Tuesday 25 August 2009

Saying “No” to a rock

Following my post on “How big is your rock?”, many has expressed his or her opinion regarding this particular rock issue. I particularly enjoyed a couple of the comments there where they were absolutely hilarious.

Coming back to protracted discussion, I have only heard of one instance where a girl has actually said “No” when a guy presented her with the rock. That is the famous Jen in the
“He asked 5 times” post where she rejected Ben’s proposal not once, but 5 times. But of course, the reason for her rejection has got nothing to do with the rock itself.

And that was it, the only time I heard about a girl giving a “No” to the guy when he went down on his knees and proposed to the girl with a sparkling diamond professionally set on a carefully refined ring. Besides that, I have never heard of any proposal rejection. Have you?

And here lies a painful reality, one that has been taking place after that wonderful “Yes!”.

I personally know of 4 instances within my close circle of friends where the girl, having struck with the euphoria of being presented with that wonderful rock, said “Yes!”… and when the high is over, decided otherwise. Of course, this change of mind happened before the actual marriage. Anyone heard of such stories?

In all of those instances, not a single one of them bears similarity with
Jen’s scenario, where she just thought that the timing was not right. In all of those instances, the girl just happened to come into realisation that the guy was not right. More of often that not, the couple has already been in a relationship for some time.

I will never know how it feels to have a guy whom you love (or you thought you love) going down on his knees and propose to me with a beautiful big rock, and I don’t think I ever want to know how it feels. I only know how it feels to be so nervous going down on my knees to present the rock. And hence, I do not know what goes in the mind of a girl when a so-called romantic proposal takes place.

But the question remains, can a girl fully engrossed in the high of the moment capable of saying “No” to the rock?

I know some are thinking that there will always be hint from the guy or the girls already hinted she wants to get married or perhaps the proposal is a planned one. But what if it was really a surprise? What if your boyfriend turns out at your doorstep right now with 100 bouquets of roses and a 1 carat ring and proposes… right now… are you going to say “No?”

History seems to suggest that the probability of a rejection is relatively low.

But that does not change the fact that there is a growing trend out there where a girl said “Yes” to the rock and “No” to the cock… I mean “No” to the man. And this can result in a lost of grieve, for both the girl the guy which can be a whole post altogether.

But for now, should a girl learn to say “No”, will a girl say it? I don’t know… you tell me…

2 years ago…
FaultologyOne night on a wrong stand


pinknpurplelizard said...

Commitment issues or rather anti-commitment disease...

Anyone should say no but for which million and one reason? But one should say yes for the all the million and one correct reasons. Sigh... I'm confusing myself on this paragraph. NEXT!

I feel that its not right to string someone along in a relationship for too long if ur not willing to commit. One should know in about 6 months into the relationship if the other person is the correct spouse material.

Kiersten said...

The pilot proposed with a 1-carat rock and I said yes to both rock and cock. But, I called off the wedding because he proposed for the wrong reason - he said he got the pressure from my mom, and also he proposed because he said I wasn't happy. Heck, of course I wasn't happy! He was dangling the carrot right in front of me for 4 years! He made a big fuss over the 1-carat, but I told him I never wanted a 1-carat because I've got small hands, and a 1-carat would look humongous on my hand, which it did.

Another ex proposed because I was leaving him, and he wanted me to stay, hence, the proposal.

At the end of the day, zewt, a woman just wants to be happy. She just wants to marry the right man, who shares her sentiments in life. At least I know I do.

The size of the rock didn't matter.

++MeLisSa++ said...

you have a pretty cool blog! =)

Kiersten said...

Hey hey hey...of course I wasn't offended by your post. I was just sharing my experiences. Besides, I've moved on, and I'm having a great time.

I would love to add you to my new blog. I can't find your email address though. Leave me a comment on my food blog with your email address, will ya? I promise I won't publish the comment. Till then, cheerios.

littlepolaris said...

Yes, a girl needs to learn to stand up and says No if he is not the right guy. I have a friend who is stuck with a guy which is not the right one for her for almost 6 years. Every single day she will complain about him and yet she doesn't have the courage to say No to him bcos she is too used to his companionship. She won't be able to find true happiness if she doesn't learn how to let go of this current relationship.

iamthewitch said...

I guess there is definitely a probability that a girl presented with a surprise proposal and a huge rock be overwhelmed and say yes, through impulsive thinking. However, if that is the type of girl a guy chooses, someone who gets high with the sight of big rock, and she changes her mind after that, let's just say the guy is lucky to know it before it's too late.

fufu said...

awesome... i gotta spend some time reading your previous articles (couldnt miss any of them) after travelling around china nearly 10weeks...

melisa said...

I think every engaged girl should be ready for that "rock-offering." If not, she shouldn't be wasting time in a commitment she doesn't feel she's entirely secured (in love). But if she's just not yet ready and still wants to keep the guy, then she should give the guy some hints that she'd probably be ready after, say, twenty or thirty years. =) Maybe the guy would be the one who'd say No then. ^^

Anonymous said...

When my bf (now my ex) and I went shopping at a complex,I realised he was looking and checking out prices for proposal rings. He even asked me which design I prefer. I got the hint!

I jokingly said "it's not like we're gonna wed tomorrow so why look for a ring?" I hinted back!

I wasn't ready for a commitment in a relationship, married or not married, i didn't wanna be permanently attached to him. The thought of a proposal ring scares me. We had some conflicts and we broke up weeks after the ring-hinting incident.

He called and told me he actually bought a proposal ring for me. Planned to propose when I'm ready.

I guess both parties need to be very sensitive to hints all along.

beezee~bee said...

ive said NO twice!
not sure whether it was the best of decisions...but no regrets! :)

eiling lim said...

If he proposes in the public, I would say yes to save his face. After that I will tell him it's a no if the timing is not right or he's not the one I want to get married to. I know how it feels because currently I am in a relationship with someone for many many years and yet I don't think I am ready to get married.

zewt said...

pinknpurplelizard - yeah, that was confusing. 6 months and throw in the towel... too fast i think. and, it also depends how the couple see the relationship. some just want a companion.

Kiersten - reading your side of the story, i think you have all the reason in the world to say no to the pilot.

++Melissa++ - hello... thanks.

littlepolaris - misery awaits your friend, and her bf.

iamthewitch - well said... well said... just hope that the high comes down fast enough, and not just 1 month before the wedding.

zewt said...

fufu - speaking of which, i am heading to beijing... need some tips!

melisa - hahaha... in that story i wrote, the guy didnt say no after 5 times!

Lifong - goes down to basic.... if already no commitment tendency, why still be in a rship> imagine the ring hinting didnt happen.

beezee~bee - as long as you have no regrets... no worries :)

-eiling- - and i hope that someone doesnt read this.

M.E. said...

sigh..I think nowadays ppl have less trust in the strength of love and it's endurance against time and am more sceptical of commitment, which explains why ppl are marrying at a later age.

there's never been a guide book on how we'd know, I mean zewt, how do u know that ur wife is the one? how you felt.

anyway, my penny on this topic is:
1. if she loves him, she wont hesitate and will say yes euphorically. no woman can hide the happiness of being proposed by the man she loves.

2. if she's not sure, she'll hesitate. usually this means she'd just not that convinced that he's the one for her, and it'll usually be a turning point for most women.

weird, huh..the thing we call feelings.

zewt said...

M.E. - welcome to AZAIG! the guidebook is written all over this thing called... history :P ... so guys just have to catch the first reaction eh? :)

HappySurfer said...

If a girl is ready to settle down or in love with the guy, a surprise proposal will enhance the romance factor in a relationship. However, if the girl is not ready or does not love him enough to want to settle down with him, she should emphatically say No instead of dragging on with the relationship. It's a waste of each other's time.

But I agree with what Eiling said about saving his face in public.

As for the rock, a relationship is not or should not be based on that piece of carbon. No?

HappySurfer said...

One more thing, I'm rather bothered by that picture of the girl who's sitting down with her coffeeshop open. Or is this the new sitting position a girl must adopt during a proposal? Eh?

missironic said...

Hmm.. how about, besides saying yes or no... just say.. "give me a day or two for me to get back to you". hahahaha.. Quite hard to noe what one would say until when that moment happens can one will only noe how to react. So i think it's kind of subjective.

zewt said...

HappySurfer - i am afraid not all girls share your sentiment. a piece of carbon seems to be a pre-requisite now. and... the mass of the carbon seems to be of importance too... haha... the picture is an advertisement of a carbon company.

missironic - very sensible. but will u take the ring then?