Monday 26 May 2008

V for virginity, P for purity

I had a very interesting conversation regarding the above notion with my evil twin last week. I call him my evil twin because we were born on the same day, only a couple of hours apart. He raised some questions that really made me think.

I am no expert, but I am darn sure masturbation will not make one loses one’s virginity, in case you are still wondering about that. It’s really funny how some people believe masturbation will. But then again, what exactly is virginity? What really constitute a virgin?

Let’s not go into the medical definition of hymen and all. I am sure all of us are very familiar with that already. But there are quite a number of understanding, and I am sure many of us posses our very own interpretation as well. But how diverse do you think our understanding can be?

I was once told of a story of this girl who only let her bf do the deed via the backdoor. Her reason… she wanted to preserve her V for her husband. No kidding. To her, preserving front tunnel exploration means preserving her V. I disagree. What do you think?

Anyway, the discussion with my evil twin about virginity led to a discussion about purity. It’s very intriguing indeed. Sad to speak, virginity is hard to come by nowadays. So the question of purity comes into place.

Before I continue, please accept my apology for focusing the discussion on girls. Anyway, consider this…

Girl A has got 2 bfs before and one of them have actually explored her frontal love canal. All is not lost though. After the maiden exploration, the guy left her. So she only let her ex do the deed once, just once.

Girl B has got so many bfs till she lost count. But she never let any of them do the deed with her. She kept her front canal and backdoor tight, no one got to her panty. However, she has given blowjobs to all of her bfs on a regular basis.
Who do you think is more pure?

I am sure many will agree that Girl A is no longer a virgin, but the above scenarios posted to me by my evil twin did got me thinking. Indeed, the issue of purity have a role to play here. Guys, whom will you choose?

A lot of readers said that virginity is over-rated nowadays and to a certain extent, it is true. Very sad, but true. From an emphatic point of view, there are many girls who lost theirs to jerks thinking that particular guy is the one. Or perhaps they are left in a difficult situation to reject. So I think guys should not place much emphasis on the V notion, though I know some of my friends are very adamant about having a virgin for a bride.

Many have commented in previous humping related entries saying that in this day and age, people are just happily humping away. It’s human evolution, and there is nothing we can do about it. Some truth in it, unfortunately.
But to the guys, I just want to say… if you love her, and you have not ‘touched’ her… isn’t she a ‘virgin’ to you?


rainbow angeles said...

Your friends who want virgins as their brides, are they virgins too?

Johnson Tee said...


thanks for including our discussion in your blog, i feel honoured??!

i am the evil twin, muahahaahah

first, to get any kind of discussion going on, we should know the what and the why

what is virginity?

this site defines a virgin as a " a person who has never had sex "

this site defines virgin as :

Virginity is a term used to describe the state of never having engaged in sexual intercourse. A person who still has his or her virginity can accordingly be described as being a virgin. In broader usage of these terms, they can characterize a state of purity. ...

to go further, wikipedia defines technical virginity : Some historians and anthropologists note that many societies that place a high value on virginity before marriage, such as the United States before the sexual revolution, actually have a large amount of premarital sexual activity that does not involve vaginal penetration: for example, oral sex, anal sex and mutual masturbation. This is considered by some people "technical" virginity, as vaginal intercourse has not occurred but the participants are sexually active.

Assertions of technical virginity, often made for religious reasons, may be regarded by some as inaccurate. A number of sex educators have challenged the idea that "having sex" explicitly excludes sexual activity other than vaginal intercourse. They propose instead that it should rather include oral or anal sex, and mutual masturbation. It therefore follows that once an individual has engaged in such sexual activity, they are no longer a virgin in any meaningful sense. Still, many people would admit a somewhat important difference between those acts that merely give sexual pleasure (i.e, performing oral sex, a handjob, etc) and those that receive it (penetrating, being penetrated, or otherwise brought to orgasm). Though there might be the notion that the recipient of a handjob has lost their virginity, few people would consider the hand that performed it to be therefore deflowered.

There are however anthropological reasons for the view that vaginal penetration, especially on the part of the woman, is especially indicative of a change in status, a threshold irrevocably crossed, the most incontrovertible "loss of virginity". And that is because a woman who has been vaginally penetrated is one who may have potentially conceived. From an evolutionary standpoint, men would prefer "virgin" mates under this definition to be sure that the woman was not carrying another man's child which the new husband would be "tricked" into caring for as his own.

so some of you would consider a woman only losing her virginity after having vaginal intercourse, and anything else doesn't count. other may regard any woman having any kind of sexual activity as not being a virgin. fair point.

now to the question of the why?

it is really important preserving ones virginity? are we being indoctrinated by thousands of years of religious and social pressure to place a high value on the sexuality? shouldn't we be allowed to explore our own sexual needs in a mature and responsible way without the cynicisms of society?

like rainbow angeles said, are they guys themselves virgins when they expect their brides to be virgin on the wedding nite? hell, i'm sure even before the wedding night, these guys would have taken their cherry, technical or otherwise. to the guy who gets anal sex because the gf wants to maintain her "virginity" for her wedding night, consider yourself lucky, not all gals would give up her ass for you! i say pump away!

seriously, who wants a virgin on their wedding night? is it that important in having a "pure" girl, for example, who has given head to 20 previous bf and taken it up her ass but maintain her vaginal "purity"? does it even make sense? and why place so much importance on her pass?

there's already so much pressure on the wedding day, do you really wanna give so much importance on her virginity? i'd rather the gal have some sexual experience and is wiling to indulge in all your sexual fantasies on your wedding night, in short, GGG. Wouldn't that make your wedding night all that memorable than having going through pain, blood and dissatisfaction?

GGG - This stands for "good, giving and game",

keep lovin...

day-dreamer said...

That's why this world is kinda unfair to females sometimes. Guys expect their brides to be virgins but they are not one themselves.

I've asked a few male friends. They said they don't mind if their brides are not Vs. LOL?

Anonymous said...

When will a guy buy a 2nd-hand car? When he can't afford a brand new one or he needs a car badly and urgently but there's only a 2nd hand one available. Or when he's not bothered, as long as he's got a car to drive..... Hahahahahaha! (I'm using my hp to comment; can't seem to indicate identity with blogspot blogs!)

Anonymous said...

I'm with Rainbow Angeles on this one, and actually posted a post on this on my blog before. (

For your question on whether the Girl A or Girl B is purer. I'd say Girl A. She may have had sex ONCE, but in terms of sexual knowledge & experience, she's had less. Girl B is what i'd call a 'technical virgin' That is, a virgin in name only. Is she really a virgin? She is like that backdoor girl. Yes, her vagina is untouched, but her mouth isn't. Girl A can count the number of sexual experiences on one hand. Can Girl B do that?

To me, purity and virginity should not be determined or controled by society. It's a very very personal topic.

Is a girl who got raped when she was 6 a virgin when she's 26 if she's never had sex (apart from the rape)? My opinion is yes, that girl is still a virgin. She's never enjoyed, or initiated sex. She is much much purer than the Girl B you mentioned

My two cents =) Theo

NYPT said...

virgin or not isnt an issue nowadays.

what matters more is wether your your gf is a slut or not. sluts may be virgins who blowjob for close to nothing....on the other hand, prostitutes charge a fee.

Sluts are those with weak principles and may resort to their slutyness after a few years of dull marriage.

so the issue more relevant for guys to ponder upon is slutyness.

H.C. Tan said...

haha there you have many virgin readers..including me..and me sumore approaching 24 yrs old d..and i'm in italy. duno want to feel proud or phaiseh. but anyways, virginity is overrated. for sure, purity does not equal to virginity..vice versa.

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

thats a very good pondering question! then again, its very contradicting n double stds..its ok for guys to be not a "virgin" but for alot of ppl out there..its their quest to search for a untouched virgin to hitch..

Huei said...

hahahhha i agree with angel. is that guy who wants his wife to be virgin a virgin?

virginity is so overrated. i think most guys wants a virgin so they can brag to their frens how good it is to screw one..bla bla bla..guys stuffs

then it leads to this thing i saw b4 in tiuniasing's blog..wouldn't guys prefer girls with experience? hahahha ;P

Stephanie said...

Virginity is over-rated- yes !

Do u guys remember how it was making love/ having sex the 1st time ? as compared to now?

As a female - im more relaxed n i appreciate sex even more. that also means - multiple orgasm ;) - n proud of it !

N yes ! i do agree with the writer, If u havent had sex with someone, she/he is still a virgin to me !

simple fact - every sex partner brings different offers to the table !

me said...

i'm no guy....but can i answer? i'll choose.....the one that i love???? what has virginity or purity to do with choosing the one that you love??

Anonymous said...

I would say both girl A and B are not pure anymore. Anyway, virginity is not that important to me. Perhaps if both of you and your partner are not virgin anymore, then your sex life will be more harmonious, isn't it?

Seaqueen said...

Very deep thought indeed. A difficult question to answer, depending on what an individual perceives virginity. Like you said, it depends.

Why the sudden blog entry on this topic?? Someone must have sparked your interest on this eh??

Anonymous said...

Purity of heart matters more. Physical virginity can be lost thru a number of ways other than sex - abuse, rape, accidents (happened to a fren of mine who fell awkwardly) and even sports. So IF during the wedding night, she does not bleed after sex does it mean that she's not a virgin? Maybe he's too ahem... Look up medically, u'll find that the hymen can be sometimes hard to tear or has already been torn (and the gal doesn't know it). So pls stop always penalising the female race... Guys should be penalised sometimes. :P

Kiersten said...

Bravo, zewt! The way you ended the post is just marvellous! :)

Eileen said...

Wow, the last sentence is nicely written. I wanna give you a bravo for that. Well, my question is if a guy must have a virgin for a bride, does that mean the girl have the right to ask for a virgin groom too?

Haha, to imagine people is looking for virginity to marry instead of looking for a partner they can imagine to spend the rest of the life with.... I guess some people just dun live in the century they are right?

Eileen said...

Wow, the last sentence is nicely written. I wanna give you a bravo for that. Well, my question is if a guy must have a virgin for a bride, does that mean the girl have the right to ask for a virgin groom too?

Haha, to imagine people is looking for virginity to marry instead of looking for a partner they can imagine to spend the rest of the life with.... I guess some people just dun live in the century they are right?

Anonymous said...

Bravo, zewt. Your last sentence made the post for me. Rather rehash everything, rather than keeping at this hunt for the virgin bride, you've made me (and hopefully your other readers) realise, perhaps the table should be turned, and the search should be finding the right guy who understands how little "virginity" and "purity" matters in the technical details, and to focus more on the Big Stuff --- do you truly love her?

Guys, stop trying to find the right girl, virgin or otherwise, backdoor/frontdoor. Work harder on being the right guy for her. For me, it made all the difference once I focused less on finding the right one for me, and focused more on being the right one myself.

And similarly for the ladies, I suppose. The hunt for Prince Charming can go on forever. We should all just be ourselves... only better. (Isn't that a slogan of some brand? Not plagiarising here, but lupa ape brand tu lah.)

Azlan Zed said...

i prefer the blowjob girl... haha... virginity is so over-rated... so i heard... ;)

Anonymous said...

"a good ride is a good ride, regardless if its new or old. Ofcourse the journey it takes that makes it worthwhile"

good post~

zewt said...

rainbow angeles - nope... they are not.

Johnson Tee - hahaha!! well, i dunno if you want your identity to be revealed or not hah! hahaha... bro, i know for u... if someone offer you her ass... i am very sure u will pump away! hahahahaha LOL!

day-dreamer - i think most guys dont mind la... only a few.

anon @ 26/5 3.25am - wah... dont associate women to car la... nanti kena bash then u know hahah!

Theodwyn - i have to say the part about enjoying initiated sex is a very good point.

Nicholas-Y - hello and welcome to AZAIG! good point. and u think slut is worse than a prost eh? i have got a friend who likes slutty looking girls... crazy huh.

zewt said...

HC Tan - in italy, if u wanna lose it... easy la :P

constant craver joe - in this case, guys are just bastards eh?

Huei - hahahaha... tiuniasing sure has a point there.

Stephanie - hello there and welcome to AZAIG. hah! you sound as though you have had quite a lot on the table already huh? :)

me - perhaps not for u... but for some... yes.

jam - and more adventurous... experience mah haha!

seaqueen - following the theme from last week mah... all the humping and all. haha!

zewt said...

pinknpurplelizard - err... i dont think breaking one hymen becos of sports or accident amounts to losing virginity, not to me at least. i do not consider breaking the hymen as losing virginity. there must be some sort of sexual act.

Lil' Ms Pinky - thanks :)

Eileen - well, so far, i only have 1 friend who demands that. though i think he is bound to fail... haha!

Kenny Mah - hahaha... yup... just be ourselves, only better. well, i think all of us just have to realise we live in a day and age where virginity and sometimes, purity is no longer a matter of conscience.

alan zed - hahaha... why? easy access eh?

-=Sin=- - thanks... a good ride eh? hah!

Anonymous said...

Still remember my conversation with my ex-colleague.

What I can say is the guy very straight, may be.

When he shows interest to me, I told him break with his ex first, I won’t be other third party.
He directly asks me:” I want to have a sex relationship. You can promise me I can “work” with you?”
I reply that I will consider may be. But actually I won’t….hehe
Then he told me:” I need the confirm answer, else after I break up with her, I can’t get a sexual relationship with you, then I will lost both side”
Kanasai….that’s my answer.

After that I know he is the person who likes to have a V gf, and be their first time, after that break and find other V girls.
From what I know he already have a gf, but he still “hard working” to find second victim to be second and third leg. After my rejection, I’ve been told that he had found another 2 victims.

What I want to say is, he likes V, may be other men like V too, but he keeps taking others V; he’s taking others men’s opportunities to have V gf. Another thing is, he is not a V.

This world is unfair, right!?
V or not, I can say I’m Yes.
I just want to be right to myself, mentally.

For me, I prefer the A, at least she is more…..

(sorry for offences)

Purple~MushRooM said...

Zewt the hamsup blogger now. Hahah. Anyway, I have already given you my answer. Good post.

-ritchie- said...

i prefer A more.. i dun mind my wife is V or not as long as shs is not a slut eventhough she still virgin at the front door..

Observer said...

this is why i cant write some of things you do.... you are unique zewt... hahahahha

myop101 said...

it is all theoretical for me now considering the deed has been done...:P

Kel said...

for me? treasure what you have. you might not know when you would lose it. this goes to both way. the guy need to accept the one he love for who she is(as a person that he truly loved) and not what(v or no v). the past is already the past and you cant undo it.

for the girl, treasure what you have(though most of the time girls nowadays always seem to give it to the wrong guy) never be pressured by your bf's(hinting zewt...because he posted on this topic several times....why am i having this feeling that he will delete this comment???....dont bother la....) who wanted it so much. do only when you are ready.

and to both sides, life isn't fair. guys might not get a virgins and girls might not be able to discriminate guys on their virginity(cant detect right?) but whatever it is, we are all facing our own conscience. be fair to yourself. dont expect too much if you truly love someone. thats all i have to say.

Anonymous said...

I took 5virgins but I still want a VVirgin as wife... NO DOUBTS!

ManaL said...

Sense of domination mostly, on some man winning and marrying a totally pure Virgin wife.

I am quite neutral on whether the future husband is a V or not himself. I was so much into test-drive 1st before but now, I am more relaxed and fate will lead the way. Purity comes from the heart and mind to me.

zewt said...

anon @ 26/5 10.08pm - wow... u should really put that guy's face in the internet and expose him. he is such a disgrace to the male species. but then again, i know there are plenty like that out there.

purple mushroom - wahh... i blog about virginity only woh.

-ritchie- - yup... slut seems to be a criteria now.

freethinker - i am sure u can... and perhaps, i cant write the way you do as well.

myop101 - hahaha... for me too eh?

Kel - hahaha.. freedom of speech here... wont delete wan. i think both male and female have to be fair to each other and accept that some things are just beyond our control. we can only look to love as the solution.

Edi - bastard! hahahaha....

Manal - well, many ppl are taking the test drive approach. but i guess if you do not want it... it is still ok so long as your partner is ok with it.

Nicole said...

last line. beautiful

Anonymous said...

Hey zewt, I'm a virgin! But my mind is a it polluted though. Lol

Kel said...

zewt also virgin(alot of years ago) lol. and no doubt he is always polluted(mind)

zewt said...

nicocoa - hello there. thanks :)

littlepolaris - hahaha... yeah, i know.

kel - whose is clean ler?

Anonymous said...

nice girls dun get laid..but yea..'virginity' and 'purity' is a matter of the eye of the beholder cause we are all living amongst weirdoes nowadays..

zewt said...

angie - same goes with nice guys...

sharlydia said...

I'm not sure how many guys can keep their virginity as compared to girls, but how come the topic if surrounding female virginity? Are we saying the male virginity is not important then?

zewt said...

sharlydia - well... u can always write a piece on your side. i am a guy mah... naturally will talk about girls'...

MissSHopaHolic said...

i dunno whether i am to late in commenting or not.. but I am proud to say i am a v in a true way. Being a pure hindu and being brought up in certain ways i have certain principles in life, i don have to sleep with a man or initiate any improper conduct to show him hw much i love him, for the man who is willing to wait, he has my respect and eternal love.

But i have met a really horrible man .. wanna have sex with a virgin but dunwanna marry her.. still in a relatioship with another but wanns the gal js cause she's a virgin.. and wen u x get her.. they tell that no one wld wann a gal like her cause she cant drive a car????

man they come with any excuse to put a gal down js coz she said NO... and the worst part is tt this particular guy is x in love with any of both the gals.. coz he's 2 busy being in love with himself..

i don wann a v guy,,i don think there are any.. but i wld love to be with sumone who respects his future wife and loves her enough to wait. For that, she wld love him forever and ever...

zewt said...

missshopaholic - hi there. been a while huh. fair point on the guy being a jerk. i guess there are plenty out there. and guys who are not v but respect their gf's decision on the issue... not easy to find anymore.

treehugger said...

Any woman/girl who has high self respect would still get herself laid but not necessarily give out blowjobs.

To these girls if they have to stoop so low (no pun intended) to give pleasure they would rather not do it.

Then again there are others who would just give out blowjobs if they could get away with not sleeping with someone or to get out of tight situations. Mind you that I am not saying that these girls do not have self respect but they value their virginity more than a mere blowjob.

In both cases, the girls would eventually end up in tough situations when confronted by their partners, but Girl B would be perceived as being cheap and slutty as compared to Girl A.

In contrast if the situation was Girl A slept with many vs. Girl B who blew many, I believe Girl A would be the cheap and slutty one but thats not the case in this argument.

So it boils down to whats the perception and what is the level of exposure for the guy involved.

If Girl A and B tells the truth up front and comes clean with who they did it with how many times etc, I guess if their guy really loves them they would not mind but would actually be thankful for the heads-up.

Just imagine if one of those girl's disgruntled ex comes up to their bf/husband and says, "I fucked her/She blew me etc..." just to get back at her and he would be able to reply "Yeah I know, so what?"

That would be much better than having no comeback at all, right?

So guys and girls, come clean ;)

zewt said...

treehugger - fair enough... being honest is everything. but then again, one should also accept the fact that the past ... is the past, and remain there. so him/her done what what what before should not change the partner's mind...if it's true love, no?

treehugger said...

zewt - sorry for being misleading, that was exactly my point. regardless of the past, when he/she comes clean, if the other half really loves them, it wouldn't even matter.

imagine if you married that someone only to find out a few years later about some deep and dark secret, there goes the trust in the relationship. i've known a few friends who keeps secrets from their spouses on the grounds that it was the past and their marriage was the new beginning. the secret came back to haunt them eventually and their spouse found out and guess what..they had trust issues ever since and one of the so called happily married couples divorced :/

On another thought, if Blowjobbergirl here (Girl B) had a bf and he thinks that she is slutty due to the many encounters with the shaft, would it matter if she blew him as well and let him fcuk her? haha that way he would be on a different playing field coz he would be sore if she didn't fcuk him but now that he IS fcuking her would he percieve her as slutty still?

zewt said...

treehugger - hey, welcome back! sorry to hear about the story of that happy couple. yeah, i would imagine it could be traumatising. but i guess it depends on how serious is the secret being withheld. if it is just an-ex, i guess it should be fine. as for girl B... haha... the way you explained it tickled me... yeah, he should be thinking that he is now on a different ground having fcuk her.