I was once asked by a then-close-friend… “what do you like in that person that you are going after?” He was referring to my ex. I was taken by surprise and I could not answer him. He paused for a moment and told me that my inability to answer was the best answer one could give. I was puzzled, I bet you are too, right? He then delivered to me his motto… that when you like someone without a reason, that’s true love. At that time, I trusted him and I adopted that motto. That was 11 years ago.
As time goes by, I figured he was probably right.
Perhaps I have been exposed to quite a heavy dosage of western movies where couples break up or divorce because they no longer find their lover understanding, humorous, pretty, handsome, etc. That’s notwithstanding Hollywood celebrities, because I think they separate when they are bored of fuc*ing with each other.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I believe if you love someone because of a particular attribute… and when that someone no longer possess such attribute (it could happen), are you still going to love that someone? Not so much of physical attribute but character.
For example…… you meet up with a girl… she is sweet, demure and ladylike… and you love her for all that…you get married… you two have children and those lil ones drive her mad and she turned into a witch!... no longer sweet, demure and ladylike… are you going to stop loving her? Maybe… maybe not. Due to this, I believe there should not be a reason in loving someone, so as to not give you a reason to stop loving someone.
For 7 years I loved a girl and I chose not to find a reason for it. We were happy (most of the time), spent a lot of time together gathering a host of memories (both sweet and bitter) and life was indeed a bed of roses. But we are all humans, the fact that we are who we are today, is because of our species managed to evolve over time. So over 7 years, I supposed we changed… we morphed… we evolved.
God created the world in 6 days and on the 7th, He rested. On the 7th year of my precious relationship, disaster struck. For the first time in my life, I was put into a situation whereby I need to think and choose and shit!... I needed find at least a reason why I have loved this girl for 7 years. You may be thinking right now, that I have been playing a fool for the those 7 years. Hell no!!! I treated my ex better than my family, and I am not going to start by telling you the sacrifices I have made for her.
After 7 years together, when it matters most, I couldn’t find a reason to love her. I loved her for no reason and as such, there was no reason why I should stop loving her. Like the final sand falling down from the top of the hourglass, 7 years came to an end, like a flash.
No, I am not here to tell you why it ended or how it ended. The notion here is, are we supposed to love someone with a reason? And if that reason disappears over time, will we have to stop loving that someone?
After the break-up, I discussed this with another friend, and she told me is it crucial to have a reason to love someone. This is because when there is a need for it, when it matters most, when we need to reassess our position, we know why we love our partner, we know why we put up to all our partner’s shit and most importantly, we know we have something to fall back on. We know, despite everything, we love our partner for something.
So are you going to love someone without a reason? Just in case if that someone ceases to give you that reason, you will still love your him/her?
Or are you going to find an ultimate reason to love someone? So that whatever happens, you know why you love him/her.
Such a predicament… isn’t it?