Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Not to learn a learnt trait?

Those of you who are parents will surely agree with me when I say your children are your biggest worry, no? There is the worry about their well-being, their education, the future and one of your worry is probably about them picking up bad traits, as my Mom has plainly put it…

“pah lei hok waii” (afraid that you will learn bad things)

That is quite true…or is it?

A few Sundays ago, I was sitting at church next to this couple whose daughter was throwing tantrum. The little girl was very young, probably just learning to speak. I was shock, yet intrigued at what she was doing… she was throwing punches towards her daddy. Mind me, those were full blooded blows, if Jet Li was her age, he might get knocked out with one blow.

It does make one wonders whether she did learn her punches somewhere, or… the violent nature is within her all along… within us all along. What do you think?

Have you ever seen a baby throwing tantrums before? When a baby is irritated or want something, he or she will kick and punch and twist and turn. The baby will not back down until you give in to his or her demands, probably in the form of food or perhaps for you to carry him or her up. And parents will give in, most, if not all the time.

Now, this might sound absurd but imagine… just imagine that a baby has the strength of Arnold Schwarzenegger. When such a baby is irritated, the cot would have been smashed before you can attend to the baby. And if you are not fast enough, you might have to sustain a few bruises while trying to calm the baby down. And I wonder how the daddy who sat next to me that Sunday would be? I reckon he might have to be admitted into ICU.

I don’t know about you but I do find babies and toddlers a violent lot. Make no mistake, the reason why you find their “antics” cute is purely because they don’t have the strength to be destructive. Given the strength and probably weapon, babies and toddlers can be the most merciless destroyers, ever killers if an opportunity presents itself.

The question we should ask ourselves is… did they learn it somewhere? Pick up the traits while in their mothers womb perhaps? Certainly not, this natural tendency to kill and destroy in order to get what we want is in us by default, embedded within our genes. There is no need to learn, nature has already taught us all.

Now, should your worry about your children be about him or her not picking up the bad traits? Or should it be making sure that they do not unleash their “potential”. Besides not learning the bad things, there is much to unlearn.

P/S: Dear why-zewt-got-no-more-zewtpinion…. Nah… zewtpinion la!

42 comments:

Huei said...

ahh

if u put it that way..i think my niece would've killed me already!

she's SOO demanding i tell u..any lack of attention..ur ears will go deaf!

angel said...

So... you plan to hv one soon? :D

Cirnelle said...

Why do I get this feeling like you're not really talking about babies?

me said...

i can't imagine the destruction your imaginary arnold swarzeblabla baby caused when he deemed he's ready to come out from mummy's womb. ouch!

guaisaujai said...

"old school" time~~

Babies, are like white paper..it depends how u wan the baby becomes..whether draw the paper with wonderful colors, or u paint it with pure black..or u tear the paper and make it sharp and able make a cut...

for the kid u saw at the church, we can't blame her but her guardians. They are the one who responsible in teaching her, guide her and teach her what right and wrong..

Parents nowadays over-protecting their children...
I once worked as temp teacher. The teachers there warned me, ya, warned me not to cane those kids..even they are naughty and do sth really wrong, just be it lar~

How can they understand what is wrong wat is right if u dun tell them????

ah nel said...

the father fight/struggle with the mother to get in the hole mar so tat y the baby born oso violent...

next time if ur baby lyk tat just put ur baby under the hot sun for 3 hrs sure no dare do it again...

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

Baby throwing tantrums, thats instinct, coz they can't say what they want.

But kids who can understand words and still throw tantrums, shouting and punching their parents... well, I would say it's the parents' fault for not teaching their children how to behave and whats wrong or right.

Just like my in-law's kids. They are a nuisance! Haha!

Shireen Loh said...

hehe...running out of stories i see..listen, i have a blog topic u may be interested. It won't suit my blog profile so i thought d best person wld be u since u in working world. email : sheeyen27@gmail.com

zewt said...

Huei - well.. try giving her a dagger... see if she stabs u... ok ok... better dont try that.

angel - soon as in next 3 years?

Cirnelle - as a matter of fact... i am... surprise! anyway... what do u read out of it?

me - well, i am sure there will be much pain... to the mother... at you know where.

guaisaujai - you're right, kids now are really overly protected... we can only blame the parents. pampering children seems to be also another in-built thing in us... a very bad thing to have... especially when it's being over-done.

ah nel - woooaah.... u think shaolin temple training ah? hahaha...

purple mushroom - hahahaha.... talk talk talk... attack in laws pulak... well... will be interesting to see how are you going to teach yor future kids.

shireen loh - i have plenty.... but don really wanna talk about it... might land myself in trouble u know... okies... shall mail u.

Jeff said...

Thanks, Zewt, for leaving a comment on my blog site! I hope I can learn some blogging tips and tricks from reading your popular blog site and gaining from your expertise, and watching how you do it.

Helen said...

I'm the old school parent. Meaning, I step my foot down on a lot of things.

I've seen enough people bringing their kids to church service. SOme parents even took along coloring books for the child to do.

Honestly speaking, the parents should be realistic. It doesn't take a genius to figure out a kid made to sit there for a full hour and not understanding a word of preaching is dying to unleash their energy.

Please, if your child is too young to understand the sermon, don't bring your kids along. Many churches has a children ministry to cater to these kids. Lots of activities.

narrowband said...

I am equally amazed at how some parents can tolerate their violent and unruly behaviour. I would recommend them not to spare the rod. Seriously, I was brought up with constant 'rotan marks' all over my hands and legs. I grew up fine. In fact, I'm grateful for that.

My second sister, too was not spared. We both turn out ok. My youngest sis, on the other hand, was a little luckier (or unlucky, if you like). She rarely got hit, and she throws tantrum and disrespects her folks sometimes - so much so that I feel that if I behaved like that when I was young, I would have gotten the rotan in no time. Guess my mom is tired with all that already.

I have my fair shair of experience dealing with children who disrespect the elders. As they were distant relatives, I prefered to just ignore them. I think parents shouldn't bow to their children when it comes to their behaviour and mannerism. If you don't want to use the rotan, at least be firm and make sure the child listens. That's the only way to knock some sense into their tiny skull.

narrowband said...

By the way, it's the parents that children should respect most in life. If they don't respect even their parents, it's a little sad, I would say.

anigma said...

Yes. I came across worse kids. I went on company trip just 3 weekends ago and was dumb founded when a 5 year old kid spat on his dad when the latter refused to give into his tantrum. That stupid idiot also tried to spit on my aunt.

Lucky I kept my cool. Or else, he would need to go to the dentist to align his sets of teeth.

But it's all the parents' fault. We witnessed before how the dad speaks to his mother in law. His family came visiting our home on CNY - uninvited. When he was about to leave, he used the tip of his umbrella to nudge his mother in law and said OI!!! Let's go. Damn f*cked up, I would say!!!

alan zed said...

yup, true. it's from the genes. :)

Anonymous said...

Actually, children are a manifestation of us in an innocent stage. Not knowing restraints, children are capable of much cruelty and violence.

My opinion is, people in general, are by nature violent and cruel beings. The only thing restraining them is the perceived social order and justice needed in order the society can function as a group.

As such, it is the responsibility of adults to impart values to these children and to teach them restraints.

The one thing adults can do is to make it known to those little people who is bigger and therefore, capable of much more pain and violence. That will calm those little critters... oops, children down.

Anonymous said...

Sorry dear readers:

What I meant to say in the second paragraph is.

In my opinion, in general, people are violent and cruel by nature. The only restraints they have are the collective need for a social order and a justice system to right what is wrong in order to allow for the continuing of a collective orderly survival.

maegen said...

erm... really have no idea for the comment when the post so "chim" haa~~ prefer for zewt laugh~!! idiot me...

ehon said...

hahahaha. i love kids who are cute, quiet and not shy. :D

rinnah said...

Little terrors, that's what I say they are! I'd run far, far away from such toddlers and I wonder why parents nowadays can't discipline their children. Spare the rod, spoil the child. I got my fair share of the rod when I was naughty and see how nicely I turned out? *grin*

Pookyma said...

Arrghhh spoilt kids...if i were toi do that bck then...i'm so sure i'll get smacked by my parents in no time...when i hve my own kids in future...i won't hesitate to smack them if they throw tantrums...

aSstHa said...

hmm... i don't know bout being violent... most of the time i remembered me being painfully shy... so much so i'd run away and hide at my own birthday party...

owh but that was when i was in kindy.. once i came to primary i was still quiet and love to daydream a lot.. but i got my fair share of punishment... not for being violent but for not finishing homework...i got the rottan, kneeling by the altar with my ears pulled, forced to eat fresh red chillies... stand outside the house kneeling with the kamanyin under my face (with the added ingredient of chilli padi burning)...

ermmm... i think i didn't turn out too bad.. dunno where that earlier shyness has gone missing to tho...

keeyit said...

Hi,

I think people are kind and good in natural. May be affected by the social community.

Angie Tan said...

y r kids getting more violent these days?

over-exposure to tv? too much video games? hehehe...

ultimately, it is still up to the parents to teach the kids what is right and wrong.

however, i would recommend that the diet in kid's food be less saturated with sugar 'coz sugar makes them go nuts and hyper.

Calvin's Wife said...

A new born baby is like a new pack of clay, throughout the years while she is growing up, it is you as the parents who is gonna shape her out into a masterpiece. Every inch of details and effort you put on your sculpture will reflect who you are.

;) Therefore, to answer your question of baby Jet Li would be, papa and mama never set good examples, spoils him/her too much, mama see too much action movie while she is pregnant (wahahha).

Why Zewt? Becoming a papa liao is it? Soon or already coming??!! LOL

Jonny said...

babies are like super sponge,

if you saw them throwing punches, that's cos they saw it somewhere.

TV? relative? Friend? family.

They learn so damn fast that one glance is enough to make them remember how to do it forever.

So how? my answer direct enough?

chatted with an 60 yr old ex-kindergarten teacher lately. That's what he told me.

Seok Thong said...

I saw really a lot of naughty kids when i worked at the kindergarten..Those kids are so noisy that i have to shout until my lungs came out, but hopeless also..Always must use the rotan, only then they will be quiet.

Besides of that, i don't know also lah, i must use 'violence' way to treat them, only then they will be good..I rotan them, turn off the light and let them cry, only then they will behave.

But some kids are really really good mannered..But what i saw is, it's really from the parents..the naughty kids parents are like very 'lan si' or something..

-=SiN=- said...

a famous quote "Ren phen shen si shan hai shi er?" (Xun Zi vs Mencius)- Man by nature are good or evil?

You topic today got debated 3 days in mamak session before...our conclusion then :-

I agree with zewt on the natural instinct encoded in genes. Contrarary to beliefs, babies are not born 'white paper' or innocent, they do know how to secure themself!!.

The only thing that these babies have yet to learn are the concept of rights and wrongs; again laid down by man who walks this world.


End of the day whose right is right? and who wrong is wrong? I also confuse this part.. -.-

zewt said...

Jeff - haha... you're too kind. i dont think i am that popular, till a point where i can be a guru... :)

Helen - hmmm...i better not say anything about this children thingy. to each its own.

narrowband - yeah, i think the rod should not be spared. unfortunately, most parents dont even dare to raise their voice with their child now, i have seen it with my own eyes. some of the children of my friends, i think they will grow up sitting on their parents' head, know what i mean. having said that, i dunno how i would feel when i become one. it can be very different.

anigma - as the saying goes... like father like son. wow, spat on his dad... that is something i have yet to see, wouldnt be a nice sight though. indeed, i do think kids nowadays doesnt need to learn bad traits, they have bags of them up their sleeves.

alan zed - just like you and me huh. :)

anon @ 1.04 / 1.16 - very philosophical la... hahaha... well, all i am saying is that, kids are carrying more and more balls now. last time, the kids used to just sit down and do nothing. now... they just cant wait to go kill something.

zewt said...

maegen - hehehe... not many zewt laugh around woh... wait for friday.

ehon - quiet and not shy... how la weh?

rinnah - i think we all turned out fine. i wasnt spared too... always remember the time i have to hide them when i went to school when i was a kid... remember those days?

pookyma - that's good man. smack them.... to the tunes of Akon's song haahaha... have to admit kids are smart nowadays, they will do all they can to avoid smacking.

aSstHa - kneeling with the kamayin? hmmm... what is that ah? well, like what many said... those of us who were not spared of the rod... all turned out fine.

keeyit - hi there and welcome to AZAIG! have to disagree with u. ppl just need the right push and motivation to be evil.

zewt said...

Angie Tan - well, all i am saying is that... everything is in-built... kids dont really need to be taught to be violent... they just are.

calvin's wife - not so fast... i am sure u will beat me first... those dizziness... u better check properly :P

Jonny - really? what about those babies who were just born... they kick and punch too... i think they dont really need to be taught... what they pick up as they grow up is just enhancement of their already possessed skills.

Seok Thong - hahaha.... i tot a lot of ppl who teach at kindy like children... most come out getting scared... are you one of them?

-=Sin=- - you know... of all people, i think you are the only one who gets what i am trying to say. well done... debated 3 times in mamak eh... didnt know it is that interesting.

SLACKER said...

aparent i was an angel when i was a child... all i did was sleep eat sleep eat sleep eat... guess i started slacking that early

tingtitlei said...

reminds me of my niece.. damn super ganas. go near her she will punch u wehen shes watching barney.

and now i have a newborn nephew in my house. hope he doesnt turn out like my niece, else the house will be torn down

Sasha said...

Its not easy I tell you. It's seriously Not easy. My son dont throw tantrums like dat (yet) but still it's very hard being a parent. U will know later what i mean.

But i know a blogger mummy that her kiddo gives flying kick to her assistant and maid and whacked his dad. And they just kept quiet. Jialat.

AngryYoungChild said...

Hmmm, i guess you're right that its in us to act violent in order to get what we want. But when i was young, My mom wouldnt give a damn. -_- and i eventually realize i just wasted my energy crying. Lol..And oh yeah, last time i dont dare to fight back my mom much. Cause its like a big deal if i do.

But my siblings on the other hand, They fight back like crap. Maybe we spoiled them seeing that they are the "little ones" in the family. But i think it is also cause of the media these few days. Have u seen the recent Cartoons on tv? Long gone are those days where it was full of Mickey mouse and Looney tunes. Now its all about fighting. And i can tell u now, my younger brother's violent act is mostly learn from the tv. -_-

zewt said...

Slacker - hahahaha.... eat sleep eat sleep... very damaging... to the wallet.

tingtitlei - like i said... imagine they have the muscles of schwazernegger! punch your face out man!

Sasha - you know... that's not my point of my entry. so far, only -=Sin=- manage to catch it. i am certainly not blaming u.

AngryYoungChild - yeah... it all started with this south park cartoon... that's when you hear kids swearing. anyway, what i am trying to say i my post... kids are already violent to begin with... all these things are just... enhancement.

Soulblade said...

well, to give babies/toddlers credit, they are actually very cute and they can sometimes show you how wonderful the world is... by making small gestures, acts and asking innocent questions like "mommy, why the sky is blue?" or "mommy, why we cannot fly like birds?", etc etc. They are very innocent, and i also agreed that they are somewhat being 'programmed' to have violent/survival instinct. they know how to kick/punch/yell/grab/bite yadda yadda but then it is up to the parents to guide them.

the saying that says a child is like a white sheet of paper is actually meant to say that it is in the parents'/guardians' power to put motives/paterns on it. not to say that the babies/toddlers are 'empty-inside-their-heads'.

and i also believed the saying that says "Shang Liang Bu Zheng Xia Liang Wai". i think that if the parent(s) do/does not know how to take care or do not intend to care or do not wish to give a f*ck about their offspring(s) or do not intend the child(ren) to be born, one word of advice. please use the f*cking condom!

excuse me for my choice of words. i cannot help it if the matter on debate is/are in one of my strong opinions towards the matter. and i know, what i feel strongly about, may not be the same to other people. that's where you feel the dilemma. who is right? who is wrong? who can tell us? who actually HAVE the power and authority to tell us???

aSstHa said...

i KNEW there was a catch somewhere. it's not like zewt to write things that don't make us readers think until our mind go bonkers but having said that... i have no time to think too deeply on your post nowadays.. as u know i'm learning something totally new here and everything is in like IT tongue... @_@ ... not helpful for a gal who's been in the accounts industry for more than 5 years... layman terms pls... ok... i digress...

first of all.. the kamayin (i doubt this is the right spelling tho) some sort of incense we Buddhist (some Hindu's too) that's shaped like a bowl dat we put into a bowl to burn... it already has a pungent aroma... now add that with the aroma of burning chilli padi's... utter torture i tell u...

and yes... i do agree that babies are not born on a white slate. more like... hmmm... i guess natural instinct... even dem baby animals have natural instinct on how to survive in the wild... whilst in the wild they do it to survive, well.. we... we do it to get our way... hahaha...

so i guess they'll do it to get attention or whatever and if nobody tells them it's wrong, they won't be any wiser now will they? cos it's a natural action to them.

well.. at least i tink that.. is how it's supposed to sound like..

Calvin's Wife said...

Hahahahah.. cissss..... I AM NOT thank you very much~! LOL

zewt said...

soulblade - agree with that you said. too many ppl get pregnant due to mistakes and end up not fulfiling the responsibility of being a parent. this often results in the child being a badly written piece of paper. no worries on the choice of word, free for all here except those that might land me in jail la.

aSstHa - ohh... that's kamayin... i think it's called 'tan heong' in canto. wahh... add that with burning chilli padi... really a torture eh? hehe... since ppl dont feel like thinking these days... maybe i should stop putting up zewtpinions already.

Calvin's wife - ok lor... ask calvin to work harder. keke.

aSstHa said...

eh... don la stop putting in zewtpinions... yours is the only one i will read without fail... :)

just me only wat... don let one rotten apple like me spoil ur whole basket...

nowadays work jz makes me think too much as i'm trying to comprehend something i've never done before.. gimme some time i'll starting flooding ur comment box again... buahahaha... ;)

zewt said...

aSstHa - hey... dont let work get the better of u. not worth it.