Wednesday, 6 June 2007

Fire!

My building conducted a fire drill a few months ago… and we failed. Apparently, we all failed to evacuate the building on time and while we are supposed to gather at the designated area, some of us chose to have a tea break ala gomen style at the mamak. The building management decided to carry out another one about 2 months later and guess what… we failed again. C’mon… this is Malaysia, do you think we will ever take such things seriously?

I guess they got fed up and ended up sending us a mail listing all the Do’s and Don’ts when a fire occurs. Here’s the list… and what will probably happen…

Listen to the Fire Marshalls for instructions and advices.
(Who’s the Fire Marchall? Oh wait… we have a Fire Marshall?)
Upon hearing the alarm or PA system, look for your Fire Marshalls for further instruction and advice.
(Upon hearing the alarm, the first thing that comes to mind is … yay! No need to work! Who cares about the Fire Marshall. Ok, now I know we have a Fire Marshall.)
Take care of your personal belongings during evacuation.
(Everything can be left behind except our car keys… even if the car is in the building)
Secure your work area by ensuring that all drawers and cabinets are locked accordingly.
(WTF! So the office documents are more important than our lives? And aren’t they gonna get burnt anyway?)
Immediately inform your Fire Marshall should there be any sick or disabled personnel in your Level.
(If I am sick... Do I get to use the lift? ... ... Ok.. I am sick)
Walk in an orderly form.
(Of course, this is the best time to walk together with your colleagues and bitch about your superior)
Ensure your personal safety.
(Which is why we will take our own sweet time)
Be aware of the location of the assembly area.
(Make that the nearest mamak and we’ll definitely be there)
Queue up at the assembly area accordingly.
(With our ‘teh tarik’ and ‘maggi goreng’… how to queue?)
Cooperate with your Fire Marshalls when roll call is conducted at the assembly area.
(This is the best time to check out what’s the name of that hot babe from other department)
Move fast from the office to the assembly area & vice versa.
(Vice versa? There’s a fire and you want us to move back to the building?)

Do not panic when the alarm is sounded.
(Panic? C’mon, we’re ecstatic! No need to work ya’ know!)
Do not make noise as you may not be able to hear the announcement.
(Oh darn… no celebration)
Do not run as this may cause a stampede.
(Where have you seen Malaysians run during a fire or fire drill? We always take our own sweet time.)
Do not linger around the building area during a fire drill, gather at the assembly area.
(Aiyoo… how many times must I say this… mamak! The keyword is mamak!)
Do not leave the assembly area during roll call so that your Fire Marshall could conduct roll call with ease.
(If possible, we won’t leave until office hour is over)

If you laugh… you’re probably a true blue Malaysian.

P/S: For the benefit of non-Malaysians... "mamak" is a store by the road-side where Malaysians take a break... generally speaking.

51 comments:

ah nel said...

remind me of my ex company tat gas leak alarm sound i stil walking slowly insidde coz don belif it...LOL

some of them went to cafeteria rather than designated place as it was hot under the sun...

angel said...

Sam jiu lor!

Correct usage? :p

day-dreamer said...

LOL!

This is well, so typical. ;)

Sometimes, rules in Malaysia are so... Malaysian! Haha.

Seok Thong said...

I laughed. This is funny. Too bad i've never experienced this kind of training when i work last time.

But we did it when i was still at school. I liked it a lot. Then we can skip at least one lesson! This kind of wasting time thing really makes life more enjoyable. Hehe..

nyx said...

I'm the fire marshall at my office .. don't think anyone is really aware though ... haha!

Rashikaps said...

:) too funny .. the situation isn't much different here, I must say. :)

J.T. said...

A trueblue Malaysian I am. I was left rolling on the floor laughing. You are so funny Zewt. I like that part about checking out the hot babe from the other department. When our building (where my ofice was situated) had a fire drill (or did we really have a fire.. forgot), we lingered along until we reached outside. Then all standing under a shaded tree chit chatting. Some don't want to go back. We were considering making the mamak's day. He kept looking at us. I thought I saw him give the come-hither-look.
Then, I checked out dudes from other offices in the building. Not bad la... can tahan. It seemed like some offices in that building hired their people based on looks. hahahaha

CRIZ LAI said...

Whoa...lock up the drawers when you leave? Walk in orderly form? I think I will be running away for my life when there's a real fire. Would I even care of what's in the drawer? The answer is still No

confessing7girl said...

hey hey hey i laughed at that!! means im a true blue malaysian!!!!!:D
ok lets go mamak i need a coffee!!!!!

Wennnn said...

I guess i am a true blue malaysian too reading the yellow comments... Dem rite!!!

jaezrel said...

i know you can always go home if there's a drill why? can sleep wart....so darn near why mamak? hahaha

Jessica said...

Hey, you forgot to put in the "i'm not bothered to move" when the alarm goes off.

I've seen it so many times that I wonder why do they bother continue working? Take a break. Who cares whether it's real or not. But no, these people continue until the guards come up and let them know they have to be downstairs!!!

Sound familiar??

Jonzz said...

So long their list. I think some people will read the list halfway and fall asleep.

And you're right. Most of the time, people probably don't have a clue who is the Fire Marshall.

Cirnelle said...

What if London calls? *grin*

DLG said...

Take care of your personal belongings during evacuation.
(Everything can be left behind except our car keys… even if the car is in the building)


hahahha i love this

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

true blue malaysian i m proud to be..normally in a fire drill..we even know what time it is..so we pop dwn using the lift, 15 mins b4 its about to start..if not its 8 floors walking dwn the stairs! of course after tat, we go off to yut kee for a kopi ais and half boil eggs wif kaya toast..cant wait for the next 1..

Huei said...

come! lets go mmmamak!

my firedrill..we went down before the time came..by the lift...who on earth in the right mind would wana walk down 10 bloody floors through hot stairs with so many people???

unfortunately the mamak kena firedrill oso..everyone there got shooED! kakkaka

Rabbit said...

*covers mouth and curi curi giggle* No ah, i no laugh ah, i where got laugh jek. =P

U are also a maggi goreng fans huh?

Daphne Ling said...

LOL...

Oh dear Lord!

That was funny...You guys actually adjourned to the mamak stall during a fire drill?!?!?

Oh dear...

You know, when I was in school, there used to be fire drills too, and we used to take our own sweet just like you and mates...We would always be late, and our teacher would alwyas tell us, if there had been a real fire, we'd be burnt...

To whihc we replied, if there was a real fire, the person ringing the bell would be the most badly burnt, cos until everyone reached the assembly area, he could not stop ringing the bell!

And then, once, there was an actual fire, and my God, forget the alarm, everyone instinctively ran...

And guess what? Within less than a minute, eveyrone was at assembly grounds...In line...

Haha...

Adrenaline is good huh?

Terra Shield said...

I guess I'm a true blue Malaysian, then.

Nevertheless, in the industry I'm in, 3 minutes max for all to gather at the designated area. The last person to arrive will have his/her name announced to the whole company when the marhall gives his 2 minutes worth :D

Cocka Doodle said...

Next time, keep a packet of marshmallows, sausages and skewers in the office.

Whenever the fire alarm triggers, everybody rush to the fire marshall with skewers in hand etc and ask where the fire is in an excited tone. LOL

Doreen said...

Aiyo, Malaysians really don't take it seriously huh. If it's the real deal one day, and big one somemore, then how? Then again, I guess ppl would manage to find their way around it when it is an emergency. Survival of the fittest.

kyliemc said...

muahahha..i'm a true m'sian...during high skool,me hv 2 calm students down n ask them 2 queue up properly n start 2 walk 2 d field coz i was a prefect.my fren asked me if there really was a fire,would i still do tht?haha..of course,not...i would walked outta d skool 2 d nearest foodstall :P

in coll,wheneva there'll b a firedrill,lecturers will b informed much earlier.some lecturers r kind enuff 2 tell us d stipulated time n we eventually dun go 2 coll as class wont b conducted anyway..hahaha...even if we go 2 coll,we'll do like wat u've mentioned.go 2 mamak or redbox in sunway pyramid as it's so near :P

gina said...

Hahaha!! In my old blog, I also blog about this fire drill thingy which is quite hilarious. The Fire Marshall even suggested we keep a pair of running shoes in office, just in case. Still got time to change shoes meh?? And we are located on the 38th floor... phew..

me said...

ok, i laughed.

haha, secure your work area....if i was gossiping on the 1st floor, but my office is on the 30th floor, do i have to take the lift up to the 30th floor again to lock all my documents before coming back down again?

alan zed said...

guess what was the last time this port do their fire drill..? 24 years ago... sad huh..?

sabrina said...

Dude you are so funny la

But seriously la, some of the DO's (or rather most of it) were just plain stupid!

To be expected i guess in this country

Albert Yap said...

My office had this once....and I am one of those who got down from the office 15mins earlier and having nice teh tarik at the mamak opposite while watching the others "rushing" down form the building....hehehe

sooyin said...

Haha...when we had fire drills in my previous company, some of us who had...err...*contacts*...would be told about it earlier. 15 minutes before the drill is supposed to start, we'll take the lift down and go straight to the mamak opposite the building, have a cup of teh-o-ice-limau, and once we see people walking out and queuing in the hot sun, we'll text our other more obedient colleagues to pass our names to the fire warden...=P

zewt said...

ah nel - it's usually under the hot sun, and we always take it for granted that it's nothing. if it's for real, i am sure many will die.

angel - somewhat... but not quite.

day dreamer - malaysia truly boleh...

seok thong - study... can skip class... now... we can skip work... good deal this fire drill is.

nyx - well, at least you know you are the marshall.

rashikaps - maybe it's like that the whole over eh?

JT - must be a sales based company. no names basis but i heard citibank is like that... haha!

zewt said...

criz lai - wrong... if there is a real fire... no one will know... they just think it's a drill...

confessing7girl - time to pay a visit to malaysia :)

wennn - we all are... i have first hand experience.

jaezrel - hahaha... damn right!

jessica - these are the ppl who contributes much to the population of criminals... un?

jonzz - unless you're nyx... cos then... YOU are the fire marshall.. hah!

cirnelle - i am beginning to hate that word.

zewt said...

dlg - speaking from experience eh?

constant craver joe - becos of ppl like you... we fail the drill, cos not following protocol... but good... means another drill!

huei - what? mamak also fire drill? sure boh! hahahaha.... what a mamak!

rabbit - maggi konlo kari kambing.... stevens' corner... besssttttttttttttttt!

daphne ling - hahaha... one question though, how did you all know it was a real fire? i guess shouting 'api api api' is much better than rriinnngggggggggggg...no?

terra shield - wooooaaaahh... what kinda industry is this?

cocka doodle - hahahaha... then show a disappointed face when they tell you it's a drill..!!!

zewt said...

doreen - once there was a bomb scare in my former office... we thought it was a hoax... they actually found a package... we were sharing building with an US oil company... what do u think?

kyliemc - woooaah... too much la you... mamak is bad enough... you actually go red box!!!

gina - i think you rather change... going down 38x2 flights of stairs in high heels can be a torture... no?

me - you really want me to answer that question meh?

alan zed - time to suggest a new one... 24 years... i think that time... fire extinguisher pun takde...

sabrina - hi there! yeah... the trademark malaysian way of handling things. we are true to our boleh nature. see ya around...

albert yap - ahh.... becos of ppl like you la... they have to conduct the drill over and over again... heh!

sooyin - such things always happen which will result in the drill being repeated. but it's good... keep it up, means more days we dont need to work.

Bee said...

haha funny no matter where you go, people always think the same thing in this situation: No Need To Work!!

BoNdI said...

fire alarms....in uni, for the first few months we wld hv fire drills at 4 am in the morning. and these were just drills! if u dont leave ur room, away from the warm bed, into the blistering winter...you'll get fined

only wish there was a mamak stall around!

rinnah said...

How come my company don't conduct fire drill wan? *puzzled*

But at my ex-company, everyone still continued working even if the fire alarm went off... we all would say "False alarm lah..."

Tsu Lin said...

Zewt - Working in the Oil & Gas industry my whole working life, we've been "trained" on emphasis on HSSE (Health, Safety, Security & Environment)... Personally, I BELIEVE in HSSE awaremeness and find that fire drills to be highly important.
I was a fire warden and during drills, we walked 31 floors down in 7-9 mins, another 5 mins across a field in hot sun to meet in the assemby area for roll-call. (THEN, after being dismissed, we go for our *bucks/mamak session :P)
It does annoy me when people leave the fire door to the emergency stairs open as well. Am i dorky?

Terra Shield said...

Chemicals. Hence the seriousness... :D

Maverick SM said...

Malaysians always leave it too late to learn. Education is not about schooling; it's the culture and habits which cause all these problems.

zewt said...

Bee - changed of nick? hahaha... guess we are really heading into that kinda revolution huh... not with ppl from china and india though.. they tell a whole different story.

BoNdI - hey! welcome again! 4am!!!! what the!!! which country is this? when i was in england, we always set off the alarm and gets fine... those ppl dunno how to cook la...

rinnah - when i read in the news how many ppl get roasted in a fire.... i will ceratinly remember your colleagues.

Tsu Lin - well, not at all... i guess you are just more aware of the danger due to your line of work. but then again, you still have the mamak-ness in you.. which is good.

Terra Shield - chemicals eh. check out tsu lin's comment...she is in the oil and gas industry... quite serious too. but not like you... 3 minutes to the gathering place... that's like... rushing!

Maverick SM - Biar Lambat Asalkan Selamat... didnt we not learn this in school?

TingTitLei said...

(This is the best time to check out what’s the name of that hot babe from other department)

Thanks for the idea =D

Shak-ee said...

Came across your blog recently, but kinda of keep coming back to check it out,oh boy..like your type of humour, it just hit you, i like it.. 'hoh liau'

Raksha said...

Dude, few years back in one of my old companies they had a fire drill where we were 'supposed' to evac in an 'orderly' manner.(Yeah I blogged bout it but am too lazy to hunt back for it for you..hee! My bad.)

Anyway, enroute to rolling down 15 flights of stairs, some idiot decided to make it more realistic and started FANNING SMOKE UP THE STAIRWELLS. WTFWTFWTF!

How to evac in a 'calm & orderly' manner when you're tearing up and choking on smoke? (-_-")

And in case you're wondering, YES, it was simulated and NOT a real fire.

Again, WTF??

(Oh yeah, we went mamak instead of waiting at the stupid car park under the sun. Bwahaha!)

narrowband said...

Mamak's probably everyboody's favorite part of fire drill.

I guess I'm a true-blue Malaysian after all... hahah...

aSstHa said...

LOL...

We were supposed to have a fire drill in our company for "donkey" months but because they wanted 100% attendance in the company (which really never happens) they put it off time n time again.

Until one fine Friday in April, there really was a fire on the 42nd floor (40 something la) and guess what? The fire drill was not working neither was there an announcement tru the PA system.
So all our colleagues (I was on Replacement Leave) were pretty much panicky cos on one hand dey could see smoke at the top of the building (we were on the 28th), but on the other, d floor fire marshall told dem to wait for the announcement.

Half of them ran down (including our Finance Manager n CFO) whilst the rest stayed... Luckily the fire was just contained to the pantry area and wasn't the hazardous type, if not who knows? I might not have seen my colleagues again... *touch wood*

The fire marshall on the 27th (yes, aso part of our company) was even better... he was the 1st to leave the building instead of making sure everyone got to safety.

all i can say is... dot dot dot
(_ _ )"

zewt said...

TTL - but you're not working yet... so not applicable to u... kakakakaka...

Shak-ee - hi and welcome! thanks... i am glad i do bring some cheer... :) hope to see ya around more.

Raksha - WHAT THE !!!!! what kinda stupid ppl are these? what if some old fella choke and faint and roll down the stairs? that would be dramatic! so stupid.... typical malaysians! ahhh... mamak is always the way to go.

narrowband - we all are my friend...

aSstHa - wow... this is true experience indeed. see.... such testimony from you only shows that all the things we learn (if we do learn anything) from our drill are absolute futile. your fire marshall on 27th floor really champion la!

kyliemc said...

haha..tht's coz if go redbox,we hold d mike n sing..if stay at d field,they hold d mike n give speech.plus they'll teach us how 2 put off fire which i hv learnt since kindie.better not waste time :P

Daphne Ling said...

We knew there was a fire cos there was smoke...

Lotsa smoke...

No alarm, cos the person in charge of ringing bell ran for his life!

Turns out, the barren land next to my school caught fire and was in danger of spreading to school building...

Thing is, everyone thought it was the fault of students in the cooking class *LOL*...Cause the kitchen was next to the barren land...

Haha...

zewt said...

kyliemc - true also... i read from the comments such thing appear everywhere... not just in malaysia :P

Daphne Ling - hmmm... were you part of the cooking class? barren land caught fire... if it's that barren... what's there to burn? haha...

bongkersz said...

i missed my high school fire drill moments.. i stayed in hostel, so normally they will do fire drill between 3-4 am. And.. sad to say most of students 'burned to death' because they never wake up (or don't bother to do so) Funny when they read out the name of the students that 'perished in the fire' Kah kah!!

mar said...

Hahaha...I guess when its real,instinct kicks in...but if it involves buildings with several floors,abscence of fire drills could be hazardous.LOL.