Please enlighten me

I really don’t like this Namewee. Not only he is getting too much attention, he has also successfully diverted all our attention from other things, and it made me looked stupid. Why? It’s because some people are talking about some alphabets and I have no idea what they are talking about. I have to pretend as though I know and it made me look stupid. See what this Namewee has done to me!

The thing I am talking about is some dunno what P and K and FZ… I think it’s PKFZ. Have you heard of it before? No? That’s why la!!! Must be this Namewee’s fault! He is so famous till we all talk about him and dunno about any other things. And me trying to be smart, I thought it stands People Keep F**king Zewt!!! Then everyone laughed me. See, this Namewee made me look so stupid.

Then someone pointed out to me that it stands for Port Klang Free Zone. Heard of it? See! You’re also all pretty blur about this right? People from Klang, have you heard of this before? If not, I think it’s that Namewee’s fault again. You must be reading too much about that dude till you know that you have a free zone around your area. Don’t you just hate Namewee for taking too much of your attention?

I must admit, I am totally oblivious about it until they say the big boss is going to spend RM4.6b to bail out assist that free zone. Woooaaaahhh… talk about something defeating its purpose, what’s supposed to be free turned out to cost 4.6b bucks! But I am still pretty blur about it, still suffering from Namewee overdose. Are you? Yes, I am going to blame him for everything this week.

Can someone please enlighten me about this PKFZ? If you dunno what it is, stop talking about Namewee and start reading about this PKFZ la! It’s 4.6b bucks for goodness sake.

We should not forgive him

The name is Wee Meng Chee, also known as Namewee. He has delivered his apology for his infamous Negarakuku song and much has been said about him. Our big boss said that he is forgiven but will have to face the law nonetheless. Pak Lah, I have to disagree, I think that dude shouldn’t be forgiven at all! Here are my reasons…

The art of asking for forgiveness has got its precedent, set by a certain big shot from Klang who built a mansion on state land. Then, Pak Lah said we should all forgive that Klang fella for what he has done because he has asked for forgiveness and he has “repent”. And there is one very important element… “tears”. Namewee, if you wanna be forgiven, you must cry like that fella from Klang. Namewee didn’t cry, thus shouldn’t not be forgiven, but that big shot from Klang should.

Secondly, Namewee should not be forgiven because I think his apology was not sincere. Some people are saying that his parents were harassed and threatened, which led to his apology. If that is the case, I don’t think his apology is sincere, he was forced and being intimidated into doing it and as such, it can't be sincere. So he shouldn’t be forgiven.

Thirdly, his Negarakuku parody blew the secret that the national anthem is a pirated borrowed version from a particular song called Mamula Moon. Talk about opening a can of worms. Namewee’s little act has revealed to us that the pride and identity of the nation was based on a Hawaiian tune. We all should be made to believe that the national anthem is original, and he blew it all. Cannot… we cannot forgive him.

Last but not least, we should not forgive him because has been occupying too much space in the blogosphere. Blogs are supposed to only talk about what we did in a day, bitch about so and so, camwhore our faces and other fun stuff. But this Namewee dude caused even the regular personal blogs to put up an entry about him. In addition, his antics even caused a person like Kennysia (never thought I would link him but this entry deserves a link) to start talking poltics and do parady on another song! This is certainly a very unhealthy competition. He certainly should not be forgiven. He is such a bad influence.

Check out Kennysia’s video here before he is being threatened and forced to take it down and apologise insincerely.

See, we shouldn’t forgive this Namewee, right?

P/S: A new poll is out, time to cast your vote again...

Keywords splendour

One of the feature which I like really much about StatCounter.com is the ‘keyword analysis’ function. No, this is not a sponsored post. This function allows you to track what word internet user used in search engine to arrive at A.Z.A.I.G. Besides the usual zewt or ‘as zewt as it gets’, I must say some of the keywords I saw are pretty interesting.

For a start, I think people really hate their bosses. Check this out…

Gee… I never know my blog provides ways for people to take revenge on their bosses. But... sine that person is now your ex-boss... how was it? And people looking for EeChia in my blog?

Wahh!! That’s the way to go man! Tell your boss you’re late because you were made to work late! Whoever you are… you the man!

Well, those are the boss related keywords. But ya’ know what? Besides the above, I see a host of really ‘sexciting’ keywords, some of them pretty freaky…

‘Orgasm auto’… I think most of us will want that don’t u think? As for what you should think so that you won't cum… try thinking about your boss. By the way, who searched for “blogspot big 4 hate auditor quit”? hmmm……

I presume the user meant ‘human’. But what the hell… since when did A.Z.A.I.G. turned into a kamasutra blog? Hmmm… now I am being reminded of a particular “donkey punch”.

Can someone please tell me what in the world is ‘ah ah oh woman pic’? And I am darn sure you won't find such pic here in A.Z.A.I.G.! Or could you? Hmmmm… who “kena raba” (groped)? Did you like it?

Okayyy… who wants to exchange orgasm? You mean exchange with another gender? What they hell are these people thinking about? You're obviously 'cuntfused'. And A.Z.A.I.G. is no kamasutra, can't tell you how to make a girl cum. Girls, any tips? Oh… by the way, someone actually searched for ‘liverfool’? LOL !!!

Errr… whoever you are, if you find out… let us all know ok?

I am a guy, though many perceived I was a chick, so it’s a wonder how this blog can provide such answer. Girls, any idea? Is it the same?

Whoever you are… tough luck mate. And to the fella got pimple from looking at porn… serve you right man! LOL!

Those are the few sexciting ones. But I tell you what, there are 2 quite… errr… ‘disgusting’… like this one…
Man, you’re sick! No wonder we have so many rapes around. Whoever you are, you ain’t going to find any solution here. Go see a doc before it’s too late mate.

As for the next one, I don’t know whether he is sick or he is lucky or wants to be lucky. Check this one out…

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Geee… whoever you are, were you trying to screw her or you’ve screwed her? Whatever it is, you ain’t going to find any love potion to your mom’s best friend here.

Last but not least… well, you have to pity this girl. I think most probably it’s a girl who made the search. Don’t believe me? have a look at this…

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Now tell me… who is it now? Come on, don't need to be shy... hehe...

P/S: A.Z.A.I.G. = As Zewt As It Gets = name of this blog.

A world of idiots

Have you ever encounter some idiots who just irritate the shit out of you? No, they are not those morons whom I mentioned before. Those are very specific cases, one of a kind. I am talking about generic idiots, performing idiotic acts that are just pure irritating. They may be different people, but they can be doing the same idiotic things. Let me name you a few…

One type of generic idiots whom I always encounter is those whom I called I-must-press-the-button idiot, always appearing in elevator lobbies. When I am the first to reach the elevator lobby and press the “up” button, the second fella who reaches the lobby just have to do the same. There will be a whole bunch of such idiots who will keep pressing the button, despite knowing that it has been pressed and it won't make the elevator comes faster, all the way till the elevator arrives. Worse, some of these idiots will press it a few times and look at you as though it’s your fault that the elevator is slow. Bunch of idiots!

The second type of generic idiots is also connected to elevators. Well, it’s not exactly their fault but it still irritates the hell out of me, particularly when I am in a hurry. Say if you get into an elevator and you wanted to go to floor x. What irritates me is that the elevator will stop at x-2, an idiot will come in and he intends to get to x-1. For example, I want to get to the 10th floor, some idiot will board the elevator on the 8th floor and get out on the 9th floor. Damn freaking irritating!! If you’re going down, reverse the formula. For goodness sake, take the stairs when it’s one floor. What an idiot!

Next are those idiots who hog the line. No, I am not talking about traffic or any sort of queue, I am talking about those who hog the lines in a “chap fan” (economy rice) store. These idiots will just stare at the dishes as though they are choosing their life partners. C’mon, make up your mind and get out of the way. How much it costs and how good it tastes will not change if you give them your idiotic stare. Worse, there are those who take one dish and stand there like a model… ponder and hog the line. For goodness sake, once you’ve taken your pick, choose your next dish or pay! What an idiot.

Another bunch of idiots who are downright irritating are those holy Malaysian drivers. How do you know they are holy? Well… because they put up a lot of those holy car stickers, which are quite a trend nowadays. They will put up all sorts of nice and heavenly and godly car stickers with verses and phrases from the relevant religion’s holy book. But!!! They will drive like a devil and the moment you honk them or cut into their lanes or tread into their territories, they may reciprocate by giving you the middle finger hand-signal. Maybe that’s a sign of religious people. But to me, they are just a bunch of holy-drivers-wannabe idiots.

Have you been to the sauna before? The pail of water there is for you to pour into the sauna rocks to increase the humidity of the room. And the right way to pour is to slowly spread the water across the rocks in order for it vaporise, and the steam will heat up the room. But some idiots will just walk in and keep pouring like their lives depend on it, not knowing that consistent pouring will cool down the sauna rocks thus cooling the room. Worse, this bunch of idiots will have the guts to say… “Why still not hot wan ah?”

Have you been to a saloon where there is a particular stylist who is very popular? Every freaking customer who walks in will want to have her (usually a her) cut their hair, I have seen such things a few times. And they will make a big fuss when they wait too long and complain about other people jumping queue. Yeah, fair complaints perhaps. But do you know why they are idiots? Because all these customers (usually guys), have nothing much on their head to be cut anymore. One miss of the scissors might just bald their entire freaking head. But… they will insist on a particular stylist. Idiots indeed, no?

Last on the list, and I really hate them, because I think they should all die, are a certain type of idiotic smokers. Smoking is fine, it is your right. And being in Malaysia, I am used to the fact the smoking area in restaurants are nothing but fairy tales. But what irritates me most is when I see smokers smoking in an air-tight sports hall. These idiots are obviously stupid to feed their lungs with nicotine after a good work out but they should at least have the decency to walk out of the hall before killing themselves but no… they just have to puff away inside the hall and deprive other people like me who happened to be longing for oxygen. Bunch of idiots!

Have you encounter such idiots before? The world is full of them.

Types of accidents

When there is a mishap, it’s called an accident.

When such a mishap involves 2 or more cars on the road, it’s called a traffic accident.

When such a mishap involves your car ramming into someone’s car’s butt and you have to pay for it, it’s called an always-your-fault traffic accident.

When such a mishap involves someone’s car ramming into your car’s butt and he has to pay for it, it’s called an inconvenient traffic accident.

When such a mishap involves someone’s car ramming into your car’s butt and he runs away, it’s called a bad luck, but still a traffic accident.

When such a mishap involves you falling asleep on your wheel due to excessive over-time, it’s called an I-am-a-stupid-modern-slave traffic accident.

When such a mishap involves your car and someone’s car ramming into each other and both of you cannot explain why you ram into each other and so happen it takes place in this particular month, it’s called a hungry ghost festival traffic accident.

When such a mishap causes death, it’s a tragic accident.

When such a mishap causes a multiple death, it’s a very tragic accident.

When such a mishap causes multiple deaths with the driver having 2 arrest warrants and 13 unsettled summonses and plying on a permit-less route… ladies and gentlemen, that is called a Malaysian traffic accident.

And… … … by the time we enjoy our holiday on the 31st, the above shall be a forgotten accident.

Not to learn a learnt trait?

Those of you who are parents will surely agree with me when I say your children are your biggest worry, no? There is the worry about their well-being, their education, the future and one of your worry is probably about them picking up bad traits, as my Mom has plainly put it…

“pah lei hok waii” (afraid that you will learn bad things)

That is quite true…or is it?

A few Sundays ago, I was sitting at church next to this couple whose daughter was throwing tantrum. The little girl was very young, probably just learning to speak. I was shock, yet intrigued at what she was doing… she was throwing punches towards her daddy. Mind me, those were full blooded blows, if Jet Li was her age, he might get knocked out with one blow.

It does make one wonders whether she did learn her punches somewhere, or… the violent nature is within her all along… within us all along. What do you think?

Have you ever seen a baby throwing tantrums before? When a baby is irritated or want something, he or she will kick and punch and twist and turn. The baby will not back down until you give in to his or her demands, probably in the form of food or perhaps for you to carry him or her up. And parents will give in, most, if not all the time.

Now, this might sound absurd but imagine… just imagine that a baby has the strength of Arnold Schwarzenegger. When such a baby is irritated, the cot would have been smashed before you can attend to the baby. And if you are not fast enough, you might have to sustain a few bruises while trying to calm the baby down. And I wonder how the daddy who sat next to me that Sunday would be? I reckon he might have to be admitted into ICU.

I don’t know about you but I do find babies and toddlers a violent lot. Make no mistake, the reason why you find their “antics” cute is purely because they don’t have the strength to be destructive. Given the strength and probably weapon, babies and toddlers can be the most merciless destroyers, ever killers if an opportunity presents itself.

The question we should ask ourselves is… did they learn it somewhere? Pick up the traits while in their mothers womb perhaps? Certainly not, this natural tendency to kill and destroy in order to get what we want is in us by default, embedded within our genes. There is no need to learn, nature has already taught us all.

Now, should your worry about your children be about him or her not picking up the bad traits? Or should it be making sure that they do not unleash their “potential”. Besides not learning the bad things, there is much to unlearn.

P/S: Dear why-zewt-got-no-more-zewtpinion…. Nah… zewtpinion la!

And you thought you’ve heard the worst

Been talking a lot about names lately and while I have heard of some really outrages names, I am surprise to read from some comments that there are people who actually name themselves like Fruity and Tweety. I laughed when I read those.

Some of you may know that I spent a few months in China. No, I am not there for holidays but to work. It was one of the most high tech companies I have ever seen. Trust me, when I was doing the company tour, I thought I was in NASA or something, it was really cool. A story for another day perhaps.

One thing I must admire the local Chinese, is the ability to adopt names. My first experience came when I was introduced to one of the director of the department. When he stretched out his palms to extend a handshake, he said... “Wo shi RedStar” (I am RedStar).

I paused for a while, thinking I might have heard wrongly. I did not, his name was indeed RedStar… RedStar Liang. It was not until I got to know his Chinese name that I realised why he adopted such name. His native name was Liang Hong Xing, “Hong Xing” means ‘red star’.

Over the next couple of weeks, I realised the local Chinese will literally translate their names into English and will proceed to take on such names. Some of the more interesting names I have encountered when I was there includes…

Water Lee… I presume his name was ‘sui’
Hunter Xie… quite a cool name, don’t you think?
Ocean Wang… translate that into Cantonese… how does that sound?

One that tickles me is this girl by the name of Wu Xiang Wei. And her English name… Aroma… Aroma Wu… how about that?!

Another one which I find rather extravagant is this girl by the name of Ji Hui. Her name means opportunity and her English name? … “Chance”… Chance Ji… what a name!

Coming back to home… some of my fellow slaves in this particular company will know of a particular name which often comes out from the paging system. Yeah, there is a paging system in this company and the name which made all our jaws dropped when we first heard it….

“Cinderella Tan”

We never got to see her in real person. Maybe her or her parents were preparing for a good reason not to work overtime passed 12 a.m.

So have you heard of any Pocahontas lately?