Monday, 19 November 2007

Will you attend?

I was in Ipoh last Saturday for a colleague’s wedding dinner. Trips to Ipoh is always very damaging to the stomach, as one tends to always put it to maximum capacity. Can't help it though, have to say the kuay teow soup there is truly one of a kind, in a good way of course.

Anyway, our bunch was early for the dinner and we took our place at the table. Jules was with me and we started taking pictures, the usual stuff. It was then that a familiar figure walked in…

“That was my ex”
“That girl?”
“Yeah”
“Is she married yet?”
“No, not that I know of”
“Are we inviting her to our wedding?”
“No”
“Will she invite you to her wedding when she gets married?”
“Dunno”
“Will you go if she invites you?”
“No”

It was then that Jules told me about how her friends have got this belief that if one is not willing to attend the wedding of one’s ex, one is not truly over his/her ex. Jules was quite adamant about it and we engaged on a short discussion about that notion.

Do you think that is true?

I believe not, at least not entirely. I think the willingness or the possibility of one attending one’s ex’s wedding depends on the manner of the break-up. I have some friends whom I know will not attend their ex’s wedding, no way at all. And I don’t think it’s because they are not over the ex yet.

Having said that, I also believe not many of us will attend our ex’s wedding for various reasons. What do you think? If you’re invited for your ex’s wedding, will you attend?

Some of us here are too young to think about weddings so how about being invited for ex’s birthday party. Will you attend?
Before I end, would like to specially thank Jessie aka HijackQueen for giving me the
“Nice Matters Award” and to Swei for giving me the “Break Out Blogger” award and the “Blogging that hits the mark” award. Special thanks to you two.
Have a nice time thinking about whether you will attend your ex’s invitation.

72 comments:

rational thinker said...

well, i would definitely make it to their weddings (my ex's) if i am invited of course. I guess it really depends on how both of the parties get on with their lives since. How the breakup comes about will also matter. If your ex caught you in bed with another guy/girl, surely you re NOT invited to the wedding. hahaha

angel said...

If I'm invited, I would.. why not?

So... what's your reason?

Jon Chu said...

Why not? Hantam only! Furthermore, if it's the wedding dinner, just go for it! After all, it's FOOD we're talking about, zewt! HAHA..

SK said...

I will attend as I can't find any reason not to attend.

clare said...

Deja vu! My ex just invited me last month to his wedding dinner next year. Of course I will go! It's FREE FOOD, friend! It is not about over the ex or not, it's about you being there, give them your blessings and wish them happiness that matters, apart from the free food of course. =P

tingtitlei said...

that would depend on WHICH ex hahaha.. some might be too fucking awkward lah

Twisted Heels said...

As all above said, it depends on the circumstances on how the relationship ended. Personally, I think I'll still attend. Even if not over the ex, just fake it? After all women are pretty good at telling lies. Lol.

Jemima said...

You made me ponder..i.e., will your ex attend your wedding if you are inviting her?

Helen said...

Like you say, totally depend on your after relationship with your ex. Are both of you still close? If not, and you don't have much feelings left why the heck should anyone want to attend?

Pssst, Summore has to spend angpow money.

l y n n w e i said...

congratulations for the award! u deserved it!!!

hmm..i guess i would go...but what if your ex marries your best friend? tat would be a bit painful!

kekekeke

narrowband said...

As always, I love these thinking posts from you. They make people think and ponder over things. This one is interesting. Let's ignore the free food and free booze first. (Actually not free also lar... Ang Pow leh...).

I think it is rude to turn down an invitation. And you will have a hard time explaining to people (mind you, not only your current girl will ask you, maybe even your friends, parents, relatives, etc etc) why you turn down the invitation. Ok, maybe no need to explain la, but you will get alot of questions. It will be very 'fan'. How will you answer?

So Jules is probably right. If you choose to turn down, then your ties with her is not completely severed. It could be in form of hatred, it could be in form of jealousy, in could be in any emotional form.

I think it also depends on your current situation - if you're still single and lonely then it'd be difficult to drag yourself to the wedding also hehe. But for you, if you're living your own life happily, getting along fine then why not be sporting enough and attend. You guys used to be close once... In cantonese we say 'yat cheong seong sik..........'

Haha.

narrowband said...

Would like to amend my last sentence.

...used to be **friends once...

myop101 said...

well, she might have a point there. but like you said, it also depends on how the breakup fared.

perhaps you should consider going to her wedding and wish her off once and for all if both of you ended your relationship in an amicable manner?

may said...

I would attend if I'm invited. some years ago I even attended my ex's brother's wedding, and his (my ex's) gf was there as well... lol!

I believe we're all mature adults. put the past behind, look forward. life's too short to hold onto a grudge (or whatever it was) for too long.

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

i guess it will be kind of weird..but i will prob go if a bunch of frens go..if not superbly weird to put alone in a table of 9 strangers..then when asked who r u..to reply the bride/groom ex..

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

For me, it depends. So far, no invitation from my exs. Haha.

Huei said...

woah! so many awards!

actually i might..well yea it depends on why we broke up..i onli had an ex..so..i wouldn't go! hahahhah damn childish a**hole

other reasons not to go..if he/she had an affair outside ur relationship..if he/she hurt u real bad

Hor ny Ang Moh said...

As u say depend on how the break occur! But for me if invited I will sure attend as I believed I am ' A gentlemen can pick so can also put down ' (loosely translate from chinese ). Beside I like to compare myself to her new bf ( so that I know my weak point if any or if she is just being stupid & choose someone other then me ).
Have a nice day!

Hijackqueen said...

When a invitation card reaches you, it is quite rude not to attend the wedding. However, don't go alone as that will make yourself feel really bad.

missironic said...

Hmm..I guess tats depends on how's ur relationship is wif ur ex. If after the break up u both are still frens and do keep in touch often..then yea,noting wrong to go to their weddings or even to their bday party..after all, u r still frens..but if after the break up u both din keep in touch or u both are like total strangers then I tink it will be totally awkward to attend his/her wedding or bday party...

but i dun tink its the case of u r not over ur ex if u dun go when u are invited. I guess its the feeling of u were once close to him/her then suddenly u both were so distant after tat..i guess it will be a strange feeling..but also as many said..it depends on how u both break up too..if the break up is ugly, i bet u wudnt want to see him/her ever again! lolz...tats my opinion la.

kerry said...

Go, Die die also must go... Since I got married 1st and got children already, so must go to show off abit mar.

Must thank him also for ditching me, if not, I won't be who I am today...

Muahahaha...

Angie Tan said...

It depends... If the split were mutual and if I'm still in good terms with my ex, why not?

If not, doubt that any of us will send invites unless it is to "spite" the other to say that I've-found-a-bigger-fish-than-you-LOSER.... Hahaha...

dan-yel said...

Well, I'm bound to be proven naive, or whatever, I'd say I'll go. I think the only thing that'll stop me is that I am not over my ex. So I think I'll go, for this lately it's a lot easier than I think to put the past behind me than I thought before.

I can't think of anything else that'll stop me from attending the wedding. Again, I'm bound to be proven naive.

Mcmercedez said...

Hi there Zewt,

Well, i think it's no harm to attend one's ex gf/bf's wedding dinner though.. After breaking up, can still be friends i guess..

Some people will tend to cut off everything after a break up in order to avoid anything from happening after that (like another episode of getting together again) and some people will be just like nothing at all.. so very much depends on that person's thinking..

Personally, I think it's ok to go but just have to be truthful to the current relationship and maybe bring him/her along for the wedding..

sharlydia said...

I think u were right when u said it depends on the manner of the break-up. Only got into one serious relationship b4 I got married, but this ex did not attend my wedding despite me sending him invitation card & calling him on the phone. This was the same person I wrote about in "my ex-love" post...

I think if i'm invited to his wedding one day, I'll go lor...will go with my hubby, showing him that i'm happy that he has finally found his other half too!

alan zed said...

one should never attend the ex's wedding. it's bad luck. hehe.

Anonymous said...

would go but just sms congratulatory note if...

mu kick-off same time

or

another ex in town

Maverick SM said...

I would attend, if invited! Still friends...

Doreen said...

I don't mind inviting my ex to my wedding or attending my ex's wedding. I don't even mind being in touch. But it's the guys that are avoiding me. No romance can still be friends mah no?

j or ji said...

u got award every month? malaysia book of record! :P

me dun go to ex wedding or anything related to ex's.

wedding is a sentimental thing.i dun want to ruin her or my feeling.blabla.

Tine said...

I'm going through the exact situation. I'd very much like to invite the first boyfriend to the wedding (we parted amicably a long time ago, and we still keep in touch), and Tim's fine with it, for he knows him too. Plus I know he'd invite me to his wedding, and I'd definitely go.

But I'm apprehensive inviting the second ex because I just don't want to see him there. It's supposed to be a joyous occasion, and I don't want to knowingly invite something which could potentially mar the wedding. My friends did tell me to invite him, that it would clearly tell him that we are now friends and nothing more.

Sigh. I don't know. This is a difficult one, this is.

Jun said...

in a way, i kinda agree w u-- it all depends on the manner of the breakup, the reason behind the breakup, and the nature of ur relationship with ur ex.

so, in broad terms, wat's the reason behind u not wanting to attend?

kyh said...

I think I will go. LOL. Nothing hurts rite? Unless u're going there with ur mind still filled with those memories when u were still pak-toh with her. :P

And to disperse those awkward situations, bring along ur girl la! ;)

cibol said...

on this matter, ermm .. my ex got married like a few months ago. and a few months before that few months I was thinking about this whole thing. what if she invited me to come? So, what i did was, just in case she would invite to come so I actually asked around who's coming who's not because I was thinking of coming if I'm invited but then I was not. So, i was actually a bit dissapointed because we actually became good friends, well sort of after the break up, eventhough it was a painful one. adn not to be invited to both of the wedding dinner makes it a lil bit hard to swallow. but then, trying to understand the situation that we were in before, I think it was a fair decision for both of us I guess because of the history bet ween me and her family, me and her husband .. so, I guess it's fair in that sense. but will I invite her to my wedding? I will .. because I still have the respect for her as a friend and that's the best gift a friend that can give to a friend.

imp said...

i make it a point not to be in contact with my ex-es. and no matter what, never attend a wedding of an ex. nothing to do with getting over or not. it's all about me having better things to do than to re-visit the past and get more headaches. i don't need extra drama in my life.

bensiu said...

Hahaha.. I will not attend as well...cos others will always whisper behind your back.. like "they used to be together, but the groom rampas from him... freaking loser!" and then some people will console us by saying "aiyah..he's wearing your old shoes ma"

HAHAHAHAH... i think im crazy!

rinnah said...

It depends on the type of parting, I guess. I would go, whether or not I am over my ex because if I ever loved him, I would only want for his happiness and hey, he's the one who invited me what... not like I'm angling for an invite. *grin*

seokthong said...

I have the same thinking like "imp and bensiu". I won't attend my ex's wedding coz i hate him and his family hates me. Not because i still have feelings for him but i just don't want to see him anymore. So, what for lah? Better save the ang pow money and time to do my own sweet things..

zewt said...

rational thinker - hahaha... that goes without saying...

angel - mine? cos it was a messy post-break-up.

Jon Chu - blardy hell... have to pay ang pow u know!

SK - must be a very decent break up u went thru.

tingtitlei - hahaha... exactly!

Twisted Heels - ahhh... isnt that a good blog topic... women and lies...

zewt said...

Jemima - dunno... cos i am not inviting her.

Helen - yeah la... summore have to give. unless thick skin and dont give haha.

l y n n w e i - if you're ok with your ex... i am sure u r ok with your best fren right?

narrowband - i guess you're right. there is still a tie... but it's no longer love... perhaps it's hatred, perhaps it's disappointment. well, i am sure one dont want to show a sour face during wedding. yat cheong seong sik also no use la.

myop101 - well, i think to wait till the wedding to end it is pretty... late, no?

may - woooaaah... that sounds like 'the gathering of ex-es'... haha!

zewt said...

constant craver joe - reply... i am the guy who used to f*** the bride :P

purple-mushroom - dont speak too soon.

Huei - so you wont... and cos he is an asshole haha...

hor ny - wow... gentleman indeed.

hijackqueen - well, i have rejected invitation before. but with valid reasons la.

missironic - yeah ler... all depends on the break up. if ugly, no one wanna see each other again ler.

zewt said...

kerry - hahahaha... that's quite an ego...

Angie Tan - ahahahaha... it happens... it happens.

dan-yel - well, i hope you will not be proven wrong :)

Mcmercedez - not many can be friends. maybe i will blog about some horror stories.

sharlydia - not many ppl is as open minded as you. i think it is such a predicament.

alan zed - hahaha... listen to master alan.

tulipspeaks said...

ahem.. i won't attend and i won't invite him either.

reason.. hmm.. i don't know, may be she is right, may it is something else..

man.. i'm all mixed up right now! :S


ammu.

zewt said...

anon @ 1.07pm - hahahaha... man u match! amen to that!

Maverick SM - that's good.

Doreen - hmmm... u dumped him bad eh?

j or ji - hahaha... what do u wanna do there la? haha...

Tine - wow... you want to tell someone you guys are over by wedding? that's a very long lasting relationship you had there.

Jun - the nature of the post-break-up relationship.

zewt said...

clare - hahahaha... well, i am sure you had a good break up. food... have to pay ang pow wan la...

kyh - eh... cannot simply bring la... see whether invited or not.

cibol - i am sure she had her reasons. since she wanted it that way, nothing you can do bro.

imp - brilliantly said.

bensiu - just say.. u know... i used to f*** her.

rinnah - hahahhaha... so u will go no matter what la.

tulipspeaks - hahaha... come back to earth...

penang-kia said...

honestly,one shouldn't shunned one sincerity when invited.gentlemen,mah!

Lil' Ms Pinky said...

If one were to think along the line of graciousness, of course you'd say, "Yes, I'll attend my ex's wedding, just because I was invited."

I know I won't. Not because I'm not gracious, or I still haven't let go of the past...just that I feel that I was a part of his past, so what is the point of me engaging myself in a piece of his future?

pamina said...

aiyooo..touchy issue..i was a bit of a biatch to all my exes, dun think they will invite me in the first place. but then again i dun think i will go, esp if my gf is touchy abt it.
mesti jaga hati orang maaa!

evelyn said...

i've been to two of my ex's weddings so far... if im invited i'd go...

myop101 said...

haha... wishing your ex well and witnessing him/her getting married can be a good thing. to me, it means that my ex would find happinesses elsewhere which neither of us can provide to each other.

the good thing (or maybe not so good thing) is that i don't really have an ex. haha... now that's another story...

Jace said...

I will go if I've already married.
hehehe~

Jon Chu said...

LOL. Oh ya hor! Didn't think of it. HAHA...

lynnx01 said...

After Sbanboy and Keeyit mentioning wedding last week, and another wedding I know of in Bentong, this is the 4th wedding.. was it some auspicious date last weekend? Heheh

missironic said...

yeah..if its ugly..i tink tats the end of the 2 ppl ever meeting or speaking to each other again..n probably one party might bitch abt the other to other pplz..lolz..

kyliemc said...

lol..u shouldnt tell jules tht in d 1st place...gurls do mind though they alwiz say tht they dun mind..in fact some gurls will compare themselves wif their bf's ex...n c whether there's similiarity n keep asking their bf lotsa Qs esp bout comparison n y they break up,etc...at least tht's wat my guy frens alwiz complain bout... :P

anyway,hmm..me dun hv any ex yet nor do i hv a bf..but if really i hv an ex n he invites me 2 his wedding or b'day party, i will definitely go..lol..perhaps will make an effort 2 dress up coz me wanna let him knoe wat he has missed out..erm..ok,i'm mean...haha..tht's wat i say now but if it really happens,me dunno..perhaps will tell u in d future when it happens

Elizebeth D.L. said...

I don't even want to invite my ex to my wedding. But I don't mind if he give me angpao. hahaha....

Anyway, I don't mind to attend my ex wedding, if he has any girl to marry to. Muahahahaha...

I am mean. I know...

zewt said...

penang-kia - sometimes, cannot be gentlemen all the time.

Lil' Ms Pinky - yeah, sometimes, a complete separation is good.

pamina - welcome to AZAIG. haha... well, u r a very special case.

evelyn - wah... so 'tai foong' that's good.

myop101 - haha... it's a blessing.

zewt said...

Jace - wahh... means now u wont go?

Jon Chu - that's why.. haha!

lynnx01 - well... first it was 11/11 and 17/11... i guess the date is nice.

missironic - well, if bitching is a possibility, then sure no invite already.

kyliemc - yeah, i thin it was a touchy topic. i shall refrain from talking about it... thanks for the tips.

Elizebeth DL - so mean la... dont be so bad la.

Isabel said...

Just want to share this story which happen in my church. A guy, E dated a girl. To me, they seem to be a perfect couple cos they really complement each other. He a good guitar player, she sing well. He's the youth president, she's the secretary. He has a best friend, C. Subsequently, new members join the church. A girl, J joined their group and C and J become an item. Soon these 2 couples always hang out together. This happened before I leave for uni study. When I came back, I came to know that both couples broke up. C backslided. Eventually, S also attended another church. Not long after S left, E and J become an item and marry not long after. S not only attended their wedding where she was supposed to be the bride (they've been dating for at least 7 yrs and I think it's no secret that they broke because her bf fallen in love with his best friend's girl) but she also attended her ex's sis funeral. It must have been very courageous and forgiving of her. Years passed, she is still single till now. During these times, her adopted dad died of liver cancer and her mom also suffered health complication and need constant medical monitoring. I actually think she is the One who needed a man more. Life's not fair ya.. Hope uou enjoy the story.

Siew said...

Both my ex's got married years before me, and I wasn't invited. Some mutual friends thought that they should keep the news of the nuptials from me, so that I won't bang my head on the wall and scream. Ooooh! Bah! Puhleeeeeese! As if I am a wicked jealous witch. I will gladly attend if I was invited, although there might be some awkwardness. But the thing with Chinese wedding reception is that, you mingle very little with the bride and groom during the event, since they are always busy with something or someone, the only thing to fend off are kepoh questions from those who are aware of your past relationship. Well, too late to find out now, since one is already happily married for years and the other is already a daddy of two lovely daughters. How did I know? Well, the same mutual friends find it hard to keep it from me, so much for worrying over my fragile emotions.

mar said...

Wow...last Sat must be a really good date for a wedding.Your colleague's is the 4th I know that happened on that day...there's my friend(on my blog),a collegue's relative,a friend's friend...and your colleague too...haha...and all are undoubtedly,no offence,just curious,Chinese couples(or at least one of the newlywed is Chinese)...Feng shui?Hw does that work in this context, i never quite understood...Enlighten me perhaps? :)

zewt said...

Isabel - hi there. very interesting story where i have to decipher who is S cos u didnt mention earlier in the story. I guess it takes 2 to clap. why did J broke up with C? probably she decideds to 'clap' with E?

Yeah, life is like that. I do feel sorry for S. My wish is that she will find someone whom God has prepared for her...

Siew - since you're also already happily married, i guess it doesnt really matter right?

mar - well... perhaps it is. 11/11 and 17/11 are good dates i guess.

missironic said...

yea..put the sign "no bitches" at the entrance there..lolz..

zewt said...

missironic - hahahhahahaha.... well, it could work.

Isabel said...

Yeah, I agree with you. J has always liked E, just that when she joined the group, E is already attached with S. However, I believe as time passed, E also find himself drawn to J and a mutual attraction started. That's why our pastors always discouraged individuals of different gender not to be too 'close' as feeling can be developed. This is a story of life imitates art.

zewt said...

isabel - so it is true huh... that a guy and a girl can never be platonic? havin said that,i think some pastors in some mega churches are getting too paranoia about such things.

Junie said...

my ex assume that i'll invite him to my wedding. hell no. he even insist i have my wedding reception at Nobel banquet. wtf?? apparently he said the food there is very delicous worr....but still it's not his wedding rite? so i invited all his best mates except for him :P
am i evil or what. serve him right for cheating on me.

zewt said...

junie - now... that is very very very very evil hahaha... but he cheats on you so...

aSstHa said...

i actually attended my ex of 6+ years recently... not only did i attend the wedding dinner, i was at the hse on the eve of the wedding day, was there for the send off and was helping to register in guests from his side... (_ _ )"

i think it all depends on a person's character.. like for the both of us, altho it ended quite badly.. where he didn't speak to me for 2mths but wen my brother passed away he attended the wake even tho i didn't tell him about it (tru his cousin lo) and we've remained friends ever since.

so far i'm still on talking terms with most of my exes save for the last two blokes i dated... (hvn't got over it yet and i don't see any reason to)

zewt said...

asstha - yeah, i think i read about it in your blog. good that you guys are in talking term. not many exes are like that.

KittyCat said...

Where on earth did you find the invitation card?! Luckily I'm not reading this at Starbucks or some other free WiFi spot or people will think I'm a goner. HAHAHAHAHA

Nah...both Hubby and I agree we will neither attend our ex's weddings or invite them to ours. The "modern" folks can do it if they want - we're old fashioned LOL

zewt said...

KittyCat - hahaha... someone forwarded it to me. so traditional ppl dont attend eh? what if you guys are good friends? it can happen...