It’s exactly one month before my vege days are over, which means it has been 19 days since mom left us without any warning. Over the last 19 days, I have had more people asking me “how are you?” compared to my entire life, to which, I don’t really know how to answer. But thanks, really, I appreciate all your concern.
Over the last 19 days, I was severely hit with the “the-last-time” phenomenon… In my mind, the following thoughts kept hitting me…
The last time I went to work… mom was still alive. The last time I went to the gym… mom was still alive. The last time I went to the church… mom was still alive. The last time I played football… mom was still alive. The last time I played badminton… mom was still alive. The last time I spent a night at Jules… mom was still alive. The last time I went shopping… mom was still alive. Every single thing that I do, I just thought of the time when mom was still alive. It was killing me, but I tried my very best to hide it all.
The full wave of the fact that mom’s passing was a sudden one began to slowly sink in me; sometimes I just tear in silence. There will be more “the-last-time”, and I will have to face them all. It will be tough and I hope I will be able to find a smile amidst those tears.
Anyway… something happened in the first 7 days of mom’s passing that I really wanna share with all of you. It may be a lil… creepy…
On the night when mom was cremated, I was sitting right here blogging. To the right of me is mom’s temporary altar. It’s set up on a mahjong table and mom’s picture is on it. She is smiling at me right now as I type. This altar will stay for the 49 vege days before it’s being transferred to the altar table. Yeah, I am the only Christians in the family.
At about 11pm, I can suddenly smell a sweet fragrance, so sweet that it actually captured by attention and I started to locate the source of the smell. As I walked around the house frantically sniffing everywhere, I noticed my cousin was doing the same thing. Indeed, we were both captivated by the sudden appearance of this sweet fragrance. You know what is the best part? Only cousin and I could smell it, dad, brother and sister couldn’t smell it. Cousin said… “Ni de ma ma hui lai le” (mom is back).
That’s not the end of it yet. The 7th day after one’s passing is known as “wui wan yat” (the day when the spirit of the dead will return). On that day, all of us are not supposed to roam around the house past 10pm, and that everyone should sleep at 10pm. It’s silly really, if mom is back… I am more than happy to stay in the living room and wait for her. How I wish I could tell mom how much I love her.
Anyway, I was in my room downloading something and it was about 9.55pm when I shut down my computer and since it’s not 10pm yet, I decided to go to the toilet for one last time. As soon as I stepped out of my room… yeah, you guessed right… I could smell that sweet fragrance again. The fragrance was with me… all the way from the living room to the toilet. As I stepped out of the toilet… I paused… took a deep breath and said…
“Ma, lei hai mai fan jo lei?”
(Mom, are you back?)
As soon as I said that, I got goose bump on my entire body. It’s a strange feeling, but there was no fear. I cannot say for sure that I could sense mom, but something out of this realm happened that day.
“Ma, ah tuck weng yun do wui kam sek lei, weng yun do em wui mong kei lei”
(mom, I will always love you and always remember you)
As soon as I said that, my goose bump disappeared completely… I cried for a while before I returned to my room and called it day.
P/S: I have disclosed some of the solutions of the riddle in the comment page of that entry already. As for the solution given to me… it’s really ridiculous I am not sure if I should tell you all that. You might all laugh at me.