The block resulted in 3 laws

Someone just asked me to post up something funny. Apparently, I am quite good at it. Unfortunately, I am suffering from a brief blogger-mental block. Maybe I am feeling a tad tired due to lack of sleep. Maybe the visit to the gym today contributed the fatigue factor too.

Oh… speaking of gym… what happened to all my muscles!!!!! Heh heh… not to say I have much of it but I have certainly lost quite a few chunks. Well, I have not been to the gym since the passing of my mom and with the excessive intake of carbo during my vege diet days… I’ve certainly lost plenty of muscle meat!

I think I need to have the motivation to be discipline again, like how I mentioned it here.

By the way… the gym is getting more and more infested with … well… people who have lost a sense of direction… ya’ know… those who were supposed to be looking for holes but end up looking for poles… know what I mean?

Speaking of holes and poles… I’ve learnt something when I was in O.B.S. 14 years ago. It’s called “The other Newton 3 laws of motion”…

The other Newton 3 laws of motion number 1…
“The in and out motion, will usually produce a white lotion”

The other Newton 3 laws of motion number 2…
“When a pole is put into a hole, the result is a new soul of either a pole, or a hole”

And… The other Newton 3 laws of motion number 3…
“With continuous rubbing of the bosom, the heat of the stick will be constant”
This one is a lil tough to comprehend… but go figure…

Ah… I guess the blogger-mental block ain’t that serious eh? Oh… by the way… did you contribute to the population of criminal yesterday?

P/S: I’ve installed a poll at the sidebar… do vote honestly… thanks ya!

You are the reason

I used to have a part-time job when I was still a modern slave in one of those big glamorous firms. I was an “escort”. Yeah, it wasn’t exactly a glamorous thing to do but I had to do it. I mean… the girls wanted it anyway. So during those nights… when I am needed… when those girls are alone… I have to escort them to their cars. What were you thinking?

Yeah, during those times, when me and my colleagues all worked till the wee hours of the morning, guys are the designated escorts. Of course, escort service only provided till the doorstep of the car.

Anyway, such service is vital to avoid any unwanted incidents. There were incidents of snatch thefts and one particular incident where a manager was actually slashed repeatedly. So, the presence of a guy is believed to bring about an increase sense of security… keep our female colleagues safe from such petty crimes.

So… working late is hazardous because it exposes oneself to potential snatch thefts and other unwanted incidents. Whose fault it is? As I ponder upon this point… I am of the zewtpinion that it’s… your fault! Yeah… you!... the modern slave who’s reading this entry. No, no, no… I am not talking about working late which gives rise to opportunity for those criminals to strike… I am talking about you contributing to the population of such criminals.

How so? Let me tell you why…

Because you work late everyday, you are doing more than what you were supposed to do.

Because you’re doing more than what you’re supposed to do, your company is not required to employ an additional person to do that extra work.

Because your company is not required to employ an additional person, someone somewhere out there is deprived of a job.

Because someone somewhere out there is deprived of a job, he or she is jobless and is desperate to make a living.

Because they are desperate, they develop the tendency to resort to petty crime and turn into a snatch thief.

Because they turn into snatch thieves, they commit such crime to you or your father or your mother or your sister or your brother or your boyfriend’s sister’s friend’s fling.

Because those people got snatched, they come to you for a new wallet or handphone or i-Pod.

Because they come to you for a new wallet or handphone or i-Pod, you need to work harder to make more money.

Because you need to work harder you most probably end up working even later.

Because you work even later, another fella is deprived of a job.

Hmm… I guess the process never ends… so, do you know whose fault it is that we are having so many snatch thieves around?

What they’ll do to say I do

“Whenever I see those slide shows, I will cry, because I know I will never have be able to experience all that”
“Why? Which part?”
“The church ceremony, cause he is not a believer”

That was my friend Jenny telling me about her repeating experiences in her friends’ wedding dinner. She is one of those typical Christian girls who always wanted to date a Christian but for some twist of fate, or for her wallet’s sake… ended up with a non-Christian. While Jenny isn’t exactly a very Godly person, she is no different from any other Christian girls, or any girls for that matter… Jenny wants a church wedding.

You see, when Jenny told me about her predicament, her concern wasn’t about the salvation of her bf, her concern wasn’t the holy solemnisation of the marriage, not even the exchanging of vows… her concern is… “the church ceremony”.

Now, having a church wedding here isn’t exactly about having God as the witness of the marriage. No, not at all, trust me…to some people, these are secondary. The whole idea about having a church wedding is to be able walk down the aisle in that beautiful wedding gown with a veil covering the face, it’s about saying “I do”, it’s about exchanging rings, it’s about “You may kiss the bride”, it’s about walking out from the church after the “I do” part with people clapping and smiling at you, it’s about feeling beautiful… most importantly, it’s about that romantic feeling engulfing your whole being. If you’re a girl, you will know what I mean, right?

So what’s the remedy? You can’t force a religion into a person and… if you happen to be a member of a MNC (Multi-National “Churchnisation”), the pastor might crucify you if you even dare to date a non-Christian, what more if you intend to marry one. So what do you do?

Well, Jenny is going to get married, and Jenny is going to have a church wedding. She is going to walk down the aisle in that beautiful wedding gown, they are going to exchange rings, there will be people applauding them when they walk out of the church and there will be a slide shows capturing those moments in her wedding dinner. But no… her fiancé is not a Christian.

How? … … … Well…

Jenny’s bf is going to “declare” his believe in God… all of Jenny’s friends are going to “believe” that he is now a Christian… one of Jenny’s friend who is a cell group leader is going to “nurture” the “new” Christian. All these are done so that the church will “believe” that they are going to marry a “Christian” couple. You get the flow?

To me… I find all the efforts and planning absolutely amazing. I mean… the level of friendship is just so deep and touching. Maybe Jenny’s fiancé is now a Christian, I am not sure, but I find the whole thing absolutely amazing. Don’t you think so?

Put Jenny’s story aside, I believe many girls here will want a walk down the aisle in “that” wedding gown, do you? Can't blame you… walking down the aisle in a white wedding gown, accompanied by the most romantic song ever as compared to being in a deep red “cheongsam” or some red outfit that you don’t even know how to pronounce accompanied by noise music played by instruments that are extra-terrestrial to you… which one do you think people nowadays will choose?

Jules have got a few girl-friends and they are not Christians. But Jules said she will not be surprise if they will all do a “Jenny”, all for the sake of having a church ceremony. She particularly pointed out one friend, one whom I’ve met and I wouldn’t be surprise if another “Jenny” act will come out from this friend.

So will you get all your friends and do a “Jenny”? Because there are people out there who will do anything just to that few minutes of romantic shower… no matter what. They’ll do all that, just to say I do in a church. Will you?

P/S: The above is just a story, any similarities is purely a co-incident.

A trip back with a new face

Many thanks to Kenny Mah for the banner. But honestly, I hope to get something even angrier, scarier (is there such a word?) and darker and as many have said… zewter… hehe… But since Kenny is busy with his shifting of apartment, I guess I shouldn’t be complaining too much. Besides, it’s free. Have to say I like the font… like some horror movies. Right Kenny?

So… many thanks Kenny!!!

So say goodbye to this one...

So, which one is better?

P/S: Anyone here knows how to check Adsense account balances?

A homicide solved with a funny race

Am I glad it’s Friday! It has been a hectic week. With my colleague going on maternity leave, my work is tripled! Why? Cos both of us are at 150%, so with she gone, I have to do the work of 3 persons. Yeah… modern slavery again.

Anyway, no more modern slavery stuff for now. One reader said it’s getting too serious and boring while another claimed that such entries make her feel lousy. Hmmm… I guess too much modern slavery stuff is a lil too tiring for the brain eh? Some even said they suffer from overdose of zewtpinions. Having said that, there were some dogs barking at each other today, quite a candid scene… but that’s a story for another day.

Oh, I know I owe all of you the answer for this riddle. Haha… did you read all the comments to find out? Anyway, the question was supposedly used by CIA to see whether a suspect has got a mind of a psychotic killer. If you answer Jane killer Joanne because of jealousy, then you’re normal, cause that’s what a normal person will think. But if you answer Jane killed Joanne so that she can see the hunk again in the funeral… well… you have mentality of a psychotic killer. And judging by the amount of such answers, I think I need to watch my back here. Haha!

A lil on the ‘sam jiu’ front… did you read the comics news today? “Bocor” part 2! I really wonder what kinda quality they use in building gomen complexes. And for goodness sake… it’s the bloody court! Imagine the judge trying to pass a judgement and “splash”… water on his face! And it’s RM290m!!! Check this out…

Well, it’s Friday so I will have to leave you with a riddle. What? What again? Ok la… since you all think I spoil your weekends, I shall ask something and provide the answer immediately.

Do you have any ‘chindian’ friends? Chindian refers to one who’s got Chinese and Indian parentage. Well, what if the father is a Chinese and the mother is a Sikh? Now, in Malaysia, a Sikh is sometimes refers to as a “baii”. Yeah, you guess it right… some people has the audacity to actually put ‘that word’ as the race of this person…
For non-Malaysian readers, bangsa means race and cibai means cunt. I guess the person who prepared the receipt was totally “cuntfused”

Have a nice weekend!

P/S: Has anyone beaten my “sell house game” record yet? I am still waiting! Hehe…

Hello LiverFools

This is going to be my most personal entry ever, depending on who you are of course.

To all those liverfools out there who thought you all have conquered the world when you qualify for the Champions League final… to those liverfools who made fun of Man Utd supporters last Sunday… I am now laughing my ass off at your sorry liverfools’ face! You’ve just got yourself another empty handed season.

Oh yeah oh yeah… now all the liverfools are going to turn historians once again. This is the time when they are going to brag about how many league titles and how many European cups they’ve won in the last dunno how many donkey years. Speaking of which, please note that liverfool has not won the league in the last 10 15 17 years? Also, which is the team who calls themselves a big club but is WITHOUT an English Premier League title?

All together now… LI--VER--FOOL!!

P/S: This is for all the countless sms-es I got last Sunday... Hmmm... wonder if all Liverpool supporters going to stop reading my blog now?

What an increase… what a statement…

Ya’ know, when I have my daily dosage of comics a.k.a. mainstream newspaper, I will usually laugh, albeit a cynical one. Do you laugh when you read those “comics”? But today, when I was doing my daily reading, I was totally depressed.

Up to 35% increase in salary and double in living allowance! That is on top of well known perks such as boleh-pergi-minum-sesuka-hati, boleh-pergi-kursus-tiap-tiap-hari, boleh-kerja-sambil-jalan-sana-sini and boleh-tutup-kaunter-walaupun-orang-sudah-mari, just to name a few. After all, we don’t shout Malaysia Boleh for nothing.

The last time I worked like a dog till I never got to see sunlight and got double-promoted, I only managed a mere 31% increment. And that includes having to endure the world most misleading document, an absolute opposite compared to those boleh-perks. Aren’t you depressed?

But the most depressing (and scary) part is when I read… “Abdullah said the pay rise could be given because of the economic growth of 5.6%, the effect of fuel prices, positive trends of Bursa Malaysia and improved tax collection.” Quoted from here.

“Effect of fuel prices”… “improved tax collection”… sound very scary…

But towards the end of the day, the comics brought back some cheer… just a bit. That’s when I read the caption below:
Woooooaaaaaaaahhhhh… I wonder what happened. To me, such incident is truly… An act of God…

But then again… will there be any result?... sam jiu ler…

Of selling and barking

There are many divisions and departments in a typical company such as marketing, sales, planning, finance, human resource, etc. But no matter what they call it, they can be segregated into 2 distinct parties… the profit centre and the cost centre.

Profit centre (“PS”) simply means those fellas that actually make money for the company. They are the salesmen, the marketing guys, product development geeks, just to name a few. And yeah, in any company, someone somewhere will have to make a sale all the time. If not, how’s the company gonna survive?

Oh, if you’re thinking there’re no salesmen in those glamorous professional firms… you’re damn wrong. Those promoted to managers are expected to do sales and marketing. You’ll be surprise how many times their ass-es get screwed by the partners for not bringing in enough sales. So if you’re one of those who are dreaming of the stage where you will do nothing but just sign on the dotted lines… please wake up.

As its name speaks for itself, cost centre (“CS”) refers to those fellas whose existence only lower down the company’s profit. These are the financial controllers, the internal legal advisors, the risk managers, quality control, basically people who make life difficult for PS in the name of compliance and reporting. They are there to ensure that the company complies with all the rules and regulations.

One thing for sure, CS people are very proud of themselves and they tend to look down on PS. I mean, it’s natural right? You graduated with a business, finance or law degree… you spent 5 years or so in a glamorous firm and now that you’re in a big corporation with title such as manager this and controller that… you certainly feel you’re a damn big shot. In their eyes, those salesmen are nothing but people who didn’t make it in college and uni.

With such pride and a huge sense of self-worth, CS people think they run the company, which of course, is partly true. A CS fella once said to me that they are the people looking after the interest of the shareholders (i.e. the owner of the company) and that they are the “watchdog” of the big bosses. Oh believe me… when that fella said that to me… I can feel the sense of pride and power. You can practically hear I-AM-IN-CONTROL hidden within the words uttered.

Of course, that is very true. CS is the “watchdog”… because they all work like dogs and only know how to bark. Also, they fail to know that their barking often means nothing. Don’t believe me? Picture this scenario…

A sales fella brings in 1million worth of revenue… the legal dogs bark about whether there is a proper contract, the finance dogs will bark about whether it has been properly recorded, the risk dogs will bark about whether the sales will pose any kinda threat to the company, the regulatory dogs will bark about whether the gomen will allow such sales, etc.

A meeting will then be held to facilitate the barking. Oh trust me, such meetings can be really interesting. To those dogs, everything is a problem. This cannot, that cannot, this must follow that, that must follow this. But somehow, a conclusion will be reached. Why? Cos those dogs are smart people… they are employed to solve problems, not knowing that they are the problems most of the time.

A contract will then be needed by tomorrow. It’s always tomorrow or the day after. Why? Because the client says so. So the sales fella will say… “Ok, you dogs lawyers, accountants, risk managers, etc, please get the contract ready for tomorrow. I am going home, ciao”. And this is where stop-barking-and-work-like-a-real-dog begins.

The next day, the contract will be presented to the client a.k.a. “waterfish” and he will then say he is not happy because too many conditions inside the contract. So he won't sign and the sales fella will panic! “Fuck, I’m gonna lose 1million worth of sales!” Thus he pleads to the dogs to relax some rules. But of course, all dogs will be united in one word and say… CANNOT… must follow law!
The sales fella will be thinking…”KNNCCB a.k.a. fucking hell, I bring in money to pay all your fucking salary and you fucking make things so damn difficult. Ok, I will go and talk to the big boss!”

As the sales fella talks to the bis boss, those dogs will continue their barking… this cannot, that cannot, high risk, woo woo wuu wuu. Then the boss will think…”Oh yeah, very risky, bad for the company”. Then the sales fella will say…”But boss… 1million worth of sales”.

$$$$ kaching kaching $$$$$

The dogs will continue to bark but this is the part where the big boss will screw all their dogs doggie style for making life difficult for the sales fella. And thus begin stop-barking-and-work-like-a-real-dogs part 2 begins. Why? Because the contract needs to be amended, and amended quick a.k.a. don’t-need-to-go-home-until-work-is-done.
Yup, that’s a typical scenario is any given company. Those who are in the corporate world long enough will know what I am trying to say.

In a nutshell, PS are the people who do the selling, who brings in the money. They are the people who are often looked down at by society, particular by the affluent bunch. But they are the reason why a company grows.

The CS fellas are those who only know how to bark of their ability, their knowledge. They think that because they are smart, they are in control. But most of the time, that’s not the case. Power lies in the hands of those who bring in the dough.

The best part? At the end of the year, the bonus payment for those salesmen will be much much much higher compared to those who are smart. And I mean, much much much higher. And of course, those smart ones will continue to bark boast about their knowledge while those salesmen are just… lowly salesmen.

A little on 4 fronts

Personal front:

Weekend has been a mixture of emotions. First, was quite elated about looking for bridal photos with Jules. Made a visit to this place called covershots and had a fun time choosing wedding gowns… Jules la, not me. But… the day ended with blardy Chelski lifting the FA Cup. While it’s difficult to say which team deserves it more, it is still heart-break to see Man U lost. Sigh…

Well-being front:

Had a nasty collision with Kenninaz during football today and my knee is busted. As I type, I can't quite bend my right knee already, which brings much fear about how it will cope tomorrow. Should I take MC? Hehe… But then again, I hope I can recover in time for hip-hop class this Thursday.

Sam Jiu front:

I had quite high hope when the Datuk Shahrizat was asked to handle the issue. Ya’ know, she has always been the one to scream and shout about women’s right and everything. So when she was asked to handle the issue, I thought she will really do something… I was wrong. She handled the issue by…… accepting the apology on behalf of all women in Malaysia. I shouldn’t have given myself hope… should have adopted the ‘sam jiu’ ideology.

Modern slavery front:

Boss asked to have lunch today (Monday). I think she has noticed that I have not been quite myself at work lately. She will probably be doing all the motivational talk. I think it’s time for me to be honest with myself and how I feel about being a modern slave. Nonetheless, must be very careful with my words. Wish me luck ok!

Oh, my “A professional mistake” entry… if you guys have time, you all should go through all the comments. Seriously, some are more meaningful that my entry itself.

Do you know why?

Jane’s grandmother just passed away. It was a tragic death. During the funeral, a handsome young man came to pay his last respect to Jane’s grandmother. Jane doesn’t know who man. She has never seen him before but was instantly attracted to him; she just couldn’t take her eyes off this man.

Just as Jane was going to say ‘hi’ to this handsome young man, her sister, Joanne went up to the man and they embraced. Alas, he is her sister’s friend. They seemed close as Joanne cried on his shoulder while he, in turn, gave her all the comfort she needs.

Jane walked away… in rejection.

2 weeks later, Joanne died. She didn’t die of a natural death. Someone murdered her. Based on preliminary investigation, the murderer seems to be someone within the family.

You must be thinking it’s Jane right? Yeah... it’s Jane who did it. But the question is… why? Why did Jane murder her sister?

Some of you might have read this before but for those who haven’t… do you know why? I was told this question was used by the CIA to test the mind of killers during homicide cases.

Have another nice thinking weekend!

P/S: Has anyone beat my record yet?

A professional mistake

Your alarm rings, signalling another brand new day. You get up, looking forward for another new day of challenge, another new day to learn. After washing up, you put on your office outfit, giving you that professional look, one that you believe many out there envy. Breakfast follows (perhaps), and you head off to your office. You’re one of the earliest to arrive, ahead of all your superior and when they come in later, they greet you and you feel all charged up for another productive day. Plenty to do and learn and hence, you are prepared to stay back late to do all that is necessary.

If you’re currently doing a degree in finance, accounting or law, the above is probably what you’ve been waiting for all these years. You work your ass off (well… most of you) in university because it’s your dream to join one of those big glamorous firms out there in the market. Lawyers and accountants are the usual suspects for this curse. Once graduated, all of them will run like headless chicken towards those big firms. If you’re an accounting student… you want to be an auditor in one of the Big-4 right?

Well, if you do make it, it’s like a dream come true. In such firms, you get a personal computer, maybe a notebook (wow!). All your stationeries are free, and it’s also the first time you step into a ‘pantry’, where you can make your own coffee, just like those nice offices in TVB series. Next, you get an exclusive e-mail, the domain after your name is not the ordinary @gmail.com or @hotmail.com or @yahoo.com… No, it’s not, it’s your-name@a-big-and-glamorous-firm.com. You can’t wait to tell that to your friend.

Then comes the feeling of giving a business card with your name on it, and it’s not any other business card, it’s one with your name on it, it’s one that signifies you’re an employee with a-big-and-glamorous-firm. And… the word below your name is not a lowly “accounts executive”… the word below your name is exclusive… the word below your name is… “Associate”. And when your friend gives you the “Wow, you’re an associate with this firm?”… you get into instant orgasm.

3 or 6 months into your job, you will then be experiencing the euphoria of saying… I-am-very-busy… I-have-a-lot-work… I-worked-till-very-late-last-night… I-can't-make-it-for-the-gathering-cos-I-have-to-work-this-weekend. Yeah, it’s an euphoria because to you, it’s a privilege to be busy, it’s very cool to work late, you’re very proud to work in during weekends. When you utter such words, a sense of arrogance and pride radiates from you. You feel great because working so hard means you learnt a lot of things, those not in the professional industry somehow looks lowly to you. You feel big, you feel you’re a level smarter than them .Reality will tend to sink in within 2 years or so, though the duration seems to be getting shorter and shorter now with the younger generation.

First, you will probably ask yourself, how come a graduate like you must do all sorts of donkey jobs such as photocopying, checking invoices, going through pile and pile of documents and filing. You will also be wondering how come your superior whom you once looked up to have to suck up to clients. Oh yeah… most all clients are unreasonable.

If you’re an accountant, you will probably realise that there is no such thing called a ‘balance’ sheet. It’s balanced because you did the balancing act so that your big boss can sign on it and certify it as ‘true and fair’. Yeah… signing on accounts, the job that you once dreamed of… isn’t exactly all a bed of roses. You then realise that you will probably never reach that “just-need-to-sign-only stage” but hey… it’s ok, you probably hate that job by now. When you tell your client something, chances are you are just as blur and confuse as them. But you have to act as though you’re an expert because you’re the con-sul-tant. This is just a glimpse of it.

Now, all the late nights and irregular meals will probably caused you to age 8 years in 2 years. Those I-am-very-busy… I-have-a-lot-work… I-worked-till-very-late-last-night… I-can't-make-it-for-the-gathering-cos-I-have-to-work-this-weekend will take its toll on your body and it will show. You will probably look very skinny… or very far… you will certainly look old and worn out. Working late and spending weekends in the office is no longer a cool thing but absolute stupidity. But hey… you will still have to do it, because there’s still much work to be done.

By now, all your friends who ended up as salesmen or doing other thing except being a professional, those whom you felt superior to are driving anything but a proton. But for you, it’s time to think whether you should buy a proton cause your perodua is beginning to give you problem. Of course, if your father is well-connected fella, things can be different. But if you’re not, tough luck. You’ll be wondering how come you’re generally under-paid. Those exposure and learning curve that you once craved are no longer relevant. You want to make more money. But unless you’re a partner of the glamorous firm, money can be a lil tough to come by.

At this point of time, probably after 3, 4 or 5 years, you finally realised that document you signed when you first joined the glamorous firm was nothing but lies. Then, you decide to ply your trade in the commercial world, you leave those glamorous firm. You think joining a commercial firm will bring about a good change, not knowing that such move means you switched from being a ‘profit centre’ to a ‘cost centre’. One of the main effect of the switch is that you will be working doubly hard compared to the profit centre, which probably includes a lot of late nights too… but your salary and bonus is much lower compared to profit centre. What does this mean… a story for another time.

One thing for sure… your morning will now be something like…

Your alarm rings, signalling another day… another weekday. You get up, after snoozing the alarm a million and one times. You hope today is Friday, but it’s not, and you feel like shit. You think of a million and one reasons to take MC, but you realised you have to go to office because you failed to finish the report due today though you stayed till 10pm last night. You tell yourself you need to change job, just like how you have been telling yourself in the last 1 year. Once in office, you’re in a dilemma cause you want time to go slower so that you can finish your work but yet, you want time to go faster so that you can leave the office and go for lunch.

During lunch, you will bitch with your colleagues about work and probably the bosses. You will all talk about so many people who seem to be doing so well except for you. You realised you should have done something else while in university. You realised you may have made a mistake in life… a mistake in being a professional… you have made… a professional mistake.

P/S: I've added a "Zewt top 10" at the sidebar. Any entries that you think which should be or should not be there?

"Sam Jiu"

About 3 months ago, I was somewhat considered a new social-political blogger by a school of bloggers. While I don’t consider myself a political blogger, I do blog about social issues. A fellow blogger mentioned that lately, the direction of my blog has changed, particularly since the passing of my mom. I have to admit, that’s true.

There are a few reasons to it. My interest in exploring and writing about life is one of them. And I realised that there are many people out there who share the same notion. Secondly , I realised I have quite a number of international readers (;P), so blogging about Malaysian stuff ain’t gonna make sense to them.

Another reason is that I realised no matter how hard we scream or shout here in blogs regarding “Malaysian” social issues, it will always fall on deaf ears. I am not discouraging all the social-political bloggers out there, certainly not. In fact, you’re all my heroes and heroines. Your energy and never-say-die attitude deserves much admiration.

But one of the main reason lies in an ancient Chinese saying….

“sam jiu”
(directly translated: heart shine)

It refers to things that we already know by heart, that we already know the answer without having to talk about it. In other words... it means "Isn't the answer obvious?"

Take a look at the photo below (courtesy of TVsmith), how many of us have seen this before? How long has such things been in existence?

But how come the authorities were surprise about the existence of “kereta potong” last week? C’mon… “sam jiu” la…

The authorities also screamed and so promisingly proclaimed that they will clamp down mat rempit activities. Remember those countless statements in the press aka as the only source of news that we can trust. But are those Urukhais still roaming our streets? And why? C’mon…"sam jiu” la…

How come some datuks can so openly insult women in the parliament and we are all supposed to take it as a joke but when a “joke” is uttered from the mouth of certain people, it is considered “samseng” and “kurang ajar”? C’mon… “sam jiu” la…

How come if you and I mention about certain things, they are considered sensitive but if mentioned by not you and I, it’s perfectly fine? C’mon… “sam jiu” la…

How come after putting up this entry, I might land myself in trouble? Am I spreading lies? C’mon… “sam jiu” la…

Anymore "sam jiu" situation that you can think of?

I have always been told that debates in the parliament can be quite… err… “passionate”. Having viewed a few parliamentary clips, I couldn’t agree more. But what I really don’t understand, is how can some people can appear so well-mannered when they were a candidate eyeing for a parliamentary seat, looking all so intellectual while giving speeches, but when they are finally doing what they were elected to do, they can be of the total opposite? And I am not only referring to the gomen component parties members, I am also referring to opposition members.

Below the infamous caption of the recent “bocor” fiasco and observe that both gomen and opposition members were both actually attacking each other when they were supposed to deal with the issue at hand.




P/S: Word verification is temporarily up to avoid spam and any comments deemed inappropriate will be zewtily deleted. Why? “sam jiu” la…

With or without a reason?

I was once asked by a then-close-friend… “what do you like in that person that you are going after?” He was referring to my ex. I was taken by surprise and I could not answer him. He paused for a moment and told me that my inability to answer was the best answer one could give. I was puzzled, I bet you are too, right? He then delivered to me his motto… that when you like someone without a reason, that’s true love. At that time, I trusted him and I adopted that motto. That was 11 years ago.

As time goes by, I figured he was probably right.

Perhaps I have been exposed to quite a heavy dosage of western movies where couples break up or divorce because they no longer find their lover understanding, humorous, pretty, handsome, etc. That’s notwithstanding Hollywood celebrities, because I think they separate when they are bored of fuc*ing with each other.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I believe if you love someone because of a particular attribute… and when that someone no longer possess such attribute (it could happen), are you still going to love that someone? Not so much of physical attribute but character.

For example…… you meet up with a girl… she is sweet, demure and ladylike… and you love her for all that…you get married… you two have children and those lil ones drive her mad and she turned into a witch!... no longer sweet, demure and ladylike… are you going to stop loving her? Maybe… maybe not. Due to this, I believe there should not be a reason in loving someone, so as to not give you a reason to stop loving someone.

For 7 years I loved a girl and I chose not to find a reason for it. We were happy (most of the time), spent a lot of time together gathering a host of memories (both sweet and bitter) and life was indeed a bed of roses. But we are all humans, the fact that we are who we are today, is because of our species managed to evolve over time. So over 7 years, I supposed we changed… we morphed… we evolved.

God created the world in 6 days and on the 7th, He rested. On the 7th year of my precious relationship, disaster struck. For the first time in my life, I was put into a situation whereby I need to think and choose and shit!... I needed find at least a reason why I have loved this girl for 7 years. You may be thinking right now, that I have been playing a fool for the those 7 years. Hell no!!! I treated my ex better than my family, and I am not going to start by telling you the sacrifices I have made for her.

After 7 years together, when it matters most, I couldn’t find a reason to love her. I loved her for no reason and as such, there was no reason why I should stop loving her. Like the final sand falling down from the top of the hourglass, 7 years came to an end, like a flash.

No, I am not here to tell you why it ended or how it ended. The notion here is, are we supposed to love someone with a reason? And if that reason disappears over time, will we have to stop loving that someone?

After the break-up, I discussed this with another friend, and she told me is it crucial to have a reason to love someone. This is because when there is a need for it, when it matters most, when we need to reassess our position, we know why we love our partner, we know why we put up to all our partner’s shit and most importantly, we know we have something to fall back on. We know, despite everything, we love our partner for something.

So are you going to love someone without a reason? Just in case if that someone ceases to give you that reason, you will still love your him/her?

Or are you going to find an ultimate reason to love someone? So that whatever happens, you know why you love him/her.

Such a predicament… isn’t it?

Mothers’ Day wishes, a tribute and a game for few

Here’s wishing all mothers a very blessed life and may all your children reciprocate your love multiple folds. A short dedication to all mothers…

The splendour of love that knows no bound
Only one place it can be found
The heart of a mother that beats sweet sound
One that deserves the great life’s crown

Trials or tribulations… o’ come what may
So long as your child never gone astray
So let all children stand up and say
To all mothers… Happy Mothers’ Day

I would also like to take this opportunity to pay a special tribute to 5xMom who has continuously mentioning me in her blog. Since a few months ago, she has awarded me my 2nd thinking blogger award, compared me with kennysia, tried out my oyster mushroom recipe and of course, the chance to be part of the hottest male blogger nomination.

Having endured a significant lost in her life prior to this, 5xMom is still able to be good loving mother to her 4 children. I think she is a role model for all moms not just because she is a famous blogger, but she has shown that there is much life in being a housewife, and one that is making a lot of $$$ too. Her bubbly figure radiates from her blog entries but hey, she can be very vocal too, like here. Here’s a tribute to 5xMom… cheers!

As for the rest of us, if you’re struggling to kill time and is dying for this boring Friday afternoon to be over, try out the online Mansion:Impossible game. It’s very easy, just follow the instructions. The objective is to trade in property until you can purchase the mansion in the top right of the screen. The game can be found here.

For the record, my best time is shown below… 10 years and 2 months... virtual time la…

Have fun and have a motherly loved weekend ahead!

Lessons from death

I have learnt many things during my mom’s passing besides the growing up part, i.e. I've gained some knowledge in the preparation of the funeral, and the errands that needs to be done after the funeral. If you think funeral is about getting a coffin, put the body 6 feet under and perhaps mourn for 49 days, then you’re wrong. There’re much more things to it.

It was certainly a very stressful time. First, there’s the emotional tsunami that swept us away. But we can't just leave the deceased and go to our crying-hibernation mode. There are many things that need to be done. Allow me to share some pointers with you with a hope that your stress will be reduced in such testing times.

Funeral planner

Be honest with yourself. You don’t have time to choose the coffin and get everything prepared yourself; you will need a funeral planner. And sad to say, these vultures will be hovering around hospitals and wherever there is death, it’s like they can smell it. They will promise you the sun and the moon and will always give you the “we-will-take-care-of-everything” assurance.

During such time, our minds will be occupied with a lot of sorrows and we tend to just take what is laid on the table. Don’t! You will most probably be slaughtered if you do that. The first quotation given to me when my mom passed away was RM8,000+ which covers coffin, the rental of chairs and apparatus during the wake, drinks, peanuts, transport to burial ground / crematorium, basically all the things that you can think of, or at least what you are capable to gather at that point. We almost took it, we thought it was cheap. Cover everything you know!

Finally, we managed to get one for only RM3,600+, and it covers the same thing. The lesson here is… no matter how occupied your mind is, you need to think straight and discern. If you’re freaking rich then this will not matter to you, but if you’re not, then you will need to have a little bit of shopping sense.

Death certificate

This may just be one document that certifies the death of a person, but it’s not something that can be easily obtained. If one passed away in the hospital, then there should be no further problems. If otherwise, things can be messy. Consider that there is a growing number in people dropping dead all of a sudden, this is a tricky issue.

If death happens without the present of a doctor, you will probably need to make a police report. Thereafter, the police will take the body for post-mortem i.e. cut it open. I am sure this is not something that you wish for your loved ones. The person is already dead, and it’s not a murder, why cut the deceased open just for the sake of it?

The trick is to get a doctor to certify the death of the deceased, and the cause of death. Subsequently, the doctor certification can be send to DBKL for the officer to issue a ‘Burial Cert’. Thereafter, one can use this Burial Cert to apply for a Death Cert without having the deceased cut open.

The beauty of living in Malaysia is that… most of the funeral planners will have “connections” to get this done. So… this is one important criterion in choosing the right planner.

Will

This is one helluva “tai kat lai si” thing with the Chinese, and perhaps with other races too. But you cannot possibly imagine the importance of having one. For parents, let’s be open-minded about this. If something happen to you (touch wood), and your children are all still young, who is going to pay for all the funerals and logistics? And trust me funeral is freaking expensive.

A simple letter assigning someone the power of attorney to your finances can avoid a lot of unnecessary stress. I am fortunate because my dad was around and he has the cash to pay for a lot of things. But like I said, if both parents suddenly went and the children are all young, things can be very messy, and I am not talking about fighting for money.

In the absence of a will, all the deceased’s bank accounts will be frozen, and there are a lot of red tape and paperwork to do before the money can be disseminated amongst the children. And you know what? The gomen will happily take a cut from the account, no kidding. And that is provided all the paper work is done properly. Any hiccups, the gomen will sweep everything. And I am darn sure you don’t want that to happen.

If the deceased is unmarried and have no children… well, I am not exactly sure what will happen but very likely the gomen will send you a “thank you” note for your contribution to the country’s development.

And oh… as always, the above process practise “Malaysian time” to its fullest.

One way to get around it is to have joint accounts. But this means someone will have access to your finances while you’re still alive, a “will” will only allow someone access after one is dead… so… to each its own.

There, 3 very important elements, lessons that I learnt from the passing of my mom. There are also other issues such as burial land or place to house the urn for those who are cremated. Such things will depend very much on one’s finances. One advice… don’t over-burden yourself. Discern and choose the best for the deceased… and yourself.

Additional info (11 May 2007):

Some fellow bloggers have highlighted that EPF beneficiary should always be updated. Indeed, the beneficiacy should be someone who is alive and there have been cased where EPF office has screwed up when the system was computerised. Something like that. Well, it's Malaysia after all. So make sure your EPF beneficiary is alive and kicking.... so is your insurance beneficiary, if you have insurance

As mourning period for mom ends…

Today marks the end of the 49 days mourning period for my mom’s passing. Some asked me why 49 days. Well, honestly, I don’t really know. I can only say, it was derived from 7 x 7. At least that’s what they told me.

So yes, the vegetarian days are over, but I am not exactly screaming in delight. As a matter of fact, I am feeling quite low now. Can't believe it has already been 49 days since mom went away… since I last spoke to mom… since I last heard her voice… since I last tasted her delicious cooking… since I last had a mother. I can still remember, very clearly, the phone call from my brother, the sight of mom on the bed, the words spoken to me by the doctor, those words from my cousin about how it wasn't meant to be a surprise, the chill of mom’s body when I last touched her, the sorrow the engulfed me when I pressed the button at the crematorium… everything is so clear in my head. And I reckon I will never be able to erase any of them… not that I want to, but everything is so clear, I feel as though I am going through them all over again just by thinking about it.

I think I have done stupendously well in the last 49 days in keeping the house in order to a certain extent, and of course, going vegetarian. Tell you one thing, the struggle is not eating vegetarian, but finding vegetarian food to eat. Most of the time, I eat the same thing over and over again. Many people said I have lost weight, but I think I have lost all those muscles I gained the gym due to lack of protein. It’s time hit the weights again.

I knew life will change the day the doctor told me mom is beyond any medical assistance, but the magnitude of the change really took me by surprise. It was also an eye opening experience to actually feel how it is like to maintain a house. How frequent the floor needs to be swept, how often the bathroom floor needs to be scrubbed, how often laundry needs to be done… if you have been living in the comfort of my-mom/maid-does-them-all, you better pray you don’t have to do house chores one day.

One thing I have discovered, or sort of re-discovered, is my interest in cooking. I have done more cooking in the last 48 days as compared to the time since I came back from UK till mom’s passing. I have developed a lot since my chef entries… cooked some pasta for my family and I have successfully prepared soup a few times. Now that vegetarian days are over, I guess I can try more things.

Anyway, putting food on the dinner table made me think of the time when I craved for something. All I needed to do was to hint to my mom, within 3 days max, I am sure the dish I craved will be on the table. Now… I guess I have to cook it myself, provided I know. How things have changed.

There is also one irritating habit that I have, which I can no longer practise. Whenever I cook myself instant noodles at night, I will conveniently leave the bowl and everything on the sink, knowing that mom will clean them in the morning. But now, if I leave them tonight, those dirty dishes will be there for a thousand years… no kidding. I have never said a word of thank you to my mom for all those time she cleaned my late night dishes, but yet, I know she happily cleaned them for me, without a word of complaint.

My thoughts are all over the place right now, so many memories, so many words unspoken, of which will always remain unspoken. But of all things, I remember one of mom’s most prominent wishes… that mom wanted to be remembered… always. She tried very hard to ensure that she stays in our heart forever. Of course, she will… but action is louder than words, and since the heart and mind never really speaks, I strongly believe I should put some action into it.

In view of this, I have dedicated one day every month to be vegetarian. Not that I am a Buddhist, but I do it in remembrance of my beloved mom. Mom passed away on the 3rd day of the 2nd month according to the lunar calendar. As such, on the 3rd day of every lunar month, I will be a vegetarian. It is nothing compared to all the love she showered and the sacrifices she made, but I am sure she will be pleased.

I have always loved poems, but it’s a shame I only write one for my mom today…

Dear mom, if you can hear me say
I have missed you since that fateful day
Without a word you went away
Left me in abundant dismay
Oh… what painful 49 days

You have loved me in so many ways
Ways of which I can never repay
Though mourning ends in this month of May
Your love I shall cherish till end of my days
Oh… what painful 49 days

I ask that God will grant you grace
As you rest in peace in your dwelling place
And don’t you worry about my pace
I will continue to run life’s race
But yes… it has been a painful 49 days

Love you mom… I will always remember your love for undeserving me.

Again, is it worth it?

There is a very famous Chinese saying that goes….

“Tuck han sei, em tuck han peng”

It’s directly translated as ‘free to die, not free to fall sick’. Free here is not referring to freedom, but free-time. It simply means one is very busy, so busy that falling sick is even worse that death, as falling sick means one has to catch up with work when one recovers. Death on the other hand… well, I am sure you get the flow, right?

Last month, we read about a young manager who worked till her death. She was said to be a loner. Perhaps she finds nothing meaningful in her life, thus, she concentrates on her career, which of course, eventually led to her death.

A reader commented about a similar story which happened nearer to home. Co-incidentally, my colleague in Singapore forwarded the news to me last week and I think I should share with all of you. The news about her tragic death is reported here. It’s rather long but if you have the time, you should read about it. If you don’t have time… make some time la!!!

It’s about a girl named May who lost her life. The reason? Yup, you got it right… she worked too hard. She has a blog and co-incidentally, she put up a blog entry 2 days before her death. In her blog, she said she was thrilled to “finally have the chance to fly high in Fortune 500 Multi-National Corporation”. I guess she paid the cost of having such thrill with her life.

Strange enough, she said in the last paragraph of ill-fated blog entry about how she learnt about the person of the similar role in the same company died of heart attack, and she was afraid that she will end up with the same fate. Unfortunately, 2 days after her blog entry, she did land herself with the same fate.

I really like her last line … “The moral of the story is don’t ever fall in love with your company or your job”. Though it failed to save her life, I hope it will save yours. The next time you wanna say “tuck han sei, em tuck han peng”, think again.

Her ill-fated blog entry can be read here.

May she rest in peace.

Feeling sleepy?

This is where I usually park my car on a regular Sunday afternoon when I am at Jules’ place. There are places inside her house to fit my car but her dad usually washes their cars on a Sunday afternoon so I tend to park outside (as shown in picture), so that her dad can move the cars around without having to deal with my car occupying space.

But today, I decided to park my car inside her house, and thank God I did. Half way while watching the Singapore Open badminton final, we heard a big 2 big ‘bang’, no no no… no new universe was made, there were sound of collision. We peeped out of the window and we could only see what is in front of the house. It was this…

Curiosity led us downstairs and we were right, there was an accident. This was what we saw…

Couldn’t really see anything right? Basically, a Proton Waja went out of control and rammed into a pole (refer to picture above), and crashed into a Proton Saga parked on the neighbour’s side. And accordingly, the Proton Saga rammed into a Proton Wira parked outside the neighbour’s house. Yeah, the Saga is basically sandwiched. Here is a better picture…

I wanted to take more pictures but the driver but since everyone there wasn’t really showing me a friendly face, I better bugger off.

Anyway, the driver of the Waja said she (yup… it’s a she) fell asleep on the wheel. The owner of the Saga said those people in the Waja looked as though they just came down from Genting. Fell asleep on the wheel!!!! Notice the tree next to the crash site? Had they hit the tree, they won't live to see another day.

We have just had a brief discussion earlier about morons, and while I sympathise them for crashing their car, I can't help but think what they did was rather ‘moranic’. How many times have we heard of people losing not only their cars, but their lives because they fell asleep while driving? But do we listen? Have you fell asleep on the wheel before?

Jules has got a friend who works for a very glamorous IT consulting firm, one that currently pays a fresh grad RM4k. On the average, this friend of Jules crashes her (yup, it’s also a she) twice a year. The reason…? She fell asleep on the wheel. The reason…? She worked late. Well, the bliss and risk of working in a big glamorous firm. By the way, she still works in the same firm and still crashes her car on a regular basis. Will she ever learn? God knows.

Next time, if you’re sleepy, please stop your freaking car and take a nap by the roadside or something. If you always work late which results in you feeling sleepy while driving, do something about it before you freaking kill someone! You wouldn’t wanna live to tell your sorry stories.

Anyway, I must thank God because of this…

Thank you Lord for your divine intervention.

A kid at 6 and what is 5?

What were you doing when you were 6? Probably learning A for apple and B for boy? Kids nowadays are really ahead of their time. Check out this kid… and you MUST wait for his second song…


Amazing 6 Year Old Guitarist - More amazing video clips are a click away

Now, where is my guitar!!!???! Been wanting to change my strings for the longest time. Anyone know where I can get Elixir 1st and 2nd string for an acoustic piece? Damn… I really need to get back to my playing…

Right, the weekend is here, and I am sure it will be gone without you knowing it. But I am sure you will have time for this one…

If…

1 = 5
2 = 25
3 = 125
4 = 625
5 = ?

Have a nice thinking weekend…

The chronicles of morons

How was the holiday? I know I know… it’s too short isn’t it? Well, that’s the reason why I took today and tomorrow off too. Am going to stay away from the slavery system a little while longer, which probably means the coming Monday blues is gonna be more painful to bear.

Anyway, have you even encountered some people that you just want to slap their sorry face back to reality? Have you ever met some moronic souls that you’re not sure whether you should be angry with them or laugh at their moronic act? I have encountered quite a few in my life. Quite a number actually but I think I am going to talk about 3 today…

Presenting moron number 1: The get-out-of-the-way driver

It happened more than 2 years ago when I was driving to my badminton game. I was heading towards Hartamas on the fast lane in front of the palace when a car (if I remember correctly, it’s a proton iswara) tailing me rather closely. It’s quite obvious he (yes, it’s a he) was trying to get me to move out of the way, to which I didn’t comply. He was probably getting increasingly irritated cause he kept flashing his lights and honking me, urging me to move aside or go faster.

Well, I was actually going quite slow, going at about 70km/h on the fast lane. However, I did not give way, I stayed in the fast lane and continue going at 70km/h. In the end, frustration overtook my nemesis and he made a quick check to the left and as he sped past me, I think he showed me his middle finger, I couldn’t be bothered. BUT! As soon as he overtook me, he slammed on his brake so hard, the halt almost caused his car to go out of control. You know why?

Cause there were 2 POLICE PATROL CARS right in front of me going at 70km/h. WHAT A MORON! That was the reason why I couldn’t go any faster! It’s also amazing how the hell he failed to see them from behind. What a moron!


Moron number 2: The over-zealous patriot

This too happened about 2 years ago, around the month of August. I was late at work (as usual) and as I was entering the car park, there was an unusual traffic jam… in the car park! This is rather strange cause during such time, traffic is usually clear in this particular cark park. The pause seems to go on longer than expected. Then I noticed the driver in front of me got out of his car and started laughing. Not wanting to miss anything, I did that too, I mean, I got down from the car before I laugh la.

To my amusement, I got myself moron number 2. Credit to him, he was rather “patriotic” There was this Pajero with something like 50 miniature Malaysian flags glued on top of its body, including the roof of the car. There were so many, with the flags all nicely glued upwards. Now, with the Pajero being quite a “tall” car, all these flags got stuck between the pipes that were running below the ceiling. This moron had to get out of his car and removed all his nicely glued flags 1 by 1!

If you wanna be a patriot, show it in a more meaningful way! Not by having miniature flags all over your vehicle and ended up removing them cause you didn’t assess your destination before hand. Plus, that act caused me to be more than an hour late! Oh well, not that I care anyway. What a moron! And I mean him…

Moron number 3: The alcohol-seeker in Starbucks

This too happened about 2 years ago, during those times when I had to go back to office for work on a Saturday. Having partied the night before, I wandered to Starbucks Coffee outside my office to get myself the much needed caffeine. I was in the queue, and standing before me was this Chinese Type A. He was looking up at the menu board on top, as all Starbucks have that, pondering on what to order. I think he couldn’t decide on what to order and asked the girl at the counter…

”Do you have anything alcoholic?”(in a very very very heavy Aussie accent – I wish I can say it out for you to hear)

What the f**k! Has this guy ever been to Starbucks before? Which part of Starbucks “COFFEE” he doesn’t understand??? Alright, maybe, just maybe that was his maiden voyage to a Starbucks. Or maybe his mama locked him up in a room somewhere to protect him for Starbucks, cause perhaps Starbucks around his area sell alcohol.

He went through almost all the drinks in the menu with the girl, asking which one is nice and so on. I am beginning to think there is no Starbucks in Aussie. After settling for a drink (which took a while), he took out his wallet and get ready to pay. And you know what???? He slowly took out this heavily stamped loyalty card and asked for a stamp from the girl. What the f**k! Obviously this is NOT his first time at Starbucks. Alcoholic drinks?

I would have forgiven him if the girl at the counter was a babe. But, it’s total opposite (no disrespect) she was not quite a babe and I can’t help but to brand this lost soul moron number 3. What a moron!

Have you ever encountered such people before? Tell me your stories… and next time, if you ever see such people again… say it out loud…WHAT A MORON!