Friday, 21 December 2007

Marriage brownies points

The latest poll was by far the most popular one, with a total of 374 votes. Looks like boobs is the best way to address breast according to most of you all. But I am surprise that ‘nen nen’ came second! Right… boobs it is…

Very soon, I will be entering marriage life. Well actually, I am already legally married so what happen next year is the church solemnisation process. I received these guidelines on how to make a your woman happy quite some time ago and I wonder if they are really applicable…

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a uni buddy (-2)
Named Angelina(-10)
Angelina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called ‘Alien vs Predator 2’ (-3)
You lied and said it was a romantic comedy (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Batik shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?"… this one, you lose points no matter what...
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?"(-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realises this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

I watch a comedy lately and there was this part where the comedian mentioned one of the phrase of the wedding vow called “till death do us part”… he said you could actually be setting a goal… hahahaha!… Any words of wisdom from married couple out there?

Happy weekend everyone…
P/S: For those heading to 1U during evening this weekend, if you see a guy playing a guitar somewhere there..........

44 comments:

angel said...

Chup!!

Patience is a virtue!

Merriest Christmas to one and all!

Melissa said...

LOL, real nice one...very, very true, can't help but to laugh hard on this...thanks for the post xD

Hor ny Ang Moh said...

For the ladies! To way to a men heart is through his stomach & great pokeing! For the men the way to a women heart is to offer urself to her totally including ur wallet & of cause ur 'bro'!
Have a nice weekend & marry x-mas!

Pookyma said...

damn hard to gain points!!

Lose 8000 points just because of a stupid answer..

seokthong said...

I laughed like crazy for the 8000 points thing.

For me, on birthday, my hubby MUST buy me something, if not i'm not going to talk with him! haha..

Merry Christmas to everyone!

lynnx01 said...

You're going to perform in 1U? That's cool. I haven't been to that place for ages. It's always Mid Valley over and over again.

kyh said...

LOL that's cool!

post ur performance up here then! ;)

ahjohn said...

hi prof zewt:

This is my prob...Hope you can solve it.

I wake up at 7, bring her out on Saturday for mountain climbing. (+5)
I bring her for lunch and for movies (+10)
I send her home telling her that I wanted some rest, give her a nice peck and hug (+30)
I cheated, coz i went to play football and she knows(-50)
And by 11pm, i need to watch my spurs playing and not answering any calls(-1000)

This process goes on for 52 weeks and i realize that i am going to get relegated to division 1. Tell me what to do? She's kicking my ass hard now

lovie said...

These are so true. Haha. Thanks for sharing. =D
Merry Christmas to everyone.

Anonymous said...

very funny!!! hahahaaa!!!!

j or ji said...

applicable forever.

zewt said...

angel - i think patience was not the notion... :P

Melissa - my pleasure as always.

Hor Ny Ang Moh - wallet and bro... i think we dont mind using our bro haha!

pookyma - 8000!! hahaha... i dont think we are stupid enough to give such answer.

seok thong - hahahaha... do you hint to him what u want?

zewt said...

lynnx01 - not perform... just a sing-along with everyone. i have not been to 1U for the longest time.

kyh - hahha... not a performance la.

ahjohn - hahahahaha.... she is an arsenal fan (-10000000)!! hahahaha... well, get one who supports spurs. then you will lose the 5, 10, 30 but gain 50 and 1000.

lovie - what? the till death do us part portion?

anon @ 11.29am - not if you're the guy... :)

j or ji - mesti fail cam tu...

beeranyone said...

words of wisdom~~~

in any union, flood it with humour & laughter, and lots of it too.

for you, think you got no problem with that, looks like its your second nature... so, u & ah soh will have a pretty smooth ride.

Tunku Halim said...

Yeah . . . deep breathing is good for you!

l y n n w e i said...

haahha...good one there!

i guess if she really love u, it doest matter what u do or dont do....it's ur heart tat counts! haha...

merry christmas and a blessed year ahead!!

seokthong said...

Of course!!! I don't hint, i'll just simply tell him to buy either this, this, this or that!! If not, he'll really get it from me! Muahahahaha!

By the way, if i'm still in Malaysia, i might probably get to see u performing because i love going to 1U! Too bad..

littleComma said...

hey ... :) it's not that bad, really. women are really simply harmless and yet loveable creatures created by God ... anyway, congratulations and merry christmas !

Sharon said...

congrats zewt :)

liyiesther.C said...

if i see a guy playing a guitar somewhere there... it's YOU?

sooi2 said...

KIDS & BABIES
You sincerely love being around them and you're a natural, terrific father (+10,000)

You can't change a diaper for your life (-100,000)

lovegoddess said...

very nice 'nen nen' article here :) i laughed when reading the ple .. certainly made my morning perkier :)

how life zewt ?

Mandeep Gill said...

hee hee you're so screwed.
i MEAN
congratulations buddy!

Thank god the honeymoon works like cushions when the post wedding blues BANG you up.

Ah don't worry am juuuuuuuuuuuuust kidding...
or am i?

*evil laugh*

Twisted Heels said...

Lol. Great post, Zewt. Like they always say, don't try to understand women because you never will, just love us!

Here's wishing you a merry christmas and a happy new year.

Zawi said...

Zewt,
From my 34 years of marriage I have found that head she wins, tail I lose.

Freethinker said...

I went 1 U today, aint no c any guitar...

zewt said...

beeranyone - i certainly hope so :)

Tunku Halim - well, i am sure i made the right choice.

l y n n w e i - hahaha... so i guess the points are scored in the heart eh? :)

seok thong - so direct eh! hahaha... just tell!

littleComma - i agree... women are lovely :)

Sharon - thanks sharon.

zewt said...

liyiesther.C - :).... who knows?

sooi2 - what is the score of your husband eh?

lovegoddess - life is good... hope it will get better. and hope yours too :)

Mandeep Gill - i shall have no second thoughts... no second thoughts... no second thoughts... :)

Twisted Heels - hahaha... it's a lifetime learning experience eh?

Zawi - hahahahahahaha.... how unfortunate eh?

freethinker - i was in MPH.

missironic said...

oh? u played the guitar in MPH? Aiya..never go in there..no wonder din see! Lolz...

sooi2 said...

Definitely around -100,000 area. Marriage (with kids) is truly bad for a woman's health :p

Merry christmas to u n jules!

Huei said...

OHH CRAP i missed it! should've read on friday! then i can see someone playing guitar at 1u! =P heheh

HAHHAHAHAH -8000 HAHAHHAHAAHHA

Siew said...

about the point on making the bed, well, i must say that i am a complete slob and therefore will not mind the bed in any condition, since we live alone and no one will see it. but... my husband on the other hand, insist on a neat bed. since he is so particular, i just leave the chore to him. heh-heh-heh...

congratulations on your forth coming marriage. it will be an exciting and joyous journey.

btw, hubby and i haven't been to the cinema for about three years already. :( my hubby's scores are reaching minus infinity.

lol-lol-lol

me said...

hmmmmm, i was there sunday. prob not late enough...or maybe wrong day. *shrugs* would u hv recognised me anyway? haha.

zewt said...

missironic - yeah ler... hehe... hidden...

sooi2 - hahaha... yeah, jules said wanna have kids only after 2 years.

Huei - many cant find me anyway... was hidden.

siew - hahahha... a case of reversed role huh... well... i think i dont mind DVD....

me - in 1U and specially MPH?

alan zed said...

i voted nen nen. hehe. nice tips on scoring points from the other half. :)

tulipspeaks said...

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

eh.. i would give +10 for that! men can nvr stay in one place for that long!!!

:P

happy holidays and see u in 2008.

ammu.

zewt said...

alan zed - hahahaha... you're welcome.

tulipspeaks - u're right... men will always scramble around :)

warrior2 said...

Where is the sex part? BTW, when you are at it, go for her BOOBS regularly!

The sex and the boobs workout will give you 100 points and 12 hours of peace and love!

sharlydia said...

I've read this on those forwarded emails for soooo many times but still, i'll laugh whenever i read it again, like how i was laughing while reading ur post....maybe its "somewhat" true, that's y! hahaha...

zewt said...

warrior2 - hhahahahaha... i shall remember that.

sharlydia - and are u practising it?

Anonymous said...

Does Kottke know you took his picture?

-B-

zewt said...

anon @ 2.37pm - hmmm... can u let him know and see if it's ok? :P

rational thinker said...

lovely post. happy new year!

zewt said...

rational thinker - glad you like it.