Thursday, 14 June 2007

Of hip hop, to diet and a search

After some heavy thinking entries in the last few days, I guess I shouldn’t write another one of the similar notion since today is Thursday, ya? Why? Cos tomorrow is Friday! That’s why! And Thursday is also cool cos it’s hip hop day!

The dance instructor taught us lyrical hip hop today, where we have to dance according to the lyrics rather than timing. Damn it was difficult! Have to admit I couldn’t really catch it, but it was good work-out anyhow. Speaking of workout… I think I need to go on a diet… again. Was actually on a diet since March but due to what happened in that month, diet didn’t happen.

Speaking of diet, I received this long ago but I never fail to laugh each and every time I read it. Check out the following counter…

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent…………………… 12 Calories
Without her consent……………….. 187 Calories

REMOVING HER BRA:
With both hands………………….. 8 Calories
With one hand…………………….. 12 Calories
With your teeth…………………… 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection………………….. 6 Calories
Without an erection……………….. 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris………… 8 Calories
Trying to find the! G-Spot………….. 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary……………………….. 52 Calories
69 lying down…………………….. 78 Calories
69 standing up……………………. 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow………………………. 216 Calories
Her on top………………………… 524 Calories
Doggy Style………………………. 726 Calories
Donkey punch………………… 912 Calories

ORGASMIC:
Real…………………………….. 112 Calories
False……………………………. 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging………………. 18 Calories
Getting up immediately…………….. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately……816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years old…………………… 36 Calories
30-39 years………………………. 80 Calories
40-49 years…………………….. . 1124 Calories
50-59 years………………………. 1972 Calories
60-69 years………………………. 2916 Calories
70 and over……………………. Results pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly…………………………………………….32 Calories
In a hurry……………………….. ………………98 Calories
With her father knocking on the door………… 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking on the door………… 5521 Calories
With her husband knocking on the door………7201 Calories

Anyone can testify whether the above is accurate?

And since someone said I should ask something for the weekend, I guess I should end this Friday entry with a riddle…

Since the very beginning, my real name is actually hidden somewhere in the blog. If you look carefully, you might just find it. For those who know my name, appreciate you don’t disclose my name or I will delete your comment. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So…for the weekend… find my name in my blog! And for the sake of others, don't disclose my name after finding it...ok?

Happy weekend!

94 comments:

J.T. said...

Oh my God... what a hilarious posting. rotfl

I am not even going to attempt trying to dance according to the lyrics. I am too used to rhythm...

... which brings me to your calorie counts. Add this one:

Calling out another woman's name during sex and then explaining yourself - 2000 calories.

I will come back again to comment on your real name - if I find it. :)

angel said...

OMG! I found your name! Spot on! Never "seen" it before haha... no wonder lah, it's so... so... ummm... so unique? ;)

Ei, u ask ppl to find yr name in yr blog and then ask people not to disclose it. Not weird meh this 'game'?? :p

ps: Wah, I'd like to see you hip hop one day!

pps: Accurate or not, you try and then blog for us? ;)

Jemima said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jemima said...

Oh VERY SORRY! Pls Delete!!!!

Didnt read the part about not disclosing it

Jemima said...

Phew!!! Thanks Zewt!

My apologies again!

bubbly soda said...

Oh... the science of sexercise... lol! the riddle to your name...


I am bad at riddles! IQ tak ada!

mh said...

teaser you are!

bubbly soda said...

as horrible an IQ-less i am... I was stuck to the riddle...

can try here? Yuen Tuck?? or Yew Tuck? gah!!! if i get it right wats the prize?

angel said...

I forgot one thing... DIET??? YOU???? Get outta here!!

ehon said...

lidat also can! find ur name but don disclose it. -_- dancing is da best-est best best!!

KEF said...

yew tee?

Bee said...

Hip hop is very difficult, I couldn't follow it either, I would rather do step.

Your name, is it Zew Teck?

Cirnelle said...

How to play a game you're not supposed to....?? Oh well, have a good weekend, zewt. You planning to go for the highest calorie count exercises mentioned in this post this weekend?

FireHorse said...

What is a "donkey punch" it sure does burn a lot of calories.

Kok Jin said...

AHYT. kakakakakakakkaa.

FireHorse said...

I love hip hop but how does one dance to the lyrics?

jaezrel said...

chubby zewty............dancing hip hop hehehe

ah nel said...

sex is the most calory burner...have it tis weekend for 15 times sure u will burn 68k calory...

Huei said...

did u disclose ur surname?? i duno ur surname!!! hehehe

ah! so next time should try dressing up when her husband is knocking on the door! =P hehehhehe

rinnah said...

Too lazy to trawl thru the archives just to look for your real name. Hehehe.

Hiphop is cool fun though! But I can't find classes that fit into a weekend schedule - most are held on weekday nights. :o(

p.s. You're quite active hor? Futsal, badminton, and hiphop classes... what more need diet? Dun need lah. *grin*

sooyin said...

LOL...the ad is funny! And what in the world is 'Donkey punch'??

Have a great weekend!

amanda said...

haha..nice post. zewt, where u got those calories count from ar..whether it works or not, u have to try it out lo..LOL. then u tell us the results..as for the riddle, got clues or not ar ?

mich said...

aiyah, your calories counter is describing the man's side of story one...later have to ask my husband. But so far I can "say" about the "orgasmic" part is that "quite true", lol.
by the way, nice picture ;)

TingTitLei said...

69 stnading up?!!?! how the f...

ok i think i can now cancel my membership at true fitness and be a full time play boy instead haha

me said...

you know what you're telling us, don't you???!!?! you wanting to go on a diet because you are getting chubbier.....and then the sex and calories table..???! you're trying to tell me you're not getting enough action, issit? not doing enough to burn those calories ahhhhhh? hahahahahahaha.

julessssssss!!!!!

kyliemc said...

whoa..u go 4 hip hop classes too?so cool~ ;)

bout ur name...haha...gosh, i still cant figure it out...really taxing my brain.i give up~ *raises white flag*

gRaCe said...

funny post man!! Hahah...great way to end the week. ;o)

when Angel said "Spot on!", i had a feeling where to look and what did ya noe..i found it! Hahaha.. Kewl way to indirectly put ur name wei...now why din i think of that. Heheh...;o)

jorji said...

The only thing i love about hip hop is the chicks.They always look young and hot.

And yr name is Lim Teong Kim aite? Just like the legendary Kedahan futballer.


Sex with yr own 'self' = 9 Calories.

Great Pic!

zewt said...

JT - i think a man will die if that happens. no need to take the calory count! haha...

angel - smart pun. only those who knows my english name will find it. dont tell anyone ok! and, a very unique way to disclose my name and hide myself dont u think? and me diet... cannot meh? very fat la...

jemima - well done! spot on. yeah, luckily i deleted on time else u will spoil the fun for everyone else.

bubbly soda - not a riddle... just a search :P so far... only a handful managed. and it's not my chinese name... haha. more confused now? nothing to do with IQ... just the power of observation.

ehon - particular for u mah since u wanna exercise your brain over the weekend.

KEF - nope... and it's not about knowing my name. it's about locating it in this blog... shown and yet hidden somewhere.

cirnelle - your husband wanna be the one to knock on the door? ok ok ... not funny.

erinalaw said...

Tuck kor kor, come to weekend only you have have something for us to guess liau. But, it's fun lar.

zewt said...

firehorse - and you're assigned to research on that ok? :P

kokjin - eh hamsup lo... since when u appear here?

jaezrel - see... this is the reason why i need to diet.

ah nel - 15 times might just kill u man!

huei - of cos i did... angel and jemima and gRaCe found it. i think i will leave that chance to your Boo...

rinnah - it's not in my archieve. it's hidden somewhere as soon as my blog is loaded. so far.. 3 persons found it. active means i am also very active in eating... thus a need to diet... :P

sooyin - second person to ask that. i also dunno... but i dont think i wanna try... sounds dangerous.

amanda - hi and welcome! i think if i try those activities, i might end up dead! haha... clue? it's there as soon as you load my blog. thanks for droppin by and hope to see ya again.

mich - yeah, i was thinking about that when i post it. so i think i will come up with a female version next week. meanwhile, u can check with your husband on the current one. haha!

zewt said...

Bee - to me... i cant follow steps... my legs will get all tangled up. still prefer hip hop cos it's more fun! guess i just like dancing.

TTL - of cos... the best way to lose weight. forget about your gym la. haha... but dance class is a must.

me - you very the good la. only you can think of such!

kyliemc - if you dunno my name, have to say it's a bit tough. other ppl find it cos they know my english name :)

gRaCe - took quite a while to come up with it. haha... and no one spotted it till now i guess. nice eh?

jorji - lim teong kim? mana datang tu? sex with own self... haha... 9 calories... sounds like a very fast process.

erinalaw - dont la call me like that. guessing game is good for the mind... agree or not? have a nice weekend!

Anak Merdeka said...

I can't believe you are an accountant!! LOL

alan zed said...

sex = the best workout... :)

Kenny Mah said...

"70 and over……………………. Results pending"

That last one killed me. LOL

As for your name, I kinda cheated cos I was lazy and just read your comments... :P

Rabbit said...

*Look see look see*

Where ur name? *cries* Tadak geh?

angele said...

hey zewt,

thx for yr concern.My recent posts have been confusing i know...I've been going through some bad days.My grandma passed away on wednesday and it has been a big blow to me...

anyway i'll talk to u later.
take care

Helen said...

lol I think not true.

WHy? If it's true, I would be spotting Giselle's figure.

day-dreamer said...

LOL at the calories thingy.

Find your name? Busy this weekend. I'll leave it for the next. Haha. :D

Have a great weekend!

bongkersz said...

hehe i know your name, so can i use it to call you next time? other than calling you zewt.. :D hor? ya tak? :D
very informative post. i wonder how they measure the calories in the 1st place.. haha! (with the husband knocking on the door????? wait wait... measure calories 1st :P)

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

Can someone tell me whats a donkey punch?

Rashikaps said...

Hilarious :):)

Hey I'm curious .. curious as hell! :) While I do respect your reasons for keeping your name private, I don't understand the need for anonymity. You write well, are hugely popular.. Why? :|

Is it possible for us to have an online life that is completely disconnected from our public life?

Ok don't tell us your name. What's your e-mail address la? :)

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

hahah any candidates for me to burn 7000 calories?? i know your name i know your name ..hehe..hip hop eh? getting cool ar..

ClaudiaMom said...

Nice post, hey I know your name (full name) haha, any prize??

sooi2 said...

suddenly i remember smthg like "ah t**k" from one of the posts abt ur mom. ahaks, i finally knw ur name!!

AngryYoungChild said...

Zewt sir, take a video of yourself dancing pls...!! =D

confessing7girl said...

ah ah this was soo much fun!! so i take it from ur list that the best way to loose calories is to fake orgasms!! i must start on that right away!! imagine faking multiple orgasms on the donkey punch position!what a great plan to loose weight! !!
humm ur name...... ah ah ah u r the best..... hummm ill be looking into it!!

zewt said...

anak merdeka - hehe... in what sense... that i am not square?

alan zed - agreed!

kenny mah - well, u do know my name. and of all ppl... u should have spotted it already ;)

rabbit - got wan... but i cant blame u la... u dun really know my english name... right?

angele - my condolence... you take care too.

Helen - Giselle is that brazillian model right? the calorie counter is mostly for men... maybe i will come out one for women next week... haha!

day dreamer - i await your attempt ya...

zewt said...

bongkersz - here, better call me zewt lor... cos it was meant to be that way mah... as for my real name... tat's for gmail chat ok? hahahahahahahahahahaha... damn funny la the way u say it. maybe that dude instantly turned thin after such incident.

purple mushroom - everyone is asking about that, including me....

rashikaps - well, while a lot of ppl know me already, i still prefer to remain anonymous to a certain extend. else i would have put up a lot of my pics everywhere :) ... thank you for your compliment. as for e-mail, i will contact you in your blog.

constant craver joe - you know my name but can u find it hidden in this blog?

ClaudiaMom - no prizes for correct guesses. i am trying to recall which friend of mine married to a teng... hmmmm....

sooi2 - but what's hiddn in my blog is not that name... something else. so far... only 3 succeeded.

AngryYoungChild - hahaha... really want me to embarass myself here?

confessing7girl - first, have to figure out what is a donkey punch position. if you know, do share... cos a lot of ppl, including me, doesnt know what it is hahaha....

bubbly soda said...

wah raoooo!!! can die wei! not chinese name now? WAT THE? Nvm... I shall be patient and wait!

may said...

you do hip hop? that's too cool! should be enough to keep you fit, why need to diet for leh?

ah nel said...

oh my cock...u mean u cant???u lack of sexcercise tat y! :D

Nak Tak Nak said...

Getting another erection
50-59 years………………………. 1972 Calories.
Thats interesting. Even if the next one is in a month's time?

mar said...

Haha...Zewt,I said b4 I know ur name rite?...was referring to ur chinese name...but NOW i see...NOW i know ur english+surname+chinese name...hahaha...Clever u hiding it...now I udstnd why so long and complicated and almost a mouthful to say that line...haha...how long did u take to come up with that? hehehe...

Donkey punch???
Yea,every1's fave question here...lol.

kat said...

Your english name is not a very common name, is it?? I was looking all over for your chinese name! :D

BTW, forgot to tell you, your header (is that what it's called?? The bar on top of your blog) really suits your blog. Much better than the previous birds-flying-in-the-sunset! Is that your photo as well??

giddy tiger said...

Wow...I would love to learn lyrical hip hop someday. Sounds like fun!

King's wife said...

Dancing to lyrics sounds very challenging. And suddenly I have images of the program "So you think you can dance" flash before me.
Do you watch it?

Manal said...

huh....donkey punch? why not just the old anal sex? thats already torturous if its not done with lotsa consents. Once again u made me imagine those brokeback mountain scenes la zewt!

But hey, good loving, good sex, good health, good money, good life.

Btw, speaking of names, did u advertise ur mama's passing on the obituary section?

Firehorse said...

OK I found out what is a donkey punch oredi, hehe, wikipedia very good explanation, can't imagine anyone wanting to do dat.

Dangerous Variable said...

what i the donkey's punch?

I haven't got it for a long long time...!

Terra Shield said...

What a way to lose all those calories... hehehe :)

Now I'm off to look for your name... :)

jaezrel said...

blues.........

zewt said...

bubbly soda - hahaha... i may not disclose it u know.

may - fit but not that tone yet. wanna look good during my wedding mah.

ah nel - wahh... that means u r the sifu la. toh toh ji gau...

Kata Tak Nak - interesting point. so 1972 is spreaded out over 30 days... lifetime achievement eh?

mar - aahaha... this one must have gotten help from bongkersz right? bongkersz, you help mar right? i think about 30 minutes la to come out with it :) yeah... can someone do a research on donkey punch?

kat - yeah, the banner, this one is more zewt than birds flying around right? haha! yeah, it's my photo... trying very hard to blur it. hope it worked!

zewt said...

giddy tiger - hello there and welcome to my blog... second session today and i finally managed to catch the chorus... somewhat :)it's certainly very fun! thanks for visiting and hope to see ya around.

king's wife - the american version yes... malaysia... no need ler.

manal - so donkey punch is anal sex? aiyooo... why are you so obsessed about brokeback gunung la? some bad experience? haha!! nah... didnt advertise. why?

firehorse - alright... i think i will check it out tomm.

dangerous variable - according to firehorse... check wikipedia woh...

terra shield - yeah... fun eh? so u manage to find it?

jaezrel - i reckon you're working today?

69ner said...

Not a bad one Zewt....:P

bongkersz said...

er.. no lah zewt, i never help her :)

69ner said...

Hmm..the boobs of the lady in the viagra advert is gravity defying. What product she using ah?

Now, THAT is something which will sell....

BoNdI said...

Everyone seems to be discovering the hippy within at the same time!!

hehehhe

:)))

bubbly soda said...

woi dun so mean larrrr!!! nvm u can email to me kan? hehehehehe! can lar!

Dangerous Variable said...

how come I don't know any positions..?

I think I have not been updated for a long long time!

AngryYoungChild said...

well, its good to have some fun! =D Post post! hehehe..

mar said...

Zewt,give me credit laa...did it all on my own wo...no help from anyone wo...=p

Anonymous said...

mr. zewt!

i love (!!!!!!) this post of urs..different than ur previous posts. veli farni...hahahaha.

Lola

hcfoo said...

Okay, so we guess your name but cannot post here? Haha... then we'll never find out!

confessing7girl said...

hey zewt i dont think i can explain that position without being way tooo graphic!!! :D

conan_cat said...

LMFAO!! XD i'm laughing my arse off on that calorie table thingy... and uhh what is donkey punch? @-o the post orgasm part funny lar... explaining takes so much calories XD

gRaCe said...

nice indeed! wonder what i can come up with G-R-A-C-E.. Hahah... *malas nak fikir..*

Freethinker said...

If not mistaken, the first "As" is redundant.....hehe...then...should be lar..

Since I have a cheating way to know your English name + Surname

and Middle chinese name.. by deducing...ur last word should b...THAT LO...hahhaah

goodshithappens said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
goodshithappens said...

oh you do hiphop as well! :D

nicenice...

zewt said...

69er - haha... and i tot no one would notice. i guess you're the right person to have noticed it. well... i think the product is not known.

bongkersz - ohhh... then mar is really smart eh!

BoNDI - yup... and do it while you still can.

bubbly soda - in you blog... to comment... u would have known my e-mail already right?

Dangerous Variable - hahaha... then u need to be updated more... initiative bro.

AngryYoungChild - yeah, we all need some fun. maybe i shoulg head to ipoh for some food too!

mar - yes yes... kudos to you. my apology earlier :)

zewt said...

Lola - friday usually funny post la. we need some laughte to keep us going... right?

hcfoo - i think you would have known my name already right since posting comment at your site need e-mail. it' a clue.

confessing7girl - hahahaha... ok ok... i shall go check wikipedia... :P

conan_cat - everyone is asking that question. apparently, too difficult to explain without graphics. guess the best is to wikipedia it.

gRaCe - eh, u spoiling the fun for others eh.

Freethinker - huh? apa lu cakap... tak faham. ok ok ... dont need to disclose hehe...

goodshithappens - hey! yeah, do it while i can till jump and run... hah!

CRIZ LAI said...

With that chart, I guessed most of us will save cost on joining any fitness clubs, provided it does not involved the husband/wife of another party. Good one Zewt...i'll keep this post handy when I need it.. hahaha :P

Missy Allets said...

Got it! ;)

I once did a poem with names hidden this way too, so.. good job heh

rinnah said...

Now I get it... I saw it liao. I thought you originally meant you had posted about your name previously. Hehe.

No wonder some ppl can't find it... your English name is pretty unique.

gRaCe said...

Ohh...Ooopss!! Sorie sorie.. heheh...

zewt said...

criz lai - yeah, leave ppl's wife alone... pick those that we can do with our wife... or future wife. :)

missy allets - well done! i've been wanting to write a poem with that in mind too... but just havent got the time to sit down and do it.

rinnah - thanks :) and well done for finding it. so now you know why it is quite a mouthful.

gRaCe - it's ok lah...

mar said...

apology accepted ;p

kyliemc said...

haha...really dunno ur eng name...

confessing7girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
confessing7girl said...

checked wikipedia yet??????????? :D

Lynette said...

found it. aren't i smart.
now here's a question for you:
when the heck are you coming over here?
(and yes i checked for you - best bargains are in July. so come before the end of July.)

zewt said...

mar - thank you

kyliemc - ahh.... sorry, cant disclose here...

confessing7girl - yesss... and it sounds very violent!

lynette - that's the plan.

Lynette said...

you always plan, but you never come. drag your zewt ass down here. you better. :P