MI

I know I have not been updating here but hey.... I did pen my thoughts here.

It's a column that I mentioned in my previous post.

I will still be writing here still...

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Just because it's home?

Migration or in a lesser context, move to work overseas seem to be the flavoured discussion at the moment.  MalaysianInsider even started columns where people wrote in to say why they leave and why they stay.

Anyway… one of the main reasons why people decide to stay, besides the usual good nasi-lemak, char-kuet-teow and bak-kut-teh (which was specifically mentioned by someone in that MalaysianInsider column mind you…) is that Malaysia, regardless of how bad it is, it is still our home.

I wouldn’t dispute that – the point on Malaysian being home, not on staying.  It is our home, no doubt about it.  We were born in Malaysia and spent most of our formative years here.  There will always be a “Malaysia” element within us. 

But… does that mean that you must stay?

Following this, I have a thought… though it only applies to Chinese and Indians.

If you are a Chinese or an Indian, and decide to stay simply because Malaysia is home… can you just pause for a while and imagine…

Imagine…
Imagine…
Imagine…

That your grandparent or your great grandparent decided to stay in China / India simply because China / India is home.  That no matter how poor or chaotic China was during those days, it was still home and your grandparent decided to stay.  That no matter how difficult it is to make a living in India during those days, it was still home. 

If your grandparent adopted this perceived noble mentality…

What would become of you…

… a Chinese who spits everywhere who you look down on?
… a cheap IT call-centre person in Bangalore?
… a masseur giving traditional Chinese foot massages in Jalan Bukit Bintang?
… living in the slum of Mumbai?
… a cheap factor worker in ShenZhen?
… appearing in those “Only in India” pictures that you forward to each other?

If your grandparent decided to remain in China or India simply because it’s home… really… what would become of you… today?


Updated:  While some have commented that we could also be the son of a property tycoon in Hong Kong, or the son of the coal tycoon in China or the son of the telecommunication tycoon in India... let us all be honest and admit that we are all glad that our grandparent did not choose to stay in China/India just because it was home.




4 years ago… A professional mistake

Monday, 2 May 2011

Conversation at the MRT

It's election fever in Singapoe and the other day, I was in the MRT standing next to 2 (presumably) Singaporeans, amongst other people of course.  But the conversation of these two caught my attention. 

1 guy flipped the newspaper he was holding and said… “See… this is very healthy, opposition is actually getting very good media coverage”. Well, I have no idea who is opposition and who is collation candidate here but it’s definitely encouraging to see mainstream media giving good coverage to opposition, unlike “you know where”.

The sentiments here in Singapore are pretty much the same with Malaysia – that election should happen some time this year.   Naturally, the mainstream media here is also playing its part in doing coverage of potential candidates, etc.

What transpired thereafter was quite an eye-opener…

The same guy continued to flip his newspaper and reached this page where he said to his friend…

“Eh… this candidate… I know her.  She is in the same faculty as me.  We used to be in NUS together.  And I know she is also etc, etc, etc…”

The conversation went on for a while between them till the other guy asked…

“So are you going to vote for her since you know her so well?”

The reply given was…

“No lah… she is only from NUS, we need people from Cambridge or Harvard…”

Such is the benchmark…

Do you know what qualification (if any), our MPs / Malaysian leaders have?




4 years ago… Sign of times

Friday, 15 April 2011

I did something for tomorrow, did you?

During the last peoples' power tsunami, I was out of the country... for a substantial period of time.  I missed it...

As the country heads into another historical moment tomorrow... I will again be out of the country, and also be out of Singapore... for the entire week. 

I hope it is a good omen.

And... to those of you who once commented anonymously that you choose to "stay back and fight" and those who left the country shouldn't be complaining about the country.  There were also some very harsh words.

I want to ask all those of you today... what have you done that amounts to "I choose to stay and fight?"

I don't know about you but I sponsored someone to fly back to vote tomorrow.

Not telling this to show off but I really want to ask those who said "I choose to stay back and fight"... What have you done?




Sunday, 10 April 2011

Speaking the language

Wow...it has really been a while since I blogged.  I am not going to say... "So sorry for not updating my blog, etc. etc. etc"... as I know the readership for this blog has reduced tremendously...

Anyway... read about this piece of news and I have something to say about it...

It’s quite a diverse composition of nationalities here where I work.  Since arrived, I have met or spoken to (and I am not making this up)… Brits, Australians, Spaniards, Mexicans, French, Indians, Americans, Koreans, Japanese, Indonesians, Mainland Chinese, New Zealanders, Russians, Israelis, Africans, Sri Lankan, Arabs, Lebanese, Pakistanis, and of course people from Hong Kong, Singapore and Malaysia.  Have yet to meet an Italian.

But of course, being a multinational enterprise, official business language of communication is English.  Inevitably, you will hear English spoken in various accents.

It is interesting though, to note one point…

I am sure many of us have heard or even ourselves have at times, made fun of certain English accent.  The most common accent that Malaysians like to laugh at is the Indian accent, followed closely by “singing” Hong Kong accent. 

I have observed though, that no matter how heavy the accent is – those who are considered as good speakers will never add nor alter the words, grammar or structure of the English language.

I have seen many senior management personnel giving speeches, presentations or chairing meeting and though they may speak with an extremely heavy accent, English is still spoken the way English should be spoken.

I have never ah, hearing any senior people speaking English hor, like this wan you know.

What I am saying is – while Malaysians find humour in accents of certain nationalities, speaking in a modified English language (i.e. Manglish) is actually worse.  More importantly, if one strives to move ahead in the corporate world and longs to be a good speaker (which I believe is an important criterion if one longs to move up) – it is much better to speak English with a funny accent instead of speaking your own version of “English”.




4 years ago… A 2nd chance with Mom

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Sunday, 13 March 2011

A new jurisdiction

In my current role, I am given the opportunity to participate in formulating the strategy for our function globally.  Our strategy is to be in line the overall strategy of the company; and we call it “the collective agenda”.  Essentially, it aligns the focus of the whole department.

One item within our collective agenda for 2011 is geography focus.  Apart from the usual suspects, 1 particular country caught my attention.  This jurisdiction is certainly not in the same league as Hong Kong, Singapore, China, India, Dubai but is now considered as a “geography in focus”.

It is the first time this country made it on the list.  As far as I know, Malaysia has never made it on the list before.

Since the beginning of the year, I have travelled there once and foresee more business travels to this said jurisdiction.  I have had numerous meetings with business personnel about big plans for this jurisdiction and will be having another one next week to talk about more exciting plans there.

Last week, I dialled into the HR call centre of my company to clarify some queries and I can choose to continue in English, Cantonese, Mandarin and was very surprised to actually hear that I can continue in the language of this jurisdiction in focus.

The global head of the function I am in was here in Singapore yesterday for a business visit.  Today, he is in this new jurisdiction in focus.  No, he didn’t visit Malaysia.

The country that I am talking about is…
Indonesia.

The reason why I decided to break out from my blog hiatus to talk about this is because I just came out from a hot debate with someone saying that current Malaysian govt is doing a good job as Malaysia’s economy is only behind Singapore in this region. 

One can choose to ignore the fact that Indonesia has already surpassed Malaysia in foreign direct investment and continue to derive a false sense of superiority based on the notion that your maids and construction workers are from Indonesia. 

But the reality is this… Indonesia’s economy is moving at a speed much quicker than Malaysia and while huge capital is flowing out of Malaysia, it’s flowing the opposite direction in Indonesia. 

Of course, many Malaysians are not impacted by this phenomenon.  Will they be ever impacted? Is this a really bad thing to Malaysia?  As some quarters have mentioned, will Malaysians end up being maids and construction workers in Indonesia? The honest answer is that I don’t know.  My attempt to answer those questions may be rather bias.

One thing for sure… the statement of Malaysia’s economy being only behind Singapore in this region is incorrect.  Besides Indonesia, Philippines is also gaining substantial ground on the economic platform.  The Malaysian media may say otherwise but from where I work… right here on this seat... reality paints a very different picture.  




Sunday, 13 February 2011

Between Egypt and us

When I attended a conference last November, I was seated next to a gentleman whom I have been exchanging emails in the last couple of weeks.  You would have guessed the content of those e-mails when I tell you.... he is from Egypt.

We are of the same profession and he heads a similar function of mine in a French electric company based in Cairo.  We kept in contact after the conference mainly because I would like to know more about the industry happenings in that region but the conversation soon deviated into what is now a global headline, albeit a brief period of mail silence due to a halt in internet service there.

If you do not know what headline I am referring to, you ought to put your head in a used toilet bowl and flush... might just clear up some blockages.

It was very interesting to know the perspective from a local, of which I believe offers a more un-bias view compared to deriving information from the media.

As I mentioned, my friend (I consider him one) is an educated professional who has a good stable career, possibly considered the upper class in Egypt... did he participate in the protest? The answer is a big "No". 

Just like someone in similar shoes in Malaysia, he has too much to lose. 

Those who have taken to the streets, burned down buildings, destroyed the police stations, etc.  are those who are unemployed, those with nothing to lose.

Many people started flooding facebook statuses with statements such as "the govt should take note of what is happening in Egypt and beware..."... "PM, if you don't reform, what happened in Egypt or Jordan may just happen here"... etc. etc.

Will what happened in Egypt can ever happen in Malaysia? Definitely not... at least not in that magnitude.

Do Malaysia have a population of "nothing-to-lose"? Yes... however, a big portion of this population thinks that is it not that govt's fault that they are in such situation.  Worse... some of them think (or being propagated to think) that they are in such situation because the minority population has 'stolen their wealth'.

What about those in middle or upper class, those who drive nice cars, live in fairly comfortable house... those who have "too much to lose".... those like my friend... those the likes of you and me?

Throughout the ordeal, I asked my friend about the socio-economy impact but my friend never complained about the protest, he never thought about the impact to the economy, he never whined about the inconvenience caused by the event.

Malaysian in similar position of my Egyptian friend.... the very first thing that will come out of the facebook statuses of these people would be... "fuck the protest, I am in a fucking jam!". And that is actually a good sign because at least such people is aware of the protest... because I would think many will have statuses such as "OMG... why is there a massive jam, what is happening?!!??"

The racial and social demography of Malaysia makes it a little complicated to initiate such united effort.  The BERSIH rally was impressive, but it was only one off.  And it probably had more non-participating critics that support.

According to my Egyptian friend, the protest in Egypt gathers both participating and non-participating support. I just can't see that happening in Malaysia.

And just to close... my friend also specifically mentioned that the level of corruption and poor public service in Egypt has resulted in the collapsed of the healthcare and education system.  Sounds familiar isn't it?

But then... we all found through the highly publicised 1Malaysia evacuation that there were 11,000 Malaysian students in Egypt (possibly on govt scholarships). Such high participation in what Egyptian deemed as "collapsed" education system is... mind boggling.




Sunday, 30 January 2011

Short & Sweet: Episode 9 - That cabbie statement

I don’t know what gave us away but as soon as me and my wife got into the cab and told him our destination, he asked “Where are you from?”

His next question was… “So is your country going to was more money to build that tower?”

I responded with a cynical smirk.

His next statement was bold…

“If Lee Kuan Yew was to rule Malaysia, you all will be first world country already!”

And the interesting part?

He was a non-Chinese cabbie.



2 years ago... Do spare them (recommended for CNY reading)... The bau-thai experience


4 years ago… How was your weekend?



Tuesday, 11 January 2011

That... is efficiency

I received the e-mail from the Singapore external consultant on a late Monday morning. They requested for quite a number of documents to process my Singapore employment pass, after I have agreed to take up my current role.

It was a very lengthy mail and as I was rather busy at that time, I only browsed through it briefly at the point of receipt.

As the day began to slow down, I managed to read the mail in detail and it requested me to complete and sign on 2 lengthy forms, scan it and send them over together with scanned copies of my certificates, passport and to process Jules’ dependent pass, scanned copies of her passport and our marriage certificate.

The deadline to revert was Thursday in that same week, and since I only read it on Monday evening – that gave me 2 days to work on the documents.

Everything was pretty simple until I noted 1 additional requirement – a certified English translation of the document(s) is required in the event that the document(s) is in a foreign language. 

For those of us who have 1… I bet you never notice that our marriage certificate is entirely in BM.  Yes – it is, and I needed a translation.

Firstly, to find a certified translator in KL was like Malaysia winning the Suzuki Cup – you deserve a holiday if can actually find one.  I only managed to locate a commissioner of oath on Wednesday and he informed that I will need to translate the marriage certificate myself and he will only certify it. I did that but he disappeared from his office on that Wednesday afternoon.

Sensing that I may not be able to meet the Thursday deadline, I sent a mail to the Singapore external consultant asking whether I could furnish the translation on a later date. 

The reply was short and simple – Sorry sir, the deadline is not negotiable.

I was like… what the f**k is wrong with these people?!!? Can’t you just give me another day? Not like I submit the stuff on Thursday and I get the approval on Friday!!  Further, it was specifically written on the e-mail – “The Ministry of Manpower takes 1-2 weeks to process each applicable”.  Judging by that statement, I thought they wont even be submitting my application on that week itself!

But since I don’t really want to make a scene out of it and it was in relation to my employment pass, I stalked the commissioner of oath’s office right after lunch on Thursday (he was not around in the morning!! !!!) and got it certified. 

I sent everything over on Thursday evening.

I got the scanned copy of the approval letter Friday after lunch.


3 years ago… Trustology

4 years ago… Speak the right tongue