Thursday, 28 June 2007

When the ‘if’ turns real

When I looked at the multitude of answers in my previous entry, I noticed a lot didn’t really answer the question, at least not specifically. Essentially, the question was directed to guys as to who they will fear “more”. As for girls, I was hoping you all will tell me whom should the guy ‘fear more’. The key words are ‘fear more’.

Many though… came out and talked about who they will ‘choose’. But of course, that’s very natural. In fact, it was what I expected. I know it sounds a bit absurd but I was really expecting a lot of “If I were the girl, I will choose…” kind of answer. And indeed, there many such answers.


I have personally encountered many such girls. Some of my friends, some are my friends’ girlfriends. To be honest with you, not many will say they are money-minded. And of course, I am not saying that they are. When they said they only wanted a man who is charming and caring enough to take care of them, I believe girls really do mean it. But then again, the term ‘take care’ is rather subjective.
Allow me to share some stories with you… very briefly…

2 of my friends’ girlfriend fiancés were privileged enough to be given the opportunity of being ‘the wanted girl’. And hey! What a co-incident… both couples were being attacked by a No.2 type of guy. Well, this is a chance for girls to actually show their noble self and say… I-will-choose-a-guy-who-cares-about-me or I-will-choose-the-guy-whom-I-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with.

And you know what? That’s exactly what they did!!! They chose the guy who cares about them… the one whom they want to spend their life with… they chose the 3rd party. And I mentioned fiancé, no girlfriend. Cancelling a wedding is an unpleasant affair. Cancelling a wedding because your fiancé left you is a painful process.

I know… I know… I know… you all don’t even have to say it. I know it all. It was better right for my guy friends right? Better for them to know that their partner was actually a gold digger, and that it was a good thing that they didn’t get married… right? Rightttttttt… but you know what? If you’re in their position… let’s just say it is not as ‘good’ as you think. But anyway, that’s not the notion here.

So are the 2 girls money-minded-gold-diggers? A quick answer would be yes. But then again, maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

Girls… imagine everyday you caring bf comes and fetch you from work with his old rugged proton wira. He is even thoughtful enough to buy you your favourite dinner, knowing that you would be hungry after waiting so long for him to arrive. Well, he also happened to be a modern slave thus he usually don’t leave work on time which result in you having to wait for him. After savings for months, 2 of you brave through the crowd in a travel fair and managed to secure the best deal for a trip to Redang, one of the best domestic beach resort. Yeah, I am sure the holiday hunt was fun, probably romantic. During the trip, you have to spend according to budget and while it was an enjoyable getaway, you would have wanted more. After the trip, you are back to the trend of saving for the next trip… which means… tight spending again.

But now… imagine a guy waiting for you to finish work with this FerrariBMW… Honda Accord. He is there as soon as you walked out of the office because he works for his father and thus, he can always leave work early. And he does that everyday… everyday… just to fetch you. You’re not hungry yet because it’s still early so he takes you to a nice boutique not to do window shopping… but real shopping. You immediately put on your new outfit and he takes you to a restaurant of your choice for dinner. On a day you don’t feel like eating out, he bought groceries and conjured some nice dishes from your kitchen.

On a particular Friday, he picks you up as usual in his Honda Accord and send you home immediately to pick up your passport and some clothes… he just bought 2 tickets to Hong Kong. You had the best trip of your life without spending a single cent and when you return home, you realised you can spend all the savings you intended for your Langkawi holiday.

*inspired by real life event*

Friends, there is a very big difference in saying “If I am the girl…” compared to “actually being the girl”. A lot of things will look very different when you are actually ‘the wanted girl’. Because by then… it’s not about “if he buys me a Gucci or LV bag” but you are actually using the Gucci bag. Do you want a Gucci or LV bag? Also, some mentioned about the current bf having the potential of being rich. Again, “my bf WILL BE rich” vs “my bf IS rich”… read the ‘imagine’ part again…

So girls… if a No.2 type of guy come shows up… what would you do? Remember, when the ‘if’ turns real… you can't say “if I am the girl” anymore.

P/S: Anyone haven’t voted yet?

81 comments:

angel said...

If the 'if' turns real, I'll come back and comment again, can?

Some of us will choose to stay with our man thru' thick and thin, for better or worse, till death do us part... and some of us will choose No. 2. Choices in life ;)

:: Nicole :: said...

er... i think i won't comment on this as like i said, i'm VERY lucky that i have everything a girl ever wanted/looking for from a guy :)

*zip my mouth*

Rashikaps said...

For starters, I'd say - Guy 2 sounds 'perfect' here. But in the real world where we sometimes live :), perfect things don't exist.. leave alone perfect people. While he may be able to charm his way with money and all things money can buy, he may be lacking in the 'charm', or 'intellect' department. He may be given to womanizing, excessive drinking, or other addictions. There have to be some -ves. When he does prove to be disloyal, let's say, I'll feel like flinging the damn gucci bag in his face. :)
No matter how high the lure of money is, I would still go with the original guy because of the love that exists. There is a different thrill in a couple's willingness to work together to secure their future as opposed to being given it all on a silver platter for one to squander. Easy come .. easy go.. My 2 cents :)

white_daisies said...

My personal opinion - ppl who mind dont matter. PPl who matter dont mind.

J.T. said...

Rashikaps wrote: "He may be given to womanizing, excessive drinking, or other addictions."

Now I say ... Most of the rich men I know have indulged in either one or all of the above. If I am wrong, show me a super rich saint. :)
The money may seem ideal, the heartaches will definitely follow. It all depends on the girl - what's her needs or wants.

You wrote:"So girls… if a No.2 type of guy shows up… what would you do? Remember, when the ‘if’ turns real… you can't say “if I am the girl” anymore."

I still won't choose him. Been there. I did not like him. There is a big difference between loving oneself and being in love with oneself. One forgets everything else around him except himself .. in the latter situation. Anything he does is directed back to his satisfaction. :)

Winn said...

i never look at gals who are money minded in this sense. coz we shld be allowed to choose according to your goal - money or looks, matsalleh or celebirty.

some gals wanna live oversea so they choose foreigners; some may want a better and secure life for their future generation so they choose someone $$.it's ok to choose.

how irony that we compliment them when they succeed and look at them like' one kind' if they dont? so they shld be allowed to choose lor..just like u like ur steak well done and me no take beef.

Winn said...

just like how some guys like matured gals, some like lala muis.

just like how some guys choose boobs over brains

Jemima said...

Your post reminds me of the lyrics of Madonna's "Material Girl".. :p

neno said...

kekeke..i dun wan a gucci o lv bag..i jus wan tickets to badminton tournaments..kekeke..

Jessica said...

I'll stick to my wira driving bf more. =)

Gucci or LV doesn't make any difference if he leaves you one day for another younger gal. Besides, who says I can't buy one myself? Anyway, you said he works for his father. Doesn't necessary means that he's successful.

ah nel said...

u in tis situation kar?

hikazew® said...

Lol. From this post i finally know what the previous post is about. I was scratching my head thinking about your response. What a silly girl i am? LOL...

Well I did not have personal experience like that. But I do have money-digging boyfriends instead. I'm not rich but I live comfortably. Still..

flaminglambo said...

Man, I feel for your friends but they really are better off in the end. It would hurt like hell of course, it wouldn't be right if they didnt, especially when they were about marry those girls. Ouch!

Anyway, it's true that very few girls will say that they're attracted to money and security but I'm sure most guys also know that most girls are. More so in a society where there is a big gap in equality between men and women.

Since we're being superficial here, the way I see it, money and security to girls are equivalent to good looks & a hot bod to guys. Most guys don't really care if the gal is rich or not but most want a really hot partner. So, I think it all evens out in the end. Although which is more sinister is a good debate.

imp said...

to be very frank, i'd need to date someone who earns as much as i do, even slightly more. in that sense, then i don't need him to drive a ferrari. i'm fine with a beemer. :)

when i was youner, guys with no money as dates weren't an issue at all. that was the time of dating. but now, i will not date a guy who can't equal my paycheque at the very least.

in this scenario, i'd really look at how caring the supposed 2 men in my life is and choose the one who cares about me more.

because money has been considered and taken out of the equation.

gina said...

There is also a real life incident which happened to a friend. She is married to this sweetest guy - he cooks for her, help her with house chores, etc but unfortunately, he didn't make as much money as the other guy. So the wife left him for another man.

The wife now gets regular beatings at home and sometimes being thrown down the staircases at home. After the beating, the new husband would buy her a LV bag or gucci.. and even a car to compensate for his wrath.

And she is still with him, despite us advising her to leave that bastard.

Another scenario was - the husband does not have a regular job. Sometimes he made it, sometimes he did not. He unashamedly use his wife's money and later, commits adultery with another woman.

The wife forgave him and still stick to him for reasons beyond me.

There is no black and white saying a girl is materialistic or what. I think it's all karma. Sometimes no matter how you choose to be with the first or third party, the consequences would be dictated by your past.

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

What the heck?? If someone can so easily leave their fiance for another man... these are definately gold diggers! Is it really so easy to leave the person you love??? Just like that?? Or maybe there wasn't any 'Love' at all in their hearts in the first place.

And Zewt, I think you are being unfair for targetting girls in this topic. Guys are also materialistic. My ex left my for a richer girl whose dad can give him a very good position in his company. Then this bastard can come back to tell me that he still loves me. F**K!!!

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

To add on... everyone is unique and who are we to judge??? As for your friend's issue, maybe... have u ever thought that... maybe... your friends indeed doesn't really treat their fiance better than the other guy??? Why must the reason be pointed at the fact that the other guy drives a better car???

Materialistic... probably the entire homosapien species is. Not limited to females!

Calvin's Wife said...

Right, I have a man who is charming and caring, not only that he's sweet, best of all he is rich!

Cool, I get to have my dream vacations to Greece and Italy and Spain. What's even better, I finally get to have those really branded stuffs, or even perfect I get to shop at 5th Avenue. Let's see, Prada's latest collections, hmm, there's Escada, oh yea Victoria Beckham, I saw her wearing this pretty frock from Gucci.. maybe I'll get that too. You want something Zewt? Braun Buffel perhaps?

Let's see, I get to own my RM2.9Mil house on a hill at Desa ParkCity, and I'll make sure that this property is under my name *grins*. I'll ask if he would get me a Beamer to go along with that front porch, hmm how about the 5 series? Sounds cool...

*batter eyelashes* He gives me anything I want, and he loves me *awwww*. His heart belongs to mine one and only, he doesnt lust for other girls or even set eyes on them. That's so loyal of him *smooches*. He treats my parents proper with respect and shower them with gifts. He even offered to pay for my brother's education in Australia. So sweet...*huggies*

I've made up my mind I'm gonna marry him! I think we'll have it either at Mandarin Oriental or perhaps we'll have one by the beach in Phuket, and we'll pay for our guests their accommodation and air fare. Hmm, now I gotta look for a perfect wedding dress by Vera Wang, and a pair of Jimmy Choo's. Wanna help me look around Zewt?

Isn't this guy the man of every girl's dreams? I am a lucky girl to have him who is I must admit, the most perfect dream guy one could ever have. *dont jealous yeah*

After 10 yrs down the road.... I inherit his fortune, not bad...

Ting Ting Ting~!!!*snaps back to reality*

Zewt, not every girl can live in the lifestyle of a rich and famous. You would have pressure. I know a certain family who has been given the title of 'datuk'. Ask them the kids, if they are happy living under the shadow of the rich and famous, under the shadow of their successful father. I dont think they are.

To blend in with the rich n famous, you have to be born with the attitude. Not everyone has that. It is tiring to 'jaga the hati' of other rich ass datuks and datins.

Right, back to the topic. *music box starts playing again*

But I will never marry him. He may be my ATM machine but I will never marry him. I don't see my future with him. I will never kiss his parents ass so that I would gain part of their property next time. I can never allow myself to do that.

He is a problematic child too by the way. He is not happy sharing the same name with his family, well, family expects more of him. People talk bout him all the time, bad things, cause he is rich and useless, worst he doesnt even like doing business, he loves computer science, but too bad, daddy forced him into business so that one day he can take over. That is why he always runs away from his family to me.

I am his everything. I am the only real thing he can cling to. Losing me would be suicide. Sometimes I think that he is too close to me that I can hardly breathe.. I need some space. Oh God, do I really want to be with him??

NO NO NO and NO! If that rich dude is not a casanova, then he is a problematic one.

*gah* End of story... that's a long comment. (=_=)"

KGC said...

Hmm, I was in that situation b4. It was a choice between a to-be doctor/specialist or an ordinary guy. I chose the later. Why? It was 'with or without a reason'. Now, we are happily married with a child.

I do agree that money DOES make the world goes round. But I think we need to plan further than being greedy for his dough. Remember, if that guy works for his parents, in years to come, girl gets married this guy (hopefully!), don't you think that guy will be living under his parents' rules, and the same will applies to wifey? Nah, not me. :)

Calvin's Wife said...

And also... purple mushroom is kinda correct. It could have been YOUR friend's fault his bride ran away.

To make things clearer, a normal girl will never marry the rich ass dude. She may use him for money but never be with him for life.

A money minded girl will marry him, no matter what and how. She wants whatever is his to be hers. She will stick to him till death do them apart, or she may even be the one outside having flings and affairs next time. ;)

H.C. Tan said...

wanted to comment but since some of the comments already reflect my opinions, so i dont have to articulate it d lar. I agree with rashikaps, but then, there is no right or wrong answer. Somehow you will regret it.

if you choose the poor guy, chances are 5 yrs down the road, you will be having arguments on "why you so useless, work so many yrs but we are stil living in a 2 room flat", argue over instalments, house loan etc etc. BUT he might strike it rich one day, his boss will discover his hidden talents and promote him to be the next manager etc

if you choose the rich guy, chances are (like, rashikap said) : wife beating, philandering, yada yada. BUT he might also turn out to be sweet and loyal.

Kesimpulannya...don't know. haha. That's why my dad insists that a girl should always be self-dependant. Which explains my status. -_-"

Huei said...

ahhh well let me add more to guy no.2

that's just the beginning, it may last for a year or two, but as time goes on, BECAUSE he is rich, lots of girls will stick to him, and i wil never believe he won't cheat on his current gf.

as years passes by, if they make it through, they get married, his wife have a luxurious life, big house, pedigree dog, but the husband comes home late why? mistress lah! he's rich mar..sure get lots of girls sticking up to him..he's like those 50yearold rich man with a 20yearold gf!

perhaps it's because i know of such people, 1 has divorced twice and living with his 3rd wife, with a gf outside..though i'm not sure of how things are now.

another is with his 2nd wife, his first wife..i have no idea what happened..but then i'm sure the oldest daughter (first wife's daughter) is happy with her dad cos he's rich, and dare not disobey her step mum?

so at the end of the day, i'll stick to proton wira and tapau chap fan for dinner everyday, and waiting for my bf..soon we'll make our bucket of golds and love each other because we went through it together! =)

OMG i got more, but ok lah..i dun wana make it like i'm posting a post here! =P hehehhe

me said...

as i said, a lot of women confuse the happiness achieved from material gains with the happiness from love. after so many years, after many materials things, even the materialistic girl will feel discontented..you watch and see. she will want more. the 10carat diamond doesn't appeal to her when her husband is eyeing up the next young thing (since he is materialistic too, it's not surprising that he gets his thrills that way). she will want love, attention, devotion. suddenly, her ex looks very appealing. hahahaha....my version of the story lah. the girls are not wrong. they just don't know what they are looking for or what they need to make them contented. for them now, at this stage in time, having a branded bag gives them the thrills and highs they can't get.

sorry, i shun no. 2 guys. rich people are usually self-centered, egoistic and iritating. and i don't get my highs from branded stuffs.

kayatan said...

Zewt,

It is very interesting that you brought out something that mirrored my life many years back.

I was the girl who could not be around because I was working very hard to support my siblings in Australia. My plan was to return and get married once they completed their studies.

He chose someone whose dad is richer, who can be around with him all the time, who did not has to worry about supporting her siblings.

My dad went through a lot of biz failure during those times when we were in Aust. I took up the breadwinner role in my family for my siblings.

Yes, it is definitely a devastating event to tell people that you have canceled your wedding because your fiancee dumped you :)-

Time heals not matter what hurt we have to go through !

He has chosen what he want and I went on living...

If the bird has got it right, he is not happy, live in regrets. He is rich now with his father in law connection.

Rumors has it that he has never stop loving his Australian girlfriend who has never returned (aiya, it is me lah cos I spend most of my adult life in Aust.). Not many people realized that the Australian gf in fact returned and lived in the island for a no. of mths before she left again.

Retrospect, we only live once, we should choose to live a life that is worth living. A real life , not what other perceive as good life. If you study psychology, there is this theory called integrity vs despair. Decisions that we made in our younger days have a lot of impact on how we are going to face or deal with our older days. (those who feel integrity will face their old age with content but those with regrets will live in despair cos they will have in their mind, if only...)

I don't see $ as evil but the love or lust for it is the root of evil.

From your eg. I will not blame the girl who choose the 3rd party. This guy might be able to provide her with more comfortable life. Her fiance might have to go through a period of hurt but he will be alright, life move on. Hurts and challenges in life made you stronger.

But, I personally will stick to my fiance if I knew I am going to spend the rest of my life with him. I am not sure in yr eg. will her fiance will ever have time for her ? (is that a temporary situation or forever and ever kind of situation ?). If working hard will provide better future for their family when they eventually get married. I will stick to him. But if that is forever and ever that he is not able to spend time with her, let her starve etc... I think I have to think twice.

In any marriages, you give some and take some. There are times you are the care giver and vise versa.

Yes, coming to my dad again. He was diagnosed with brain cancer 3 mths back. He has 2 brain surgeries, cyberknife treatment, etc... The disease has reversed my mother role now. She is the care giver for him now. That is what marriage life is about ....You weather through storms together, sweet, bitter etc...

Don't envy me. HE will bless you too. Continue to trust in HIM and HE will bring it to pass.

Helen said...

Hey, I think it's a bit flawed to derive at the answer on the assumption

1. 'if a guy is rich, he's not capable of being more nice and caring than the regular Joe..' :-)

2. If somebody is poor, he's gotta be a great guy...

alan zed said...

girls just want security... i might say...

TiNa HusSaiN said...

zewt darling,

my ex-bf drives a flashy BMW and has all that but somehow, I fell in love with my current bf (soon to be fiance! hehe) who drives a Hyundai.

It's a funny world out there.

WARNING: I'm a sucker for true love, soulmates and romance. Brace yourself!! ;p

For me, I would go for a guy who completes in ways I can never describe. Money cannot give you everything. I have friends who marry millionaires and have the opportunities to travel all around the world every other month BUT what is the point of having all that when you are to do it alone, without him by your side..

So yeah, I'd go for the Redang man instead of the Hong Kong man. Enough said!

:)

Johnson said...

what a load, zewt!

you are expecting ppl to make comments based purely on the facts that you gave? that is utterly irresponsible and unfair.

so in you opinion, what attracts a gal is wealth, free vacations, branded stuff, nice car and stability? well you are partly right, given a choice nobody will refuse those things. but that cannot possibly be the only factor.

do we know what is happening between the 2 before the new guy came in? were there any problems between the couples before the new guy came in? could it be that the feeling that was there when they were engaged is no longer there?

could it be that there were already something wrong in the r/ship that prompted the gal to look elsewhere? and lo and behold, a rich dude shows up and we instantly label her a gold digger?

like what has been commented, there are so many factors to consider leaving another person, it may not have to do completely with money. from the surface that is what we see, but it could be the tip of an iceberg, we may never know what really happened beneath.

the human species, for all their existence have always been attracted to power, wealth and high social status. you can't blame the women, its in our human DNA. same thing could happen to a guy.

there is also something called the 'halo' effect. basically, we tend to assume a good looking person is a better person and you form a much better impression of them than an ugly person. that's why beautiful women / men get away with so many things, because they have been brought up that way. just have a look around and you know what i mean.

if the gals leave the guys for the rich dudes, it’ll hurt like hell, make no mistakes. but like a chinese saying, better to have short term pain then long term pain, good riddance, because if they’d married the fiancés, both couples would never be happy and it’ll be a tough life for the both of them anyway...

a car will rust, a handbag will break, only true love will last till old age.

how many of us really have true love?

aSstHa said...

ah my dear zewt,

u missed my explaination completely (i think)...

hving nvr actually dated a rich man b4 (i always show dem d door b4 i even gif dem a chance) it's hard to say wat i'll do since i've never batted an eyelash wen ppl try to woo me with money.

so i guess it's safe to say, i'll probably never be that girl who does that. reason being i tink if he can woo me with $$$, wat reason do i hv dat he can't do dat to another girl?

like johnson sez, der must've been cracks in the relationship of ur frens dat none of dem were aware off.

once (abt 3yrs back now), i left my 6+yrs relationship cos i felt it was a dead end (der were talks of marriage but i always gave a reason not to). being a very friendly person, i naturally had lots of friends, guys n girls both good looking and mediocre.

i was quite close to this one guy in my office (a real hottie) who was caring, listens, not to mention richer den my bf (he was wat we called royal blood in d ofis. boss's relative).

i wud talk to him bout everything and anything (den again, i do dat to a lot of people) and wen i decided to walk out of the relationship. my ex's family members said it was bcos i had fallen for another guy.

i was subjected to being bad mouthed by ALL his family members (except his immediate family and a cousin of his bcos they were d only person who knew how he treated me and dat i deserved better).

and u know wat zewt? to dis day, i'm just friends with that guy from the office and none of his external family members cud say anything cos his parents were on my side dat i left not becos i fell for someone more caring/handsome/nicer/richer but bcos our relationship is jz not stable.

if i was to hv walked out off d relationship and stepped right into a new one with d guy, u can only imagine wat they'll say about me. so given d consequences, even if u left for d right reason but you walk into another relationship straight after... people will still brand u one way or another more so if the new guy is richer/handsome/nicer/sweeter/etc.

did i digress too much dis time?

lingzie said...

whew...trust zewt to come up with such a controversial topic!

i've not had the 'luxury' of being the 'wanted girl' but in my point of view, yes its true that money IS important.
And Yes humans are greedy. And we will always want new, exciting things. Truth be told, if someone were to present me a Gucci bag/Jimmy Choos/Tiffany jewelry/all of the above and wine and dine me at exotic places, it would be hard to say no. But then, there would also be the fear. If your guy is so rich, wouldn't you be worried about him wining & dining some other hot chick? And even if your filthy rich guy also happens to be very very loyal, wouldn't you be worried abt the other money minded hot chicks throwing themselves at him? So yes, while money makes the world go round. too much of it also causes other complications!

There is no perfect answer to love and relationships. It all depends on what the person wants.
Life is not fair, and neither is love. There will always be people hurting because of our distorted view of love - the person you love doesn't love you back or you don't feel anything for the person who treats you like a princess/prince, etc etc.
There is no right or wrong, for what is right for you, may be wrong for another person.
What matters is that you are true to yourself and you try as best you can to be fair to people around you.
For the girls who leave their bfs for a much richer guy, maybe their happy with their decision, and maybe they're filled with guilt. Who is to know?
Relationships are very personal. And at the end of the day, make a decision you think you can live with for the rest of your life.

ahjohn said...

While reading your blog, have you wonder how is it to be the rich guy instead?

Splashing money can be easy if you really love someone. But on the other hand, can be worrying if that girl you choose decides to be with you for money.

Practical world today, girls need money. probably in 2 years time, the dictionary would define girls = money. Same meaning???

i am dating a girl, and in our first date months back, i ask her what do you look in a guy? she said, financially stable. That explains about girl and their money. Should i continue to date that girl? YES....otherwise i will not be able to even marry anyone.

sad? well, who says marriage is the end of splashing? is actually the beginning of all problems...

ahjohn said...

i started a christian blog in ahjohn14.blogspot.com

Charmvive said...

Hey Tuck,

I actually worte something in my blog!

By the way...If i was the guy, i would fear no.2 guy more.

SuddenlyIDunnoWhoIM said...

i can't really relate myself to this topic but i hv smtg to share. im quite a frequent reader since the month of April 2007 n this is my 1st comment here. here goes my story.

i knew my current bf in april 2004 in irc. later we found out tat we r in the same college taking same course but im full-time student n he's only part-time. we getting closer through chatting n talking on the phone everyday n nite n the time of assignment due n exam deadline. im owez the 1 helping him since he's actually working for his diploma n seldom attend classes. we then start our relationship 2weeks after he left hometown to earn a leaving n heal his broken heart(in fact he takes almost 2months to win my heart). i cant trust any guy tat time since i hv been hurt to deeply in the past, tat's the reason y i hurt him badly with no intention, jz phobia kills.

tat's how i started my 1st time long distance relationship n there r lots of sour n sweet time we go through frm day to day. until today, we r together for almost 3years in another 1month n 10days.

he hv been hurting me so badly in the 1st year. it's real bad until i almost gone so mad n insane. i jz dunno y i hv to go through the pain he shower on me. IT'S ALL BOUT 3RD parties. yes...u know wat i mean. i forgave him for tat after few days of pain. i jz love him unconditionally. i learn to forgive n forget. really, i did.

since we r far apart, im trying to catch up wif him every now n then where ever i m n no matter wat m i doing. at 1st, we argue bout this matter coz he's trying to c tat I LOVE TO CHECK ON HIM. but hey..i've no tat intention at all. time flies, he get to understand the meaning of y i did all the annoying msgs n calls to him. bcoz i trying someday not to sms n call him, he feel weird n suspecting smtg wrong wif me. i jz explain to him wat i m trying to understand btw me n him. this test make us getting a step closer in heart. watever he did whether good o bad or even betray me in anytime, in any hour, he all reported to me n grant for forgiveness, i was in heartache after all n forgive him again n again when i feel tat im fine.

after all, the greatest battle of 3rd party coming in again. n this is oso the last 1, tat's on last year 29th Nov. can c how i remember all the date n timing?? in the end of Jan 2007, a world biggest "news" in my life reported to me tat he blown a gal's belly. yea....i've been collapsed for 2weeks. i can hardly think n accept the fact. i feel like ending my own life. but God is wif me. he b honest to me n he show his guilt to me n granted for my forgiveness even he knew if my answer is no. there's no turning back btw me n him. the answer is in my hand.

who on earth so "big heart"?? he's not rich at all, he's working for his own diploma cert, working for his mom medical, working for his sis's study. n b4 he reported the "news" to me, he's actually working hard for his house for us. i trusted him so much n yes of coz..after the "news", im trying to loosen my hope on him not bcoz i didnt trust him anymore. but i jz dunno wat else i hv to face even he promised me tat he'll gv all the best to me. he told me the "news" come btw me n him is all his fault. even his mom scolded him for 1 whole month bcoz of wat he did to me. his mom wanted him to leave me, he cant, n his mom wanted me to leave him, i tried for only 2days n i feel more like dying than continue my life. his siblings even chatted n trying hard to heal my pain at tat period of time.

until today we r still together n doing so fine, yes so fine, coz i forgive him n he've been discussed wif me bout all his plan in future, not forget bout the "news" he reported to me, i discuss wif him wif my open heart eventhough sometimes i might cry alone but he never know. the tears is jz for me to feel better n i know leaving him is worst than only tears i burst out at nite.

i dunno y i hv such a strong feeling over him...it's jz an unconditional love bcoz for all ur information, I NEVER MEET, SEE N TOUCH HIM IN PERSON AT ALL. but he get to peep me in college sometimes ago n i only get to c his photo end of the year 2005.

wat's this kind of relationship call?? i only know tat no matter wat come to us, our love remain the same n getting stronger n stronger each day...

*********************************

i duno how life will lead me in future but i know somebody in older age or even ppl around who know me in person will definitely saying tat im really stupid wif my decision...but i hv my own thinking n my own solution...every1 do things differently, jz take the courage to face it n experience wat we r getting through in life =)

Doreen said...

this post is probably not applicable to me anymore lar but I must comment that Gucci bag is soooo YUM!

rinnah said...

Errr... after reading thru all the comments I forgot what I wanted to comment liao! But I have to say that there's many sides to the same story, and it could have been a number of factors that led to the girl in the story making her choice the way she did.

Referring back to your previous post, my guess would be the guy should fear either guy 1 or 2 more depending on his girlfriend's character. If she wants more love, then guy 1. If she wants more financial security, then guy 2.

day-dreamer said...

Again I would have said, sometimes we have to be a little bit more calculative to be practical.

Of course guy number 2 sounds better to me. I don't deny that my prospect future partner should at least earn the same level as me, preferably higher than me. I don't know why I have such a requirement, I guess that would yield less arguments in the future as most guys really do have this kind of ego. No offence.

When guy number 2 shows up, we'll just see if he can give me the feel of actually having a future together. Like some of the previous commenters, despite all the materialistic pamper you can rip off that rich guy, there will still be one day you get sick of all those and want attention and love instead. And rich guys can be playboys too...

It's hard to choose and to not get hurt next time. Sigh.

cindy said...

Eh.. I dare not comment anything liao .

But honestly I chose Gucci over LV. :D

AngryYoungChild said...

Hmmmmmmm!!!!!! I pray God wont let this happen to me. -_- Hahaha

Maverick SM said...

Zewt,

Would you buy that Gucci for that girl? It's nice....

mott said...

wheeeee.....I have a friend who was whisked away to NY. Her beau is gazillion times richer than everyone of us. But not as rich as Bill Gates..but almost there.

Is she happy? YES!
Is she a gold-digger? It's a natural primal urge to reach the top. So..yes!
Does her potential MIL like her? NO! She's too freaking POOR! And she's not FRENCH!

Ha ha ha... life..has it's twists n turns!

Am I jealous becoz I'm a poor man's wife? Yes n No. I want financial security for my children, not Gucci handbags. ;-)

:: Nicole :: said...

*unzip my mouth*

i've never wanted a rich guy as my bf/hubby.. coz i know most of them are players and sweet talkers.. even if there are some decent rich guys out there, i know i'd feel insecure as long as i'm with him.. EVEN i can trust the guy 100%, but i can't trust girls whom are lurking around for a rich guy.. who would throw themselves over a rich guy.. who can be so 'low' to get a rich guy's attention.. who would do anything.. absolutely anything to have a rich guy in their arms..

so, when i met russ i fell in love with him.. heck! i fell in love with him over the phone! :p~ i didn't know how much he's earning n stuff (he's just doing a lil better).. all i know that he's a sweet loving caring guy.. well, i did feel insecure coz like i said he's every women 'perfect' guy.. why would he chose me, a plain jane? i know girls would want him BUT anyhow, as time passes by and with his constant assurance i know that i got nothing to worry about..

fairytale do happen :)

zewt said...

angel - be sure u come back when it turns real ya.

Nicole - what made u unzip your mouth? :)... well, i am glad fairytales happen to you.

Rashikaps - look at Helen's comment... she said all i want to say...

white daisies - apparently those who matter to my friend... mind...

JT - i think one should not jump into the conclusion that there is no rich saint, i am sure u will agree that there are a few around. if girls do not want to be generalise as materialistic, rich guys should not be generalise as jerks... no?

Winn - security can be very subjective dont u think?

Jemima - and that song means something ...:P

zewt said...

neno - hahahahaha.... like that... very easy lor. you really made me laugh there.

Jessica - you know... a girl once told me exactly what you said... she dumped her bf for a "better guy" not long after that. i hope you dont have to eat your word... but it's ok... since i dunno your bf... should be fine... kakakaka...

ah nel - of cos not la

hikazew - i have heard of such guys before. he will meet up with the girls... have sex... take money and go... the girl let him do that for 3 years.

flaminglambo - your sinister debate is totally relevant. all about the ladder theory... i will blog about it next week perhaps.

imp - yeah... when one grows in age... one will realise what is more important. like what sooi2 said in the previous entry... make sure you have cheque all the boxes before you get married.

gina - that's why i said... helen's comment said it all... read her comment... and see if you agree.

zewt said...

purple mushroom - my friend worked immediately after SPM and he sends money from his puny salary to the girl who was studying in australia, cos if he doesnt send, she will have to come back due to economic crisis then. so... did my friend treat her nice enough?

calvin's wife - what if you dont need to kiss his parents' ass? what if you dont have to do anything beyond your will and it is indeed fairytale? ok la... i guess no fairytale after all. anyway, do read helen's comment. as for your query on purple mushroom's notion... read my reply to her.

KGC - so you love him with or without a reason?

HC Tan - i guess it's a lose lose situation huh... hahaha... well, i hope you will e a self dependant girl in the future. but beware... a lot of self dependant girls end up ... well... partner-less...

Huei - sigh... go read helen's comment. not all rich guys are jerks... just like how you want me to believe that not all girls are materialistic... :)

me - again... have a look at helen's comment. if it's so easily for you to say rich guys are 'usually' bla bla bla... how about girls are usually money minded... i am sure you wouldnt wanna say that right?

kayatan - one thing i realised... in some things... time doesnt heal. both my friends suffered a lot... and one is still suffering. haha.. i will try not to envy you.

zewt said...

Helen - you said all i wanted to say in those few meaningful words.

alan zed - and what amounts to security?

Tina Hussain - wooahh... maiden comment! i get what you mean... well... i guess fairy tale does happen after all. and i am glad it happen to u.

johnson - woooahh... calm down bro... yeah, we've been thru this many times over mamak.

aSstHa - haha... i guess we should give my friend's fiance the benefit of the doubt eh. well... i to admit that i dont know everything about their rship... but i sure know my friends treat them well.

lingzie - yeah, there is no perfection in this world. i started such topics to encourage discussion... and it has turned into hot debate. well... those two girs are going to marry the 3rd parties already.

ahjohn - hahahahahahaha.... you made me laugh again. one girl once told me... she is not materialistic... just realistic. must admire her honesty dont u think? yeah, read your pastor-like blog already.

zewt said...

Charmvive - aiyah, i tot u blog about such topic too. oh...no.2 eh? most guys know that... just dont really wanna admit it. cos that will mean they are dating a money minded girl.

SuddenlyIDunnoWhoIM - Allow me to wish you welcome and thank you for your support since april. that's a very very personal story you shared there. thanks for sharing. i am not relationship guru so i dunno what kinda relationship it is. but i do know, i do feel that you are truly in love with him. there is real love in this world, one that stands the test of time and trials, and you have it.

what happened to the girl's belly in the end? i am sure something had to be done right? you are really very merciful to have forgiven him. I guess God is truly merciful to you and him.

I wish you well in the future and I hope all things will turn for the better from now on. My very very best wishes to you.

Doreen - hahahahaha... and how many do you have?

rinnah - hah... guess u didnt forget your commment. honestly... not many guys will fear no.1...

day dreamer - have a look at helen's comment... perhaps that should change your view a bit?

cindy - hahahaha... Gucci goes better with your make up?

AngryYoungChild - you sure or not? God may just test you. Oh... one of the couple are strong Christians.

Maverick SM - what is nice? the bag or the girl? hahaha...

mott - how come the MIL is poor when the son is almost Bill Gates' level? hmmmm...

cibol said...

I wanted the no.2 but must change the subject to if i am a guy and no.2 is a gal la .. ha ha ha.

kayatan said...

Zewt, gives it another 10-20yrs, he will get over it. Life goes on with or without prince/princes charming.

We learn to live with losses.

In my case, it was 22 yrs back.

Life will go on no matter what; unless the person give up the will for living.

I think there are a lot worst thing that can happen to man or woman than relationship kind of things.

I knew a no. of people who were of Hurricane Katrina victims. Life go on , you know...

Life goes on when you have a child who is down syndrom, seizure etc. Life go on when you are diagnose with chronic disease.

Yes, life goes on, now matter what...

J.T. said...

Ah Zewt... I said most rich men. I did not generalise it as every rich man.

The problem is I have not come across one who is a saint but I am not ruling out the fact that there are some good rich men. At the end of the day, it all is in the eye of the beholder. ;) What I find offensive is another girl's delight.

So let's agree that we cannot generalise that every girl is materialistic and that every rich man is a jerk.

kayatan said...

Zewt,

Why people in Malaysia like Gucci or Prada that much ?

Could it be a lot of people (esp. girls/women) in Malaysia have very low self-esteem and need a branded product to boost their ego ?

I don't see Americans too crazy about Gucci or Prada ? Might be we don't quite fancy European products ? or might be we are too self confident people ? for we have conquered the moon ? :):). Just a provoking thought to get some rotten eggs :).

Sheena said...

100 plus comments, or no 100 plus comments, I don't envy you your position of having to play Aunt Agony, or rather, Uncle Zewtgony to your readers... You realise we WILL come back to look for you should this happen to us in real-life, yea?

(Scared now-leh...)

And as your story illustrated, girls are biologically-wired to look for security. And while emotional security is all well and good (and yes, good on the girls who prize that most in a man), I suspect most girls are looking for financial security. Love ain't gonna feed your kids, no matter what the old songs and all those romantic "but-it's-true-it-happened-to-my-parents" "real-life" stories say.

I am truthful girl, AND a cynical truthful girl at that.

may said...

sorry, did I miss the whole point completely again? what was No. 2 type guy? oh right... the one I should "fear more", since he'll just make me spend more than my means!

ok, so back to your previous post. choosing No. 1 means fearing No. 2 lor... kan?

:: Nicole :: said...

Gucci, Prada, LV, Guess.. ALL can get at Petaling Street! lol...

SuddenlyIDunnoWhoIM said...

=) thanks so much for ur reply. i appreciate it so much. i burst in tears reading ur reply. finally, i know there's another person tat cares. but don't worry, i'll b fine.

my love story indeed it's a very very personal story. i actually intent to blog it out in my own friendster blog but it's a very wide network there, at the same time i don't wish any1 know bout it n i don't wish my bf get insulted. this is the 1st time i posted my story bcoz of ur entry bout relationship n couple. tat's how u motivated me to share it here. all this while, there's only 1 of my best fren who shares my up n down in this relationship wif me. im glad to shared it all here now.

s for ur question, the answer is, we all r now waiting for the gal's confinement. my bf told me it's too cruel to do abortion n oso his mom won't allow him to settle it tat way. he's actually a very soft hearted n filial son, tat's y watever decision he made n im trying hard to accept it. he knew he hurt me so badly n by tat time i actually collapsed but im trying hard to stand up to push through since he's facing hard time too. the gal actually asked him to dump me n go wif her (in fact the gal is the 1 started the "fire", tat's y she wanted my bf to dump me since she tot she already won my bf's heart wif the result she wish for in her belly), his mom oso keep nag at him frm morning til nite, furthermore, he's stress up wif his job at the same time, he cant forgive himself on wat he've done. everyday when we chat or talk on phone, he'll keep telling me he's a worst guy ever on earth. i really can't c him in this situation, i know in tat moment of time, i've to b tough to help him mentality n oso myself.

actually now, im still in dilemma. i didnt show it out n i didnt put much hope to achieve my wish tat i told him earlier on b4 the gal's existance. the wish i told him is i wanted him come along to my graduation day on this coming 1st Sept but the gal's confinement fall btw tat time too. i duno whether he'll come along or...i'll ended up all alone to left my wish unfulfilled. there r still another 2months left to know my answer tat i wish for in my life time. anyway, watever tat come to me now im ready for it. i know God is there for me whenever i needed HIM.

i've never ending story n there r actually more to tell, i jz trying to make it s short s possible. im in tears typing all this actually hahaha...it's very shameful to let u know tat im a crying baby. once again, thanks so much for ur space to let me express my feeling deep down my heart. i did feel a little more relief. thanks.

SuddenlyIDunnoWhoIM said...

kayatan,
ppl own Gucci n Prada, i owns Guli n Papaya...both start wif G n P. u didnt get rotten eggs frm me XD

zewt said...

cibol - maybe i will do another version for guys... hehehe...

kayatan - Oh Jamy...gucci and prada or LV bags are big big thing in malaysia. to some girls... it's a must have. i have heard of situation whereby a girl told her new bf that he MUST get her one within 3 months or the relationship is off. and the guy saved like hell to get it for her.

JT - yup... that's the spirit... now... go find the coffee man.

Sheena - yup... the chinese saying of 'with love water will fill u up' is kinda like a joke really. when financial crisis strike... it can be ugly. oh... if you do land yourself in such predicament... do let me know... of your decision i mean.

may - ahhh? choosing 1 means fear 2? hmmmm... what?

Nicole - you sure u will be happy if russ get one for u there? Russ... u reading this?

SuddenlyIDunnoWhoIM - You're welcome. I am glad writing your feelings here give you some kinda release. I am not going to turn pastor and recite you some bible verse but if you trust in HIM, I am very sure He will take you thru. Trust your heart now... a heart that's being guided by Him.

ah nel said...

good... ;)

ah nel said...

btw if got nice gal don mind old man n no marni wan don forget intro to me... ;)

AngryYoungChild said...

Then i shall stay single forever!! hahaha..jk

marsha said...

hhhmmm....it's really quite hard to say but i think happily ever after is hard (if not impossible) irregardless of whether the man is rich or not. A relationship is a two-party affair. It depends on how resilient both are at working on their relationship and keeping love alive.

some lucky, some aren't. that's life.

so, it's wrong to make the assumption YET statistics show that rich men will find it easier to stray and women are more likely to marry to a rich man.

Sheena said...

Zewt, having a rich guy fancy me is not a predicament... It's my dream!

cindy said...

Zewt, Gucci goes nicer with my brow. Hahahahaha! Just kidding. I just love Gucci, especially the sunglasses. I have 2 in fact, but I gave one to my mom. :P

kayatan said...

Zewt,
I just finished a controversial blog entry title : Why is Gucci, . LV and prada's product so appealing to Malaysian female population ?
Check it out in yr free time.
Jamy

kayatan said...

Read it when you got the time
http://seaykopitiam.blogspot.com/2007/06/why-is-gucci-lv-and-pradas-product-so.html

jaezrel said...

I WAS MISSING.......FOR 2 DAYS HEHEH

WHOA...........UR BLOG TOO LONG NO TIME TO READ ER

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

I don't agree that sending money from his puny salary to a girl he loves in Australia is 'treating her nice enough'. There are a lot more in relationship than sending money!!!!

me said...

call me cynical. i've yet to meet a nice rich guy....reason i chose a not so rich humble guy to be my life-partner, i guess. then again, maybe it's because no filthy rich guys were chasing me? hahahahahaha. maybe there is a difference to those who were born rich and those who worked for their riches. the latter, i respect. that's pretty unfair of me, i think. until i meet a silver spoon in the mouth who is halfway decent, i'm not going to change my mind, sorry. i've met too many spoilt rich brats.

Huei said...

well..MOST of the rich guys are jerks

so far, all that i've seen (and believe me, it's not little), the nicest are those who don't look down on me, but he still have tonnes of gfS

if they are loyal husbands/bfs, then, they'll probably fall into those categories who fight between family members for their parents will or something

mott said...

Errr.. I meant my friend is POOR, and she's not an aristocrat French...hence, her MIL does not like her.

sorry for the confusion.

Yam said...

Why keep on going on about girl + rich guy???

Ever thought that the same applies for RICH girl + poor boy =?? What does that make the guy? A materialistic man, NO?

aSstHa said...

haha zewt,

goin tru all ur comments for dis entry really can see the hot debate goin on.

btw.. for wat it's worth, if, and i do mean if, i were to get a Gucci or LV bag. i'd rather work for it thru my own sweat... sometimes wen u get things the hard way, u tend to appreciate it more... not to mention u don hv to keep sucking up to ppl's arses so dat they'll get u wat u want...

hmmm... mayb i shud buy myself flowers for my birthday intead of waiting for "that one person" to get it for me... ;)

hving said dat... i do somewat agree with ur reply to HC Tan dat self dependant girls somehow end up partnerless (u know it cud b ur nxt controversial blog entry. or mine. or anyone else's for dat matter)

*boo*... no friday celebrations 4 me... it's the mth end closing... weekend working.. here i comeee...
>_< = so not looking forward to it..

jaezrel said...

cant see a coffee man i saw 3 dots i assumed it is a.....human lookin face u r mentionin abt

jaezrel said...

cant see a coffee man i saw 3 dots i assumed it is a.....human lookin face u r mentionin abt

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

Ha... I love going through the comments on this issue.

I totally agree with YAM.

sooi2 said...

i finally had the time to read this post. wah, ur readers all very the intellect...i malu want to komen long long oso, LOL!

mar said...

self-dependent girls=partnerless???

huhuhuhuhu...woe is me...*sobs*

zewt said...

ah nel - hahaha... i will look into it.

AngryYoungChild - dont la... give some chance to the guys out there.

marsha - hi and welcome! really like your conclusion... if you've commented earlier, i would have mentioned that in the closure entry. indeed... reality can be cruel. hope to see ya around.

Sheena - hahahaha... now now... isnt that... the real world haha!

cindy - is it really that nice or just the name? hmmm... always a mystery to me.

kayatan - will do it right after this.

jaezrel - read it during weekend lor since u so free during weekend.

zewt said...

purple mushroom - well, if u really wanna put it that way, then i have nothing to say. i can list down a whole list of things but i know, it will never be enough. besides, one interesting point... the girls' friends, who happened to be the friend of my buddy as well... all said my friend is the best guy on earth. and if u ask me... i would agree. but when the girl dumped him.... all her friends stood her side. their reason..."i have to support my friend". as for Yam's comment... refer to my reply to her.

me - arent we all cynical. i have seen my side of the coin, so did you. we all have our own beliefs. but then again, i know i need to be able to see the anomaly sometimes.

Huei - hahaha... looks like being rich is really a curse huh.

mott - ah... now i see it.

Yam - yes... he is. i have personally seen some. i wouldnt disagree with that. BUT... guys tend to go for youth and looks... which i will blog about later.

aSstHa - haha... i am sure your colleagues or your new colleagues will buy you a gift or something. as for closing... this is your last so... enjoy it! It's my turn next week.

sooi2 - dont need to malu la... just do it. this is an open-minded blog. anyone condemn u... i will screw them.

mar - it's the journey which may make you partnerless. and this apply to guys too.

Elizebeth D.L. said...

that is so tempting;)

To be frank, I really can't answer it. I know I am faithful, but hey, Honda and Hong Kong shopping with free air ticket & everything? that's really tempting ok...!

zewt said...

elizebeth DL - knowing it is knowledge... choosing what to do is wisdom... admitting that we are all vulnerable... that's maturity.