When our instincts fail...

To confirm whether you’re a male or female, just look down…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…
…
…
…
…
…

…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Eh… ‘look down’… not ‘scroll down’…

Don’t you think computer habits have over-ruled out basic instincts?

The weather forecast said it will snow… Have a lovely weekend.

What’s with the awareness fuss?

Last week, I received 2 request to blog about certain topics; one being the body snatching saga and the other being the lost of life for an individual with tremendous potential in a bus crash tragedy. I do not need to link to the relevant site, I am sure you know about them already. If you don’t; unless you’re overseas, you’re an oblivious idiot.

The call for bloggers to blog about such tragedies carries with it the intention to create awareness. Awareness? Do we still need awareness if I may ask.

Honestly, aren’t we all fully aware of how fucked up things are? Just mentioned terms such as ‘tape’ or ‘rasuah’ or ‘korek-korek-korek’ or ‘religious freedom’ or ‘protest’ or ‘election’ and that’s enough to set our mouth and ears on a long road towards talk-cock-orgasm. Once climax is reached, we finish our teh-tarik, go home… and that’s it.

So what is the big fuss about creating awareness?

What is the purpose of asking why and why and why this and why that when deep down inside, you already freaking know those questions will not be answered. Worse, why ask when you yourself freaking know the answers!


And I definitely want to question the timing of the why-s. Do you suddenly feel compelled to bombard life with all these questions; or you only do it because reality hits you?

**paragraph deleted after due consideration**

I’ll tell you why… and this goes out to all of us out there, including myself… it’s because we will only feel the pain and act on it the shit hits the fan and fall on our lovely face. Chinese say… you’ll don’t feel the pain until the needle pokes your flesh.

Then there is this bus tragedy who claimed the life of a soul with a bright future. Indeed, it’s a sad thing. But wait, isn’t there a bus tragedy not so long ago? Did you blog about it? Why is there a call to blog about this particular one just because a person with a bright future is a victim? The victims of previous tragedies have got no future and not worth mentioning?

And c’mon… how many of us will forget about this tragedy by the time we have our teh-tarik next Monday?

If a person like Jeff Ooi asked me to blog about an issue which I believe in, I will do it. If Nat Tan asked me to blog about an issue I feel strongly about, I will do it. If Pinkpau asked me to write about a social issue, I will do it. But if someone who has been blogging paid post and how lovely life is but suddenly went gung-ho about creating awareness and making a change simply because the ‘needle pokes your flesh’… harap maaf.

And to all those who got high in this awareness-orgy, I want to ask you this question. If you are 21 and above… have you registered to vote? Have you fulfil your responsibility as a Malaysian? Are you aware of the awareness you are spreading?

If you answer is yes, well done. If otherwise, I must say I truly do not understand how people can spend hours blogging about such issues and hours complaining about such issues and hours talking-cock about such issues and yet… not willing to spend a few minutes at the post office counter to get yourself registered.

And for goodness sake… please vote if you’re registered.

The situation is this… the shit has already hit the fan. If you have been trying to make a change and have fulfilled your responsibility as a Malaysian and yet the shit hits you… well, life sucks; and it’s probably there are tonnes of us out there who are still living under the fan but has yet to taste the shit.

If you have been doing nothing but enjoying the breeze under the fan or afraid to do anything so that you and your family can continue your lovely life or you think that so long as you stay away from ‘danger zone’ you will not be hit by shit and … SUDDENLY!... the shit still hits you… well, I hate to say it but… serve… you… right. That’s why they say… shit happens.

They all live in their own comfort zone in the name of ‘protecting-my-family-and-myself’ or ‘I-need-to-make-a-living’ until someone’s body got snatched or someone they know got raped or someone got killed and then… they come out with all guns blazing. Even that, I wonder how long it will last before they all go back to their little comfort life. So what’s the fuss about creating awareness?

There is only one way to change things and the whole freaking country knows it but yet, the majority of the whole freaking country doesn’t give a damn about it.

And hey… if you don’t know what is the thing that you can do to make a change… you’re so fucked up I tell you…

I know this entry is rather blunt and to a certain extent… brutal… but this is certainly… as zewt as it gets.

Chick on Chinese

A guy who called himself Michael Chick really cracks me up. He wrote an article and it was published in the ever famous Malaysia Today which carries much truth and written without withholding any attempt to be tactful. Some of the brutal honesty quotes includes…

“…these brain dead Chinese proudly pat themselves on the back and proudly call it “Manglish”, while their idiot Singaporean cousins proudly call it “Singlish”…”

“…You claim economic dominance. But in reality, are you really in charge?...”

“…What future does your child have, being raised by foreign maids?...”

“…Furthermore, all you care about is about FOOD…”

I would strongly recommend all to have a peep at the article, which Michael Chick titled it as “Malaysian Chinese are Stupid”. See if you agree. Even if you don’t, I reckon it will be a good laugh.

**A year ago today, zewt wanted you to Guess the tail of these tales**

The 4 here and the 4 there

Now, for those who don’t know, there are currently 4 top accounting firms in the world where an abundant of students are willing to sell their soul to. Joining these big boys is already in most accounting students’ head before they even graduate. Be an auditor and your future will be guaranteed… they say.

In Malaysia, it is irony at the highest magnitude as all of these students know that they will have to work their socks off when they enter these firms but regardless, they will still join. There are a few readers of AZAIG who fall under this category.

I think the main reason why students will join the Big 4 in Malaysia is the eligibility of ‘study leave’ and ‘sponsored study’. Yes, having a degree in accounting doesn’t make you an accountant. One must study a professional paper such as ACCA or CPA in order to qualify as an accountant, provided if you pass.

Of course, that is also on top of the fact that one must also obtain 3 years working experience in an accounting firm to have the ‘qualified accountant’ and being in a Big 4 is an added advantage. Anyway, that’s not the notion here.

Because of this exam + experience requirement, most accounting grads in Malaysia will join these Big 4 firms to ‘make it big’. These firms will sponsor their professional paper and they are usually given 2 weeks study leave for each paper when exam looms. Of course, whether you can actually take these leaves with a peace of mind to study is a different thing altogether.

When they pass these professional exams and spent 3 years slogging their lives in the world of auditing. I shall not go into the details of the work but let me tell you something. Due to the immense work commitment, there are people who fail their exams again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and… ok la, they will eventually pass.

What happen to these people? Well, the usual consequences are non-promotion and a comparatively lower salary. The more times they fail, the more difficult it gets as they will become more and more experience in the firm and workload will increase making. And the longer they stay in their quest to pass, the more they are stuck in these firms.

So basically, an accounting grad joins an accounting firm to obtain an accounting status via sponsored exams, study leave and certified experience. If you fail, you have an option to resign or try till you succeed. That’s Malaysia.

Today, KT brought me up to his office to have a look. He is currently working with one of the Big 4 here in London and the office is situated in Canary Wharf, arguably the heart of corporate offices here. Check out the office that I took in KT’s office on a Saturday afternoon in the midst of a peak period.
Notice something? Yeah, there is absolutely… nothing! Totally empty on a Saturday afternoon… during peak period! Do you know how the office will look like if it’s in Malaysia?

Anyway, I had lunch with KT and his colleague, Richard; who both are currently working for one of the Big 4 here in London. I had a ‘lamb hotpot’, absolutely yummy-licious! We talked a bit about life in Malaysia and London and Richard asked about how I know KT, the usual stuff.
If was then that I found out something very peculiar. Do you know that an accounting degree in some crap university will not land you a place in one of the Big 4 in UK? All the new recruits who KT is handling are non-accounting grad. They have degrees in music, social science, geology, basically all non-accounting related and yes, they are all recruited into Big 4 accounting firms here. The difference is… they are from very reputable university.

“You have got higher chance of getting in if you have a degree in sociology from a university like Oxford than an accounting degree from Xxx University” Richard said.

Interesting isn’t it?

How do these people learn about accounts then? Well, they have to pick it all up through on-the-job training and learn up the theories via their professional paper, which they have to take in full as they don’t have an accounting degree.

And you know what the best part is?

If you fail your exam in the Big 4 here, you’ll be sacked. So basically, you can only join a Big 4 firm here if you’ve got an incredible degree; pick up the traits and pass your exam or else, you’ll be sent packing.

What a big difference huh…?

You pee, I pee, he pees, she pees

I celebrated the millennium here in London and I will always remember how it went. It’s a very fond memory not just because I spent it in a foreign land and watching fantastic fireworks in the chilly winter night; but also because of a very peculiar thing.

I remember the evening started with me and my uni-mates all stuck in the tube as there were delays everywhere. Not surprising considering the amount of people heading to central London at that time. Our arrival in central London was greeted with a barrage of people. We don’t know where were heading, we just followed the crowd.

It was after about an hour that some of us began to feel uneasy… we need to take a piss. Now, those who have been to London will know that there are 2 things which are akin to treasure in London. The first is a dustbin, and the other… toilet. Yes, you hardly find these two things in central London. I heard it was a measure to prevent terrorist placing bombs there.

So what do you do when a guy needs to go? Well, a guy will go when a guy needs to go. So a bunch of us made our way to the side of the road, headed to the back lane, behind all the tall buildings and you know what? That part of town turned into some giant toilet with so many people taking a piss! And… there were girls too. Hell, they didn’t really care… just pull down their pants and do what a girl needs to do when a girl needs to go.

That was not it…

As we walk further… and drink water as we walked along, the urge to go came again. But this time, there wasn’t any building we can go too as we were really at the heart of London and really nowhere to go. It was then that a friend of mine spotted a bush not too far away.

And so, we squeezed our way through the crowd and headed to that bush… quite a big bush I would say. It’s one where you can actually duck and walk into it, which was exactly what we did. And guess that… just as I walked in… I was greeted by 3 girls… squatting there… doing their business… and you know what they said to me?

“Hello dear… you gotta wait for your turn…”

A very safe 'X'

Though I am thousand of miles away, I still keep a close watch of what is happening back in what we all still call, our homeland.

One which caught my attention was when a friend highlighted to me about the recent incidents where Christian books were confiscated as it was claimed that “the illustration of prophets in the Christian children’s books are said to offend the sensitivities of Muslims. This is of course, following the ruckus surrounding the usage of the term ‘Allah’ which honestly, I don’t know what is the conclusion as I am too fed up to follow up with it.

‘Fed up’ would be the best word to describe most of us. But what I find annoying is when people can go on and on and on and on about how horrible things are and yet… they are not doing anything about it.

Most of such people claimed that they have got a family to look after and certainly would not want to ‘get-myself-into-any-trouble’. I have to say that is absolutely absurd. Why?

I strongly believe that the notion here is not about taking to the streets and singing anti-establishment chant… the notion here is not about joining political party… the notion is not about being an activist… the notion is not even about blogging about politics and social issues which many think such act is life-threatening.

My friends… the notion here is about fulfilling your divine right as someone whose salary is paid net of tax… as a citizen… as a person born into this land you call home. The notion here is about taking a small trip to a place called polling station to place an ‘X’ on something which you believe in.
It may be an ‘X’ for the current bunch who gives you high blood pressure every time you read the mainstream media; or it may be someone else whom you think can make a difference. Whatever it is, you have to know that placing that ‘X’ is your divine right. Don’t let yourself take that away from you.

And that my friends… is hardly life threatening… will not put your family in danger… and I am pretty damn sure it will not land your ass in ISA.

Are you ready to move your ass and act on your ‘X’?

**A year ago today, Zewt began his first post on “modern slavery”**

The weekend gem

For some strange reason, I have been waking up relatively early compared to normal. Back in KL, I would set my alarm at 8am, and it will be snoozed till at least 8.40am before I actually get up. But here in London, I have been getting up at 8am. And you know what? I have been preparing breakfast! Twice I had cut pears with yogurt… absolutely yummy-licious and gosh… sooooooo healthy!

Anyway, a lot of people have been asking me to blog about the working culture here in London. Trust me; this topic is something I will definitely touch on. But ya know, I think it is too soon to actually talk about the working culture here after just 1 week. All I can say is that everyday is a learning experience… everyday, I see more and more differences between the working life here in London compared to back home. I will blog more in detail perhaps next week.

But there is one thing I noticed by just being here for 1 week. Weekends are very important for the people here. I have blogged about the evolution of weekends to us modern slaves but to the people here, it is certainly a whole new level.

For a start, people have big plans for weekends; and working is definitely NOT part of the plan. People will take time to travel around during weekend. For more of us back home, working during weekends is is pretty normal, though not to me. Talk about weekend usually starts from Thursday lunch time.

Come weekend, when I went out with my friends and bump into come familiar faces, people NEVER talk about work. Weekend is a time away from work… like totally away from work. Those biting about bosses and how you cannot meet deadlines and how Monday will be a dreadful time… such things are non-existent in people’s mind here.

Oh, I went to a nice bar by the Thames last Saturday with KT and had this beer called Cider. With a distinct apple taste, you can drink it easily. But after a few gulps, you will begin to feel its effect. Another good drink I must say.
Anyway, come Monday; everyone will certainly ask you how your weekend went and everyone has a story to tell and it makes you wonder… was it a weekend or was it a whole week off for these people.

This is one thing very apparent here in London. I can see the joy in all my friends’ eyes when I met up with them over the weekend and they are just so happy working here. No one seems to have any plan to return home, at least not in the immediate future. Even if they do, they intend to work in Singapore, definitely not in the Malaysian modern slavery kingdom.

And hey… one is eligible to apply for residency after 5 years working here… and I have a gut feeling that most if not all of my friends will be applying.

** A year ago and 5 days ago today, Zewt blogged about “They said it’s just a number”.