Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Those auto messages

My boss was on leave today. Usually, she will activate her ‘out of office’ message for her e-mail but I think she forgot to do that for today. How I know? … Cause I copied her in some of my mails and didn’t get the prompt.

Oh, for those who don’t know what an ‘out of office’ message is… it is a function in our office mail where we modern slaves can activate should be we go on leave. When there is an in-coming mail, an automated message will be sent to the sender telling the sender that the recipient is on leave and will not be around to reply.

A typical ‘out of office’ message will go something like…

“I will be on leave from xxx to yyy and will not be around to reply your mail. Should you require any urgent assistance, please contact the sucker at 12345678”

Sounds very boring right? Well, someone sent me a list and allow me to share with you some interesting ones…

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. But if I did, I just want you to know that you suck. – do this only when you’re very confident of your new job.

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t receive anything at all. – I am sure many of you wanna put this one up, right?

Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor’s having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team. – oooOOooo… how many agree this is important?

The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try again. – this will probably reveal how many idiots are out there.

Thank you for your e-mail. If I don’t reply you, it means you have just asked a stupid question. – how many of you modern slaves in the consulting world wanna put this up?

And here is the most interesting one…

I will be away for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as “Sharon” instead of “Steve”.

Do you have any version of your own?

80 comments:

day-dreamer said...

LOL!!! This is hilarious!!!

Seok Thong said...

No, i didn't have any version like that for myself. As you know, small potato like me, nobody will care whether i'm dead or sick or whatever :)

Those that you've posted are funny! HEHE!

Johnson Tee said...

its funny you brought up the email autoresponder message, i have a perfect one taken from Tim Ferris from the 4hourworkweek.

anyone dare to implement this system and increase effectiveness and efficiency?

“Hi all…

In an effort to increase productivity and efficiency I am beginning a new personal email policy. I’ve recently realized I spend more time shuffling through my inbox and less time focused on the task at hand. It has become an unnecessary distraction that ultimately creates longer lead times on my ever-growing ‘to do’ list.

Going forward I will only be checking/responding to email at 11a and 4p on weekdays. I will try and respond to email in a timely manner without neglecting the needs of our clients and brand identity.

If you need an immediate time-sensitive response… please don’t hesitate to call me. Phones are more fun anyways.

Hopefully this new approach to email management will result in shorter lead times with more focused & creative work on my part. Cheers & here’s to life outside of my inbox! “

johnsontee.blogspot.com

Helen said...

Hahahha I got none but I'll be checking back for others'. lol

ahjohn said...

ok ok...jonathan's version goes:-

"this is not an email, i repeat, this is not an email. i know it seems like an email but it is not an email, the mail you sent previously has fail to deliver so this is not an email..."

angel said...

I'm sure yours is as boring as the typical Out Of Office msg :p

Anonymous said...

i will be away honeymooning. should u require any assistance please refer with my son in law.and if u have any questions 'i don't know'.

J.T. said...

I don't have any Out of Office messages because I don't work. :) But if I were to have one (for personal use), it will probably be ..

"You are receiving this message because I am acknowledging your message.

If you have sent me an insane number of forwarded articles/jokes today, you will get this acknowledgement for every one of them. Are you having fun clearing your inbox?" :D

ah nel said...

u wil received mine saying...

u received tis auto reply to tel u tat i din received ur email tat mean u noe i noe so no nid resend!!!

La'enCier said...

omgosh, it's so funny

Cirnelle said...

"Yes"

jaezrel said...

got got !! 'F*** off' hehehe

Tine said...

*ahem*

"E-mel yang anda tujukan tiada dalam perkhidmatan"

:p

confessing7girl said...

ahh i absolutely loved it!!!!!!! u r the best ... only u zewt to make me smile at stupid email messages!!!!!! :D my favorite is


The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try again. – this will probably reveal how many idiots are out there.


i bet too many people would fall for that!!!

Hor ny Ang Moh said...

'I am in-dispost at this moment, kindly resent ur mail at a later time, have a nice day'

Hor ny Ang Moh said...

'I am in-dispost at this moment, kindly resent ur mail at a later time, have a nice day'

anigma said...

Haha. I remember reading this somewhere.

Anyway, my friend's msg is not the auto reply when he's away. He recorded his voice in his voice mail box in Cantonese - "Where the hell have you been?? Do you know I am looking for you?? Now only you call me ah??? Not yet die before is it??? Then... please record your msg after the beep."

P.S. I casted my vote and agreed with the majority. :)

guaisaujai said...

LOL!! I like this very much...

"The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try again. – this will probably reveal how many idiots are out there."

And to make those idiot out there busy....add this...

"If you still see this message in your inbox, please do keep restarting your computer until it's not there anymore. Your message will be delivered once this message auto-deleted."

Huei said...

hahahahhah they're all good!!

"Thankyou for your Email, after working several years with you, I can confidently tell you that problem, exists between your PC and your chair."

"You Email has been REJECTED for the following reason. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE PROGRAM'S FINE!? CHANGE THE USER!!"

something i was dying to tell my clients last time..aye

Angel Eyes said...

Sorry can't reply to your email as currently am on honeymoon. Do not disturb me until further notice. Pls disturb me once i give birth and bring over more presents for my baby!

cibol said...

"harap maaf, the server that you're dialing kekurangan satu nombor. Bodoh .."

Do I need to translate that? Nahh .. we can understand BeeEm right zewt? :)

pablopabla said...

I know you don't like auto-messages but that idiot boss of mine insists that we record auto-messages. If you are still fussed about it, call my idiotic boss at XXXXXXXX

zeroimpact said...

Heh heh heh
I doubt anyone would use those, unless they are sure they are unremovable or they are moving on

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

Hhahahah.... I am actualy laughing at most of the comments! Damn funny!

rinnah said...

ROTFL... I'm still using the traditional out-of-office message, but without the "call this sucker at 12345678" simply because there is no sucker for me to delegate off to!

TingTitLei said...

dare you to put up one of those haha.

I will be on time pork from xxx till yyyy. If you happen to be my superior, please pretend that you did not just see this.

oz said...

one friend had this :

" I've run away to join a different circus "

funny or stressed-out ?

me said...

I will be on leave from xxx to yyy and will not be around to reply your mail. however, please continue to send me mails so that i can delete them when i return.

i have taken leave from xxx to yyy to read "as zewt as it gets". for urgent matters, kindly contact zzz for assistance. if the matter is not pressing, you may wait until i return, provided i survive reading the entire archive of "as zewt as it gets". macam in boleh ah?

Annie said...

LOL! Very funny.. No, the only goof that somebody accidently voicemailed to ALL (80+) employees that she "was planning to be out of the office on vacation to catch crabs."

That's just so.... wrong.

Princess Eileen said...

Muahahaha... very funny. Since I am in the consulting world, I will take the 2nd last quote :P

You make my day, zewt :)

alan zed said...

here's my version, "i'm out of this freaking office, taking my vacation in some secluded island. dont bother to call me. never." hehe. can ar ?

Pink Elle said...

Bwahahaha this is good :D

Wuching said...

sorry i got none coz i'm not that creative!

Clare said...

Oh man, Zewt! Now I blardy know why I am addicted to AZAIG! Your posts reflect on our daily occurences and all the shit that we are facing at every corner...

This is simply hilarious! I'll put some of those up when I work next time...Hahahah!!!

The last wan did it! Made my sucky day! Thanks!

Manal said...

Now u r making us even harder to vote on the entries.

Tukar la to a number-scale rating pole instead la...then u can analyse them better.

zewt said...

day dreamer - when u start to work... put these on ok?

seok thong - haha... i think they only care about small potatoes becos questions are often directed to slave.

johnson - think that's a bit too formal. but then again... isnt that what we usually do when we receive mail?

Helen - plenty now for u to check...

ahjohn - u trying to hypnotise ppl ah?

angel - have to be boring ler... official ma. eh, you're not the first!

anon @ 1am - hmmmm... trying to read between the lines...

zewt said...

JT - i reckon you're not a fan of forwarded mails?

ah nel - wah... trying to ask ppl not to send u any mail at all ah?

La'encier - particularly the last one right?

cirnelle - "yes" ?

Tine - shouldnt it be... kotak dalam yang anda tujukan tiada dalam perkhidmatan'?

confessing7girl - i am very tempted to try that actually... hmmm... i am going on leave in august... hmmmm

hor ny - apa itu in-dispost ah?

zewt said...

anigma - hahaha... my friend had that in his HP voicemail before too! are we talking about the same friend?

guaisaujai - wahh... so wicked meh... hahahaha

huei - change the USER... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

angel eyes - what if your client go to pay you a visit ah?

cibol - haha... of cos i understand bee-em... i an thinking of putting up a blog entry entirely in it! can ah?

pablopabla - if you're kamching with your client... this can work u know...

zeroimpact - of cos la... wanna die meh. but it would have been fun right?

zewt said...

purple mushroom - which comment the best?

rinnah - ahhh... so you're the sucker la... right?

TTL - pork time?

oz - hahaha... that was originally in the list... but i took it out... thought it wasnt really funny.

me - you made me sound like a source of non-productivity eh...

annie - catch crabs? hahaha... u know... if it was said in cantonese... it could mean some dodgy things.

princess eileen - put one of those up and make your clients' day...

zewt said...

alan zed - that one doesnt need to go on leave also can...

pinkelle - thanks...

Wuching - wahh... it's ok wan. no worries.

clare - but hor... u cant put the last one up... changing from clare to clark... a bit difficult eh...

Manal - free poll... limited functions ler... unless i pay and get a better version. but me no marney...

j or ji said...

hahaha...funny la bro...unfortunately,i dun have any funny version rite now.
but,i really want to use this version if i got to use the out of office mssg!


I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. But if I did, I just want you to know that you suck.

Angel Eyes said...

If they come and visit me, they are most welcome dude!

The more the merrier! Hehe.. but they don't know where i stay anyways.

Doreen said...

MUAHAHAHA! I was laughing non-stop (and still) while reading each of them. What a classic! Make me so want to simply pick one to use for my upcoming holiday, but fret that I would no longer have the job when I come back. Hahahha. Good one!

Pookyma said...

This is brilliant ZEWt!!!so funny...and the comments too...

AngryYoungChild said...

Hahahahhaha...darn funny...!!

BLuEaPpLE said...

Good one! haha

I particularly like this one

The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try again.

Manal said...

Zewt, kalau ini macam, i refuse la to cast my vote because i read all the categories listed. Coz even if i did it one at a time, i prolly wont change much to the overall statistic...kowtim verdict: cincai2 la sumer skali laa aaa...

Sekian, harap maklum.

water_angel said...

haha...the post and comments so funny, i couldn't stop laughing =)

I don't have an out-of-office message ler, maybe cos I'm not working in the office...you think? =p

-=SiN=- said...

lol I rare use emails for biz, only fax and phone call 24/7 on standby. If one doesn't hear from me within 6 rings.. I'm BUSY!

my dream voice mail would be "hie! how are you? *admist of metal stamping in factory* mind speaking louder? noisy here wur.. *pause 2 sec* louder abit moree~ *pause 1 sec* Good! now maintain the voice and repeat to my voicemail *tuuut*

Rashikaps said...

Zewt: Too kewl! :)

lingzie said...

LOL!!this is just too funny! i love the consulting one and the restarting computer one. and the comments are just hilarious...!

Jonzz said...

"Testing, this is an out-of-message, testing! What the heck is an out-of-office message"

baby sa said...

Hahaha!
funny funny!!!
but I don't think I need em' yet-.-
will save them up for future..haha

Winn said...

the number u have called is not in service......poottttt

Winn said...

and to asnwer Question to ur previous post..i didnt extract all, i still got 2....no wonder i so pandai...

Anonymous said...

This is seriously a funny post! I don't work yet, but if I do:
"Sorry, the Inbox is full because too many idiots couldn't get enough of re-sending their messages everytime they see this auto-reply. Try re-sending in a few hours time. If you still get this message, you have become one of the idiots."

Anonymous said...

This is seriously a funny post! I don't work yet, but if I do:
"Sorry, the Inbox is full because too many idiots couldn't get enough of re-sending their messages everytime they see this auto-reply. Try re-sending in a few hours time. If you still get this message, you have become one of the idiots."

Jimmy Ng
www.dropbystation.wordpress.com
p.s. sorry that anonymous was me.

sooyin said...

You know how some companies take ages to delete your email address even though you've left the company?

Well...

"Thanks for your email. I've since left XXX for competitor YYY and will no longer be able to reply to your email (not that I would reply to it anyways if I'm still here). For urgent matters, please refer to AAA, the unlucky person that was asked to take over my job while XXX is searching for the next sucker..."

=))

Sorry...am pretty stressed out at work...=P

zewt said...

jorji - hahaha... both to client and bosses right? haha!

Angel eyes - haha... yeah, perhaps you should leave your address in the message. then the gifts can be sent directly to u.

Doreen - well... when u know u wanna leave... then u can do it.

pookyma - glad you had a good laugh.

AngryYoungChild - haha... wait till u start work... then u can use it.

BlueApple - hahaha... imagine your bf keeps sending u mail... that would have been something.

Cirnelle said...

Yeah. I meant for all messages with any queries whatsoever, the automated reply would be "Yes" a.k.a. Bruce Almighty.

zewt said...

Manal - ahhh... really no paling suka wan meh? hahaha... ok la... maybe i should be more flexible in future poll.

water_angel - well... not yet... if you become an auditor... then u will always be out of office.

-=Sin=- - hahaha... then that fella will really 'tuuut' you...

Rashikaps - thanks :)

lingzie - haha... that's the beauty of this blog... comments.

Jonzz - dont think that will make a good one.

zewt said...

baby sa - but u cant use the last one... that one is reserve for 'yan yiu'-wannabe.

Winn - u saying i am stupid la issit?

Jimmy Ng - hahahahaha... you're not too bad yourself. i am sure you will have very nice messages when u begin to work eh? thanks for dropping by.

sooyin - hahahahaha... that's really a good one. i know what you mean. i heard some company does that... just to see what kinda e-mails come in. let us all give that a try.

Cirnelle - very dangerous... what if bosses asked... can u do this can u do this can u do that can u do that?

kyliemc said...

lol..tis is hilarious... if i ever hv an auto-msg, it'll be: kylie has been using too much brain power in the past. she needs to hibernate for two weeks. in the mean time, stop sending any more emails as you will still receive this message again...


hahaha..oops, it's too early 2 day dream :P

Kenny Mah said...

I've received these in an email myself too, and yeah, they're hilarious. What kinda caught my eye was Johnson Tee's response. Makes me wonder if I'm spending too much time checking my inbox too... I so definitely need a life outside of the inbox!

P.S. Thanks for dropping by even when I wasn't blogging much! :)

mar said...

"Sorry I'm not in to reply your emails.I'm plotting to take down the company and start my own.Any one interested?I'm hiring."

I like the one about going for interview and the email server thingy...hahaha...that'll be an unecessary burden for the unexpecting.Lol...

Anyways,tomorrow mine will be: "Sorry,I'm not hopping into work today.Hopefully I can walk in to work tomorrow."

Cocka Doodle said...

A minister at Putrajaya's out of office email msg would sound like this.

"Hi, I currently out of the office indefinitely until they repair the effing roof!"

LaSh said...

thx for sharing zewt :)

this post just put a smile on my face - i've been having a really tough day!

cheers

me said...

hahaha. funny, cocka. and bill clinton's would have been.."hi, i'm currently out of the office until i'm finished with this blowjob...which will be like another 2 minutes and 6 seconds. incase anyone's looking for lewinsky, she is not, i repeat, not under my desk. i deny any knowledge of her whereabouts".

Dangerous Variable said...

Hhahaha! So farny!

Tunku Halim said...

Thank you for your email. Please provide you bank details and credit card number and I will respond. I am currently busy with internet scam.

SuLee said...

hahaha sharon instead of steve.

tat is too funny!

Cirnelle said...

Okay, then... Day 1: "Yes", Day 2: "Oops!"

zewt said...

kyliemc - sigh... dont we all want such messages.

Kenny Mah - no problem bro.... which also means... u should blog more!

mar - hahahaha... the first one was classic!! very good!

cocka doodle - hahaha... wouldnt that be an official reason to go on leave...

LaSh - no problem at all sir.

zewt said...

me - 2 minutes and 6 seconds... how come u are so sure of the timing... you've done a lewinsky before?

Dangerous variable - put one up ok!

Tunku Halim - would this be suicide... :)

Suee - but you cant do it ... can u?

Cirnelle - third day... "enough already!"

may said...

I remember reading these! nah, I'm boringly normal. and would like to keep my job... lol!

SuLee said...

suee means me?

cant do wat?

zewt said...

may - hahaha... c'mon, i am sure aussie has got a good sense of humour.

SuLee - yes... it was for u. you cant do from steve to sharon ler...

mar said...

Glad you liked it...it just popped up. LOL. And I have good news! Well, better news...on my blog ya..

DaphStar* said...

zewt: I guess this is my first time commenting on your blog. Sorry for not reciprocating. Nvr knew you can create humor out of "out of office" message.

zewt said...

mar - i shall check it out tomm or something.

DaphStar - hi there. it's a good start... hopefully more to come ya.