Monday, 7 January 2008

Trustology

Trust is a sacred thing. It is something which we try to gain from others and at the same time, we also put our trust on others. In most cases, it is the very element which holds friendships, relationships or even marriages together. If we have trust, we don’t need to see it with out own eyes.

From the perspective of placing our trust on others, I think there are 2 distinctive approaches.

The first relates to those who trust people rather easily. This group of people function based on what I call the depreciating-trust-mechanism. When a person from this group meets a new soul, the person would easily trust the new soul 100%. Some tend to brand this group of people as pure ‘naïve’. However, these are the people who are generally very optimistic about things and are able to see the bright side even in the darkest of hours.

Why depreciating-trust-mechanism?

Well, since they give a new soul 100% trust, the new soul can only lose it. Failure to live up to expectation will result in a lost of trust. As we live in an imperfect world, the 100% trust placed on the new soul will slowly but surely depreciates over time. This would probably means that people within this group will usually have their heart-broken rather easily.
The second group of people are those who function based on what I call the appreciating-trust-mechanism, the opposite of the former. Naturally, this group is one who does not trust people easily. They are sceptical, pessimistic and always suspicious. Earning trust from this group of people is a challenge for you will have to meet certain standards before you can be trusted. Even that, they might not trust you entirely.

Why appreciating-trust-mechanism?

Appreciating, as the word suggests; means the level of trust goes up as trust is earned. A person from this group will not trust a new soul entirely; perhaps only trusting a new soul 20% after the first meeting. But as time goes by, as the new soul begins to prove that he or she is trustworthy, the level of trust also increases. In a nutshell, people in this group will grow to trust people more as time goes by. Because of the nature of this group, they are not easily disappointed or hurt as they already know… people can't be trusted.

No matter how you decipher the above, we all are swayed towards one of the group one way or another. Subconsciously, we are either depreciating type of the appreciating type, both carry different sets of pro and cons.

As we live our lives in this brutal realistic world, I believe more and more people will move towards to the appreciating type as they suffer set-backs by practising the depreciating mechanism. At the end of the day, more and more people will become less and less trusting on each other. We are wary of each other. When people ask for help in public, we began to put up our defensive walls and walk away. Such is the direction of our society.

But for now, at this instance… which type are you?

56 comments:

Sunshine said...

im the first type i think :)

Suit Lin said...

second, definately appreciating-trust-mechanism for me.

works, so far.

It also help to lay foundations in a relationship, to be able to trust more (in this case) as time goes by is definately better than to be able to trust less. Just my opinion :)

Freethinker said...

yeah..ditto suit lim

angeles said...

TRUST.NO.ONE.

Rashikaps said...

Hey, I loved the appreciating/depreciating financial angle you lent this write-up. :) I think the appreciating/depreciating mode depends on the person we're dealing with. Some I know I can trust instinctively and others I steer clear of.
Trust should be like the feeling that a one year old baby has. When you throw him in the air, he laughs because he knows you'll catch him.

Jemima said...

I think it is of utmost to trust yourself because the only truth you can know is within you.

Twisted Heels said...

Awww. Someone's wearing a ring! :)

I'm definitely the appreciating type. After all, since young we've been taught not to be the depreciating ones.

-=SiN=- said...

I think I fall in between.. multiplayer :x

then again i got a habit to 'ham jing' people to see how much they're worth.. bad trait hur..

H.C. Tan said...

yeahh..like jem said...trust no one but urself..trust is overrated lately. politicking and bitching about are the in things lately =P btw..happy new yr zewt!

myop101 said...

hello...

sorry once again for not attending your function. parents & in-laws are quite sticky about traditions.

anyway, i am usually the 2nd type though sub-consciously, i try to be hopeful...

Hor ny Ang Moh said...

People usually trust me as after sometime they do tell me all sort of thing both guy & lady. Some lady even tell me their 'intimate' detail. Problem is I don't really trust people! He! He! So what type am I???

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

looks like i might be leaning towards the 1st type..and being at times over-friendly..then as the time goes by..this ppl either remains as good frens or seen to me as someone maybe not too trustworthy..

good point to ponder

missironic said...

i tink i'm the 2nd group..to get my trust, the person shud earned it..however, i always give the benefit of the doubt. but of coz..i dun juz trust people 'buta buta'. depends...but definitely, if i see the person noe how to appreciate tings/ppl, definitely will boost the level of trust i have for tat person...

kenot fully trust the person 100%. u never noe wat they might do bhind ur back. so sumtimes also have to b aware. but i dun tink i trust a person only 20% also la..probably 50% when first noe..as i said i alwiz give the benefit of the doubt.. =)

Huei said...

how? i am half half

as in um

i'm a pessimist who trust ppl easily! heheheh

but i learn my lesson from trusting ppl easily..they dig out all ur info..and tell others..then make up rumours about u as well! i will NEVER trust her again..trust will never appreciate for her ever again nomatter how sincere she becomes!

Huei said...

angel's damn right!

turst no one!!!

Giddy Tiger said...

I go by my gut instinct, and this instinct tells me whether to apply a depreciative or appreciative trustology mechanism.
Very good post!

Sharon said...

I have the depreciating-trust-mechanism so don't try to cheat me coz ermm I trust easily? hehe

j or ji said...

me type #2.

trust is bigger than love,so dun trust people easily.

Angel Eyes said...

It's a good entry dude. I enjoyed reading this one the most.

jam said...

I am more on the appreciating type!

Melly said...

Trust is very subjective like you said. I think most of the people would be the depreciating type first and slowly shift over to the appreciating.

I believe that human are very positive people. Therefore they look at the bright side and try to be optimistic until they are hurt. That is when they turn around and learn the harsh life.

btw, its me bubbly soda!

Lynnwei said...

i think i'm a mixture of both? aha....more to.. appreciating-trust-mechanism.

how abt u?

really nice passage u wrote here...v true..

Angie Tan said...

Cool...

Trust is an important commodity in any relationship. Notice that it is very easy to lose trust and to gain it is so hard?

Anyway, I'm type 1. ;-) Give you 100% to maintain.

Hahaa.. This reminds me of a post I wrote 1 year back about trust. BTW, read "The Speed of Trust" by Stephen Covey's son. Very cool. Talks alot about the trust "account" (i.e. the value not the $$$ kind).

lingzie said...

i think i'm more the first group. and yeah gets your heart broken a lot operating on that depreciating trust mechanism... so now leaning a bit more towards the other side.
i would think that you're more of the second group...am i right? :)

kennymah said...

I guess I'm more of the "the depreciating-trust-mechanism" type though I don't give up easily on trusting people. Am I too much of an optimist? But I believe that we must always keep the faith, for only good things can come to us if we are open to them. :)

jasonphoon.com said...

I am definitely the depreciating trust type of person.

I am naieve, innocent and believe that every person has some good inside.

Unfortunately, this has brought me some trouble lately. Perhaps it's time to move to the other type ?

sighhh ...

Manal said...

Trust is a two-way game, between u and the trustee. It's tested with time.

What i normally do is to test myself first whether i can be accountable as a trustee or not, as in not lying to myself n to others and be the one who breaks other people's trustworthiness towards me. If i have mastered the art unto myself, I will treasure the honesty as much as i expected other people to be trustworthy.

Once bitten, twice shy....

Aleckii said...

Wow, thanks for bringing to light this issue. I am quite sure I'm the first type. Call me naive, whatever... Hahah!

zewt said...

Sunshine - and you're the first commentor too!

Suit Lin - so you're the wary type...

freethinker - so it's true... more and more are heading that way.

angeles - *faint*

Rashikaps - true... but i am sure we are all swayed towards a certain type nonetheless.

Jemima - no...utmost trust to God.

Twisted Heels - always be careful huh...

zewt said...

-=Sin=- - ham jing? what?

H.C. Tan - how is cold cold perugia?

myop101 - no worries, thank you for your heavy ang pow.

hor ny - so you're the appreciating type lor.

constant craver joe - well, it has its good points. you can see the bright side of life.

missironic - if you're giving ppl the benefit of the doubt, then you're not the 2nd type right?

huei - so you're a pessimit who trust no one easily? hahahahaha....

zewt said...

Giddy Tiger - well... i still think there is a side you will lean towards.

Sharon - yes, you certainly is a depreciating trust type... know what i mean?

j or ji - keep yourself a trust virgin! hehe.

Angel Eyes - thanks :)

jam - the pessimist...

Melly - yeah, i think the world is driving ppl to be appreciating type. i know who you are la...

zewt said...

lynnwei - ahh... see... u will still lean towards a type.

Angie Tan - stress... have to maintain it at 100%! haha...

lingzie - me? i am still on the 1st type... but the depreciation button is easily triggered... hehe...

kennymah - that is a good thing to hear bro. there's hope in this world.

jasonphoon - again, i see light in this world :)

Manal - true... once bitten twice shy... thus, more will sway towards the second type... in time.

Aleckii - it's a good thing really.

mar said...

Appreciating type...since forever. :)

mar said...

Appreciating type...since forever. :)

-=SiN=- said...

陷阱

me said...

so, how does it feel???

missironic said...

hmm..not entirely..i dun trust 100%..probably im in between! neither 1st nor 2nd..got such ting? lolz...

_butt said...

without a doubt, I'm the second type. but ideally I'd like to be the first type who tend to see the brighter side of things in life, so even if their trust gets betrayed, they won't be held down for long, and perhaps bounce back better than the second. :)

beeranyone said...

trust - is fundamental to leadership.

building & repairing trust...

http://www.wright.edu/~scott.williams/LeaderLetter/trust.htm

Helen said...

When I talk about trust, I evaluate what am I risking? If I'm risking financially with 'trust' then I'm wary. If not, I honestly dun care. I'm very trusting. You can tell me you own 5 BMW and yet I'll believe it without a doubt. That is becos even if you lied to me, I lost nothing.

It's sometimes very tiresome trying to look through the truth. I spare myself that pain. I trust 100% when I have nothing to lose financially. lol

Nastasshea@Nesh said...

Hie!! Long time never visited ur blog. How are you! Happy new year! *Extremely delayed*

Lenny said...

both - depends on situation. but i tend to trust people easily. naive and gullible - that's how my friends describe me. haha. im quite positive with everything, so it doesn't really bother me. though it does hurt when people dont live up to my expectation when I know they could have done so. Or am I just being an idealist/optimist?

Ouh well, whatever it is, my psychiatrist told me once that I can never become a psychiatrist - patients can easily take advantage of me without me realising it. I can't help it. Haha.

jamy said...

Sigh, I am still the naive group one even at the age of 46. Very dumb eh ? What to do, I am highly optimistic about life even with so many physical defect and congenital disease. I still love life to the fullest and thank my creator daily :):):).
Yes, my heart was broken , do not how many times oleri. But, it is ok :).

Maverick SM said...

Zewt,

Trust is based on information or the lack of it.

It is the cognitive belief system deriving a set of decision based on the knowledge available to a person's concoction.

Whether a person easily trust another or are "suspicious" of another till certain knowledge receipt provides the trust, is but entirely individualistic and depends on social interaction and environment. Knowledge, or the lack of it, is the ultimate decider of trust.

zewt said...

mar - not very trusting huh...

-=Sin=- - ok, i need to go check that out.

me - quite wonderful.

missironic - no such thing as in between leh.

_butt - made that your new year resolution then :)

zewt said...

beeranyone - hmm... interestng.

Helen - so you assess your liabiity before making the investment eh? hahaha...

Nastasshea@Nesh - i am good... hope you are too :)

Lenny - hahahaha... but are you qualified to be one. i think pshychiatrist is quite cool... u can know ppl's secret.

jamy - well, that's good... u can see the bright side of life.

Maverick SM - so the end of the day... it's all about knowledge... eh?

Cocka Doodle said...

Ya, ya thrusting comes with experience. You gotta to know when to thrust deeply & more rapidly by your intuition and reading her body language.

Wait a sec! Are you talking bout trusting someone or thrusting someone??
Oops! wrong channel! Sorry! Hahah!

zewt said...

cocka doodle - uncle.. u really lumber wang la....

missironic said...

oh really ah? then i need to give a gud tot to which fits me best since i seem like contradicting myself..lolz..

zewt said...

missironic - hahahaha... looks like you cant even trust yourself...:P

missironic said...

ya..seems like eh? mayb i need some soul searching time for myself..hahahaa...

zewt said...

missironic - u know... i did that once and it worked wonders!

seen said...

its easy for me 2 trust others, but its so hard for others to trust me, even my closest friends. my friends once chose rumors(from another friend) over me.

zewt said...

seen - that is quite unfortunate indeed. but then again... i guess everyone is different.

Susu Kacang said...

Hi Zewt, I am new around here and must say I enjoy your topics. Keep up the good work.

I wonder - does trust have any connection with a person's ability to be compassionate? Mother Teresa has a quote that comes to my mind - "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

zewt said...

susu kacang - hello... welcome to AZAIG. well... if u bring someone like mother teresa into the picture... then... not easy to make comparison :)