It’s exactly a week ago, today, that we pulled the plug. Time passes so fast, I don’t really have the chance to fully grasp all that has happened. A week just passed by like a flash, and it has been a week since I last heard mom’s nagging. And for the first time in my life, I miss it very much.
It has been a week of many 1st, for instant, it was the first time I saw my dad cried. Temper is his trademark emotion during his younger days, I have never seen his sorrow, but I saw it that day at the ICU when the doctor informed us that mom is beyond any medical help.
Speaking of tears, it was the first time my whole family wept together… all of us by mom’s bedside. I really wonder if she can truly hear us, I have to believe that she does. Otherwise, mom would not have heard all that I told her in the hospital that day.
It was also the first time I spent a week away from office and wish that I have worked instead. I am willing to go through any level of stress or unreasonable deadlines in exchange for another 1 minute with mom.
It was the first time that I think that all I have achieved in my life is utterly futile. A man can gain the world but if he failed to express his love to the person he loved, it means absolutely nothing.
It was the first time I went hours after hours without sleep due to reason other than work. I guess you know I do spend a lot of time at work… in the past. It’s amazing where I managed to gather that amount of energy.
It was the first time my faith is put to the test, and I think I coped well. Yeah, I did performed certain Buddhist ritual, but in my heart, I am not worshipping any other god, the true God remains in me, and when I bowed down, I did it in honour and respect to my mom. Why constraint ourselves to the rigidity of ridiculous religious rules and forget our responsibility as a son towards our parents?
And it was indeed, the first time I realised my mom has always been there for me, loved me in a way that no one else could have done… and I am thankful for that. As cirnelle put it in her comments… mom has always helped me in my studies and other achievements by taking care of all the other things. So I can't really say mom never helped me in my studies.
There are many other 1st, but I think that’ll be all for now. Spoke to someone today and that someone said I should start writing about social stuff again. Well, perhaps I should. Of course, I will still write about my mom on and off. After all, I really enjoy writing about her.
So… making jokes of others… traffic… society… some morons... the G… anyone?