Speaking the language

Wow...it has really been a while since I blogged.  I am not going to say... "So sorry for not updating my blog, etc. etc. etc"... as I know the readership for this blog has reduced tremendously...

Anyway... read about this piece of news and I have something to say about it...

It’s quite a diverse composition of nationalities here where I work.  Since arrived, I have met or spoken to (and I am not making this up)… Brits, Australians, Spaniards, Mexicans, French, Indians, Americans, Koreans, Japanese, Indonesians, Mainland Chinese, New Zealanders, Russians, Israelis, Africans, Sri Lankan, Arabs, Lebanese, Pakistanis, and of course people from Hong Kong, Singapore and Malaysia.  Have yet to meet an Italian.

But of course, being a multinational enterprise, official business language of communication is English.  Inevitably, you will hear English spoken in various accents.

It is interesting though, to note one point…

I am sure many of us have heard or even ourselves have at times, made fun of certain English accent.  The most common accent that Malaysians like to laugh at is the Indian accent, followed closely by “singing” Hong Kong accent. 

I have observed though, that no matter how heavy the accent is – those who are considered as good speakers will never add nor alter the words, grammar or structure of the English language.

I have seen many senior management personnel giving speeches, presentations or chairing meeting and though they may speak with an extremely heavy accent, English is still spoken the way English should be spoken.

I have never ah, hearing any senior people speaking English hor, like this wan you know.

What I am saying is – while Malaysians find humour in accents of certain nationalities, speaking in a modified English language (i.e. Manglish) is actually worse.  More importantly, if one strives to move ahead in the corporate world and longs to be a good speaker (which I believe is an important criterion if one longs to move up) – it is much better to speak English with a funny accent instead of speaking your own version of “English”.

1 year ago... Elimination of poverty is a myth

2 year ago... No, it's not corruption

3 years ago… The toilet encounter... Of alone and lonely... Chronicles of vol-ass-no eruptions

4 years ago… A 2nd chance with Mom

They can't order

A bunch of students walked into a chicken rice restaurant. Having browsed through the menu and decided on what they want, they started to centralise their orders to a particular person known as S in their group…

“S, I want chicken breast rice please” – Shervina Chan said.
“I want chicken breast and roast pork” – Antonio Lim.
“Drumstick for me, de-bone please” – Luke Lau.
“Just chicken rice, any parts will do” – Samantha Yap.
“I am not eating. Just want a drink. Barley ice” – Brenda Wong.

The owner came to the table and S started ordering…
“Hui oi kai hoong. Hui leh jau kai hoong siew yok. Yi go oi kai pei, hui guat. Yi go kai fan, meh doh tuck. Hui jau mo sik, bei pui yim mai ping”

The restaurant owner just stared blankly at S. Do you know why?

Because S, the person who ordered, stands for Subramaniam.


2 years ago… A day in Paris… Lawatan ke sekolah dan syabas Kementerian Luar Negeri

3 years ago… 2nd chance with Mom: Why it is enough

You are going..!!??

Upon disclosing that we will be heading to Beijing for holiday, we often get this remark….

“Huh, both of you don’t speak Mandarin and you are going to China?!?!!!”

Indeed, me and Jules hardly speak any Mandarin. Maybe I can still go about asking for direction and order a simple meal but that would be it. As such, many are showing concerns on our survival probability when we head to Beijing later this month.

I find it really strange, really really strange. Ya’ know why?

If you hear of people going to Spain, do you hear rhetoric such as “Huh, you don’t speak Spanish and you are going to Spain?” ¿Habla usted español?

If you hear of people going to Italy, do you hear people remark “Huh, you don’t speak Italian and you are going to Italy?” Lei parla italiano?

If you hear people going to Japan, do you hear people say “Huh, you don’t speak Japanese and you are going to Japan?” あなた日本語を話せますか？

Do you?

Anyway, I will be heading to Singapore this weekend for some games. Should I have any concern?


1 year ago… 3 comparisons, 2 awards, 1 interview

2 years ago… A very personal sharing

Perils of direct translation

I am sure many of you have read last Friday’s post regarding an unfortunate banana. And there appears to be a debate on the true definition of a “banana”. We all have our very own interpretation. Some are of the opinion that knowing a Chinese dialect means one is no longer a banana. Ability to read or write is irrelevant.

I tend to disagree. In my zewtpinion, inability to read or write the Chinese language makes one a banana. If you know a particular dialect, it only reduces the degree of your banana-ness. Hence, I am a banana too; just that my banana-ness is within control. You may disagree.

But anyway…

June is a true blue banana. She grew up in an English speaking family and attended international school. But unlike some bananas out there, she knows that she should learn up the language and constantly makes effort in reducing her banana-ness.

During her college days, June often mixed around with a bunch of Cantonese speaking friends. This gave her the opportunity to buck up her Cantonese.

One fine day, June and her friends went to a coffee shop for lunch. Out a sudden, June asked her friends…

“How do you say breast in Cantonese?”
“Lin-ku lah, hahahahaha!” (It’s called lin-ku) A friend replied.

June then stood up, walked to the chicken rice store and said…

“Aunty, ngo oi kai lin ku fan”

I am afraid you must know Cantonese to appreciate this…


1 year ago… Are you still chasing?

Joseph, the unfortunate banana

Joseph is a typical “xiang-jiao-ren” (banana). For the uninformed, a “banana” usually means a Chinese who does not know how to speak the Chinese language. And Joseph is one of such, able to only converse in English.

One day, Joseph returned to his home after work, just like usual. As he walked towards his home having parked his car, Joseph was stopped by 2 men. These 2 men began to ask Joseph some questions in Mandarin.

As they were smiling and appeared to be polite, Joseph tried to respond to them. Of course, he couldn’t really understand what these 2 men were asking and tried to explain himself in English instead. Hence, for a good few minutes; there was a classic chicken and duck talk situation.

After a while, these 2 men became rowdy. Joseph could see that they looked irritated. All of a sudden, one of the men pulled out a “parang” (long knife) and started threatening Joseph. But still, Joseph was unable to comprehend what they wanted as they were speaking in Mandarin.

Instinct came upon him that he was being robbed and hence, he took out his wallet and mobile-phone and gave them to the men. To his surprise, those men threw away his wallet and mobile-phone and continue to threaten him with the “parang”, shouting at him in Mandarin.

Poor Joseph, he just couldn’t make up what those men want. Worse, the 2 men got so annoyed, they started to attack him. They kicked, punched and slashed him with the “parang”. This went on for a while, till Joseph was floored.

As Joseph was rolling on the ground trying to block kicks directed at him, he felt a small bulge in his pocket. It was his car key. It was then that it dawned upon Joseph that the 2 men wanted his car. In a flash, Joseph took out his car-key and desperately handed it to the 2 men.

One of the men grabbed his key, shouted something to Joseph (in Mandarin of course) and drove away his car.

For all those bananas out there, particularly those who are proud that they only speak English, do take note that your banana-ness may just get you killed. In the land of sumptuous food, criminals tend to only speak everything but English.

And ya’ know what? Criminals and sumptuous food in this land share one similarity… there are plenty of them out there…


2 years go…. Can you take it easy?… A state of many people

Satu lagi peristiwa berkenaan bahasa

Masa berlalu dengan begitu pantas. Tanpa disedari, sudahpun tiba masa untuk makan tengah-hari.

“Let’s go for lunch”, saya mengajak rakan sekerja.
(Jom pergi makan tengah-hari)
“Ok. Where to today?”
(Baik. Pergi mana hari ini?)

Tidak sempat saya menjawab, sebab telefon bimbit berbunyi. Saya memberi isyarat kepada rakan saya bahawa saya kena jawab telefon dahulu.

“Hello! Abang Fais!” saya bersalam seteleh melihat identiti pemanggil.
“Eh Zewt! Apasal Man U kalah?” ejek abang Fais. Ahad lalu, Man Utd kalah Piala FA.
“Eleh… piala remeh-temeh kita tak minat langsung lah”
“Wah… sombong kau Zewt…”

Perbualan dengan abang Fais berlanjutan lebih-kurang 5 minit di mana kita berbincang tentang beberapa hal-hal peribadi.

“Ok ya Zewt. Kalau ada hal, call je abang”
“Ok” jawab saya.

Berakhirnya perbualan dengan abang Fais, seorang rakan sekerja yang bernama Depp berkata…

“Zewt… why did you speak like that?” (Zewt… kenapa bercakap macam tu?)
“Like what?” (Macam apa?)
“Eiyerr… you speak Malay like a Malay”
(Kamu berbahasa Melayu macam orang Melayu)

Saya hairan. Apabila kita dengar orang lain berbahasa Inggeris macam orang putih, ramai yang kagum. Lebih-lebih lagi, ada di antara kita yang sengaja berbahasa Inggeris macam orang putih walaupun tak pernah menetap di luar negara. Satu kebanggaan kononya.

Tetapi, apabila mengetahui ada orang yang mempunyai kebolehan untuk berbahasa Malaysia macam orang Melayu, diberi pula ulasan berbunyi… “eiyerr”.

Saya berharap anda tidak mempunyai pemikiran seperi Depp.

Peristiwa pertama berkenaan bahasa

Satu peristiwa berkenaan Bahasa

Lebih-kurang dua tahun lalu, saya menerima sekeping memo dari sebuah syarikat kourier. Ianya menyatakan bahawa penghantaran tidak sampai kepada saya kerana tiada orang berada di rumah semasa penghantran dibuat.

Setelah meneliti memo tersebut, saya rasa saya tidak beberapa kenal syarikat kourier tersebut. Bukan syarikat kourier yang biasa seperti UBS atau Fedex. Namanya agak pelik. Maka, saya pun membuat panggilan telefon ke pejabat syarikat tersebut…

“Selamat pagi, syarikat xxxxxxx. Boleh saya membantu?” Seorang gadis menjawab panggilan telefon saya.

Apabila orang lain memulakan perbualan, adalah amalan saya untuk meneruskan perbualan dalam bahasa yang sama. Oleh itu…

“Selamat pagi. Saya terima nota memberitahu saya bahawa bungkusan yang dihantar tak sampai sebab tiada orang kat rumah”
“Boleh bagi nombor rujukan?”
“Boleh. 1234567”
“Sila tunggu sebentar…”
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“Encik, bungkusan boleh dihantar sekali lagi. Encik nak kami hantar kat alamat yang sama?”
“Tak, tolong hantar ke pejabat saya”
“???… errr… pejabat encik? Encik Zewt ni siapa?”
“Saya”
“Apa? Encik Zewt ni kamu? Kamu bukan orang Melayu?”
“Bukan, saya Encik Zewt, orang Cina. Kenapa?”
“Takde lah. Encik cakap macam orang Melayu je…”

Pernahkan anda menemui peristiwa sebegini? Apakah penguasaan bahasa kebangsaan oleh golongan bukan Melayu merupaka satu perkara yang mengejutkan?

Terdapat lagi satu peristiwa yang agak sama, juga berkenaan dengan penguasaan bahasa kebangsaan. Mungkin cerita untuk esok…


1 year ago… No apology, no worry… A glimpse at the budget

2 years ago… Of budget and 2 awards

J-S-J-T

I think this is an appropriate time for me to teach you another Chinese saying. Apart from the 2 that I have mentioned thus far, this is quite a mouthful. And the saying of the day is…

“Jek Sau Jeh Tin”
[Direct translation: One hand shelter sky / satu tangan lindung (dari) langit]

Ancient Chinese (and perhaps some modern Chinese) believe that the sky (i.e. Tin) represents the ultimate power / judgement. So if you only need one hand to shelter yourself from this “ultimate power / judgement”… you must be an incredibly extra-ordinary individual.

Reasoning and history aside, “Jek Sau Jeh Tin” predominantly represents invincibility. If you are said to be able to “Jek Sau Jeh Tin”, it means you are able to do whatever you want because no one, not even “the sky”, can touch you. It is a “very nice” position to be in.

For example, if you own a company, you can safely say that you can “Jek Sau Jeh Tin” in the company. You can come in late, you can go for 3 hour lunch, you can watch porn in the office or even disappear from the office and no one can do anything to you… because you have ultimate control of the company.

Similarly...

If you live in a land where you are in control of everything, then you can also “Jek Sau Jeh Tin”. You can cheat and you can lie, and no one will be able to do anything. Not just that, you can also steal… rape or even… kill, and no one will be able to do anything about it.

And just to link to the 2 Chinese saying I have mentioned in the past…

All those things that you conjure up to challenge those who can Jek Sau Jeh Tin are all… “Doh Yu”. You seriously think you get something out of it?... Sam Jiu lah…


1 year ago… Tahap yang mana?

2 years ago… A locker tale

Why English is truly “UNIVERSE”-sal

The broo-hah regarding English being the language for certain subjects is still on-going. Riding on that notion, allow me to share with you why English is truly a “Universe”-sal language…
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Spock!!!When Spock addresses the Vulcan council, he spoke in English. A race so advance and intelligent like the Vulcans decided that they should speak… English!

The Romulans… Their spaceship captain also has an English name… Captain Neo! And you would expect he would have a Romulan name… no… it’s Neo!

Megatron!!! When he flew up to space to converse with “The Fallen”, with no humans around… they chose to speak in…yes, you guessed it right… English!

Treebeard!!! Just when you think only flesh and blood (red or green) speaks English… think again… Even tree speaks English!

Yes… long ago, in a galaxy, far far away… and mind you, they were already speaking in… yes, English! And clearly, the English language was still at its infant stage… as you can tell from Yoda’s grammar…

So, do you believe now that English is indeed a “Unverse”-sal language?


1 year ago… The arrest and losing my premier virginity…

2 years ago… And to sum it all up…

Manglish or Engrish or ... whatever

For some very strange reason, I can log on to blogger though my office has blocked blogpost for a couple of weeks. So I am now in a bizarre situation where I can blog from my blogger home page but unable to view my blogspot page... bizarre isn’t it?

Anyway…

There are a lot of hoo-haas going around about some decision where some subjects in some school at some level will now be taught in BM instead of English. I am not going to blog about it, at least not in a serious manner. It’s Friday and I don’t want to stress my brain.

But speaking about the command of English, did you watch the repeat of MJ’s memorial service on Wednesday night, shown on 8TV?

For the uninformed, 8TV was having this thing where one can sms your farewell note to MJ to 8TV and it will broadcasted on 8TV during the memorial. And ya’ know, all the sms-es were written in English… errr… I mean… Engrish, or Mangrish (or whatever you want to call it).

And there they were… farewell notes to MJ… displayed on national television… written by people whose country is still thinking on whether English should be a compulsory “pass” in SPM… atrocious would be an understatement.

But the gem of them all has to be… “Mecheal Jakson, I am u biggest fan. I will miss u”

I seriously wonder if MJ does understand most notes posted there.

And ya’ know what? During Madonna’s memorial service (no offence, just an example), Malaysians will be sending messages like…

“Maradona, I am u biggest fan. I will miss u”


1 year ago… Teens raised dead baby in Guatemala… Gym tales – female version

2 years ago… Orgasm comparison

An unexpected apology

As I was hopping through the channels yesterday, I landed myself on Astro Supersport where they were showing a live table tennis match. It was the quarter-final of the world championship between 2 Chinese players. Since I was trying to wait for the heater to do its job before I shower, I reckon I might as well watch it for a while.

Those who play racquet games will know that there are certain lucky shots that can happen which will gain you instant points. In the game of tennis and badminton, it’s when the tennis ball or shuttlecock hit the top of the net and lands just on your opponent’s court, leaving your opponent helpless. In the game of squash, it’s when the ball hits the corner of the wall where it will almost certainly not bounce for your opponent to return a shot.

In the game of table tennis, it’s when the ball hit the top of the net or when the ball lands itself at the edge of the able. In the latter, the opponent will not able to judge the awkward bounce thus unable to return the shot most of the time.

When lady luck is smiling at you during such shots, a player exhibiting sportsmanship will usually offer his/her apology to the opponent.

Back to the table tennis game I was watching… there was a shot by defending champion Wang LiQin of China which landed at the edge of the table of Chen Qi (also of China). Naturally, Chen Qi was unable to return the shot due to the awkward bounce of the ball. Just then, Wang LiQin shouted across the table…
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“Sorry! Sorry!”

Gee… isn’t it supposed to be “dui bu chi”? What’s wrong with these Cina-s?


1 year ago… Saving the environment?

2 years ago… A kid at 6 and what is 5?

A first language dilemma

A friend of mine just went for the IELTS exam as she needed an English qualification for the Masters in an UK university that she is applying. For that particular course she applied, she needed an IELTS score of 7.5 (out of a max of 9) to get in. Do you think it’s tough?

She said it was tough. I did English 1119 during my time so I have no idea how tough IELTS is. Anyway, she managed a 7. To me, that is quite good. Unfortunately for her, that’s not good enough.

She now has 2 options --- she can either re-sit her IELTS or; opt for a telephone interview. Of course, there is the unwritten 3rd option of foregoing her Masters which is not what she wants. She prefers not to do the former as IELTS fees are paid in ₤₤₤. Hence, a re-sit is expensive, very expensive! So the telephone interview sounds like a good escape clause.

But!... there’s always a but…

The telephone interview is only available to those whose first language is English.

My friend is a Chinese, but just like many of us here, she doesn’t read or write Chinese. At home, she communicates with her family members in Cantonese. Certainly, she can declare that English is her first language and the IELTS people should not be able to verify it. I mean, how does one verify such things?

Notwithstanding the above, can she consider English as her first language?

For many of us banana Chinese, we don’t read or write Chinese. But at the same time, most of us are able to converse in a particular dialect. Then, most of us attended national schools where subjects were taught in BM. Not to mention, major exams such as SRP / PMR / SPM / STPM were all done in BM.

From such background, there are some who can then sit at a mamak store under a tree next to the drain drinking cheap coffee but… will converse only in English. And when they head home, the mother will shout…

“Sui chai, kam yeh hui pin to ah?” (Idiot, go where so late?)
“Yum char lah!” (Drink tea lah)

For those who fall within such category but at the same time, have close to perfect command of spoken and written English, perhaps they can safely say that English is indeed their first language.

But for those who can’t read or write Chinese and at the same time unable to construct simple grammatically correct English sentence… unable to remove the “lahs”, “mahs” and “ahs” from their colloquial English, and attended school in BM --- what is our first language? Manglish?

Quite a dilemma, isn’t it?


2 years go… Is the world going faster?

“Doh Yu”

Today, I would like to teach everyone a very famous Chinese saying. As you’ve noticed from the title, the Chinese saying that I would like to teach is:-

Doh Yu (directly translated as “extra fish”)

It simply means doing or getting something extra but that extra bit is totally useless. Something like… buying pads for a guy. Get what I mean? It’s meaningless… it’s useless… it’s futile.

Some other very good examples of “Doh Yu” are:-

Blogging an entry to make fun or criticise a certain toyo politician in retaliation of the Eli saga.

Making comments in blog (particularly anonymously) to make fun or criticise a certain toyo politician in retaliation of the Eli saga.

Blogging or making comments in blog that circles around the notion “don’t-resign”.

Blogging an intellectual entry to reason out what is right and what is wrong and who should be responsible regarding the Eli saga.

Signing online petition for someone to intervene.

When you see situations mentioned above, you can safely say… “DOH YU”! Can you think of anymore examples?

Chinese saying previous taught… “Sam Jiu”

High what?

Did you notice something lately? Perhaps not lately, this new phenomena has been happening for a few years now. A classic example of this phenomenon is when you see an uploaded picture of boys in white shirt and dark blue pants or girls in pinafore and they labelled the photo as…

“My high school days” or “Me and my high school mates”

I don’t know about you but to me, “high school” is not the right term to refer Form 1 to Form 5. I have never referred to any of my school friends as “high school mates”. Based on my possibly out-dated understanding, schools for Standard 1 to Standard 6 are categorised as “Primary school” and those for Form 1 to Form 5 are categorised as “Secondary school”.

Unless one’s school’s name has got “high school” in it, such as Catholic High School, there isn’t exactly this thing called “high school” in Malaysia. Even that, it is still debatable as school name and schooling system are 2 separate elements.

So what exactly is “high school”? It is actually part of the school system in the US. I understand from my friends in the States that their schooling system mainly made up of:-

Elementary School (Kindergarten to 5th grade / age 5 – 11)
Middle School (6th to 8th grade / age 12 – 14)
High School (9th to 12th grade / age 15 – 18)

Here in Malaysia, we do not have “middle school” or “low school” and certainly, we do not have “high school”. What we have is primary and secondary school. Why then more and more people are referring to secondary school as “high school”?

A very good friend of mine said… “It is the westernised thinkers who refer to it, without basis, as high school”. I tend to agree. What about you?

At this juncture, some of you may say…”Zewt, what’s the fuss? It means the same thing”.

I will have to ask… do these “high school people” use that term to sincerely refer to the same thing or do they use as that term sounds more western… more cool? Besides, how are you going to refer to your first year in “high school”? 9th grade, or Form 1?


1 year ago… What’s with the awareness fuss? … when our instincts fail

2 years ago… The tail to the tales

A change in dominant language

I was sitting on the ground recuperating from my game the other day during my badminton session. While looking around and trying to give my shoulder and neck muscle a good stretch, I saw a shuttlecock nearby. I picked it up and started scrutinising it, a rather random decision. In an equally random decision, I started to count the number of feathers of the shuttlecock…

“One… two… three… four… five… six… seven… eight… nine… ten… eleven… twelve… … … … sixteen”

A shuttlecock requires 16 feathers to be made.

It was then that it suddenly occurred me… something has changed. In fact, something has changed for quite some time already.

Ya’ know… my parents are illiterate… I grew up in a very Chinese family... I never speak a word of English in my home… when I was in standard 3, a classmate found out that I didn’t know the meaning of ‘thirsty’ and he laughed at me and till today, I still remember his expression when he laughed at me… when I go out with my school friends now, I generally speak Cantonese…

So… when I picked up that shuttlecock and started to count… it should be… “yat…yi… sam… sei… em… lok… chat (need to be pronounced properly)… pat… gao… … … … … sap-lok”

That should be the way!!! Just like how you call the boss to come and “kira” after your mamak session and he will go “une… ren-ne… mu-le… na-le… umpede…” That is what usually happens. Or if you eat at a Malay store and when the boss “kira”… he will go “satu… dua… tiga… tujuh… sepuluh...” This should be the way!!

Even if you go to the famous Stevens’ Corner mamak where the boss speaks perfect Cantonese… you will still hear him whisper…. “une… na-le… sap-de… umpede… ….”… and then he will tell you “sap-lok kau pat” (RM16.80). Right?

Or if you go to a Chinese restaurant and you ask the ‘tau-keh’ for the bill, he will surely go “yat… em… lok… sap-yi… sap-pat… ahhh… twenty-tlee prease” That is what will happen. You will never hear the ‘tau-keh’ go… “wan… tlee… sez… elewang… sexteen… ahhhh… yah-sam kau” (RM23). It’s just bizarre isn’t it?

And certainly, the ‘tau-keh’ will not go “satu… empat… enlam… lujuh… sapuloh… samilam-bras… ahhh….. yah-sam kau” (RM23). Just won’t happen isn’t it?
So why do I, a true breed Chinese and when I start to count… I go “one… two… three… four… five” instead of “yat… yi… sam… sei… em…”? Why?

Truly, the dominant language in me has changed. I may be able to speak Cantonese fluently amongst my friends but deep in the root of my sub-conscious brain… if possible, I will tend to speak English first before Cantonese.

So how do you count? One two three? Or yat yi sam? Or satu dua tiga? Or une ren-ne mu-le? What is your dominant language?

And you thought you’ve heard the worst

Been talking a lot about names lately and while I have heard of some really outrages names, I am surprise to read from some comments that there are people who actually name themselves like Fruity and Tweety. I laughed when I read those.

Some of you may know that I spent a few months in China. No, I am not there for holidays but to work. It was one of the most high tech companies I have ever seen. Trust me, when I was doing the company tour, I thought I was in NASA or something, it was really cool. A story for another day perhaps.

One thing I must admire the local Chinese, is the ability to adopt names. My first experience came when I was introduced to one of the director of the department. When he stretched out his palms to extend a handshake, he said... “Wo shi RedStar” (I am RedStar).

I paused for a while, thinking I might have heard wrongly. I did not, his name was indeed RedStar… RedStar Liang. It was not until I got to know his Chinese name that I realised why he adopted such name. His native name was Liang Hong Xing, “Hong Xing” means ‘red star’.

Over the next couple of weeks, I realised the local Chinese will literally translate their names into English and will proceed to take on such names. Some of the more interesting names I have encountered when I was there includes…

Water Lee… I presume his name was ‘sui’
Hunter Xie… quite a cool name, don’t you think?
Ocean Wang… translate that into Cantonese… how does that sound?

One that tickles me is this girl by the name of Wu Xiang Wei. And her English name… Aroma… Aroma Wu… how about that?!

Another one which I find rather extravagant is this girl by the name of Ji Hui. Her name means opportunity and her English name? … “Chance”… Chance Ji… what a name!

Coming back to home… some of my fellow slaves in this particular company will know of a particular name which often comes out from the paging system. Yeah, there is a paging system in this company and the name which made all our jaws dropped when we first heard it….

“Cinderella Tan”

We never got to see her in real person. Maybe her or her parents were preparing for a good reason not to work overtime passed 12 a.m.

So have you heard of any Pocahontas lately?

What’s with the name?

My parents never gave me an English name and when I hit the age of 10, I suddenly wanted one.

“Oh, don’t take that, it’s too common. Just like Steven or David (no offence), if you call out such names, 10 Stevens or 10 Davids will answer you”

That was my tuition teacher’s response when I told her I wanted to name myself Kelvin. I listened to her and decided otherwise. 2 years later, when I was 12, I had a dream, and in that dream; the teacher was marking attendance and she called out a name. No one answered. My friend sitting next to me gave me a nudge and said…

“Eh, cikgu panggil awak lah” (Eh, teacher is calling you)

I woke up from the dream almost immediately and that name became my English name since then. I will always tell this story to anyone who ask me how I got my name. Some chose not to believe, some found it strange, some started calling me “the man with a name from a dream”. No matter what, I am here to tell you… it’s true.

Yup, I do have a somewhat strange name. I never really use it until I went to the UK. But the as I entered the modern slavery kingdom, I gave my English name an official launch and everyone knows me by it since then. That’s me…

Now, I have noticed one very obvious trend with people lately. People here refer to parents with new born kids. Do you notice that more and more couples giving their newborn rather… glamorous name? Gone are the new Davids, Michaels, Johns (no offence again). None of my friends who are new parents name their child with “conventional” name. Currently, Ethan seems to be a hot name to give one’s newborn son. I personally know of 4 newly born Ethans. Other glamorous English name given includes Gabriel, Jayden, Aiden.

The baby girls are not losing out either. Gone are the Nancy(s), Wendy(s) and Mary(s). In fact, I have never known a single Mary in my life before. Some of my friends have named their baby girls Lauren, Isabelle and Megan. Quite glamorous indeed, don’t you think so?
One thing about baby girls though, the Chinese name “ann” seems to always appear in newborn nowadays. Gone are the leng, yeng, peng, ching… enters ‘ann’. There’s a multitude of li-ann(s), bee-ann(s), sze-ann(s), may-ann(s) and whatever ann(s). Are you one of those who are going to follow suit?

Our Malay comrades are not losing out either. While they cannot really take on an English name, they have creatively altered their spelling to make it more glamorous, mostly involved the letter ‘y’. Azyla instead of Azila… Dylaina instead of Dilaina… Adly instead of Adli. Again, no offence if you happen to bear such names.

Anyway, English name for Chinese has become almost a must nowadays, even if mandarin is spoken in such household. Oh no, I am not against it. But I am just curious what kind of glamorous names are going to surface in the new few years. Maybe in time to come, there will be no more David(s) and Michael(s) and when you call out the name Ethan, you will probably get 10 answers… it could happen.

So are you going to give your future child a glamorous name? One tip… if you really can't think of anymore glamorous name to make your child unique… perhaps you can sleep on it… who knows, your dream might just be fruitful.

P/S: Zewt apologises if the names above offended anyone.

Ponder and find the peculiar time

Have you heard of this over the radio lately?...

“Hey guys, where are going?”
“We’re going for a holiday.”
“That’s great. Where to?”
“Oh ya’ know… Phuket, Bali, Singapore, Thailand.”
“Hey… kam mon, this is we-shit mesia year 2007, we must all support we-shit mesia year!”
“Oh yeah man… let us all go to Ipoh, Penang instead”
“Yea yea… let us all we-shit mesia… let’s go to Subang!”

Something like that… heard of it? No disrespect to hitz-fm or the morning crew, Rudy and JJ but…

Now I know how our country is going to achieve the targeted 20 million visitors. Hey you… did you go to Ipoh lately? You just contributed to the number of tourist in this we-shit… I mean visit Malaysia year campaign. Oh… that nuffnang gathering in Penang which attracted quite a number of KL bloggers, you have all just contributed to visit Malaysia year 2007.

Ok ok … maybe I am being a bit too critical of it. But one thing I must ask is WHY… WHY… WHY each time a person is supposed to portray Malaysian in a radio advert, they will put on some broken manglish? WHY? Another typical example is the advert asking us to support our local football team. For goodness sake, it’s vi-sit Ma-lay-sia and not we-shit mesia.


I know some of you all are supporters of manglish, but really, is this how you want to be portrayed?

Oh well… it’s Friday after all, and we should all be happy. I am not actually, I have just finished my half year reporting to London and the tax filing is due so the modern slavery life is going to be worse than ever in the last 2 weeks.

And oh… just to tickle everyone’s thoughts a bit… time has always been a peculiar thing in this blog… can anyone tell why?

Updated: Oh, a very big word of thanks to AhPek from AhPek.com for featuring me in his blog. What an honour... !

Happy weekend!

P/S: Go vote now if you haven’t done so.

"Sam Jiu"

About 3 months ago, I was somewhat considered a new social-political blogger by a school of bloggers. While I don’t consider myself a political blogger, I do blog about social issues. A fellow blogger mentioned that lately, the direction of my blog has changed, particularly since the passing of my mom. I have to admit, that’s true.

There are a few reasons to it. My interest in exploring and writing about life is one of them. And I realised that there are many people out there who share the same notion. Secondly , I realised I have quite a number of international readers (;P), so blogging about Malaysian stuff ain’t gonna make sense to them.

Another reason is that I realised no matter how hard we scream or shout here in blogs regarding “Malaysian” social issues, it will always fall on deaf ears. I am not discouraging all the social-political bloggers out there, certainly not. In fact, you’re all my heroes and heroines. Your energy and never-say-die attitude deserves much admiration.

But one of the main reason lies in an ancient Chinese saying….

“sam jiu”
(directly translated: heart shine)

It refers to things that we already know by heart, that we already know the answer without having to talk about it. In other words... it means "Isn't the answer obvious?"

Take a look at the photo below (courtesy of TVsmith), how many of us have seen this before? How long has such things been in existence?

But how come the authorities were surprise about the existence of “kereta potong” last week? C’mon… “sam jiu” la…

The authorities also screamed and so promisingly proclaimed that they will clamp down mat rempit activities. Remember those countless statements in the press aka as the only source of news that we can trust. But are those Urukhais still roaming our streets? And why? C’mon…"sam jiu” la…

How come some datuks can so openly insult women in the parliament and we are all supposed to take it as a joke but when a “joke” is uttered from the mouth of certain people, it is considered “samseng” and “kurang ajar”? C’mon… “sam jiu” la…

How come if you and I mention about certain things, they are considered sensitive but if mentioned by not you and I, it’s perfectly fine? C’mon… “sam jiu” la…

How come after putting up this entry, I might land myself in trouble? Am I spreading lies? C’mon… “sam jiu” la…

Anymore "sam jiu" situation that you can think of?

I have always been told that debates in the parliament can be quite… err… “passionate”. Having viewed a few parliamentary clips, I couldn’t agree more. But what I really don’t understand, is how can some people can appear so well-mannered when they were a candidate eyeing for a parliamentary seat, looking all so intellectual while giving speeches, but when they are finally doing what they were elected to do, they can be of the total opposite? And I am not only referring to the gomen component parties members, I am also referring to opposition members.

Below the infamous caption of the recent “bocor” fiasco and observe that both gomen and opposition members were both actually attacking each other when they were supposed to deal with the issue at hand.




P/S: Word verification is temporarily up to avoid spam and any comments deemed inappropriate will be zewtily deleted. Why? “sam jiu” la…

An accent mystery

I have always dread tele-conferences with London, which is quite frequent in my line of duty. First, it’s the timing of those calls. 7 or 8 hours ahead of them means I will have to wait till the end of my “office hour” before such calls take place aka unpaid-forced-overtime. Secondly, it’s the language. Communicating on a speaker phone with those Brits who carry over-loaded English accent always end up with me saying “Could you please repeat that?” one time too many.

But if you think that is bad, you’re wrong. My workplace has a hub in India where we outsource most of our processes. Tele-conferences with them are also pretty common. While timing is not exactly an issue since we are only 2.5 hours ahead of them, communication certainly is. Have you ever spoken to anyone from India before? I am not making fun of them but they do have a certain authentic ‘flair’ when it comes to their command of the English language.

Firstly, I have discovered that superman is not the only thing faster than a speeding bullet. In fact, when a native Indian reaches top speed in his speaking, even superman may have to give way. Of course, at top speed, the only thing you will hear probably goes something like “I-le think-le we-le think-le I-le I-le think-le we-le think-le”. Trying saying that at supersonic speed and you will know what I mean. So you will only know they are thinking something but will not know what they are thinking.


Secondly, when you ask them to slow down, the conversation will evolved from English to … “Indlish”. If you think our very own manglish is unique, please think again. One thing though, while we have our very own ‘la’, ‘ler’, ‘lor’, ‘mah’, etc as part of our manglish vocabulary, there is no additional words added in Indlish. Just that the way it is spoken, mimics very much of how Tamil or Hindi are spoken. Of course, the easiest way to describe it is… a-very-heavy-Indian-accent.

Indeed, I do find that all these make the Indian people rather unique. How so?

When I was in London, I was surprised that Indians dominates most of the stores in Totenham Courtroad, one of the shopping hearts of London. Having spoken to some of them, I realised that they too speak the way those native Indian speaks… at a rather super-sonic speed and a rather obvious ‘Indian accent’. What I find unique in these people is that no matter where they are or where they have been, they will always speak the way they do… well, most of them at least. No matter who they speak to… they will always carry that Indian spice in their English language. No matter where they are… they will always shake the heads gracefully when they speak.

Now, the same cannot be said of Chinese. Spending just a few months in America, England or Australia alone is enough for them to catch the ang-moh accent and forget about how manglish is spoken. Pretty amazing huh? Of course, I am not saying that one should speak manglish. But to actually lose the way you speak over the last 10 years in just a few months is quite out of this world. Don’t you think?

By the way, I mentioned before about a colleague being sent from UK on secondment here who sits right in front of me. He is a Chinese by the way, quite ‘leng-jai’ and of course, being born in the UK, he speaks with an English accent. This morning, there was girl who spent almost an hour talking to him in (I think) Australian English at its fullest glory. From the way I see it, she probably has got the hots for him as she was trying very hard to make an impression. Then, a colleague of her walked past and amidst those powerful Australian English… she replied to her colleague…

“hah? Em ho yi cho seong toi ka?” … in a rather… not so powerful figure of speech.
(Huh? Can't sit on the table?)

Typical huh? Just like the people I once bumped into here.

P/S: No, she was not wearing a mini skirt.
P/S/S: The templates that I quite fancy are here and here, but they're in html and not xml.