Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Why Helen the mother and not Hank the father

It would appear that my post regarding “The story of Helen, who’s only the mother” has attracted some not very happy souls. There are people who are not happy that women are seen as responsible for nurturing children while men are seen as responsible for “bringing back the bacon”.

The discussion on the existence (or non-existence) of gender-bias responsibilities will never come to an end. Like it or not, there will always be a tiny fraction of biasness in our view towards certain gender. Hence, I am not going to go there.

As for my story regarding Helen, perhaps I made a mistake by not formulating a better summary. If I may, I would like to add that the story of Helen was never meant to be gender bias. It could happen to anyone, including men.

Ablogaway commented in the post saying that there should be a post regarding the story of Hank. Indeed, just change the name from Helen to Hank, mother to father and she/her to he/him, and there you go, you will have your story of Hank.

But then again, why did Zewt chose to have a story of Helen the mother and not Hank the father? Was Zewt being gender bias?

Well, the reason is simple.

Helen relayed the story to me personally. She sits beside me at work.

P/S: Of course, name has been changed

1 year ago…
Have you got the balls?

3 years ago…
Even they got the guts to say it


ZACL said...

I missed out on the story line. Out of interest though, surveys here are showing that more men (from what percentage or number base I do not know) are taking increased child care responsibilities, due to the current employment situation. Some women can earn more than their husbands and the role reversal is decided on the basis of pure economics.

On the other hand, the report also stated that there are many situations where women are still taking on working out of the home, and expected to go home and continue with domestic work as well; effectively, working all hours. In those circumstances, yes, there is some child care responsibility taken by fathers, where it might not have happened before, but they are not taking on domestic chores with it.

Jennifer said...

an apology is due for coming down too hard on zewt. It sounded fictional :P and intentionally made Helen as the guilty working mom. All moms love their children. I wonder what Helen is doing now with regards to the children since her revelation of being just the mother?

ablogaway said...

Hahaha, I couldn't believe that you actually come out with the story of Hank :) Anyway, now that you explain the situation, I do understand better now. What I tried to point out in my previous comment is that a family would be much happier and whole when both parents play their part, whether they have a maid or not. Therefore, it should be the story of Helen and Hank.

pavlova said...

quite a coincident, but there was an article that appeared in the NZ Herald, which cited a columnist for Sydney Morning Herald who said that working mums shouldn't complain because they are having it good :P

Johan H said...

As a male, if I was married I wouldn't mind at all volunteering to be a househusband and letting my wife bring home the bacon, provided she too is able and willing. Of course my parents wouldn't speak to me any more after that. My neighbours will whisper things and my football kakis will delete my number from their handphones.

My point is, we are all products of conditioning. If you want to know why you respond one way or the other to gender roles, look at the expectations that were hammered into you as a child - by parents, education, religion, advertisements, movies, etc. You may be doing it yourselves. How many of you encourage your baby daughter to main masak-masak while you bought a toy gun for your baby son?

Because of that, we put a price on normality and abnormality. The argument that girls shouldn't do this and boys shouldn't do that is the price. We create our realities.

By the way zewt, nice blog!

flaminglambo said...

I get where the birds are coming from, I truly do. But if men were suppose to nurture, we would have been given a pair of those lovely things they call tits.

I'd love to be a house husband instead of dealing with some of the shit in the real world. Maybe if females rule the world, we wouldn't have wars. We'd just bitch slap our enemies and later make up by waxing each other's crotch. Then again there is the phrase - 'hell hath no fury than a woman scorned'. Nukes would probably have been invented earlier had women been in power.

Flame on...

ZACL said...

Johann, good comment, one most of us have knowledge about, but how many parents/people fall into the gender trap and trappings anyway.

Sure, we have to recognise the physical differences, but they do not mean that the genders cannot share the same abilities. They do, and it should be celebrated. It is a highly valuable asset.

InjusticeSistem said...

Johan H:
I kinda like Johan's argument abt da hammered/buy masak2 for gal/buy gun for a lot of sense sir

DAMN!!!!! pair of tits+bitch slap+waxing+woman's fury+ nuke....tat abt sums all da whole argument liao hahahahha

Zewt: y r u chit chatting with Helen during work hrs? Dont tell me she relay her story to u during lunch time, if u guys can chit chat n eat at da same time, i would expect u guys to be able to mail+teleconference+type report at da same time so u can finish ur work on time n go home to be with ur family instead of bitching abt 16 hrs work day
From ur friendly Human Resource Director

Huei said...

y should it matter? Helen or hank, male or female, she or he..why does it matter? do ppl spend time thinking whether the one taking of the kids should be a housewife or house husband rather than taking of the kids?

hahahah ok la i'm not a parent yet..n frankly speaking i don't have the patience for kids (for now anyway)..they just annoy me to death when they start chasing cats n dogs down the street!

but dad was the one who showered me with love. nothing materialistic..but just by spending time with me n bringing me out shopping (groceries la =P) and occasionally falling asleep by the tv when we watch tvb dramas TOGETHER.

zewt said...

ZACL - at the end of the day, raising a child requires both care and money. the responsibility to deliver that should not be based on gender, though our traditional thinking has made us to think in such a way.

Jennifer - hey, no worries... Helen has made drastic changes, but she regreted it, because it was too late. she only managed to salvage the son.

ablogaway - fair enough, i guess i should speak to some Hanks out there haha!

pavlova - hahahaha... well, i have a lot of tai tai friends and they are certainly having it good.

Johan H - haha... yeah, i think our parents will not speak to us. some friends will gossip behind us and then, some women will brand us as useless. such is life. our strugle to bring a balance on normality and abnormality will be a long one.

flaminglambo - hahahahaha... i should bring your comment to the attention of the female :)

InjusticeSistem - hahahaha... it was not over lunch, it was over a career talk hahahaha...

huei - i think your background sort of brought you a very diffrent perspective on dad... which is good.