A discovery during my reconnection journey

Following my last entry, I have more or less combed through my email archive, communicated with a lot of people, some of you have graciously replied and it has been an awesome experience communicating with those who replied. Amidst the elation, I would nonetheless pause and reflect on an unfortunate discovery during this sentimental re-connection journey.

In the year 2008, 2 years after my Mom’s passing (which I blogged plenty about during the early days), I received an email from someone, telling me that he chanced upon my blog at that time, and it was 2 hours before his mother’s funeral service.  He informed me that he would recite a poem found in this blog as part of his mother’s eulogy.

I could sense at that time that he was lost for words, and I was glad that writings in this good ‘ol blog helped him during those grieving moments of his. We exchanged a few emails more than 12 years ago and of course, I would definitely be interested to connect with him again. 

He was someone from the other side of the globe, in the US.

As I was about to write to him, something tells me to just google his name, maybe I will find a FB page or LinkedIn, you know, the kind of online footprint that we all have these days.  It was through this step, that I discovered something tragic.

I did not find his FB or Linkedin. Instead, I found is obituary. He passed away unexpectedly April this year. He was described as someone with a huge heart and a deep soul, and he was younger than me.

It was indeed a very timely reminder during this eventful year that life is too fragile to be wasted away.  While we cannot realistically live as though there is no tomorrow (because reality doesn’t allow that), we ought to cherish every moment of our lives.

May we all pause at this moment, think of the loved ones that we have around us and bask in the gratefulness that life has given us.

And may this friend of mine (if I could consider him as one)…. rest in peace.

Sentimental connection to legacy readers

I was feeling rather sentimental a few nights ago, perhaps it was because I have reached another milestone…. It was my birthday, another number to that ever increasing number, a number that you don’t quite keep track after a while. Wouldn’t you agree?

And so, I decided to log on to my Zewt e-mail account and went through a lot of the mails that I used to receive and the communications that I had with the readers of this blog, days when there used to be so many of them :)

It was very surreal to read through some of those mails from readers who asked me so many questions, ranging from where I got my inspiration to write, advice and well wishes during a time when I was diagnosed with a kidney condition, and most of all, questions about career from people who just graduated from university seeking a pointer or two about whether they should join the corporate world. 

Time wise… most of those mails were almost a decade ago, some even longer.  I wonder how these people are, whether my 2-cent worth of consult to them (if I can call that a consult) did lead them to where they wanted to go, and whether they have achieved greatness and did well in their respective career.

And as such, I decided to write to a few of them with the email thread that I had.  To my surprise, some of them have replied!

I have discovered through the years that human connection is one of the most fulfilling experience ever.  Therefore, I am excited to connect to people who wrote to me literally… a decade ago.

Are you one of them?

Dear Home... what happened to you?

It has been a long time since I had the Chinese New Year reunion dinner back at home, it has been an affair at the restaurant for a while now.  But my aunt and my sis decided to cook and hence, we had our last reunion dinner back at home.

Speaking of home, it has also been a while since I went back.  I mean when I am back, it's usually for a brief stay as most of the time, I will take my Dad out for lunch or dinner.  So with the reunion dinner happening back home, for the first time since I moved out... I spent some time back at my home.

I arrived early, helped out a bit, had a proper dinner and stayed back to chill for a while.  It gave me an opportunity to actually spend some time looking around the house.... more specifically, the neighbourhood.

It's not the best neighbourhood but it was nice, or how it used to me.  Nice food store everywhere and most people are familiar faces.   Now though, it's like foreign land.  Most of the people of my generation have moved out while those of my parents' generation tend to stick around.  Well, either they stick around or they leave for the eternal resting place.

When I looked around after parking my car when I was back for reunion, I realised that the neighbourhood is now infested with .... honestly, I don't even know the origin of these people.  One thing for sure, they are not Malaysians - wait, maybe they do carry MyKad, you'll never know.

From the mid section of my house, I could look across to the mid section of other units within the block (yeah, it's one of those very old design of low-cost flats). My neighbours used to familiar faces of aunties and uncles who either man the nearby fruit store or hawkers.  Now though when I looked across, I actually saw all the rooms are now rented out to (again) people whom I can't accurately tell where their origin is.  And there were a lot of them. 

And they didn't give me a friendly look either.

The coffee-shops and convenient stores within the area have all been changed to either "mamak" store or middle-eastern eateries.

I feel like an outsider now, I feel like I don't know this place anymore.

One would hope that such drastic changes would be a result of progress... or development.  But no... I can't even find a word to describe the transformation that has taken place here.

And something tells me that this change that I am witnessing - will only gather momentum.

Just to digress a little... a country usually deports illegal immigrants.  But in Malaysia, I was told that all the illegal immigrants can just go to the embassy and get themselves registered and voila... they become legal.  I understand millions, who we have no idea why they are in Malaysia and what economic contribution they can bring into Malaysia can now call Malaysia their home.

After my reunion dinner, I thought to myself... Home, what happened to you?

I guess in the not so distant future, I will have to ask the same thing about my country.

Or maybe, I should asking already. 

One down, a few more to go...

This is probably one of those “hey, look what I did” kind of entry. Over the weekend, I had one of my dreams fulfilled…
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Singing a jazz piece together with a 3-piece band.

Next dream to be fulfilled… play together with a 3-piece band.

P/S: Have you voted your best Zewt Laugh yet??????

1 year ago… The young begins to hump… This is why the young humps

2 years ago… Of selling and barking

Am I being overly subtle?

I have always derived much pleasure from subtle writing, instances where I am able to hide my message within a vanilla piece of writing. Someone commented that it’s like “Gak san dau ngau”, directly translated as “mountain blocked bull fight”. It means the real issue concealed behind a façade. Gak-san-dau-ngau then implies that you must see beyond the mountain in order to see the bull fight, i.e. the real issue.

Regrettably, I am beginning to wonder whether I am being overly subtle. I wonder if I am putting up a mountain so big, that the enticement of the bull fight is overlooked. Or perhaps people would rather see the beautiful scenery of the mountain, than to indulge in a bloody bull fight.

See, the above two paragraph are akin to putting up mountain already… I seriously need to be more direct…

So yeah, The Jacke Story I put up yesterday was not about money or people being lavish by having 3 maids or medical check up being important. It’s about whether you think like Jacke, believing that you can entirely distant yourself from the ruckus.

What ruckus? Well, you should read The Jacke Story. I cannot be removing the mountain entirely.


2 years ago… Speaking from the other side… Things can be spiritual

I am thankful

This entry has been long outstanding…
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I am thankful to God because…

I have perfect eyesight despite abusing my eyes with hours in front of the tv and computer screen.

My hearing has now become so sensitive that I am having tinnitus without any organic cause.

I still have good functioning kidneys despite having abnormal urinalysis and clinically diagnosed with nephropathy. Thank God for a very favourable result in the latest urinalysis.

I still have normal blood pressure despite my not very healthy diet and clinically diagnosed with nephropathy.

I have a healthy nose and throat after multiple scans despite having chronic throat irritation and occasional bloody phlegm.

I still have a perfectly functional right arm despite developing chronic tennis elbow after over-using it during badminton.

I still have a clear and healthy esophagus despite years of bad acid reflux.

… that I am still alive despite all that. Not only alive… but alive and well. It’s a miracle that I am still alive.

When I look at some people around me, I know I am definitely blessed and well sustained.

Thank you God.

“I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done”
Psalms 118:17

P/S: Anything that you are thankful for today?

Remembering Valentine

Regular AZAIG readers will know that I spent my Valentine in London this year. I was seconded there for slightly more than 2 months. Me and Jules decided that we do not want to be ripped off by the fancy restaurants there which charge £££ so we decided to have dinner at our apartment. Actually, I don’t mind paying but Jules is an understanding wife, she doesn’t need to go out and eat just for the sake of Valentine.

And so, Zewt has to get into his cooking mode once again…


I’ve always enjoyed cooking. I cooked almost everyday when I was in London despite staying alone for about 3 weeks. Maybe I should open up a restaurant one day… what say you?


First dish on the menu during Valentine was self-mashed potatoes. Still remember how I did it when I was in Uni. Boil… mash… add milk… some salt… butter… some herbs… voila…


Next on the menu was the “Pan Fried Asparagus with Mushrooms and Garlic”. Fried with olive oil with a generous portion of butter will give you an excellent fragrance. The asparagus in London was so fresh, absolutely wonderful. One tip --- never wash the mushroom; you have to gently peel off the skin.


The main dish was “Roast Lamb” marinated with rosemary. Add a little bit of wine, gives you a nice aroma. But I have no idea how long I needed to roast it so…


There, all the food nicely placed on the table ready for a nice romantic dinner. The soup originated from a can so no point highlighting it. I think the whole thing caused me less than £35 if I am not mistaken. Not that bad for London prices if you ask me.


And this is how it looks like as Zewt attempted to professionally lay the food on a plate. I think it should look better than this… must be the camera… hehe…


And of course, dessert to end the evening…


Dessert was from Marks & Spencer though… hehe…

From my heart

Jesus, I need Thy comfort tonight
And Thy peace to see next daylight
Remind me of Your great love
Let me not sway
Let me see You everyday

I shall feed on Your word of life
And righteousness I shall strive
And I shall not die
But live
And live to proclaim Thy goodness

A page before 30

In slightly less than 24 hours, I will have to bid my 20s farewell and welcome a whole new adventure… life in the 30s… the bid 3-O. To me, it has been an eventful time. I spent some time reflecting on my life and realised how blessed I am. I may not have the best things in life… perhaps not yet, but I will never exchange it for anything else.

If I am given the chance to relive a period of my life, it will definitely be my secondary school days. Those were the formative days of my life, the times when I learned so much, a time when I felt I finally blossomed. I must say, huge credit has to be given to this organisation called… The Boys’ Brigade (“BB”)

Being born into a very notorious neighbour led to my Mom locking me in the house and not allowing me to mix with others in the area. But all that changed when I hit 13, the year I entered secondary school. I told parents that I will be kicked out of school if I don’t join any uniform organisation. I lied, there was no such rule and I merely want to join BB.

It was in BB that I learned so many things. From sports to music to other skills, my life was transformed, literally. It was also a time when I developed in character. It was also the time I got to be on stage doing something I truly enjoy… performing arts, be it acting or singing. It was also in BB that my face appeared in the papers.

Without BB, I don’t think I will be who I am today. It was also the time when I first heard about God and accepted Christ. It also got my church life going and gave me many beautiful memories.

Sad to say, BB is slowly dying. Being in uniform and standing in the sun on a Saturday afternoon doing marching is no longer cool. Going camping and spending nights in the jungle acting all macho is no longer cool. “Cool-ness” is now defined by what kind of gadgets you have, how expensive are your garments and having non-mamak coffee.

Then it was time to leave school. My father wanted me to start working after form 5 because that’s what all my cousins did. They were doing quite well earning a nominal income and a having typical Chinese parents means I am to start making money as soon as possible. I remember crying and begging and then I threw a big tantrum saying that I will not work but I will study. I managed to get my message across, a decision my father never regrets.

I still remember it as thought it was only yesterday… the euphoria of entering college, no more school uniform, long breaks in between classes and of course… girls!!! Coming from an all-boys school, college life was like a whole new world. But it was bad, results in college were not as good as though I used to get in school… far from it. Guess freedom did a big damage there.

Thank God I still managed to get into Uni and due to the financial crisis then, I did a twinning programme with UK. I remember my father’s eyes nearly popped out of his eyes when I told him how much everything will cost. But I guess getting partial scholarship helped a lot. I also got a bit funding from an association of former BB-members.
I remember feeling really big after graduating, as though I can conquer the world. I was wrong, the end of education life is the beginning of life in the real world. I have written quite a number of entries on life as a modern slave so I guess I don’t really need to go there.

But besides the hard work and late night and feeling so small working in a big corporation, I have to say one thing… being in a relationship with someone as a working individual as compared to being in a relationship as a student are two distinct realms. Life is no longer about taking the bus together or sharing the same plate of meal or helping each other with homework. It’s now a whole new phase in life. I am sure many of you will agree with me on this.

As I journeyed through my 20s, life taught me a lesson I will never forget… no matter how you feel towards your parents… always cherish them. Mom left me all in a sudden a little more than a year ago no matter how much time has passed or will pass, it will never take away the pain. If you screw up in a relationship with a guy/girl, you can make amend in the next one but with mothers, you only have one chance. Don’t screw it up!

Sad stories aside, one of the highs of my 20s is none other than meeting Jules. I first saw her in a dance club during my party animal days but we didn’t really talk until very much later. Things blossomed from our very first lunch date at McDonalds and the rest as they say… is history.
Of course, the latest sequence of events has taught me that life is indeed fragile and we are not to live as though we are invincible. But the beauty of it all is that God has brought me back to the light amidst it all. Perhaps everything is the work of His hands. Regardless, I thank Him for sustaining me for almost 30 years and I know in faith, that He will sustain me for many more to come.

P/S: For those of you who have been asking me to post pictures of yours truly, I hope this is more than enough.

P/S/S: New poll out… vote vote vote…

Remembering Fathers

My pastor made a joke about Fathers’ day and Mothers’ Day today. He said most of us grew up singing the song “shi shang je you ma ma hao…” (Mother is the best in the world). So we’re really accustomed to motherly love. It sort of like built into my sub-conscious mind.

What about fathers? When it comes to father, the song we all learned was … “ge ren lai, jao ba-ba, ba-ba bu jai jia”… (Guest came, look for dad, dad not at home). Not very convincing isn’t it?

Joke aside, we cannot undermine the love of fathers. I have many friends (myself included), who aren’t very close with our fathers. Perhaps it is the culture that we grew up in. Whatever it is, their sacrifice, just like mothers’, is beyond any word can describe.

As we remember our earthly fathers today, I would also like to pray tribute to my heavenly father who made the greatest sacrifice ever. And it is good that we actually have a song that speaks about the Father’s love… one that made me tear… enjoy…

Happy Fathers’ Day to all Fathers.

Remembering ‘Forgotten’

It happened a few years ago, I was very angry with God. Christians are hypocrite and I just put all the blame to God. In the midst of my anger, I wrote a poem and showed it to one of my friend, who is a Christian.

To a certain extent, he ridiculed me. He said I will not regret writing that poem. On top of that, I will actually use that poem as a testimony of God’s goodness one day. I said that will not happen.

That was a few years ago. And he was talking about today.

FORGOTTEN

Life is indeed a cruel phenomenon
Where the wicked rules
Such sight is common
Though it speaks otherwise
Every Sunday’s sermon
Once you stepped out
It’s quickly forgotten… quickly forgotten

What good does it bring to be a humble servant?
Cause when you do
They’ll say you lack confident
To live by the rules
And be a better person?
Is the torture worth it?
Yet to be proven… yet to be proven

Always asked, to live by the commandments
What is the point?
I don’t know for certain
All I am aware
Things always worsen
Why try so hard?
When it’s such a burden… such a burden

Tired, rejected, lonesome and forsaken
I finally realised
It’s my heart that I should listen
Not to some hypocrites
Who think they are full of wisdom
I was lied to
But have been awaken… have been awaken

I want to be good but was treated gruesome
My heart felt such pain
The tears were abundant
So all that is of the world
I shall now sharpen
All that I have believed in
Has already been forgotten… already been forgotten


Despite I chose to forget about Him, He has not forgotten me.

A new word… nephrologist

I only got to know what that means last week. It is the term used to refer to kidney specialist.

My body’s birthday present to me for my imminent 30th birthday is a kidney condition. Of course, I shouldn’t blame my body because I have not been keeping it well for the last 30 years. Well, some say I did take good care but I guess the situation is that, I didn’t take good care enough. Or, perhaps God has a different plan for me.

The last weekend has been one of the most mentally torturous weekends ever in my life. The time spent waiting for the results and then after the results are out. The urologist referred me to a nephrologist and then I have to find one who is available as I really wanted to know what is wrong with me. Oh yeah, nephrologist is really not easy to find.

I thank God that my friend, Simon, managed to get hold of a very good nephrologist for me and we had a very good time chatting about the condition and life this afternoon. My blood pressure has been high over the last few days but after speaking to him, it went down to 117/73 and he measured it not once but twice! Guess one good news is that I don’t have hypertension.

Anyway, yeah, I have a kidney condition, something which I am still learning to pronounce. There is nothing I can do about it except to monitor my health now and pray hard that God will have mercy on my soul and keep my kidney healthy for the longest time. I hope He will give me the chance to live a good life and stay healthy at least till my first grandchild. That’s my hope really.
For the rest, thank you for your prayers and well wishes. I truly appreciate them. I was really struggling as to whether I should blog about this but I think I should. Besides, it is something I must live with and I must accept the fact that I have it.

For those who have a persistent pain or you feel something is not right, better get it checked properly. In this day and age, though technology has improved the quality of our healthcare, it has actually deteriorated the quality of our health.

And don’t need to say you’re sorry to hear it, I think I appreciate more life now. More than anything.

A glimpse of my childhood

I don’t consider myself rich now though I can proudly say I can afford quite a wide range of things. But when I was young, I was certainly poor. When I tell people that I came from a poor family, they often disagree after knowing where my home is. But they fail to comprehend that when I was growing up in my neighbourhood, it was not exactly the glamour place yet. Till today, I still don’t consider it a glamorous neighbourhood.

Just across the road from my house, the area used to be filled with squatter houses. Tell that to some young punks nowadays whose definition of coffee means Starbucks of Coffee Bean and they probably don’t even know what are squatter houses. In the middle of this mini village was a small chicken farm. Besides the chicken farm is a well. Ya’ know, the one where you can fetch water.

No, I do not live in some forsaken village. I was born and bred in KL and my neighbourhood is right smack in the heart of town. And no, I am not in my 50s nor 40s. I am still, technically… in my 20s.

We have a relative who used to operate as a hawker near our home and occasionally, she will keep all the chicken backsides from her sale and gave them to my family. My mom will deep-fry the chicken backsides with 5-spice-powder and that will be one of the dish for the day. The other dishes often resembled left-over stuff from some restaurant around town. They landed on our dinner table because my aunt’s friend’s daughter something something worked in that restaurant.

Food… anyone?

My definition of toy at that time was planes made from mahjong paper. Me and my brother made so many of them after sending all our planes in the air, they landed all over the place and the next thing we know, we had our sorry ass smacked nicely by our Mom. I remember a new family moved into the house next to ours and they renovated the place. Then their children were playing this thing with their tv and I would stand at the gate for hours just to watch them play. Later I found out that the thing they were playing was called ‘Nintendo’. They were playing a game called ‘Mario brothers’.

Of course, as I grew older, I did have some real toys. But, that was after I scored a lot of As in my exam and managed to squeeze one from my aunt. What did you play with when you were young?

I remember I had my first holiday, it was a trip to Sungei Wang Plaza. It’s a big thing ok! My parents will dress up as though they are going to grand reception. Of course, the result of the ‘dress up’ is still very much below the standard at that time. I remember I had to bring water bottles for the trip; water is expensive. Other holiday trips include visits to the Lake Gardens.

Where did you go for your maiden holiday?

Oh… one thing that I find rather amazing is that my family of 5, my parents, me brother, my sister and yours truly all lived in 1 room until I was Standard 3. That is a good 9 years. Yes, 9 years with all of us in 1 room. And trust me, the room isn’t big at all. Come to think of it, I wonder if I was awake during the production process of my brother and sister.

The only time I had my own room was when I went to London to complete my degree. Hands up if you have your own room…

There are many more elements of my childhood that I cherish but it would be too long to pen them all here. I know there are people who had worst condition than me. And I thank God I went through that childhood. To you, would you consider me rich or above average?


From there, I went on to become someone whom many still do not believe that I originate from ‘that place’. Also, when I tell some people I don’t speak English at home because my parents are illiterate, they will give me ‘the-look’. How is that possible? That is a story for another time.

The fairy tale march-in

Last Saturday, I achieved 2 of the things which I intend to accomplish in my life. The first was to get married before I am 30, the latter is to get married before I am bald. I have to thank God for making those dreams come true.

Another thing which has always been in my mind is to have a very unique entrance to my wedding dinner. And once again, I must thank God that what I planned turned out perfect and pun intended, too bad I only get to do it once.

The first task was to search for the right song. It must not be an over-played tune; one where the guests go “this song again?” as soon as it’s played. I want the guests to ask and wonder…”what song is this?” when it’s being played. After a hunting time, I stumbled upon one which fits the bill.

So after getting the song, I planned the rehearsed the dinner march-in in this manner…

The emcee went up the stage to give her welcoming speech and proceeded to ask the guests to stand to welcome the bride and groom. My comrade, who was in the control room immediately turned off all lights in the ballroom. This gave me the opportunity to sneak into the ball room unnoticed and blend into the crowd.

The music began… those who saw me standing in front was wondering what was I doing there. The aren’t-you-supposed-to-be-there-at-the-entrance hand signal was too easy to decipher. Well, I just ignored them…

The 1st verse of the song came on and nothing happen… the 2nd verse came on and the spotlight got on and focused on the entrance. By this time, quite a number of people already know why I was standing in front… but anyway…

The 3rd verse came into play and the bride began to come in, she was walking in with her dad. It took the time of 3rd and 4th verse for the bride to walk from the entrance door to the middle. It was also the time where I was slowly walking from the front to the middle of the ballroom. After the 4th verse, there was a 26 seconds instrumental interval, perfect for me to get the bride from her father.

You must be thinking… what is so special about that? Well, it is special because…
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I was the one singing the song all these while.
When I lifted up the mic and began to sing at the front, I could see the surprise in the faces of all who saw me. When I was slowly walking to the middle of the ballroom while singing the song, I heard a few “oh my god, he is the one singing it”… my plan to divert all their attention to the front and surprise them by me being the singer… worked!

The 5th verse of the song allowed me to walk with Jules from the middle of the ballroom to the main dinner table. Once there, I went up the stage to complete the song by singing the last verse…
Perhaps I will put up the video in YouTube; I shall think about it.

I thought of writing and composing the song myself but I think the timing of the song I chose was just perfect. So I managed to fulfil my dream of having a unique and fairy tale entrance for my dinner, to me at least. I do wish I can do it again… with the same bride of course.

Other parts of the wedding were perfect too, but that is a story for another day.

A lesson to learn

Many of you thought I went for a scan due to my tennis elbow. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. While I was at the doc, I also complained about a persistent back pain, which strangely only attacking my left back. An urine screening was performed that the result showed I had haematuria; which means there’s blood in my urine. Haematuria is segregated into 4 scales, from 1+ to 4+ with 4+ being the worst. Mine was 4+.

I was referred to an urologist and Jules went with me the next day. They took my urine again for screening and again, there was blood. The initial diagnosis was kidney stone and an ultrasound scan was performed and subsequently, a CT scan on my abdomen was done. I was given all clear and the urologist I should do another urine test 2 days later to see if the haematuria still persists.

2 days later (Friday), I went to the GP’s clinic to do another urine screening and haematuria still persisted at 4+ and I was again referred to the urologist. When I was at the urologist, another urine sample was taken again and this is when I say God performed a miracle. The haematuria dropped from 4+ to… negative! Just to confirm the new findings, my urine sample was sent for microscopic study and my blood sample was taken to test my kidney function.

Just as I was about to leave the clinic, I was told that the nurse will called if the results are normal while the doctor will call if there are any anomalies.

While waiting for the call, there were many prayers said for me by my friends and also by my fellow mates in the blogosphere and I must say I am very thankful for that. Most of all, I am thankful for Jules who has been very positive and being very strong. All these certain helped cause I must admit, I was beginning to freak out.

Waiting for the call (hopefully from the nurse) was an absolute mental torture. It was also a very good time to reflect upon my life. All the ‘what-if’ and morbid thoughts were making my mind their playground. One thing for sure, I was in no mood to work. I just dropped all I was asked to do in the office and went home to rest.

At about 12pm on Saturday, my phone rang and the caller ID showed the number from the urologist clinic…

“Hello”
“Hello Mr. Zewt. This is Dr. Loh”

My heart stopped at that moment, it’s the doc and not the nurse. In a split second, I mentally prepared myself for the worse.

“Mr. Zewt, it’s confirmed that there is no excessive red blood cells in your urine and your blood test showed your kidney function is normal”

At that moment, I truly believe that doctor has a great sense of humour. Before I can say thank you, he hung up. I called Jules immediately and told her the news.

I think I learnt a few things from last week’s ordeal. The first is of course, one must never take one’s health for granted. It is something which we do not want to lose and yet, it is something we always put at risk in our other pursuits; be it career or any other thing. Seriously, we always underestimate this, I cannot stress enough.

Another thing which I learnt is that we all need medical insurance. I am not an insurance agent but I must say medical expenses are so expensive now that if you do not have insurance coverage, the additional pressure should there be an unfortunate incident is just not worth it. Get a medical card today, it’s not that expensive. My medical expenses last week was all paid by my company. For all the complaints I made about it, I am glad the medical policy is quite wide. I understand that a CT scan can cost thousands. I guess I just got paid for all the overtime I put in; not to mention I had mine in one of the most expensive hospital in town.

Last but not least, I have learnt that no matter how bleak the situation is; God is always in control and he is always merciful to us. I claimed from him the promise that He has a plan for me, a plan not to harm me but proper me. And of course, I cannot forget all the wonderful thoughts and prayer warrior friends I have a round me; both inside and outside the blogosphere.

Wednesday blues

Many of us have read stories about how we should not take those who are around us for granted. It’s a fact which we sometimes learnt it the hard way. But I think there is someone which we truly should not take for granted at all… that someone is… ourselves.

I never thought my right hand is so important until yesterday, when I woke up with what the doc said was a ‘tennis elbow’. No, I am not a tennis player and the injury was from badminton the day before. From the moment I wake up, my whole day was turned upside down… from brushing teeth to washing my face to eating and any action which requires my right hand. I felt like a handicapped.

That simple visit to the doctor yesterday led to some unwanted discovery in me which then led to a visit to the specialist clinic today. I had my maiden CT scan in my life today. It was quite a frightening experience… not the scanning process, but waiting for the results. The scan gave me all clear but I will have to return to the clinic this Friday to do another test.

I am sure many will agree that our bodies take the most beating sometimes. We abuse it, to the max really. If we do not learn to take care of ourselves and continue to take our health for granted, there will only be one loser at the end of it all… us.

I thank God that Jules have been very supportive and positive about things. I am glad she will walk with me all the way. Perhaps I am the one who is a little too negative. Whatever it is, the 2 days between now and Friday will be the longest 2 days of my life. Do pray for me.

Let us be reminded...

One of my friend’s mom was admitted to hospital last Friday, she fainted. Her kidneys failed and the surgery to remove some puss from her kidneys was not successful. She stabilised on Saturday and the next surgery to remove the pus still present in her kidneys was scheduled to be performed tomorrow.

But all is not meant to be, she passed away yesterday.

One of my mentors since my early school days who is going to be the worship leader during my wedding ceremony was admitted into hospital too on Friday. The medical staff found a stone in his kidney and due to some other complications, the doctor took a sample of his tissue for a biopsy to rule out the possibility of cancer and the result will be out this coming Saturday.

Perhaps I have reached an age where such things are part and parcel of life; but one thing for sure, I am reminded again of how fragile life is. I am reminded again of the pain when I lost my mom. I am also being brought back to earth to once again catch a glimpse on life’s reality.

Amidst our euphoria of celebrating the beauty of life, let us not take it for granted… let us know our limitations… let us realise what are the important things… let us find time to do things that truly enrich us and most important of all… let us cherish those whom we love while we are still walking this path on earth with them.

Are you still chasing?

“lei oi cho fung sin dai mo?” (would you like to be sitting under the fan?)
“yu gu em cho fun sin dai, kam jo mei ah?” (what if I fail to be one sitting under a fan?”
“jau wai jao, ho san fu” (running around, would be torturous)
“gam ngo oi cho lang hei dai” (then I want to be sitting under an air-cond)

That was one of the conversation I had with my dad very long ago, since I was a little kid. Sitting under a fan simply means working in an office environment, where your income is stable and don’t need to run around. Any job not office based is tough, to my dad at least. Of course, I was more ambitious; I wanted to sit in an air-cond room instead.

As I grow up, I observe the people around me… and my dream was to work in an office environment room, and not any office… must have air-cond! I also wanted to be able to go to work wearing a tie; don’t quite remember what the reason was. Then I remember I wanted to have a car because I saw a lot of my church friends having car and I don’t have one. Another thing I wanted to do was to travel to Hong Kong, probably due to too much TVB series.

Those were my dreams when I graduated.

Now… I am working in an air-cond environment. Yes, I wear a tie to work everyday. I have a car. I also own a property. I have been to Hong Kong… twice. On top of that, I have been to China, Singapore, England, Scotland, Germany, Italy, France, Belgium, Holland and the Czech Republic. Not showing off really.

Technically speaking, I have over-exceeded my dreams already… What were your dreams when you were young? Have you achieved them already?

And yet we wonder… why are we still struggling? Are we trying to chase our dreams? Or are we trying to meet the standards the world has set for us? Some of us may say that we are slaving ourselves for the well being of our children… is it really true? Is it really for your children? Or is it for you to upgrade from a Civic to a BMW?

Indeed, some may say we should not hover in the realms of mediocrity. But if we continue to chase new dreams… when are you going to live your dreams?

Today, I remember

It’s Friday tomorrow and I am supposed to feel jolly but I don’t feel quite that way. Tomorrow is the 21st of the month and every 21st of the month brings about a new milestone. Time passes by so fast that it has already been 6 months since my life took a huge turn.
I just finished reading all the entries I wrote about my Mom. Some may ask why should I re-visit the painful past. But then again, the sole reason I wrote those entries down are for me to read it again and again, because I don’t want to forget. It is very easy for us to be caught up with the pace of our daily lives and forget about the things we promise ourselves. I refuse to let that happen to me.

As I look at my life over the last 6 months, I can see more and more little things in my life where Mom played such an important role, all without me knowing it. For example… after a drink of Milo for supper, if I leave the cup unwashed, it will surely be clean when I return from work the day after. Now, the cup can be there for weeks and it will still remain unwashed.

I have this habit of chucking my ties aside when I return from work and when Mom was around, it will be nicely placed back to my drawer after a few days. Now, the ties are all stacked up like a mountain and no one seems to care. And when I want to wear a particular tie, I have to find it from the tie mountain.

On a more macro side, can food now forms a major part of my diet. I used to cook but as the demand of being a modern slave intensify, it is no longer possible. My aunt acts as the chef most of the times and as she is already quite old, can food make things easier. I actually asked her not to cook; we can settle our dinner ourselves. She answered…

“Your mom looked after me for so long, I want to cook for you all”

Even after her death, Mom left a legacy that actually benefits us. Isn’t it incredible?

Another that took place in the last 6 months is when I drive around or visit places, I thought of all the places I told Mom I will bring her. One of them is a vegetarian restaurant near KLCC, one that I drive pass every week. Each time I drive pass it, the words “I will bring you there one day” rings in my head. Of course, it never happen.

Ya’ know, if you screw up in a relationship, you will always say that you will not repeat your mistakes in your next relationship. Perhaps you want to treat your next partner better. But with mothers, we all don’t have such luxury. If you screw up, there is no second chance. So, don’t screw it up.

Today, I pause and remember the brave woman who decides to hide her pain all to herself and silently prepare her departure without us knowing it, enduring all the suffering herself. Today I remember a woman who has lived a life not being able to talk to her children thinking she is not good enough. Today I remember a woman who wants to be remembered.

Today, I remember my Mother.

When ARK seems impossible

First, ARK check… how many still remember what am I talking about here? I sincerely hope the Act of Random Kindness continues; and I will begin the week believing that my entry did create some chain of kindness in the last few days… can?

Anyway, I understand that there are times when it is just very difficult, or sometimes, impossible for us to bring out the kind heart in us. These are the times when our patience is stretched to the fullest and we are on the verge of ‘bursting’, metaphorically speaking. How then can we do an ARK in such situation?

Try this… next time you land yourself in such situation… the best ARK you can do is to be kind… to yourself. Sometimes, we react to things rather easily. Instead, we should respond to the situation. Try not to let the dark side get the best of you. Refusing to let your blood pressure right and burst… is the best act of kindness you can do yourself. At least that’s what I think. No doubt, may not be applicable all the time.

Last but not least… “whack” check… Many of you commented saying that you enjoyed the game. How many of you actually manage to get all 17 whacking tools? Some of my colleagues are stuck at 14 the last I heard. For those who has yet to reach 17… keep trying, but don’t let your boss catch you doing it…