Friday, 24 August 2007

One night on a wrong stand

Finally, the end of the week is here. It has been hell for me since I was on leave the whole of last week so I was suffering from maximum withdrawal syndrome for the whole of this week. So it’s good that Friday is here.

Speaking of Friday, what do you guys do on a typical Friday night? Brave through the jam and queue for movie tickets? Drinks at some of the posh bar? Clubbing and hope to get lucky? Oh, about getting lucky, how many of you think one night stand is a rare thing in this country? One of my friend said it’s pretty common, and he said something really hilarious happened to his friend’s friend.
Let me tell you the story of my friend’s friend’s friend (“FFF”)…

This FFF was out in this particular club one night, apparently at one of the ‘meat market’ in town. Ya’ know, where the girls are out to get picked. Because it was his first time, he had to indulge himself in quite a huge amount of alcohol to garner enough courage to make his move. After a sufficient dosage of hard liquor, he identified his target and made his move.

FFF was really lucky, all he did was to say “hi”, introduced himself, buy that girl a drink and she was all over him already. Maybe this FFF is a charming guy, a total hunk, I dunno. He brought his conquest back to his table and bid his friends farewell for the night. His mates, who were also intoxicated with quite a heavy dosage of alcohol, were in total awe.

So off he went… as soon as he entered the room, the kissing started and groping followed and before you know it, the clothes were all started the come off. Within minutes, they were on the bed humping away. Actually, that was actually me trying to be imaginative, I wasn’t revealed the details. All I know was they f**cked a couple of times, till they both dropped dead and slumbered into the night.

Half way through the night, as the effect of the alcohol began to ease, FFF was soon slowly but surely coming to sober. As soon as he recalled what just happened, a smile came to his face and as soon as he turned over to admire his conquest with his sober mind … in the exact words my friend said to me…

“Waaahhhh!!!! Yi go fei h*i pin go lei gei?????”
(Waaahhhh!!!! who is this fat bitch?????)

It probably just hit FFF that perhaps he is the conquest, not supposed babe lying next to him then. He knew he had to get out of there before she wakes. So he slowly picked up his clothes and immediately put on his underwear to protect his tool, fearing that he might be raped if she wakes.

Fully clothed, he made his way out in the most silent manner ever. But just as he was about to leave the premise… and again, in the exact words said to me…

“TIIIUUUUUUUU LORRRRR!!!! Yi kan mai hai ngo ouk kei????!!!!!
(F**********CK!!!! This is my home!!!!!!)

My friend said he doesn’t know the conclusion… Do you have any hilarious tales to share?

Happy weekend everyone. I will be out of town.

P/S: Would really like to know who is the Grace who always link me in kinja.

P/S/S: Also would like to have a peep at some locked blogs from where readers arrive at AZAIG such as “vonmouledv2 @ blogspot” and “lorainnelee @ blogspot”.

89 comments:

Sunshine said...

like that also can ar? hahaha i wonder what the fei h*i do when she got up hahaha...

tingtitlei said...

ahhaha really tiu lor.. what did he do after that? kick her out? thatd be so mean but hey.. hes the victim afterall eh haha

angel said...

I thought he had f*cked a man muahahahaha!

Acrix said...

Haha alcohol does wonder. Now every gal can be a babe :p

penang-kia said...

Shek tuck mmh ho sai!!!
(Can eat don't waste..hahahaha)

day-dreamer said...

I'm back in action again! Hehe.

Wah... really LOL @ your FFF's story!!

Anyway, enjoy the weekend. :)

Rashikaps said...

Too funny!! :D Have a great w'end.

Can recall this one time where this one fellow in the group wanted to score damn badly .. his first time. The rest of the guys played a prank on him.. made him believe that there was a chic in the other room all coy n willing. They had put pillows under the sheets..arranged well to fool. ;)

KAYLEE said...

I CANT SAY WHAT I DO HAHA!

Anonymous said...

which is why, there is another reason people promote the phrase "don't drink and drive"...

ehon said...

i also thought he fucked a man!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! the last part was funny! LOL!!!

heh, someone is bitching about u eh? locked blog somemore!

me said...

you know how guys like to relate their own stories as friend's friend's.......?? i have the upmost sympathy for you, zewt. :-p

Jonny said...

If it was me I'd roll her in the mattres, dump her out the door. and say,

"No hard feelings, It's just a one night wrong stand :D"

amanda said...

Hehe.. that's funny. Tell ur FFF not to worry..everybody make a mistake after all.

j or ji said...

hey..sudah dapat 2x malam tadi,lagi mau komplen ka?

FFF or yr own experience ni bro?

hahaha!

Sharina said...

lol, beer goggles would do that to a person :p Which is why I NEVER drink when I'm at a club. Even if I do, I make sure I'm just a bit tipsy but that's it.

Huei said...

hahahahha

i thought he screwed a man too! so it was a great relief..ahh..i'm expecting too much arent i?? =P

economist said...

hahah i also thought he f an ah kua or guy...but damn farnee la hahah who is this fei hai hahahah.......

seriously wif alcohol, dim lights n music...every can make it .....

Jonzz said...

Wah... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. That is a good one.

I also thought he accidently screwed a man initially.

-=SiN=- said...

saying goes the girls always look prettier after dark; drink abit more G-Lar also pin lui san..

hmm.. I pity the girl~

lingzie said...

like a lot of other readers, i also thought he ended up with a man!! hahahaha!
was having a crazy week as well until no time to read AZAIG! now have to go back and read the whole week's entries!
my friday nites are pretty boring...dance class, quiet dinner with the family and back home to catch project runway malaysia! but tonite...going to watch ratatouille! yay!!!
happy weekend everyone!

Helen said...

hahaahah I don't know which is more amusing...

Your story or the fact you're using flowery canto language! LOL

aSstHa said...

LOL...

a much needed friday post indeed zewt... i too thought that he woke up n found that the "she" was in fact a "he"... LOL

but den again... if she's fat den she'd prolly hv huge *ahem* headlights?? n how did he actually bonk with her so many times but failed to realise how fleshy she was? he must b really pissed drunk.. wud like to know wat happened in the end tho wen she woke up... i hope he let her off in a nice way.. fat or no fat... she has feelings too...

me? fridays are normally spent at the gym either for bellyjam class or fusion dance... after that it's either meet up with complicated wherever he is or jz hanging out at his place drinking... boring... *yawns*

Angie Tan said...

hahaahha...

i should go look for that cartoon again how alcohol can change a woman/man's look. LOL!!!!

what do i do on friday's?? Gym or hang out with my friend exchanging.. *ahem*.

hv a good weekend!

Pookyma said...

Niasing i tot he farked an ah qua....lolx

A fei hai is definitely better than an ah qua man....did FFF mentioned how he asked that fei hai out?I swear i'll never get pissed drunk in clubs...ahahaha
Have a great weekend!!!

Princess Eileen said...

Fei hai but good in bed acceptable for guys or not?

What if sou chap po but bad in bed? Curious....

But funny lar... Haha.. Moral of the story... Dun drink & f**k! :P

dreamie said...

WAKAKAKAKAKA...
after the syiok comes the shock

Happy weekend !

Hor ny Ang Moh said...

See I always know KL is full of opportunities/hole for me to poke wan! Have a nice weekend!

Rabbit said...

Eee I am the N-person thinking that he screwed a guy. ekekeke! Eh guys drunk mia time wont know the body shape of girls one har?

Have a nice weekend!!

guaisaujai said...

for me....fast fast ciao...dun care that's my home...

stay there "tok" ahh....

LOL...

vivien said...

fat or not fat, that girl has got feelings, ok? after all, its FFF who started it all, so why blame the girl for being fat? FFF had fun, didn't he?

funny how most of the comments here say the word 'fei h*i' without the least ashamed of themselves. damned derogatory.

sorry, zewt. i used to be a fan of your blog, but after this post, i don't think i'll think so highly of your blog anymore.

a joke is a joke, but try putting yourself in the other person's shoes and see if the humour still gets to you.

alan zed said...

haha. nice one. no wonder that guy is so lucky. nope, i beg to differ. it's the girl got lucky. hehe. ;)

cibol said...

everything looks pretty cool when we're sober .. this case, is funny dude. :P but at least he got what he wanted, in a way ... Cheers to weekends!

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

WAHAHAHAHAAH...yeah the perception is that its harder to pick up girls in malaysia..but those who are out there on the hunt always manages to pick up the girls..which leave us "fei chai" to see look.. look see..

ps: after alcohol..i also look like brad pitt

Anonymous said...

the ironic thing is, this friend's friend's friend of yours will still end up in the same situation cos...

horny ppl ( and intoxicated ), half of time didn't know what they are doing and the half of the time doesn't know what is good for them.

Anonymous said...

BEER DRINKERS LAMENT
(To the tune of Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive")



At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
By the ugly slapper that was lying by my side.
I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried to keep my head,
If I'd known for just one second you'd assault me in your bed.

I tried to go, walk out the door.
But you've been sitting on my legs and I can't feel them anymore.
And now you're sitting on my face, my nose has vanished - not a trace.
I only hope that you're big knickers aren't made of liquorice lace.

I want to go, I've got to leave.
Before your fat and naked body makes me want to heave.
Only hope that no one saw me walking home with such a slut.
God the things that you get up to when you're half cut.

I can't believe, I'm lying here.
It's all 'cos of that f**king evil drink that we call beer.
You can sod your beer goggles, shit I must have been blind,
To mistake that Hoover dam for a sexy young behind.

Please let me go, I'm getting scared.
There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly breasts from being bared.
I think that I must have been mad, God what made me want to court her?
With tits that look like Tesco bags I've just filled up with water.

It's time to go, run out the door.
She's started hinting she wants sex on her dirty lino floor.
I don't think there's anything worse
Than the al-co-hol-lics curse.

I will survive, I will survive, I will survive!

Mcmercedez said...

This is a good one dude.. That's y.. dun drink too much before doing something.. i think he's halucinating when he do the pick up... think he's seeing Pamela Anderson... hahaha..

zewt said...

Sunshine - dont we all like to know the conclusion? :)

tingtitlei - hahaha... victim here is undefined.

angel - hahaha... why everyone also thought like that.

Acrix - alcohol + dark lights = everyone is a babe indeed.

penang-kia - hahaha... you bastard la... kung sei lei ah! (choke you till death)

day-dreamer - hey! welcome back! enjoy your weekend too.

zewt said...

Rashikaps - arent u supposed to be here in malaysia already? haha... what was the ending of your story?

KAYLEE - hmmm... why not?

anon @ 7.58am - dont drink and 'drive'?

ehon - dont think they are bitching about me la. even if they are, i am ok. open to criticism.

me - if i have my own apartment and stay on my own... that would be cool u know.

Jonny - bastard la u ... hahahahaha... it's just one night at your stand.

zewt said...

amanda - i think he is scarred forever. :P

j or ji - aku mana de apartment sendiri... kalo ada, boleh la. hehe...

Sharina - hey... arent u not supposed to drink? :P

Huei - well, i guess he should feel lucky after all eh? haha.

economist - and everyone is a babe. we can all be a hunk too.

Jonzz - that would be a normal reaction eh?

zewt said...

-=Sin=- - hahahaha.... G-lar pin lui san... have you seen any? pity the girl eh? yeah, i think ego quite busted. same goes to the guy perhaps.

lingzie - dance class is quite fun if u ask me. i think evan almighty would be a good catch, dont u think?

Helen - well, it was the exact word said to me...

aSstHa - i guess if you're so full of yourself that you've achieved something, plus a lot of alcohol, everything is possible. bellyjam class? hmmm... what's that? hanging out with him cant be boring right?

Angie Tan - gym is good. i wish i can play badminton today but i have more important things to do. nice weekend to u ya!

pookyma - yeah, better dont... later an ah qua pick u up... that will be worse than this :P

zewt said...

princess eileen - what is sou chap po ah? hehehe... i like your moral!

dreamie - hi! welcome to AZAIG! hahaha... one has to take some risk to get some bliss.

Hor Ny - that we have to learn from u.

Rabbit - no idea... i guess he was really drunk... plus, he must have really wanted it.

guaisaujai - hahaha... i dont think it's that easy. i think he must have had a tough time settling the issue.

vivien - well, i dont think i said it's the girl's fault for being fat, nor did i say FFF blame the girl for anything. if at all, i think FFF will be blaming himself for the rest of his life... not the girl.

zewt said...

alan zed - i think both also lucky... both desires served.

cibol - and she got what she wanted to ... in a way. :)

constant craver joe - you very fei meh? dont need alcohol la.

anon @ 4.36pm - i wonder if he will ever allow himself to get to that stage again. having said that... he might head the other extreme... just drink and f...

anon @ 4.42pm - HAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHA... you really have got a lot of time and talent!

Mcmercedez - yo! welcome to AZAIG! well.. i think i will not find pamela anderson hot though... hehe... you do? hope to see ya around.

H.C. Tan said...

zewt!! i terasa lei..fat ppl kenot score at clubs meh? mayb the lady had a charming face??? =P kenot prejudice towards fat ppl ler..

Jun said...

eh, why so potong stim?? must ask ur fren bout the conclusion!! hehe... and yeah, one-night stands are definitely more prevalent here. man, when i used to stay in college, the whole of college was practically inter-breeding *LOL* and worse of all, the walls were paper thin *ugh!*

ethel said...

zewt, could you like.. ask your friend what happened to this FFF? I wanna know lah!!! :P

If you ask me, eii.. I dunno how the ending should be. Too hungry to think. :P I don't even know it's Friday already if it wasn't for your post. OMG it's weekend liao! YAY!

Manal said...

Singing slowly that Beer Drinkers Lament rendition.....

hey at least he had had the moment with someone not his usual typical petite girls. Unforgettable!!! And that bigisbeautiful woman sure can match his lust!

What a fathead that fella can be after some few drinks!

Soulblade said...

hmn.. hmn..

well.. i think fat people also deserve some respect lo.. better don't 'teased' too much lo..

since both of them also drunk, i just hope they did the necessary precautions lo. better be save than sorry ma. since now he regretted it so much (haha), better make sure he dun 'duplicate' himself lo. (hahaha)

sharlydia said...

wahahah! this is probably the funniest 1-nite-stand story i've ever heard so far...

So i guess the lesson is - Dont be too drunk before u pick up your 1-nite-stand partner!

Seaqueen said...

Walau eh! Damn good man. You can't just leave the story hanging there! GO on! What happen after that??

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

Question: When a guy is drunk, can he still do it? I thought the d*ck cannot get hard when a guy is drunk?? Please enlighten me.

pikey said...

i had a friend's friend who went to a gay bar alone (he's gay anyway), met up a few guys there, got drunk, and the next morning in his house... his body was cover with cum, his ass got poked and luckily he managed to get over with this experience without much depression...

zewt said...

HC Tan - i didnt say fat cant score. i am just telling a story... didnt mean to offend anyone.

Jun - wow... which college is this? must be overseas la. inter-breeding... haha... any offsprings?

ethel - really... it all ended there and we laughed non stop. wah, u didnt know it's friday already? how can that be????

Manal - hahaha... i guess he should really count his lucky stars after all huh...

soulblade - not teasing anything. in fact, i was trying to make fun of this FFF... ppl are usually offended when some of their nerves are touched... hahahahahaha... dont duplicate himself... that's a good one.

sharlydia - what other stories u have... share la.

seaqueen - i also wanna know la.

purple mushroom - welllll.... get your husband drunk with a chinese babe... do u think he can do it?

pikey - wooooaaaaahhhh... that's nasty. but then again, i tot he said he is gay anyway? the maybe it's not that bad right?

Pookyma said...

SOme people are just so easily offended by a joke by Zewt...stupid vivien bitch...i bet she's a fei hai her self!!

Rashikaps said...

Wanted to leave out that bit :D This fellow took off some of his clothes and got under the sheets, I'm told. Was very embarrased. ;)

Doreen said...

poor FFF. That's why lah, never get drunk to pick up gals. Have to be brave without the alcohol mah. Sorry, all my friends guai guai one, so no tales to share. Hehehe

Maverick SM said...

Alcohol makes human equal. If we want equality, drink alcohol.LOL!

conan_cat said...

lmfao!! accidently terkena a fat biatch!! XD zha dou lor hahaha.. drank too much alchohol until cannot differenciate the biatches and babes eh... well paiseh me no clubber so got no story to tell haha... but if i really happen to need something i'll just go for camsex instead... :P

anigma said...

HAHAHAHHAH!!! Even if I am a Fei Por, I think this is so damn hilarious. Hahahhaahha!! I am amazed that he's so intoxicated that he took the woman to his house.

I am sometimes get completely wasted but I always remember where I am every time I wake up.

jessbabe said...

Getting ONS is pretty common over here especially when you have the look and money to buy tonnes of alcohol.

Never bring ur ONS back home. Do it in the car or hotel room, you won't know if she'll stalk u over and over again.

Some just don't get the 'no string attached' part. They tend to be very clingy.

AngryYoungChild said...

Rofl...i tot one night stand was pretty uncommon too. Till i met this guy and he told me all his "stories"

But HAHAHHAHA @ the fella. Damn kesian..

Jun said...

damn rite u are! in adelaide, this was. hohoho now u know wat ppl in small towns do ;p

Russ said...

I like the picture of the chick n the post it with her name on it, very funny.

You're story is funny too, but its true as I too have many friends whom have had similar experiences.. we should all thank beer. Beer goggles have been helping fat & ugly people get laid for many centuries.. :)

zeroimpact said...

Talking bout friday nights, last one was purely frustration
Left on the dot and still get suck in the car for more than 2 hours and the funny part is the distance I was travelling is less than 10km
Damn CB
Fridays are bad in a way

-Princess Shin- said...

Oh my goodness.. poor guy! Got people so drunk until cannot recognize people meh? Wat la.. serves him right!

narrowband said...

Lol Zewt, this made my day. That guy must thank his Beginner's Luck.

zewt said...

pookyma - wahhh... dont be so harsh la.

rashikaps - hahahaha... i think he will never hear the last of it for the rest of his life.

Doreen - well, if you wanna do it without alcohol... then you must be a real hunk or extremely rich lor.

Maverick SM - maybe you have just found the greatest solution to equality! haha!

conan_cat - camsex? what is that?

anigma - if you can make sure where u wanna wake up... then you're not completely wasted la.

zewt said...

jessbabe - well, if it's not a 'no string attached' thing, i guess it cannot be classified as a one night stand. but ya, if a girl cant take it, and i may say, it's usually the girl...then the guy is in for some deep shit.

AngryYoungChild - share la... apa lagi?

Jun - geee... all those ppl must look alike :P

Russ - really? in malaysia or where you work. i guess alcohol makes everyone... equal.

zeroimpact - me too... i was supposed to go somewhere but in the end, i parked my car by the roadside and went dinner alone. when took my car and jam for another 1 hour to U-turn home.

Princess Shin - hahaha... think you get the whole morale... serve him right eh?

narrowband - not sure about that... he might have been scarred forever... :P

Michael Song said...

luckily is feihai, not ah kua...

Alvin said...

i think FFF reli regret drinking too much liao. he shld at least kept himself awake to NOTE and AVOID. haha

tough luck man.

oh ya...luckily it's not ah kua also. if not, FFF's life is ruined =_=

AngryYoungChild said...

Aiya better not share laa...not good for u.. =p not good for me too..

ardy said...

Wait a minute, you never mentioned the name of the meat market place!

Come now bro, I need to know the location! ;)

Jacss said...

hey, sure or not this is story of FFF & not yr creative imagination?

whatever it is, this is damn f*ck'g hillarious man.......!!!

pity the fei poh lor, !!

zewt said...

Michael Song - hahaha... many thought that. if it's ah qua... then maybe FFF will not be the one doing the f**king.

Alvin - well... at least it will go down as a memorable moment for him :)

AngryYoungChild - oh... come on... all in good spirit of cos.

ardy - if you have got the charm... everywhere is man... hehe...

Jacss - it's as zewt as it gets... exactly how my friend described it. there's also another story... but that's not funny la... just a plain normal story.

sharlydia said...

zewt, for u, i'll put it down on my blog...haha! go check it out later today.

changeiam said...

My only contribution to this post would be that once upon a time we hear guys boasting about having ONS and how he got this babe over the weekend but nowadays it's scary when I hear the same thing coming out from a ladies mouth on her latest conquest. In this modern day and age where a career woman sometimes have no time and interest in a relationship are now resorting to ONS and flings. What goes around comes around I guess.

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

From my experience, not only with my hubby, but with other ex-bfs, no... with alcohol.. cannot do it. But someone told me still can.. so maybe i have not met someone who can still do it with alcohol.

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

Maybe u should tell me whether u can do it after having alcohol, since the question is directed to you. Or, just pass me your gf's email and i will ask her then. Can?

zewt said...

sharlydia - those stories are hilarious! hahahahaha!!!

changeiam - you're right... i have heard of a few girls who even kept score... so... equality is reaching a new meaning.

purple mushroom - i can... but not until that FFF stage. but i have also heard of stories where ppl get drunk and ended up in shot gun marriages... so i guess it's very possible lor.

anthraxxxx said...

Reminds me of Jack Black in the Shallow Hal movie.

zewt said...

anthraxxxx - hahaha... tat one... he fell for her in the end. i think this one... hmmmm....

Ireth said...

man, that was funny alrite! Good way to start my tuesday!

zewt said...

how did u manage to put in a comment??!!??!?!???

crys Violette said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Pork chop loll

zewt said...

crys violette - hahaha... oh yeah... shocking eh?

alcoholic said...

`HAHA~ but one thing annoyed me --> one night stnd... haiz...get std then he fucks up himself then...good luck to him~ >_<"

zewt said...

alcoholic - hahaha... well, i think when ppl do it... dont think they care about std.

Zuraida said...

well, at the end he got what he came for kan??

*grin*

zewt said...

Zuraida - haha... absolutely... just different package.

Kold_Kadavr_flatliner said...

Hey, dude, think. Please. Only 2 eternities after our lifelong demise... and 1 of 'em ain't too cool. If you don't know, you certainly don't care, fornication/adultery is disgusting to Jesus... and Jesus will Judge U.S. Upstairs, Upthere, we can have all the sex we want for eternity. So make a choice, dude: either you're gonna waste your finite life by having one-night-stands on earth and lose your immortal soul -OR- wait for Heaven where women flock to us at my party-hardy for years. Decide. God blessa youse -Fr. Sarducci, ol SNL