Monday, 6 August 2007

Henry Suckers and the 4 schools of magic

In this magical kingdom, witchcraft and wizardry is the common practice. Without it, you are nothing. Knowing the magical art will get you to high places, achieve your dreams. Or so it was believed.

When Henry Suckers hit the ripe age of 21, he knew his time has finally come. While he has already decided on the course he wishes to take, the choice of institution has yet to be decided. There are many around, but 4 of them stood up due to their impeccable reputation.

Suckers’ first priority was to enter Peetwogs Witchcraft College, dubbed the best school of its kind. Graduates from this college hold high position in many castles in the kingdom. Make no mistake, it’s no easy feat to enter this college. While the quality of their intake has slowly been depreciating, Peetwogs Witchcraft College is said to only take the crème de la crème. Suckers will have to be at his best to get in.

Next is the Kenistry People Magic Garden. Situated in a prime location, this school offers a wide range of magical courses. It also boasts of its very own castle, one that bears its name. Though not as reputable as Peetwogs, Suckers will not hesitate to take up any offer from Kenistry.

Encharmed Yourself is another place where Suckers can learn their magical tricks. The reputation of this school was boosted due to its successful collaboration with Al-magic Assistance, which has since been totally absorbed by Encharmed Yourself. Suckers thought that this place is not that bad either, he will certain give it a thinker should an offer comes along.

Then there is the Dementours Killing College. As the courses offered here are pretty specialised, i.e. killing of dementours, it renders this college the least famous amongst the 4. As such, it is no surprise that Suckers will try to enter this college as a last resort. After all, Suckers will still get to learn the trade of magic. But the facilities here can be quite sub-standard. Rumour has it that students have share crystal ball during certain courses.

After a long process of sending out applications and attending entrance interviews, Suckers was rejected by Peetwogs while offers came from Kenistry and Encharmed Yourself. After much deliberation, Encharmed Yourself was chosen, due to its ample parking space for transporters. Encharmed is the only school amongst the top 4 that provides parking convenience, at a charge of course.

Upon entering Encharmed, Henry Suckers was quickly taught the very basic craft, the magic of duplicating transcripts. With this spell called “photo-copios”, a bright light will illuminates from a certain instrument and any paper based transcripts will magically duplicate itself. A very fascinating spell, but many students like Suckers get bored quickly with it. Nevertheless, this is an essential art for they will need to cast the “photo-copios” spell many times in time to come.

The next spell that Henry Suckers learnt from Encharmed was the magical art of balancing. It is a crucial trick in any dual presentation that the left side of the presentation reconciles to the right. Many students hate doing this and thus, they often refer to this presentation as a piece of shit. Due to this, the people in the witchcraft and wizardry kingdom often refer it as ‘balance shit’. When things do not balance, a spell called “balencio ette ol cost” is cast. A powerful element will emerge and force itself either to the right or the left side of the presentation, depending on needs. A powerful spell indeed, not many can master this spell.

Next is the art of disappearing. No, not physical disappearance, not yet, only lecturers can cast the self disappearing spell. Students will learn the basic disappearing trick first. When there are unwanted elements, often unable to be placed within the ‘balance shit’ or anywhere else in any presentation, there is a need to make these remnants disappear. This spell is called “immaterialisis”. Certain faculty in the school despise this spell. As remnants are very important to them, this faculty often complains to the lecturers of any abusive casting of “immaterialisis”. However, it is still widely cast; particularly when the “balencio ette ol cost” spell could not be conjured up.

One spell that Suckers have to master is the evil art of making others feel stupid. Others here refer people who are not exposed to the art of witchcraft and wizardry. Henry Suckers find this evil as it plays with the mind of others. But, it is the most important magic that one can learn from any magical school. This spell called “Ayem meh consultanus” can play with the mind of people and if cast with a level of authority, one can really feel that he is more intelligent compared to the rest.

As time goes by, Henry Suckers felt that everything points to the “Ayem meh consultanus” spell. In fact, it is the sole spell that all students wish to master upon entering these magical schools. But Suckers felt disillusioned after spending a few years in Encharmed, because casting the “Ayem meh consultanus” spell will only give a short term solution. Making others feel stupid doesn’t mean they are really stupid. Sometimes, it is the lecturers and the students of these schools who are totally oblivious about what they are doing.
Anyway, being in the witchcraft and wizardry practice is crucial in the demanding magical kingdom. After spending so much time studying, Suckers can't wait to graduate and leave. Will he succeed though? We will see…

P/S: The above is a fiction and any resemblance to real life existence is purely a co-incidence.
P/S/S: I have revealed the answer of last Friday’s question at the bottom of that post.

69 comments:

me said...

waitaminit, is his name henry zewt suckers?

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

hahah u r from EY eh..where u at now??

may said...

hey, you could be the next best-selling author! faster call Ladybird or Penguin books! can I have your autograph please?

A current student in one of the school said...

THIS IS FREAKING BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cirnelle said...

*clap clap clap clap clap clap clap*

You called that blogger's block? What happens when you're inspired? Here's an ending...

An evil lord named Darth Overtime Withoutpay staged an attack on all four schools of magic. Inciting their students into a revolt, an ancient but powerful curse was cast known as "leave-der-mudland" combined ingeniously with the "eazipee-are" spell. When used in the right moment, it resulted in a mass phenomenon known as "allquitos" and all the magical schools were helpless to fight back. In the end, the schools of wizardry and witchcraft were left with a few grass-tenders who weren't any good anyway, because the residual evil curse had made it impossible for green grass to grow.

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

Hmmm... I wonder what happened to Henry Sucker at the school? Why is he hating them so much ah??

Actually, the 4 schools mentioned are really good schools. Schools that taught us to be independent, strong, and most important, the art of endurance and perseverance. Graduates from those schools are magical... if they can survive at least 3 freakin' years there, they can survive almost anywhere...

Seaqueen said...

Ooh. I like this write up. All about the big 4s.. hahahaha!!! Good one. :)

Freethinker said...

Walau yeh..u taking swipe at all the taiko arr.. LOL

angel said...

Haha... I enjoyed this fiction piece very much :)

Many years ago (and I mean really many...), I nearly took up an offer by Kenistry ;)

ps: I also want autograph...
*points shoulder*
*grins*

Tine said...

Holy cow, how long did that take you to come up with? :p

Good one!

anigma said...

HAhahahah!!! I didn't know that Auditors/Accountants have such vivid imagination?! Hahahahha! This is a hilarious one. Most of my friends are in EY. I wonder if they knew you. :p

mh said...

hehehe...brilliant piece! so can identify with this! :)

ting tit lei said...

bloody hell, i was about to write a parody on harry potter but it seems that im abit late. nvm ill write a parody on bonnie&clyde. boner and clit

Cocka Doodle said...

Then 1 day Henry Suckers with the tin man, the cowardly lion and the Scarecrow decided to head for Oz.
He was soon to be known as...The Wizard Of Oz.

adrian said...

I wish I could cast the immaterialisis spell. :)

zewt said...

me - just suckers in general... a whole lot of them.

constant craver joe - not in EY... hahahaha... cant disclose here la.

may - hahaha.... too short for a best seller. but for a while... i suddenly feel like writing a lot of fiction.

a current student in one of the school - thanks...

Cirnelle - looks like everytime i have a block, something like this will come up. by the way... the allquitos spell is still pending... a lot of ppl have their commitment to the bankos... so allquitos have to wait.

purple mushroom - yeah, i agree... very good training ground, those graduated from these schools of magic are usually made for great things... if they can survive.

Seaqueen - hahaha... where got? big 4? where got la.

zewt said...

freethinker - where got...? co-incident only la.

angel - ahhh... why didnt u take it? Kenistry u know... second only to Peetwogs.

Tine - it all started with a mental block. i think about an hour.

anigma - well... they just might :) but most of my friends there are managers already.

mh - i am sure do... ppl from the other faculty eh?

tingtitlei - hahahaha... so many other ppl also beat me to some stuff.. u can always do it... no problem.

cocka doodle - hahahaha... wrong story weh...

adrian - hahaha... why not? hahaha...

irene said...

After reading that, my imagination has been hit by a bout of low self-esteem and is going to need counselling & therapy.

Manal said...

Charming indeed....is he a good suck-up? coz he might wanna use that powerful sycophantus politicus spell that would surely guarantee a much better position and good money.

Sorry i didnt know a DKC company, i mean college. The other four are quite globally known.

Here's expecto twothumbsupus for conjuring such a brilliant entry. U'r a whizkid arent u?

sooi2 said...

LOL at manal, i didnt know a DKC company, i mean college, either.

i wonder y peetwogs rejected henry suckers. from this entry he sure sounds like a very smart wizard to me... boo to peetwogs!!

Soulblade said...

*pat at your back*

at the moment, i just wished to know a spell that makes me disappear from this world. LOL~

any recommendations?

Rashikaps said...

wow! You would have taken a long time to conceptualize and write this one..:)

cindy said...

Quit your job and be a writer!!!! xD

Anonymous said...

Yes, yes.... you are right. I really like this article. Here I am pondering/worrying what to do since I will be occupied the whole day with meeting and when I read your article, I felt so much better.

Reminded me of the "good" ole days...:P

Though I must add, the balance "shit" wasn't so bad. My problem was often what happened when you encounter goblins at work.

Jonzz said...

Gosh, for a moment I thought you were gonna do a parody of Harry Potter but then I realize there was a 'Balance'. LOL!

zewt said...

irene - hahaha... oh c'mon, i am sure your imagination can be that colourful too, no?

Manal - thank you for your expecto twothumbsupus.... i am whizkid? hehe... perhaps... have not fulfilled my ful potential yet i think. hehe...

sooi2 - oh c'mon.... DKC is the last of the top 4 school of magic.

soulblade - like i said, such spell is only available to lecturers. perhaps you should try to be one? otherwise, let me work out something...

Rashikaps - about 1.5 hour i think.

cindy - if someone is to employ me... definitely!

anon @ 8.18am - goblins eh... maybe you can cast the "eyem meh consultanos" spell at them... make them stupid. oh wait... i think they already are right?

Jonzz - hahaha... never a fan of HP anyway.

Jason said...

oh oh..my elder sibling entered Dementours and instead of learning to kill... she realized they were actually sucking the lifeforce out of her. So she used the Relashio Resignacios spell to get out of there. LOL. And, Peetwogs was the best school? i thought Encharmed was the best.

Economist said...

Economist back in da house!!!!!!!

Eh peetwogs really so terror??....HMmmmmm

Good metaphor.....I guess it really summarises the life of ppl in these 'Schools of Magic'.......

Huei said...

mornings r really not meant for reading..i shall be back in the evening to finish ur story! hehehehe

just curious..u've got so many posts on modern slavery..in ur opinion..should a person complain the work load if he/she demands high pay? like..overpaid according to the market price and lack of experience, and yet keep complaining "so much things to dooo"?

ehon said...

when's ur book coming out wei? :D i never knew accountants can write stories too! :P kekekekekke

Annie said...

What in the world are you talking about?

Annie is too blurrrr.

irene said...

Zewt: Perhaps my imagination could be just as colourful, but I think it's on holiday...

aSstHa said...

ROFL.. zewt, zewt, zewt,

once again u proved that accounts personnal are by no means square and that i'm not the only oddball who's different. :)

u go man... ;)

Calvin's Wife said...

Wahahaha... a very good 'twisted' short story you have there. And I like it~!! You could be the next JK Rowlings ngahaha...

you took 3 days to write this is it? LOL, a really good one! WICKEDD~!!

rinnah said...

*applause applause*

This is simply amazing, zewt! I was quietly laughing to myself as I read the post and recognized the 4 schools of magic and the spells they taught Henry Suckers... I wanna learn how to do the "ayem meh consultanos" too... definitely comes in handy when you need it. LOL!

lingzie said...

zewt, this is brilliant! absolutely brilliant!! and the answer for Friday's question...hahahahaha! totally NOT what i was thinking!

zewt said...

Jason - hahahaha... and i bet she learnt the Relashio Resignacios spell from her fellow students eh? Glad your managed to cast that spell... unless Suckers. Peetwogs' the best, Encharmed is nowhere near.

Economist - finally you speak again. i told u to use shadow long ago la.

Huei - i think if a person is being over-paid, that person should be ready for the workload that's coming. i dont think there's any free lunch in this world. if a company pays u 10k, be sure to work 10k worth. but then again, i know of certain ppl who dont need to work hard despite getting high pay. not many though, and most of them work for MFC Sdn Bhd... My Father's Company Sdn Bhd.

ehon - dont underestimate the creativity of an accoutant... haha!

Annie - ask mommy me to enlighten u... :)

zewt said...

irene - while holiday is good... imagination shouldnt be away for too long...

aSstHa - hahaha... we are a dying breed! hahaha...

Calvin's wife - AH Zewtling in the making... hahaha. not 3 days la... about 1.5 hour only :P

rinnah - hehe... otherwise... u can learn the spell that Jason's sister cast... he said his sister cased the Relashio Resignacios spell when the time is right. very handy too... :P

lingzie - thank you... thank you. as for friday's question.. well, it shows your mind is pretty.... clean. which is good. haha...

alan zed said...

wow, u made ur life a fiction one. nice. :)

Angel Eyes said...

Aahhh.. now i've to indulge myself with laods of these....

*grins*

Calvin's Wife said...

FUUH.. sure boh 1.5 hours? *bows down and worship* Good la you...

H.C. Tan said...

lol..EY eh..I hv a fren in EY also..she seems to be enjoying studying in this sch tho..

Helen said...

Voicing the thoughts of those who commented before me.... wow, you really did your homework. lol

Alex said...

hahaha awesome. i was thinkin of pwc actually hmm.. perhaps henry suckers should have been a product of AA no? :) Btw, u an accountant urself or something? hit me up wid a chat or smth. u got my email. cheers mate

Cocka Doodle said...

Precisely my point, Zewt. Why confine yourself to just the big 4?

Look at Shrek for guidance. They incorporated 3 little pigs, pinnochio, puss in boots, gingerbreadman etc. into the story line.

Jun said...

wahahaha... altho i'm not in the corporate/accounting world, i think u've written up some good shit! :) this is waaay better than harry pothead man~!

Angie Tan said...

kakaakakaa....

love the way u describe the 4 schools of "magic"... (making $$$ is their passion)

kekekeke... my best friend is a practitioner in Peetwogs Witchcraft College.

YuinYin said...

lol, ur story damn nice la.
When is the movie coming out? Can give me VIP seat ah?
Pls give me 2 tickets so dat i can bring yvonne along also.

zewt said...

alan zed - hahaha... it's still fiction... all co-incidence.

Angel Eyes - think one word in your comment is missing.

Calvin's wife - about there la... with a pause of about 30 minutes in between for dinner.

Helen - hahaha... what homework? :P

Alex - Hello and welcome to AZAIG! well... what do u think? do i sound like an accountant? hahaha...

zewt said...

HC Tan - maybe she has not been forced to drink lots of "strezzzus" potion.

Cocka Doodle - hmmm... that's very true... but then again, if you combine too much... then you 'da luin jong' already...

Jun - hey! welcome! hahaha... pothead... u dont sound like a fan of my potter. so you're a med student eh... maybe you can write something about grey's anatomy!

Angie Tan - hehehe... is your friend casting the Gonna-Resignacios spell anytime soon? :p

YuinYin - hi there! hehehe... sure, if it's going to hit the big screen, all of you are invited to the premier.

Sharina said...

Can help get me a job at any of the schools? I'm desperate lah :p

Alex said...

u sound like a real creative accountant. something i'm working towards to. Creative accountant.. i like that term. Works wonders on the financial statements. :)

Alex said...

p/s btw if u dun mind, perhaps we can chat up on msn? email me (its on the first page) or leave a real email :)

mar said...

hahahahaha...at first glance,I thought it was a parody of HP.Turns out,it's that and much more...hahahaha...Thinking of entering Encharmed, but you say Peetwogs the best?? Hmm...

zewt said...

Sharina - i think you should enter a writing school than a magic school. you're too good to be in one of the latter. truly... hehe...

Alex - creative accounting is illegal u know... haha... i shall drop by your blog and leave my real e-mail soon.

mar - Peetwogs is definitely better... by a mile. but i think encharmed is more desperate.

Huei said...

hahahha true..too bad i dun have any MFC sdn. bhd. here!

Angie Tan said...

lol!!!! yeap but she's just cast her "Transfereus Speediosus" to translocate herself from an RO to HQ.

after that, we'll see if she'll move on.

on a lighter note, Encharmed Yourself did try to cast a spell on her but too bad that it didn't stick... Better luck next time! :P

water_angel said...

haha..great piece of fiction ^_^

Hope will get an offer from Peetwogs or Encharmed when I graduate...lol..

zewt said...

Huei - me either... sigh... i have a few friends working for such company... damn syiok!

Angie Tan - well... peetwogs against encharmed, it's not exactly a tough decision :P

water-angel - not kenistry for you? but seriously... try to avoid dementours killing college.

whoalse said...

Nice one, Zewt! You have just casted the "all-truth-io" spell.

I have just casted the "allquitos" spell not too long ago! It feels jollygood!

Before that I was from the Peetwogs and still in the overseas' Kenistry (but not too long to go)! Peetwogs is a much better school.

Alexander said...

oh no it isn't. my lecturer has been encouragin us to be the new breed, of creative accounting. bye bye historical cost accounting. huhu.yeap mate i just received it. cheers!

zewt said...

whoalse - hi and welcome to AZAIG! hehehe.. i am sure all those magical arts will come handy in your next phase of life... i like the "all-truth-io" spell.

Alexander - hmmm... hopefully u wont be a case study in the future.. hah!

Christine said...

Alvern.. well done... but you must be pretty free, eh? he he..

neno said...

hehehe..this is a nice one..

zewt said...

christine - i am very tempted to delete your comment.

neno - thank you :)

mar said...

Why do you say encharmed is desperate? And apart from just specialising in Dementour Killing, why is DKC so bad? An ex-colleague left us and joined Kenistry recently..

zewt said...

mar - i heard Encharmed is losing a lot of students lately, resort to a lot of spells and potion to keep students. as for Dementours Killing... well, they always run on a very tight budget... thus its students are always deprived of a lot of things.

mar said...

Wow...didn't know...Good to know now.Haha...

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