Don't ever let this happen to you

I actually had something drafted for today but something happened and I just have to highlight this.

Following my Mom’s passing, I blogged about things we need to settle before, during and after a funeral and one of them is getting money out of the deceased’s bank account. Those who have been following AZAIG will know that it has been 8 months since Mom passed away. You would have thought that things would have been settled already. Well, think again.

I am not sure whether I have mentioned it before but I received a letter from the authority asking us to track Mom’s parents. Those who read entries about Mom will know that she was an adopted child. Therefore, we are not sure who Mom’s birth parents are, let alone tracking them down. Further, we are not sure whether they are still alive or otherwise.

Because we are unable to track our birth grandparents’ where-about, the authorities, under the authority of Unclaimed Monies Act, will take a chunk out of my Mom’s account balances which they intend to “pass to my birth grandparents”. How are they going to do it? Beats me!!!

Now, the money inside Mom’s account is not exactly substantial. But what I am really angry is that the they, under the authority of Unclaimed Monies Act, will do all they can to take away whatever your parents or spouses have should they (touch wood) passed away without a will. And when you can show evidence that you are the children or husband or wife of the deceased, they will do all they can to bite of a chunk.

Thank God, me and my siblings are all educated people and we will do all we can to get what is rightfully ours, lest we want to give extra sponsorship to send another fucker (mind my language, I am pissed) to space. But I wonder how many people out there, perhaps out of total oblivion or the usual don’t-want-to-go-through-the-trouble attitude, have stupidly allow the them to just pocket what is rightfully theirs without even sending them a thank-you note. Imagine the deceased had property!

And imagine how much money just fall conveniently on the their pocket. If these funds are used for the betterment of the nation, then it’s fine. But hell… not when it’s… ok, let’s not go there.

So friends, the law is brutal. And if we let it capitalises on our ‘tidak-apa’ (“don’t care”) attitude, it will kill us. Therefore, make sure you get your parents or your spouses, particularly the Chinese to write a will now. I cannot stress enough.

Monday with 3 tales

Allow me to quickly share 3 tales with you today…

Tale No.1:

I am currently attending a global tax conference which will last for a week. Just as I got out from my car and into the lift lobby, I bumped into my boss.

“Zewt, my sister in law passed away last Saturday”
“Oh, so sorry. So how?”
“The funeral is tomorrow (Tuesday). With this conference, now I have problem”

One would have thought that the conference is the problem as my boss should be at the funeral. But as the conversation went on, I found out that the ‘problem’ was the funeral. She will not be attending the funeral tomorrow (Tuesday) as she ‘needs’ to be in the conference tomorrow. Apparently… no choice… does she?

I am beginning to seriously considering a change of job.

Tale No.2:

During lunch, I was sitting next to the regional manager of the South East Asia region, she is from Singapore.

“bla bla bla”
“ya ya bla bla”
“Hey zewt, are you going to have a traditional Chinese wedding?”
“No, will be having a church wedding”

At this time, she looked up gave me a rather perplexed look.

“Church wedding?”
“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”
“Aren’t all Malaysians supposed to be…… Muslims?”

For some very strange reason, this Singaporean thinks that all Malaysians have to be Muslims. Her reason for having such understanding…

“That’s what I read in the news”

I really wonder what kind of message are we portraying to the world at large.

Tale No.3:

Someone pointed out to me about the list of crew members of the Expedition 16.
Expedition 16 comprises of:
Commander – Peggy Whitson
Flight Engineer – Yuri Malenchenko
Flight Engineer – Leopold Eyharts
Flight Engineer – Garrett Reisman
Flight Engineer – Dan Tani
And...
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Spaceflight participant – Sheikh Muzhaphar Shukor.

So our hero is a… spaceflight participant according to NASA website. I am just glad they didn't call him space teh-tarik maker. I am so proud. Aren’t you proud?

A world of idiots

Have you ever encounter some idiots who just irritate the shit out of you? No, they are not those morons whom I mentioned before. Those are very specific cases, one of a kind. I am talking about generic idiots, performing idiotic acts that are just pure irritating. They may be different people, but they can be doing the same idiotic things. Let me name you a few…

One type of generic idiots whom I always encounter is those whom I called I-must-press-the-button idiot, always appearing in elevator lobbies. When I am the first to reach the elevator lobby and press the “up” button, the second fella who reaches the lobby just have to do the same. There will be a whole bunch of such idiots who will keep pressing the button, despite knowing that it has been pressed and it won't make the elevator comes faster, all the way till the elevator arrives. Worse, some of these idiots will press it a few times and look at you as though it’s your fault that the elevator is slow. Bunch of idiots!

The second type of generic idiots is also connected to elevators. Well, it’s not exactly their fault but it still irritates the hell out of me, particularly when I am in a hurry. Say if you get into an elevator and you wanted to go to floor x. What irritates me is that the elevator will stop at x-2, an idiot will come in and he intends to get to x-1. For example, I want to get to the 10th floor, some idiot will board the elevator on the 8th floor and get out on the 9th floor. Damn freaking irritating!! If you’re going down, reverse the formula. For goodness sake, take the stairs when it’s one floor. What an idiot!

Next are those idiots who hog the line. No, I am not talking about traffic or any sort of queue, I am talking about those who hog the lines in a “chap fan” (economy rice) store. These idiots will just stare at the dishes as though they are choosing their life partners. C’mon, make up your mind and get out of the way. How much it costs and how good it tastes will not change if you give them your idiotic stare. Worse, there are those who take one dish and stand there like a model… ponder and hog the line. For goodness sake, once you’ve taken your pick, choose your next dish or pay! What an idiot.

Another bunch of idiots who are downright irritating are those holy Malaysian drivers. How do you know they are holy? Well… because they put up a lot of those holy car stickers, which are quite a trend nowadays. They will put up all sorts of nice and heavenly and godly car stickers with verses and phrases from the relevant religion’s holy book. But!!! They will drive like a devil and the moment you honk them or cut into their lanes or tread into their territories, they may reciprocate by giving you the middle finger hand-signal. Maybe that’s a sign of religious people. But to me, they are just a bunch of holy-drivers-wannabe idiots.

Have you been to the sauna before? The pail of water there is for you to pour into the sauna rocks to increase the humidity of the room. And the right way to pour is to slowly spread the water across the rocks in order for it vaporise, and the steam will heat up the room. But some idiots will just walk in and keep pouring like their lives depend on it, not knowing that consistent pouring will cool down the sauna rocks thus cooling the room. Worse, this bunch of idiots will have the guts to say… “Why still not hot wan ah?”

Have you been to a saloon where there is a particular stylist who is very popular? Every freaking customer who walks in will want to have her (usually a her) cut their hair, I have seen such things a few times. And they will make a big fuss when they wait too long and complain about other people jumping queue. Yeah, fair complaints perhaps. But do you know why they are idiots? Because all these customers (usually guys), have nothing much on their head to be cut anymore. One miss of the scissors might just bald their entire freaking head. But… they will insist on a particular stylist. Idiots indeed, no?

Last on the list, and I really hate them, because I think they should all die, are a certain type of idiotic smokers. Smoking is fine, it is your right. And being in Malaysia, I am used to the fact the smoking area in restaurants are nothing but fairy tales. But what irritates me most is when I see smokers smoking in an air-tight sports hall. These idiots are obviously stupid to feed their lungs with nicotine after a good work out but they should at least have the decency to walk out of the hall before killing themselves but no… they just have to puff away inside the hall and deprive other people like me who happened to be longing for oxygen. Bunch of idiots!

Have you encounter such idiots before? The world is full of them.

Types of accidents

When there is a mishap, it’s called an accident.

When such a mishap involves 2 or more cars on the road, it’s called a traffic accident.

When such a mishap involves your car ramming into someone’s car’s butt and you have to pay for it, it’s called an always-your-fault traffic accident.

When such a mishap involves someone’s car ramming into your car’s butt and he has to pay for it, it’s called an inconvenient traffic accident.

When such a mishap involves someone’s car ramming into your car’s butt and he runs away, it’s called a bad luck, but still a traffic accident.

When such a mishap involves you falling asleep on your wheel due to excessive over-time, it’s called an I-am-a-stupid-modern-slave traffic accident.

When such a mishap involves your car and someone’s car ramming into each other and both of you cannot explain why you ram into each other and so happen it takes place in this particular month, it’s called a hungry ghost festival traffic accident.

When such a mishap causes death, it’s a tragic accident.

When such a mishap causes a multiple death, it’s a very tragic accident.

When such a mishap causes multiple deaths with the driver having 2 arrest warrants and 13 unsettled summonses and plying on a permit-less route… ladies and gentlemen, that is called a Malaysian traffic accident.

And… … … by the time we enjoy our holiday on the 31st, the above shall be a forgotten accident.

A homicide solved with a funny race

Am I glad it’s Friday! It has been a hectic week. With my colleague going on maternity leave, my work is tripled! Why? Cos both of us are at 150%, so with she gone, I have to do the work of 3 persons. Yeah… modern slavery again.

Anyway, no more modern slavery stuff for now. One reader said it’s getting too serious and boring while another claimed that such entries make her feel lousy. Hmmm… I guess too much modern slavery stuff is a lil too tiring for the brain eh? Some even said they suffer from overdose of zewtpinions. Having said that, there were some dogs barking at each other today, quite a candid scene… but that’s a story for another day.

Oh, I know I owe all of you the answer for this riddle. Haha… did you read all the comments to find out? Anyway, the question was supposedly used by CIA to see whether a suspect has got a mind of a psychotic killer. If you answer Jane killer Joanne because of jealousy, then you’re normal, cause that’s what a normal person will think. But if you answer Jane killed Joanne so that she can see the hunk again in the funeral… well… you have mentality of a psychotic killer. And judging by the amount of such answers, I think I need to watch my back here. Haha!

A lil on the ‘sam jiu’ front… did you read the comics news today? “Bocor” part 2! I really wonder what kinda quality they use in building gomen complexes. And for goodness sake… it’s the bloody court! Imagine the judge trying to pass a judgement and “splash”… water on his face! And it’s RM290m!!! Check this out…

Well, it’s Friday so I will have to leave you with a riddle. What? What again? Ok la… since you all think I spoil your weekends, I shall ask something and provide the answer immediately.

Do you have any ‘chindian’ friends? Chindian refers to one who’s got Chinese and Indian parentage. Well, what if the father is a Chinese and the mother is a Sikh? Now, in Malaysia, a Sikh is sometimes refers to as a “baii”. Yeah, you guess it right… some people has the audacity to actually put ‘that word’ as the race of this person…
For non-Malaysian readers, bangsa means race and cibai means cunt. I guess the person who prepared the receipt was totally “cuntfused”

Have a nice weekend!

P/S: Has anyone beaten my “sell house game” record yet? I am still waiting! Hehe…

Feeling sleepy?

This is where I usually park my car on a regular Sunday afternoon when I am at Jules’ place. There are places inside her house to fit my car but her dad usually washes their cars on a Sunday afternoon so I tend to park outside (as shown in picture), so that her dad can move the cars around without having to deal with my car occupying space.

But today, I decided to park my car inside her house, and thank God I did. Half way while watching the Singapore Open badminton final, we heard a big 2 big ‘bang’, no no no… no new universe was made, there were sound of collision. We peeped out of the window and we could only see what is in front of the house. It was this…

Curiosity led us downstairs and we were right, there was an accident. This was what we saw…

Couldn’t really see anything right? Basically, a Proton Waja went out of control and rammed into a pole (refer to picture above), and crashed into a Proton Saga parked on the neighbour’s side. And accordingly, the Proton Saga rammed into a Proton Wira parked outside the neighbour’s house. Yeah, the Saga is basically sandwiched. Here is a better picture…

I wanted to take more pictures but the driver but since everyone there wasn’t really showing me a friendly face, I better bugger off.

Anyway, the driver of the Waja said she (yup… it’s a she) fell asleep on the wheel. The owner of the Saga said those people in the Waja looked as though they just came down from Genting. Fell asleep on the wheel!!!! Notice the tree next to the crash site? Had they hit the tree, they won't live to see another day.

We have just had a brief discussion earlier about morons, and while I sympathise them for crashing their car, I can't help but think what they did was rather ‘moranic’. How many times have we heard of people losing not only their cars, but their lives because they fell asleep while driving? But do we listen? Have you fell asleep on the wheel before?

Jules has got a friend who works for a very glamorous IT consulting firm, one that currently pays a fresh grad RM4k. On the average, this friend of Jules crashes her (yup, it’s also a she) twice a year. The reason…? She fell asleep on the wheel. The reason…? She worked late. Well, the bliss and risk of working in a big glamorous firm. By the way, she still works in the same firm and still crashes her car on a regular basis. Will she ever learn? God knows.

Next time, if you’re sleepy, please stop your freaking car and take a nap by the roadside or something. If you always work late which results in you feeling sleepy while driving, do something about it before you freaking kill someone! You wouldn’t wanna live to tell your sorry stories.

Anyway, I must thank God because of this…

Thank you Lord for your divine intervention.

The chronicles of morons

How was the holiday? I know I know… it’s too short isn’t it? Well, that’s the reason why I took today and tomorrow off too. Am going to stay away from the slavery system a little while longer, which probably means the coming Monday blues is gonna be more painful to bear.

Anyway, have you even encountered some people that you just want to slap their sorry face back to reality? Have you ever met some moronic souls that you’re not sure whether you should be angry with them or laugh at their moronic act? I have encountered quite a few in my life. Quite a number actually but I think I am going to talk about 3 today…

Presenting moron number 1: The get-out-of-the-way driver

It happened more than 2 years ago when I was driving to my badminton game. I was heading towards Hartamas on the fast lane in front of the palace when a car (if I remember correctly, it’s a proton iswara) tailing me rather closely. It’s quite obvious he (yes, it’s a he) was trying to get me to move out of the way, to which I didn’t comply. He was probably getting increasingly irritated cause he kept flashing his lights and honking me, urging me to move aside or go faster.

Well, I was actually going quite slow, going at about 70km/h on the fast lane. However, I did not give way, I stayed in the fast lane and continue going at 70km/h. In the end, frustration overtook my nemesis and he made a quick check to the left and as he sped past me, I think he showed me his middle finger, I couldn’t be bothered. BUT! As soon as he overtook me, he slammed on his brake so hard, the halt almost caused his car to go out of control. You know why?

Cause there were 2 POLICE PATROL CARS right in front of me going at 70km/h. WHAT A MORON! That was the reason why I couldn’t go any faster! It’s also amazing how the hell he failed to see them from behind. What a moron!


Moron number 2: The over-zealous patriot

This too happened about 2 years ago, around the month of August. I was late at work (as usual) and as I was entering the car park, there was an unusual traffic jam… in the car park! This is rather strange cause during such time, traffic is usually clear in this particular cark park. The pause seems to go on longer than expected. Then I noticed the driver in front of me got out of his car and started laughing. Not wanting to miss anything, I did that too, I mean, I got down from the car before I laugh la.

To my amusement, I got myself moron number 2. Credit to him, he was rather “patriotic” There was this Pajero with something like 50 miniature Malaysian flags glued on top of its body, including the roof of the car. There were so many, with the flags all nicely glued upwards. Now, with the Pajero being quite a “tall” car, all these flags got stuck between the pipes that were running below the ceiling. This moron had to get out of his car and removed all his nicely glued flags 1 by 1!

If you wanna be a patriot, show it in a more meaningful way! Not by having miniature flags all over your vehicle and ended up removing them cause you didn’t assess your destination before hand. Plus, that act caused me to be more than an hour late! Oh well, not that I care anyway. What a moron! And I mean him…

Moron number 3: The alcohol-seeker in Starbucks

This too happened about 2 years ago, during those times when I had to go back to office for work on a Saturday. Having partied the night before, I wandered to Starbucks Coffee outside my office to get myself the much needed caffeine. I was in the queue, and standing before me was this Chinese Type A. He was looking up at the menu board on top, as all Starbucks have that, pondering on what to order. I think he couldn’t decide on what to order and asked the girl at the counter…

”Do you have anything alcoholic?”(in a very very very heavy Aussie accent – I wish I can say it out for you to hear)

What the f**k! Has this guy ever been to Starbucks before? Which part of Starbucks “COFFEE” he doesn’t understand??? Alright, maybe, just maybe that was his maiden voyage to a Starbucks. Or maybe his mama locked him up in a room somewhere to protect him for Starbucks, cause perhaps Starbucks around his area sell alcohol.

He went through almost all the drinks in the menu with the girl, asking which one is nice and so on. I am beginning to think there is no Starbucks in Aussie. After settling for a drink (which took a while), he took out his wallet and get ready to pay. And you know what???? He slowly took out this heavily stamped loyalty card and asked for a stamp from the girl. What the f**k! Obviously this is NOT his first time at Starbucks. Alcoholic drinks?

I would have forgiven him if the girl at the counter was a babe. But, it’s total opposite (no disrespect) she was not quite a babe and I can’t help but to brand this lost soul moron number 3. What a moron!

Have you ever encountered such people before? Tell me your stories… and next time, if you ever see such people again… say it out loud…WHAT A MORON!

Of parking, toll and a kick ass video

Malaysia is a place with plenty of diversity… particularly when it comes to traffic related stuff. Besides the well known traffic jam, to which we so conveniently contribute, we must also salute the legion of Malaysian drivers. Like I said, they are truly an elite group of people, don’t you think so?

Of course, how can we forget the idiotic creative parking ability of us Malaysian drivers? Try hitting places like Hartamas or Bangsar at night, you will see how idiotic creative how we Malaysian drivers can be when it comes to fitting cars in the smallest vacuum possible. One may conclude that Malaysians are master in fitting their tools into tiny holes… a mastery every man should learn.

Right… we have seen plenty… yellow-line-parking, middle-of-the-road-parking, double-parking, triple parking and the moronic parking… but you have not seen anything yet. Ladies and gentlemen… may I present you…..

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Opposite parking:


I-shall-park-it-my-way parking:



Well, what can I say? I think I am going to post it to TheStar, wonder if I will win 50 bucks.

Anyway, while we are at the traffic topic, I know many of us here (excluding me) are really upset with the toll increase, no? That RM0.60 increase at LDP, I see many pictures of people screaming and putting up all sorts of banner. Well, next time you are pissed at paying toll… you may wanna consider this…


And to end the day, wanna share this video with you guys and gals. Brilliantly done, just like this one which I introduced earlier. But now I have learnt to post the video here (cos now Zewt is getting better and better in blogging skills already mah... don’t pway pway)… have fun.

Warning: Type A Chinese may not be able to enjoy it.

How to be famous amongst women... real quick...

Do you wanna be famous? More specifically… if you’re a man, do you wanna be famous amongst women? Things you should have or do in order to be hot amongst women:

1. Looks like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise; and/or
2. Be as rich as Billl Gates; and/or
3. Be extremely intelligent; and/or
4. Have a long dick.

Basically, if you satisfy the above, chances are you will most probably be the talking point of women. But let’s say you’re ugly… you’re old… and so happen you have a pea size dick and/or brain, don’t worry, there’s hope for you! Just say all bloggers are liars AND claim that 80% of unemployed bloggers are women.

No kidding mate! Latest statistics show making such statement will make you an instant hit amongst women. Within 2 days, no less than 60+ women bloggers will put your name in their blog. Damn famous right? Even if Zewt looks like Brad Pitt, as rich as Bill Gate, is a damn smart ass and have a long dick, don’t think that many women will blog about Zewt in such a short period of time.

There you go… this is the latest “Skim Cepat Famous” in our beloved country.

Warning: As all bloggers are liar, this entry could be is a lie.

Morons of the same brain park together

Was in Time Square last Saturday to catch a movie and despite many claimed that TS fails to live up to its expectations, it can still be pretty crowded. After all, shopping centre is like the solution to everything… pak tor? Shopping centre la… lunch? Shopping centre la. Wanna check out chicks? Shopping centre la… dinner? Shopping centre la… meeting point? Shopping centre la… buy phone? Shopping centre la… reunion? Shopping centre la… shopping? Wait for sale la!

If you think trying to locate a parking space in 1U is the tough, you may want to try the TS car park challenge. Anyway, after making countless rounds around the parking lot and having to race with other cars to the nearest available car park (and failed), imagine how I felt when I see this….


Unfu*kingbelievable!!! Ok, maybe… just maybe, we can forgive the Volvo driver becos that freaking moron is after all… a “P” driver. But then again, that moron literally parked in the middle of 2 freaking lots!!! Right smack in the middle!!! I mean… won’t you realise after you’ve stepped out from your car? I change my mind… totally unf*ckingforgiveable!

And that Waja driver… dunno whether he is stupid or brainless or was hit with the might-as-well virus. He could at least park nearer to the pillar so that anyone with a kancil can squeeze in (I actually saw 2 kancils stopped and pondered about that notion for a few seconds). But no… he has to join in the moronic act and park like an idiot.

I wanted to go check out what’s inside to ascertain whether it’s a guy or a gal driver decided otherwise, to avoid any overly-sexist remark.

Remember the car-plate numbers people, I reckon you wouldn’t wanna park your car anywhere near these morons the next time you go for movie or pak tor or makan or lepak.

The positive point? Managed to catch “Blood Diamonds” and have to say it was a good show. Also… the movie has a good after effect, shall blog about it soon, perhaps.

When creativity = stupidity

I was driving yesterday when one really stupid advertisement came up over the radio. It goes something like this:

Girl: Hey, that’s a pretty cool car!
Guy: Yeah, it’s brand new. And now I’ve got a job, I can afford one,
Girl: Oh really? Must be a very cool job you’re having.
Guy: Yeah, it’s through .com. You check it out.

Them the narrator came in with the usual marketing bullshit and how you can find your dream job through .com and how you should log on and register immediately. And the last line goes something like this:

“Register and get your dream job, and a brand new car”.

What the f**k!! Just after I posted an entry about the ever increasing traffic fiasco in KL, some supposedly creative punk came up with such stupid advert. So this is how you attract people to whatever you’re trying to sell… by telling them they can get a brand new car.

I wonder how many people will go… “Oh yeah… I want a brand new car, let’s register with .com!” Not to underestimate the level of intelligence of people nowadays, I am pretty sure there will be some.

Great… come, come… get a brand new car… join the KL jam. Come.. Come…