Lessons from death

I have learnt many things during my mom’s passing besides the growing up part, i.e. I've gained some knowledge in the preparation of the funeral, and the errands that needs to be done after the funeral. If you think funeral is about getting a coffin, put the body 6 feet under and perhaps mourn for 49 days, then you’re wrong. There’re much more things to it.

It was certainly a very stressful time. First, there’s the emotional tsunami that swept us away. But we can't just leave the deceased and go to our crying-hibernation mode. There are many things that need to be done. Allow me to share some pointers with you with a hope that your stress will be reduced in such testing times.

Funeral planner

Be honest with yourself. You don’t have time to choose the coffin and get everything prepared yourself; you will need a funeral planner. And sad to say, these vultures will be hovering around hospitals and wherever there is death, it’s like they can smell it. They will promise you the sun and the moon and will always give you the “we-will-take-care-of-everything” assurance.

During such time, our minds will be occupied with a lot of sorrows and we tend to just take what is laid on the table. Don’t! You will most probably be slaughtered if you do that. The first quotation given to me when my mom passed away was RM8,000+ which covers coffin, the rental of chairs and apparatus during the wake, drinks, peanuts, transport to burial ground / crematorium, basically all the things that you can think of, or at least what you are capable to gather at that point. We almost took it, we thought it was cheap. Cover everything you know!

Finally, we managed to get one for only RM3,600+, and it covers the same thing. The lesson here is… no matter how occupied your mind is, you need to think straight and discern. If you’re freaking rich then this will not matter to you, but if you’re not, then you will need to have a little bit of shopping sense.

Death certificate

This may just be one document that certifies the death of a person, but it’s not something that can be easily obtained. If one passed away in the hospital, then there should be no further problems. If otherwise, things can be messy. Consider that there is a growing number in people dropping dead all of a sudden, this is a tricky issue.

If death happens without the present of a doctor, you will probably need to make a police report. Thereafter, the police will take the body for post-mortem i.e. cut it open. I am sure this is not something that you wish for your loved ones. The person is already dead, and it’s not a murder, why cut the deceased open just for the sake of it?

The trick is to get a doctor to certify the death of the deceased, and the cause of death. Subsequently, the doctor certification can be send to DBKL for the officer to issue a ‘Burial Cert’. Thereafter, one can use this Burial Cert to apply for a Death Cert without having the deceased cut open.

The beauty of living in Malaysia is that… most of the funeral planners will have “connections” to get this done. So… this is one important criterion in choosing the right planner.

Will

This is one helluva “tai kat lai si” thing with the Chinese, and perhaps with other races too. But you cannot possibly imagine the importance of having one. For parents, let’s be open-minded about this. If something happen to you (touch wood), and your children are all still young, who is going to pay for all the funerals and logistics? And trust me funeral is freaking expensive.

A simple letter assigning someone the power of attorney to your finances can avoid a lot of unnecessary stress. I am fortunate because my dad was around and he has the cash to pay for a lot of things. But like I said, if both parents suddenly went and the children are all young, things can be very messy, and I am not talking about fighting for money.

In the absence of a will, all the deceased’s bank accounts will be frozen, and there are a lot of red tape and paperwork to do before the money can be disseminated amongst the children. And you know what? The gomen will happily take a cut from the account, no kidding. And that is provided all the paper work is done properly. Any hiccups, the gomen will sweep everything. And I am darn sure you don’t want that to happen.

If the deceased is unmarried and have no children… well, I am not exactly sure what will happen but very likely the gomen will send you a “thank you” note for your contribution to the country’s development.

And oh… as always, the above process practise “Malaysian time” to its fullest.

One way to get around it is to have joint accounts. But this means someone will have access to your finances while you’re still alive, a “will” will only allow someone access after one is dead… so… to each its own.

There, 3 very important elements, lessons that I learnt from the passing of my mom. There are also other issues such as burial land or place to house the urn for those who are cremated. Such things will depend very much on one’s finances. One advice… don’t over-burden yourself. Discern and choose the best for the deceased… and yourself.

Additional info (11 May 2007):

Some fellow bloggers have highlighted that EPF beneficiary should always be updated. Indeed, the beneficiacy should be someone who is alive and there have been cased where EPF office has screwed up when the system was computerised. Something like that. Well, it's Malaysia after all. So make sure your EPF beneficiary is alive and kicking.... so is your insurance beneficiary, if you have insurance