Wednesday, 28 November 2007

To love the man of my life

Conversation was non-existent between us. Only the sound of our cutleries hitting the base of our plates occasionally broke the silence. Once done, I quickly cleared the table and washed the dishes. It started very quickly and ended even quicker, just like always. That was about 8 months ago, the first time I had dinner with my dad… alone.

I have never had a good relationship with my dad, neither did I had a good one with my Mom. I guess I am just different from them in many ways. Of course, it also bogs down to the fact that I never tried to build a relationship with them. But then again, neither did they; except for my
Mom who tried and tried without me knowing.

I was actually quite furious with my dad in the few weeks after my Mom’s passing. Why? It’s because he was quite reluctant to go vegetarian for 49 days in mourning for my Mom. In fact, he didn’t complete it. If I remember correctly, he only went vegetarian for 3 weeks. Even that, it was obvious that he was reluctant and I can't understand why food is so important to him.

Months have passed since Mom’s passing and I have had countless dinners with my dad alone since. Between those dinners, there were also quite a number of conversations between him and me, mainly about planning of finances, my future plans and also my imminent wedding. I must admit, my dad is now quite a changed man.

He is no longer the selfish person he used to be and somehow, I have found an element of understanding in his way of life, though not yet entirely. Just like how I now understand
the way of life of Mom, I could see why food was so important to my dad. He grew up without knowing whether the next meal is forthcoming or otherwise.

I said my hotel dinner will be for my friends and it will be conducted in English. With it being a black tie event, I told him it will not be very possible to invite his business associates and some neighbourhood folks. I am very thankful that he understood and didn’t make a fuss about having to organise another dinner.

Speaking of which, I am also very proud of him in organising this separate dinner. He looked for the place himself and got the booking all done and cards all printed before I can finish my planning. For a man whom I thought only knows how to work, eat, sleep and shit; he has impressed me, and I am proud it.

Dinners alone with dad now can be quite noisy. He can just talk and talk about the food and how it tasted and what he wants to eat tomorrow or the day after. It can be quite annoying but I am certainly not complaining. I try to participate where possible. We also talked about my wedding and where I will be staying thereafter, there were actually conversations.

The other day, when I had another dinner with him alone, I was observing how much he was enjoying his food and I thought to myself, life to him was just so simple. While he never really provided anything for the family beside food and shelter; he also never asked of anything from me as a son. It is a blessing I now see.
I once told myself that I will never shed a tear when this man leaves the earth due to something he said to me in the past. But now I know, that when my dad’s time comes to an end, I will cry just like how I cried when I lost Mom.

P/S: Zewt would like to thank so many of you for helping me reach my century hits. It wouldn’t be possible without you all. This is corny but… I LOVE YOU ALL!

73 comments:

Helen said...

When you grow older, you will be more understanding to your parents. I can identify with you because I do have an awkward relationship with my father as well.

I do hope one day I can make amends in my heart to be more tolerant of my father. :-)

In the meantime, I am glad you and your dad is making headway. Life is just too short and it's sure nice if all issues between both of you can be settled within this lifetime.

ShadowFox said...

Because he's already depressed enough over her passing.

If he deprives himself of proper nutrients it would only just contributes to his depression and you definitely wouldn't want his health to be jeopardised as well, right ?

Soulblade said...

aww~! so sweet.. yeah i guess that much is true. and as for my problems now, one part of it which greatly affects me, concerns my dad. i am very angry, frustrated and trully hate what he did. but at the same time, i also knows that he trully loved me as his daughter and that he can love no other person as much as he loved me. that is why i am caught in between. i hate him and i hate him not. X(

lovie said...

Touching post you have there.
I used to think that my dad doesn't know a thing about me, but after a while I realise that I was the one who didn't know a thing. Now I appreciate him more and treasure each moment I have with him.
Guess we'll only learn how to treasure when we get older, or maybe because mom and dad have grow older now.

dreamie said...

No matter what ....Blood is thicker then water ...

angel said...

Hou gam toong ahhh...

May you have more Bonding Time with Dad! :)

Cocka Doodle said...

I don't blame your dad for not going vegan. What's the point of you showing filial piety to mum only after she is gone?

And to say that he never really provided anything for the family beside food and shelter would be gross injustice! What about your education??

lynnx01 said...

The vegetarian as part of mourning, is it a Chinese tradition? Sorry for the ignorance but I never knew there is such thing. I experienced deaths of my grandparents but I don't recall anything about vegetarian.

kyh said...

Ah, I do have awkward moments with my dad, but somehow isn't as worse as urs. Guys just dont get along well with dad, and tend to stand by mum's side huh? I think it's a man's (male) nature to protect the womenfolk in the family. I do admit that I side with my mum most of the time when things go wrong between her and my dad.

It's good that things r going better between u 2. without ur dad, u wont be coming to this world. u shud be blessed that ur dad ain't those alcoholic/gambling addicts. :)

u r a talented guy. u deserve the hits with all ur zewtmental and zewtroversial writings. :P

kyh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SWei said...

Wow, this is really deep. I kind of get what you mean about being uncomfortable around your dad...

Sure, there's the occasional head to head moments. I experience the same thing too. However, I'm glad that you're finally letting it off. Put the grudge you've been holding against him away and is spending every minute and every second with him pleasantly...

After all, he's your dad right? :) I'm sure he must be really old now and all the more need your love from him as a son, as someone he can rely on at such old age.

Do keep loving your dad as much as he loves you now. Don't let the few things he said to you in the past as stepping stone in building good relationship with your dad. I'm sure deep down, he felt guilty for having said those to you.

Dads are always like that. They just show their love in a different way. Unlike moms, they don't do it obviously...

Appreciate your dad before it's too late, zewt! :) *touch wood*

Calvin's Wife said...

I have nothing to say, I am .. speechless. I guess no matter how far is my relationship between me and my dad, I'll always be the "girl" in his heart and him as my "hunky" dad in me... "far" apart, but close in the heart....

We love you too *love love*, ok, how much you gonna pay me for saying that? Wukakaka, joking... how can we not love you ;)

l y n n w e i said...

he's your only family left, got to cherish those that are in front of you! so you wont regret when they are gone..

i'm glad u are starting to open up to ur dad! it's really great!!! ^^

sometimes, most of the time, kids just take their parents for granted and it's really sad...*i cant go on..my heart aches*

*forced smile* =)

love when you can stil love!

anthraxxxx said...

After my brother's passing, my relationship with my parents improved as I became more 'family oriented'. I guess we all need to experience painful lessons before we can finally appreciate the people who cared about us whom we took for granted in the past.

myop101 said...

you are not alone in feeling this way. until today i felt that my dad sides my sister all the time, whether fairly or unfairly. i guess she in his apple which, like it or not, is his choice and he is entitled to it.

as to whether i will cry on his passing, i never thought about that. to me, it is how to bring him to understand and accept the love of Christ and to show him the same. i believe the blood that binds both your dad and you runs deeper than that hence you can relate to him after awhile. it all takes a bit of listening from both sides.

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

i feel you..i think all old fashioned dads act the same way..very subtle..

so i guess ur wedding dinner is going to be a grand one eh?..anywayz hope u have fun in prime tonite!

Angie Tan said...

Awwwww...

It is heartwarming to read about a son's love for his father.

I used to get angry with my father as well because he spent so much time away from us. He didn't get close to us when we were growing up and so, there were some teenage rebellion due to miscommunication and misunderstanding.

However, over the years, after his retirement, the family going through some hardship, he finally decided to open up to us.

Now, I can say that my Dad and I have a deeper relationship than what I had when I was growing up. I can see from his point of view, how he tried to give us what he didn't have and how to instill in us a good work ethic.

Sure, he has his idiosyncrasies but we accept him for who he is.

It is great that you realized this too before it's too late. :-)

Hor ny Ang Moh said...

He is after all still ur dad! B'cos of his pokeing u cum into being! For that as a son we r forever indebted! It is ok u will soon be a dad then u might understand the role play by ur dad more! All the thing he has to go through when u r a baby! Oh congratulation on the 1000k pokeing mark! Have a nice day!

lingzie said...

i love those words written in that last photo you posted up. has a lot of truth in it. thanks once again for this heartwarming reminder that we should not take our loved ones for granted. :)

Sharon said...

very touching post
i never try hard enough to establish a good relationship with my parents either but deep down, I'm grateful and thankful for what they did for me. Guess it's time to put those into actions b4 its too late

missironic said...

so u had an estranged relationship wif ur dad..well, happy for u tat u r now mending the gap between ur dad and u... =D gud luck in ur wedding preparation!

Huei said...

sigh..life is so complicating

nomatter what they did..they're our parents..they took care of us..brought us up

there are many times i wanted to throw a tantrum at my mum, but when i look at how old she is now, and her health condition, i just don't have the heart..and have to swallow all the shits myself

oh well..lets try to live a simple life too, it's easier to find happiness there

=)

Dancing Queen said...

I also had a love-hate relationship with my dad. However, in the last few years, I tried to do what I could to show my love & care for him.

Unfortunately, I couldn't fulfill his wish to come over to stay with me. He passed away early this month.

As awkward as it seems, show your love to your dad before it's too late.

Tine said...

I'm truly blessed to have a dad who loves and understands me, but I wouldn't say that much for him to have such a selfish daughter in me.

Thank you for the reminder to cherish the ones who love us unconditionally :)

-=SiN=- said...

most asian parent/children holds too much conservative values, respect or some might say "fear".

It's good that you have a good understanding of your old man and senses his changes or perhaps it is you that have changed; to view him in a different light.

alan zed said...

father-son relationship is quite hard compared to mother-son relationship, kan?

Anonymous said...

sudden surge of empathy huh ? well good for u...
some ppl have it in their system, some ppl take times to discover it but some ppl too proud to show it?

narrowband said...

-=sin=- has got a point, and I can relate.

Anyway Zewt, you don't have to go so far as to think about 'the end' and all that now. You've plenty of time with him and he's healthy as ever, so cherish this 'refreshed' relationship with him and keep him happy each day as it comes.

And thanks for sharing this with us :)

whisperingshout said...

Accept him for what he is. Even friends of the same age group with different backgrounds can be totally different. Some just don't understand what the fuss is all about over certain things that we think are important.

I guess it's also tough for some dads to accept the fact that the naked butts they used to spank have different opinions from theirs.

aSstHa said...

it's never to late to make amends once you realise ur mistake...

sometimes we all fall into that trap, wen a person shows care for us in a different way we percieve doesn't mean they don't love us at all...

remember the saying, "just because someone doesn't love us the way we want them to doesn't mean they don't love us with all their heart"?

i guess it's all our mindset.. wen something is done differently we question it. i'm beginning to learn the truth in that saying and believe me it's hard.

i can't really relate to ur story here as i've never had a father figure in my life but it's the type of things that i read that'll make me all warm and fuzzy inside and go awwwww...

congrats on ur hits babe.. hey, with such interesting reads you deserve it man... i'm in for the long haul babeh (even tho i may not comment as much as i used to... i'm here... silently reading..oh snap, jz realised even tho i dun comment i still leave my pic on ur bloglog.. darn)

*cheers mate*

Doreen said...

Good to know that your relationship with your dad has improved. Sometimes, you would be amazed how simple things are when you see it from a different perspective.

Jacss said...

zewt, i felt happy & glad that u finally made it 'good' with yr dad now.....again & again i would like to say: "before it's too late"!

as i'm not aware of yr history so i may not be in d right position to say.....but whatever the past used to be, father~son rel/ship is so precious & it was d decision of GOD that u were made his son!

So, put more effort to improve the situation after which in days when he is no longer here, you will be proud of what u've achieved for the man you call "DAD" & not live with regrets....!!!

sharlydia said...

I'm so happy for u that u've "progressed" your relationship with your dad to another level, which helped u understand your dad better now...

ahjohn said...

zewt,

care if i say something even if it doesnt sound nice?
Cherish the ppl who are still living, forget the one that has past.
What is the point of doing so much, saying so much about someone who isnt there anymore while there is someone who is there and you decide not to talk to until the next regret?

If I past my days and leave, I dont mind if my children doesnt come to my grave and cry. I am no more there. When I leave, I am just no more there... So, why go for vege etc or cry in remembrance of someone who doesnt even feel it?

2. Heard of the phrase that when you love someone, you ought to make them happy eventhough she/he may not marry you.
So how then can you claim to love your mum if you cant love the man he love most?

I finish with a verse
Philippians 1:20-21

“according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

We live many times not because we need to have a family. We live because we have a divine purpose. God bless you bro.

ahjohn said...

This man Jesus died for us at a good young age (33-34?) when many would say, is time to build a career.

How many times have we failed Him? Why is it that earthly things we can cry so much when there is an eternal thing that is far more important?

1 John 2:15-17

15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

mr jp said...

Why did you say you would never shed a tear when he leaves ?

I think i've learnt enough to not say things like that, even though sometimes I feel the same way about my dad.

I think we all feel a little dissapointed when we first realize our dads may not be the hero we adored when we were young.

Then you realize you might be just like him after all.

Sigh, it's very confusing sometimes, this relationship with our dads.

F.O.N @ frostee said...

Happy to see that dude. Really. Good on yer mate!

tankiasu said...

When I was younger, I can't wait to go out and have some fun, leaving my parents alone at home.

Now that I have the financial means to have more fun, I found myself wanting to go home and spend more time with my parents.

Cherish your dad before its too late. :)

Winn said...

i too was ignorance n all that.i always wanted my freedom and stayout. now i miss home.. i have learned to appreciate my parents more.

my mother and her siblings started this -'kneeling' in front of grandpa (their daddy) and seek for forgiveness during 1st day of cny,after my grandma passed away . they said it's no point kneeling only after someone has passed away, so every appreciation we want the parents to know, we should do it now, not 'later'...

Now that both my grandparents have passed away. we ( siblings and cousins) continue the 'custom'...it feels awkward at first!!! now...used to it oredi!

and abt the 'vegan' feedback u've got here, i still think we should try to fullfill the wish of the deceased whenever possible . my parents 'expect' us go vegan for them when they ...u-know-what. they say with the family going full-force vegan during that 49 days will help them to err..i dunola climb the paradise ladder or something.:P

Elizebeth D.L. said...

Zewt,

Although most of the time my comment is very light, I want to tell u my this time comment is a serious one.

I want to tell you that you should treasure the time you have with your dad. He was noisy and kept talking to u during dinner time, because maybe (this one I guess only) he didn't have other time to talk to you, due to your busy schedule. He can only talk about food with you, because he can't think of other common topic to talk to u, due to lack of communication. He helped you do so many of your wedding preparation, that you should be doing and not him, because he loves u and he thinks he should help you lighten your burden a bit. He didn't insist to invite his friends or business associate on your wedding dinner because he doens't want to argue with you.

I think your dad is very lonely, from the way you write. YOu should treasure him. Don't wait until he no longer there then only u cry and sad and regret over it, just like what you did with your mom...

My comment might make u feel uneasy. But, I think you should respect your dad a bit more. Why you want to deter him from inviting his friends and business associate to your wedding? Do you know that parents actually feel proud and want to announce to whole world that their child is getting married during this kind of moment?

Having said that... PEACE. (I am just spilling out what I think about you on your relationship with you dad).

p/s: maybe I am abit too nossy on the wedding dinner part. But I want to stress that, you should respect your dad a bit more. Can't you see he really loves you?

zewt said...

Helen - yeah, i think it's something that will come with age. not only understand parents, but undertstanding the older generation too.

ShadowFox - hi there and welcome. i think i have to disagree with u. i think it's his habit, his ways of life.

Soulblade - i think fathers just dunno how to show that they love us. or maybe, they have to learn to love.

lovie - yeah, it is something that comes with age. we will grow old too one day.

dreamie - yup... so we must remember that.

angel - thanks, will try. not easy i have to say.

Bee Ean said...

Enjoy your time with your dad. Once you are married and with kids, you might not find time to do that, alone. I miss the time when dad would cook for me or bought lunch for me after school. Now when I see him, I'm always with hubby, we seldom got time to be alone. I'm not saying that this is wrong with other people around, but there are certain topics I'm not comfortable to talk to him when people are around.

zewt said...

Cocka Doodle - i have to beg him to sponsor my studies, which most of it is covered by scholarship.

lynnx01 - it is a buddhist thing. though i am not one, i did it in respect for my mom.

kyh - yeah, i think it's a guy with dad thing. somehow, it just will not workout in the beginning unless both parties put immmense effort into it. thanks for the compliment.

SWei - but there is still one thing in my heart which i still remember and i dont like to remember it. i hope it will disappear in due course. perhaps i will blog about it one day.

Calvin's wife - wooaah... hunky dad huh... cool la! haha... thanks for the lurve... i am sure u have plenty too.

l y n n w e i - it is still difficult i have to admit. but at least i know i have made a good start.

zewt said...

anthraxxxx - yeah, things also turned out better after my mom's passing, in a good sense i mean. i think that is what we call... the big picture.

myop101 - yeah, that crying part was in my head for the longest time. i guess i made a big change to that now, which is good.

constant craver joe - hahaha... hopefully. but i hope i wont have too much meat.

Angie Tan - i think this is the old fashion dad which only know how to provide financially. it is about learning... both ways.

hor ny - hahahaha... not yet 1000k... just 100k... but thanks anyway. couldnt have done it without you all.

lingzie - you're welcome... the pleasure is all mine.

Sharon - yeah... u read my entries about my mom right... you dont want end up like me... seriously.

zewt said...

missironic - thanks... yeah, it is a good start but the journey is still long.

Huei - haha... yeah, simple life is good. but sometimes, the world does not allow us to live a simple life.

Dancing Queen - sorry to hear about your dad's passing. my deepest condolences. well, i am sure we all have a lessong to learn here.

Tine - always welcome. time to cherish him... today.

-=Sin=- - i think it all started with the passing of my mom. even with her death, she is doing her wonderful deeds to the family.

alan zed - betul... tapi still have to bond right?

anon @ 12.07 - indeed... pride has a part to play. something men must learn to put down.

zewt said...

narrowband - well, i might be leaving the country so time is not on my side. and i will always share.

whisperingshout - hahaha... my dad seldom spank me... but when he does... it's one helluva spank.

aSstHa - well, maybe you should approach your old man more? i am sure he can be a father figure if he wants to. haha... yeah,i know whenever you drop by.

Doreen - yup... perspective can change a lot of thigns.

Jacss - i may leave the country soon so time is not on my side. but i will certainly put more effort.

sharlydia - long way to go still...

ahjohn - well, i think it's all about remembrance and respect and how you want to see life. perspective is everything man. i respect your view, but i am sure we all have the right to have our own too. God bless you too bro. eh... time to come back to malaysia la.

zewt said...

mr jp - cos i used to hate him. maybe some parts of me still does... but slowly diminishing. oh yeah, i certainly dont have a hero dad, but he is still my dad.

F.O.N @ frostee - cheers mate.

tankiasu - hey there and welcome. hahaha... that's really ironny isnt it. well, good on you mate. good on you...

Winn - yeah, the full force vegan will help them achieve nirvana. i dont believe in it but i did it cos i know my mom will be happy knowing that i did.

Elizebth DL - yeah, i will agree that my dad is lonely. and i must say i am very guilty for not spending more time with him. i know what you mean... i have to do more and maybe organise more family thing. yes, when i look back at the small thigns he did for me, i know he loves me... a lot. thanks elizebth, i like your comment.

Bee Ean - couldnt agree more. now that i am planning my wedding and always out of the house, i am already finding it very difficult to spend time with him. need more effort and i know it.

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Anonymous said...

As we grow older, either from life experience or school of hard knocks we tend to look at our parents in a different light. This means we have grown up and somehow we are not that different after all. We might not always subscript to their way of life but then again we need to look at them through their eyes and understand they need to be love also. The following is a poem I have seen from another blogger which sums up parenthood.

當我老了
當我老了,不再是原來的我。
請理解我,對我有一點耐心。

當我把菜湯灑到自己的衣服上時,當我忘記怎樣繫鞋帶時,
請想一想當初我是如何手把手地教你。

當我一遍又一遍地重複你早已聽膩的話語,
請耐心地聽我說,不要打斷我。
你小的時候,我不得不重複那個講過千百遍的故事,直到你進入夢鄉。

當我需要你幫我洗澡時,
請不要責備我。
還記得小時候我千方百計哄你洗澡的情形嗎?

當我對新科技和新事物不知所措時,
請不要嘲笑我。
想一想當初我怎樣耐心地回答你的每一個「為什麼」。

當我由於雙腿疲勞而無法行走時,
請伸出你年輕有力的手攙扶我。
就像你小時候學習走路時,我扶你那樣。

當我忽然忘記我們談話的主題,
請給我一些時間讓我回想。
其實對我來說,談論什麼並不重要,只要你能在一旁聽我說,我就很滿足。

當你看著老去的我,請不要悲傷。
理解我,支持我,就像你剛才開始學習如何生活時我對你那樣。

當初我引導你走上人生路,如今請陪伴我走完最後的路。
給我你的愛和耐心,我會抱以感激的微笑,這微笑中凝結著我對你無限的愛。

Dan-yel said...

Hi Zewt,

For most of us, including me, it's not always easy to get close with our Dads as we could with our Moms.

When I was 15-17, I had always been at odds with my Dad. He is a tough conservative disciplinarian Chinese man, I on the other hand the liberal open-minded tolerant lazy "banana" man.

Well, I would always advocate democracy, freedom, bla bla... my Dad would reply me with his age-old wise Chinese sayings. How on earth can I rebut that? So as a result we always fell into angry violent quarrels, and there's a time that he even slapped me in the face for the first time.

That moment however, was also the first time that I saw tears coming down from the man, whom I always thought is the classic example of a caveman who knows nothing about love.

My dad, had always had our interests best at heart. Like many traditional parents, he knows only to work hard, and never show his compassion. As I type this comment, this man is working from daylight till midnight, an electrician in the day, a seller at night. Travelling the whole city just to sell his goods, despite being a diabetes at the age of 52. My Mom couldn't help him much because she herself is suffering from kidney failure.

The love, my Dad showed, I do not deserve them at all. At 21, I'm still waiting for the moment that I can tell my Dad to stop, and let him lead the happy life, damn how impatient am I now!

Nevertheless, I learnt that differences should not set me and him apart. He showed me how much more a man he is than I can ever be...

Appreciate your dad and be good to him, make him happy when you still have the time.

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

Zewt, I can't help but to think of you as a worthless, selfish son. How can you refer your dad as someone who only knows how to work, eat, sleep and shit? No matter what he has said or done to you, he is still YOUR DAD! The person who brought you to this world!

You are so selfish as to have a separate dinner just for yourself and your friends, which i am sure you are thinking that your dad and his friends will 'tiu lei mien' (embarrassed you) if you were to have it together because they don't dress up nicely and they talk loudly and they will yam-sing loudly, right? Do you know how this hurts someone?

You'll probably understand how it feels if in future, your son does that to you! You failed to see this and I am surprised you even have the heartless guts to blog about this!

Sorry if I sounded very blunt coz I'm darn upset reading this post of yours. Seems to me you never respected this person whom to me, is one of the 2 most important person in my life.

Seaqueen said...

At last. You've gotten close to your dad. It's a blessing. Cherish him and you'll find more interesting things to know about n treasure.

evelyn said...

me and my dad also not on the best of terms lately, cos he said something that till today i cant seem to forgive him..

:: Nicole :: said...

i was brought up without my dad being around.. so all i have is my mum.. i do wonder sometimes if i'd turn out to be different IF i've a dad in my life as a role model *sigh*

all i could say is that my r'ship with my dad.. not close at all.. i tried to make things better but he's just pushing me away..

anyway, do cherish your dad :)

Anonymous said...

We seem to have time for our friends but never have time for our folks at home. We would even volunteer ourselves for charity work but we never give much attention to our parents or even say thank you to them when they did something nice for us.
In fact charity should first start from home, then spread our love and generousity to the rest of the world..........

Anonymous said...

Im sorry zewt, i fully agree with what purple~mushroom had to say, while its heart-warming to know that you n dad is getting along better...but i cant help thinking you really have the heart to do this to your dad, i mean having 2 separate wedding dinners? sigh...i really feel sad for him :(

missironic said...

Yeah..take a lil step as it goes..as long as there's progression, it shud be alrite in the end...=D

missironic said...

forgot to add...i guess some ppl juz dun seem to agree wif how u treat ur dad...but i tink u shud have ur reason as to why u treat him like tat, rite? bcoz i feel u r sensible to noe wat u r doing..i can understand ur situation...sumtimes its not easy to forgive even ur parents after they did a certain big ting tat will affect ur life...

i hope i make sense n not offended anybody..=)

ms.bulat said...

:* ) and it will be all better in the days to come

aSstHa said...

hahaha... i would love to but it's not as easy as it sounds.. (my bad i din explain properly) my case... erm... kinda complicated as they say...

in short, i hv been brought up by my grandmother n mother all my life.. mom being a single parent so i never got the chance to know my father... mayb one day i'll blog about this, but it's a really sensitive topic in my family so not so soon la... *cheers mate*

Anonymous said...

zwet
count your blessings. there's onyl one mum and one dad. enjoy their company while they are still around.

zewt said...

CresceNet - i have no idea what you're saying mate.

anon @ 9.07pm - hmmm... thanks... i need a translation. anyone? :)

Dan-yel - think it's pretty much the same with me... a chinaman father with a never-admit-westernised son. my dad has diebetes too... and since my mom passed away, he just wanna work and work and work... guess he wanna spend time doing stuff. i will certainly appreciate him.

purple mushroom - wow... what an admonishment. well, the part about the dinner is half right. anyway, i already told you the reason why me and my dad has got a thorn in the heart.

Seaqueen - indeed i will.

evelyn - looks like we share the same experience.

zewt said...

:: Nicole :: - well, maybe he has his reasons.

anon @ 11.22pm - yeah, now that you mentioned, i did some charity work but never seem to contribute at home... sad.

anon @ 11.53pm - well, he understood. and i have my reasons. to each its own. maybe some day...u will understand.

missironic - hey... thanks for understanding me. i really appreciate it. i have my reasons indeed and i believe it's the best for both worlds.

ms.bulat - hope so...:)

aSstHa - if it's sensitive... u can of cos choose not to share it :)

anon @ 2.27pm - i certainly will. :)

me said...

finally u understand. something i was trying to hint to u since yr mum's death.

we have but one life. and they are our parents for one lifetime only.

missironic said...

U are most welcome, zewt! I kind of in a similar situation as well. But, i try my best to do my responsible as a daughter. It takes time, I guess..All the best to u! =D

Anonymous said...

Hi Zewt
I would like to commend on your patience with those who were blunt and straight forward in their comments. I am sure they meant well too.
You show your courteousy by replying each of the comment posted in your blog too.
Could it be these good virtues come from your parents' guidance while growing up?

may said...

I've had issues with my own dad too when I was younger, and when we were going through some troubled times. I understand what you mean when our perceptions alter when a life-changing event happens. I'm still not that close to my dad but I'm more willing to make the extra effort so that I won't regret not doing it, when I can't anymore.

kyliemc said...

it's true tht all parents luv their kids(ok,at least most of the parents) but they dunno how 2 show their luv n care.some think tht by hitting or scoldings they are able to show tht they care bout their kids n wanna their kids 2 behave properly..some parents pamper their kids 2 d max..but in d end,it's really up 2 d kids 2 feel d luv frm their parents...

congrats on ur wedding! :D it's gr8 tht ur dad understands n respect ur decision in the way u wanna hold ur wedding dinner.

zewt said...

me - thanks... i do now.

missironic - same to u :)

anon @ 11.00am - well... life is a learning experience. being admonished is one of them.

may - why cant you anymore?

kyliemc - and i must thank you for being understanding too.

Zaty said...

love you too zewt!

and yeah, parents can be quite amusing beings huh =) i used to think they were soooo annoying, but after i went to boarding school for about 2 years, and to a college where they had asrama, for another 2 years, i will always remember the little things they did that 'annoyed' me and have a little laugh. it's those things that make them special and i miss.

good to hear that you 'grudges' for your dad has left =)

as a japanese anime jigoku shoujo (hellgirl) character by the name of enma ai keeps saying in the show, "when a person is cursed, two graves are dug"

well, not exactly a curse la in your case, but y'know, grudges are still like a two-pointed blade, much like curses =T

zewt said...

zaty - as long as you get the lesson... that's the most important thing... :)

*+* Carmen *+* said...

I read somewhere which says despite how's our relationship with our parents, we will missed them when they are gone!

http://carmenfoong.blogspot.com/2008/05/quote_22.html

zewt said...

Carmen - that's always the case.... and not only parents.