The block resulted in 3 laws

Someone just asked me to post up something funny. Apparently, I am quite good at it. Unfortunately, I am suffering from a brief blogger-mental block. Maybe I am feeling a tad tired due to lack of sleep. Maybe the visit to the gym today contributed the fatigue factor too.

Oh… speaking of gym… what happened to all my muscles!!!!! Heh heh… not to say I have much of it but I have certainly lost quite a few chunks. Well, I have not been to the gym since the passing of my mom and with the excessive intake of carbo during my vege diet days… I’ve certainly lost plenty of muscle meat!

I think I need to have the motivation to be discipline again, like how I mentioned it here.

By the way… the gym is getting more and more infested with … well… people who have lost a sense of direction… ya’ know… those who were supposed to be looking for holes but end up looking for poles… know what I mean?

Speaking of holes and poles… I’ve learnt something when I was in O.B.S. 14 years ago. It’s called “The other Newton 3 laws of motion”…

The other Newton 3 laws of motion number 1…
“The in and out motion, will usually produce a white lotion”

The other Newton 3 laws of motion number 2…
“When a pole is put into a hole, the result is a new soul of either a pole, or a hole”

And… The other Newton 3 laws of motion number 3…
“With continuous rubbing of the bosom, the heat of the stick will be constant”
This one is a lil tough to comprehend… but go figure…

Ah… I guess the blogger-mental block ain’t that serious eh? Oh… by the way… did you contribute to the population of criminal yesterday?

P/S: I’ve installed a poll at the sidebar… do vote honestly… thanks ya!

You are the reason

I used to have a part-time job when I was still a modern slave in one of those big glamorous firms. I was an “escort”. Yeah, it wasn’t exactly a glamorous thing to do but I had to do it. I mean… the girls wanted it anyway. So during those nights… when I am needed… when those girls are alone… I have to escort them to their cars. What were you thinking?

Yeah, during those times, when me and my colleagues all worked till the wee hours of the morning, guys are the designated escorts. Of course, escort service only provided till the doorstep of the car.

Anyway, such service is vital to avoid any unwanted incidents. There were incidents of snatch thefts and one particular incident where a manager was actually slashed repeatedly. So, the presence of a guy is believed to bring about an increase sense of security… keep our female colleagues safe from such petty crimes.

So… working late is hazardous because it exposes oneself to potential snatch thefts and other unwanted incidents. Whose fault it is? As I ponder upon this point… I am of the zewtpinion that it’s… your fault! Yeah… you!... the modern slave who’s reading this entry. No, no, no… I am not talking about working late which gives rise to opportunity for those criminals to strike… I am talking about you contributing to the population of such criminals.

How so? Let me tell you why…

Because you work late everyday, you are doing more than what you were supposed to do.

Because you’re doing more than what you’re supposed to do, your company is not required to employ an additional person to do that extra work.

Because your company is not required to employ an additional person, someone somewhere out there is deprived of a job.

Because someone somewhere out there is deprived of a job, he or she is jobless and is desperate to make a living.

Because they are desperate, they develop the tendency to resort to petty crime and turn into a snatch thief.

Because they turn into snatch thieves, they commit such crime to you or your father or your mother or your sister or your brother or your boyfriend’s sister’s friend’s fling.

Because those people got snatched, they come to you for a new wallet or handphone or i-Pod.

Because they come to you for a new wallet or handphone or i-Pod, you need to work harder to make more money.

Because you need to work harder you most probably end up working even later.

Because you work even later, another fella is deprived of a job.

Hmm… I guess the process never ends… so, do you know whose fault it is that we are having so many snatch thieves around?

What they’ll do to say I do

“Whenever I see those slide shows, I will cry, because I know I will never have be able to experience all that”
“Why? Which part?”
“The church ceremony, cause he is not a believer”

That was my friend Jenny telling me about her repeating experiences in her friends’ wedding dinner. She is one of those typical Christian girls who always wanted to date a Christian but for some twist of fate, or for her wallet’s sake… ended up with a non-Christian. While Jenny isn’t exactly a very Godly person, she is no different from any other Christian girls, or any girls for that matter… Jenny wants a church wedding.

You see, when Jenny told me about her predicament, her concern wasn’t about the salvation of her bf, her concern wasn’t the holy solemnisation of the marriage, not even the exchanging of vows… her concern is… “the church ceremony”.

Now, having a church wedding here isn’t exactly about having God as the witness of the marriage. No, not at all, trust me…to some people, these are secondary. The whole idea about having a church wedding is to be able walk down the aisle in that beautiful wedding gown with a veil covering the face, it’s about saying “I do”, it’s about exchanging rings, it’s about “You may kiss the bride”, it’s about walking out from the church after the “I do” part with people clapping and smiling at you, it’s about feeling beautiful… most importantly, it’s about that romantic feeling engulfing your whole being. If you’re a girl, you will know what I mean, right?

So what’s the remedy? You can’t force a religion into a person and… if you happen to be a member of a MNC (Multi-National “Churchnisation”), the pastor might crucify you if you even dare to date a non-Christian, what more if you intend to marry one. So what do you do?

Well, Jenny is going to get married, and Jenny is going to have a church wedding. She is going to walk down the aisle in that beautiful wedding gown, they are going to exchange rings, there will be people applauding them when they walk out of the church and there will be a slide shows capturing those moments in her wedding dinner. But no… her fiancé is not a Christian.

How? … … … Well…

Jenny’s bf is going to “declare” his believe in God… all of Jenny’s friends are going to “believe” that he is now a Christian… one of Jenny’s friend who is a cell group leader is going to “nurture” the “new” Christian. All these are done so that the church will “believe” that they are going to marry a “Christian” couple. You get the flow?

To me… I find all the efforts and planning absolutely amazing. I mean… the level of friendship is just so deep and touching. Maybe Jenny’s fiancé is now a Christian, I am not sure, but I find the whole thing absolutely amazing. Don’t you think so?

Put Jenny’s story aside, I believe many girls here will want a walk down the aisle in “that” wedding gown, do you? Can't blame you… walking down the aisle in a white wedding gown, accompanied by the most romantic song ever as compared to being in a deep red “cheongsam” or some red outfit that you don’t even know how to pronounce accompanied by noise music played by instruments that are extra-terrestrial to you… which one do you think people nowadays will choose?

Jules have got a few girl-friends and they are not Christians. But Jules said she will not be surprise if they will all do a “Jenny”, all for the sake of having a church ceremony. She particularly pointed out one friend, one whom I’ve met and I wouldn’t be surprise if another “Jenny” act will come out from this friend.

So will you get all your friends and do a “Jenny”? Because there are people out there who will do anything just to that few minutes of romantic shower… no matter what. They’ll do all that, just to say I do in a church. Will you?

P/S: The above is just a story, any similarities is purely a co-incident.

A trip back with a new face

Many thanks to Kenny Mah for the banner. But honestly, I hope to get something even angrier, scarier (is there such a word?) and darker and as many have said… zewter… hehe… But since Kenny is busy with his shifting of apartment, I guess I shouldn’t be complaining too much. Besides, it’s free. Have to say I like the font… like some horror movies. Right Kenny?

So… many thanks Kenny!!!

So say goodbye to this one...

So, which one is better?

P/S: Anyone here knows how to check Adsense account balances?

A homicide solved with a funny race

Am I glad it’s Friday! It has been a hectic week. With my colleague going on maternity leave, my work is tripled! Why? Cos both of us are at 150%, so with she gone, I have to do the work of 3 persons. Yeah… modern slavery again.

Anyway, no more modern slavery stuff for now. One reader said it’s getting too serious and boring while another claimed that such entries make her feel lousy. Hmmm… I guess too much modern slavery stuff is a lil too tiring for the brain eh? Some even said they suffer from overdose of zewtpinions. Having said that, there were some dogs barking at each other today, quite a candid scene… but that’s a story for another day.

Oh, I know I owe all of you the answer for this riddle. Haha… did you read all the comments to find out? Anyway, the question was supposedly used by CIA to see whether a suspect has got a mind of a psychotic killer. If you answer Jane killer Joanne because of jealousy, then you’re normal, cause that’s what a normal person will think. But if you answer Jane killed Joanne so that she can see the hunk again in the funeral… well… you have mentality of a psychotic killer. And judging by the amount of such answers, I think I need to watch my back here. Haha!

A lil on the ‘sam jiu’ front… did you read the comics news today? “Bocor” part 2! I really wonder what kinda quality they use in building gomen complexes. And for goodness sake… it’s the bloody court! Imagine the judge trying to pass a judgement and “splash”… water on his face! And it’s RM290m!!! Check this out…

Well, it’s Friday so I will have to leave you with a riddle. What? What again? Ok la… since you all think I spoil your weekends, I shall ask something and provide the answer immediately.

Do you have any ‘chindian’ friends? Chindian refers to one who’s got Chinese and Indian parentage. Well, what if the father is a Chinese and the mother is a Sikh? Now, in Malaysia, a Sikh is sometimes refers to as a “baii”. Yeah, you guess it right… some people has the audacity to actually put ‘that word’ as the race of this person…
For non-Malaysian readers, bangsa means race and cibai means cunt. I guess the person who prepared the receipt was totally “cuntfused”

Have a nice weekend!

P/S: Has anyone beaten my “sell house game” record yet? I am still waiting! Hehe…

Hello LiverFools

This is going to be my most personal entry ever, depending on who you are of course.

To all those liverfools out there who thought you all have conquered the world when you qualify for the Champions League final… to those liverfools who made fun of Man Utd supporters last Sunday… I am now laughing my ass off at your sorry liverfools’ face! You’ve just got yourself another empty handed season.

Oh yeah oh yeah… now all the liverfools are going to turn historians once again. This is the time when they are going to brag about how many league titles and how many European cups they’ve won in the last dunno how many donkey years. Speaking of which, please note that liverfool has not won the league in the last 10 15 17 years? Also, which is the team who calls themselves a big club but is WITHOUT an English Premier League title?

All together now… LI--VER--FOOL!!

P/S: This is for all the countless sms-es I got last Sunday... Hmmm... wonder if all Liverpool supporters going to stop reading my blog now?

What an increase… what a statement…

Ya’ know, when I have my daily dosage of comics a.k.a. mainstream newspaper, I will usually laugh, albeit a cynical one. Do you laugh when you read those “comics”? But today, when I was doing my daily reading, I was totally depressed.

Up to 35% increase in salary and double in living allowance! That is on top of well known perks such as boleh-pergi-minum-sesuka-hati, boleh-pergi-kursus-tiap-tiap-hari, boleh-kerja-sambil-jalan-sana-sini and boleh-tutup-kaunter-walaupun-orang-sudah-mari, just to name a few. After all, we don’t shout Malaysia Boleh for nothing.

The last time I worked like a dog till I never got to see sunlight and got double-promoted, I only managed a mere 31% increment. And that includes having to endure the world most misleading document, an absolute opposite compared to those boleh-perks. Aren’t you depressed?

But the most depressing (and scary) part is when I read… “Abdullah said the pay rise could be given because of the economic growth of 5.6%, the effect of fuel prices, positive trends of Bursa Malaysia and improved tax collection.” Quoted from here.

“Effect of fuel prices”… “improved tax collection”… sound very scary…

But towards the end of the day, the comics brought back some cheer… just a bit. That’s when I read the caption below:
Woooooaaaaaaaahhhhh… I wonder what happened. To me, such incident is truly… An act of God…

But then again… will there be any result?... sam jiu ler…