It was not meant to be a surprise

When I returned home on Tuesday night, as I had my last mom-cooked dinner, I noticed that everything was still set as though mom will be back. There were still unwashed dishes in the sink left by unappreciative children, food was still in the pot, and vegetables prepared for the next day kept in the fridge. Surely, mom never had it coming… I was wrong.

My cousin came today from Alor Setar, mom’s hometown. This cousin of mine is very close to my mom. Mom will call her to talk about her problems. Imagine that, she never talks to us. But I believe the real reason is because we don’t want to talk to her. Do you talk to your mother?

Cousin informed that approximately 6 months ago, mom found out that there was something in her brain. It was actually detected by the Chinese sen-sei, doctors that my mom trusts. She was asked to go for a scan. Cousin asked her to go, to which mom promised she would.

Last November, mom made a trip back to Alor Setar, her first trip back in a long time. Cousin said she visited all her old friends and told my cousin that she should not cry if she goes away. My cousin was suspicious, and asked about the brain scan. Mom didn’t go for the scan, she said she was busy. She said she will do it after CNY.

Indeed, mom is a busy woman. If you think working 8 or 10 hours a day is hectic. Try spending a day looking after a (singular) house. I swept the floor and did 2 round of laundry today. Trust me, it’s very extremely tiring. Then I washed all our cups. Removing mom’s cup from our usual cup tray made me tear enough to wash a cup by itself. It was painful.

Back to mom, she told cousin that if she was to have a stroke, she would rather die. She would rather leave us behind, than to stay behind and be a burden. I believe that is the reason why she never went for a scan. How many of us will scream for a MC as the slightest headache? How many of us cowards will jump straight to the specialist’s doorstep at the sight of bleeding? Plenty I suppose.

But for courageous people in this world, namely mothers, that might not be the case. Mom was one of those courageous souls. She knew she will be going soon. And she left these messages with my cousin:

1. She wants a cremation;
2. She wants an altar in the house and a joss stick a day;
3. She set aside some money to get a necklace for my sister, to be worn when she gets married;
4. She set aside some money to get a necklace for Julia;
5. Dad should do some housework so that his brain get some exercise; and
6. If she was to go away, her biggest concern would be my wedding and my sis wedding.

After knowing all these, I realised something…

Mom bought a new washing machine this year, a new stove too. Of course, no one will be able to cook better food with that stove in this house besides her. Mom also told me that washing detergent and groceries are bought on a need to buy basis, not on a routine. The signs were all there, we never saw it coming. No wonder she went back to Alor Setar to see all her old friends.

I think mom also did made a comment about her having severe headaches and asked me “what to do?”. My reply to her was simple and irresponsible … “go see a doctor”. It should been… “let me take you to a doctor”.

Mothers will forever think for the best of her family. She will sacrifice all that she has just to make her children happy. Most mothers are like that. Does your mother show any out-of-the-norm sign? I am not trying to scare you, that’s not my intention. My intention would be to have you talk to your mom more. No matter how much you hate her, you will love her for the rest of your life. I know it’s easier said that done. But you better do it when she is still alive.

It was not meant to be a surprise to all. Those times when mom said we took her for granted, and we never appreciate her, and that when the day comes when we want to take her out and make her happy, she might be gone… it was not a passing comment. It was a warning we failed to see. And now, we will have to live with it.

p/s: Perfect timing, the alarm rang, the 3rd round of laundry is done. Time to hang the clothes.

Farewell... magnificent woman, loving mom.

Thank you all for your well wishes. I am truly truly truly touched.

Mom passed away peacefully about 2 hours ago. Her brain was too swollen and there was nothing to be done. We managed to transport her body back to our home before we pull the plug. I am sure she would want it this way.

Just before the paramedics removed the air-tube, I managed to do something that she always wanted from me. I handed her a cup of tea, and Julia handed her a cup of tea too. I want to let mom know that in her eyes, Julia is now my wife. I am sure the mom would have enjoyed that cup of tea. She will surely bless us as she watches from heaven.

It was peaceful, after the tea ceremony, as I was still kneeling beside her, she went away almost immediately as soon as the tube was removed.

Life has indeed changed. As I walked around my house, I can finally see the gigantic effort of hers to put the whole house in order. From all the cleaning she has done… to the little decorations here and there. I realised my mom is a very artistic person.

Mom,

I will do my very best to maintain this house the way it is, I will not disappoint you. I will look after father. I will look after my brother and sis. Bless me with the strength that I need. You’ve done a magnificent job raising 3 of us out of nothing. We are proud of you. You are the best mom we could ever ask for. Thank you for being there for the 29 years I’ve been alive. And I will live according to your teaching for the rest of it.

Farewell… magnificent woman, loving mom.

Dear Mommy

One would wonder why I still have the energy to blog today. But I want to remember today.

While on my way home, my brother called.

“Mom fainted… come back now”

When I reached home, mom was already very much unconscious. While one of her eyes was still open, she was not responding to any of our calls. I knew I have to send her to the hospital immediately. My brother was with me, my father, as always, afraid to go to the hospital.

I drove like a man possessed, and after admitting my mom, I waited patiently for the doctor to come.

“She has a stroke”. That’s what the doctor told me after some initial diagnosis. Further examination and he sent my mom to do a CT scan. “Urgent” he said. That doesn’t sound good at all.

The doctor-on-call came about an hour later and he showed me the films. One of the blood vessels in my mom’s head has burst and she is having bleeding in her brain. The blot clot is pressing against right brain and thus, she is half paralysed. “It doesn’t look good”, he said.

After examining her, he transferred my mom to ICU and asked for the neuro surgeon to come. I was asked to wait outside the ICU. As I saw some nurses running into the ward, I walked past the entrance that said “staff only”.

I saw it in front of me, my mom, lifeless, and the doctors were trying to revive her. I shed my first tear of the night… and since then, my tears kept flowing. It has been a long time since I cried, but how I wish I don’t have to cry in this circumstance.

“The brain is bleeding out fast, she is now breathing with the help of a machine, she will last 2-3 days”. From that moment onwards, my life changed forever.

Ya’ know, so many times my mom said we took her for granted, and we never appreciate her, and that when the day comes when we want to take her out and make her happy, she might be gone. She was right. And it will be the biggest regret of my life.

I cried and slapped myself trying to recall what her last words to me were. I struggled and it was only till a few moments ago, I remembered. She called to ask whether the 3 loaves of bread I brought back from a charity event were edible. She went and bought us “long yuk” when I answered yes.

“Sik tuck keh” (can be eaten)…. Those were my last 3 words to her.

Mommy, I am sorry I fail to appreciate you.
I am sorry I shouted at you so many times, insisting that you don’t understand me.
I am sorry I didn’t take you to see the right doctor, as I only told u to do it yourself.
I am sorry that you’ve cooked and I never inform you if I am not back for dinner
I am sorry I never help you with housework. Now, I have to do it all myself.
I am sorry for all the things I should’ve done but didn’t.
I am sorry, I am so so so sorry.
How I wish you can hear me right now, but I know you would rather have me doing the right things in life than to be sorry with all the things I failed to do.

I want to remember today. I want to remember the last dinner that my mom cooked, to which I eat with tears.

Thank you mom for the dinner, it has always been the best meal though I never said so.

But most of all… mommy, sorry for not being a good son. But I know you still love me. And I will forever remember this day.

Mommy, I am sorry

Of parking, toll and a kick ass video

Malaysia is a place with plenty of diversity… particularly when it comes to traffic related stuff. Besides the well known traffic jam, to which we so conveniently contribute, we must also salute the legion of Malaysian drivers. Like I said, they are truly an elite group of people, don’t you think so?

Of course, how can we forget the idiotic creative parking ability of us Malaysian drivers? Try hitting places like Hartamas or Bangsar at night, you will see how idiotic creative how we Malaysian drivers can be when it comes to fitting cars in the smallest vacuum possible. One may conclude that Malaysians are master in fitting their tools into tiny holes… a mastery every man should learn.

Right… we have seen plenty… yellow-line-parking, middle-of-the-road-parking, double-parking, triple parking and the moronic parking… but you have not seen anything yet. Ladies and gentlemen… may I present you…..

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Opposite parking:


I-shall-park-it-my-way parking:



Well, what can I say? I think I am going to post it to TheStar, wonder if I will win 50 bucks.

Anyway, while we are at the traffic topic, I know many of us here (excluding me) are really upset with the toll increase, no? That RM0.60 increase at LDP, I see many pictures of people screaming and putting up all sorts of banner. Well, next time you are pissed at paying toll… you may wanna consider this…


And to end the day, wanna share this video with you guys and gals. Brilliantly done, just like this one which I introduced earlier. But now I have learnt to post the video here (cos now Zewt is getting better and better in blogging skills already mah... don’t pway pway)… have fun.

Warning: Type A Chinese may not be able to enjoy it.

Some highlight on comments

Now that I have gotten the tag thing out of the way, would like to share 2 comments in relation to my previous entry with you… I think we should all have a read.

From Kata Tak Nak, who is a former (or is it current?) teacher:

”During the trial exams, the average passes for science (taught in English) was 20 something percent. About 1 and a half month later these same students took their PMR and the average passes for the same subject is 60 plus percent. What does this tell you? You decide.”

Zewt: Well, do even need to decide?


From Dienasty, this one is really good:

Am of the generation you speak of.

I personally know Jabez. He's a good kid, a hard worker, he took music in St Mary's, and i've a feeling i should defend him.

This year's standard has actually rose. Believe it?

Think about it. The number of straight As this year is measly compared to the number of straight As last year. And i compared with a few other friends, they agreed. The standard has rose. (psst, take a look at the national average)

Perhaps because next year is the first batch in English, and they want to make is seem as if the English students (sci and math) are a success.

But this is pure speculation by the student population of Malaysia. Ignore it if you want.

Wat do i have to say for me and my generation? Firstly, we're not smarter than you guys. I've been thinking a lot of what i want to do with my life, and i realized that 'genius' isn't determined by your IQ, your ability to get girls, or even the number of As you get.

It's your accomplishments that count in life. Einstein and Edison would've scored straight Cs, and yet they're counted as geniuses because they created things that people use today. Einstein was so radical ("Imagine yourself travelling at the speed of light? Would i see waves, or beams?") no education system in existence could've have handled him.

So what i've got to say is this: As count very little. Our politicians lately have been making a lot of noise about the laser-like focus on academic performance alone. This is good news, but i've been worrying a lot about certain implications this 'jumping on the opinion bandwagon' has, since i'm still a student (going form 6) and whatever they implement affects me directly.

The issue we have to focus on is not the standards, or the egos of parents (though both are problems, important ones, in our country). The main issue we have is still the number of subjects we are taking. I foresee a culture where the government's insistence to 'break away' from academic acheivement alone will create a culture of students joining activities solely to get certificates. What is worse is that while they push for more involvement in activities, but our government does NOT cut down on the number of useless subjects like Moral, EST and even irrelevant Islamic History. They even added Siviks to the list! So we, the students, don't join clubs, or co-curricular activities for the skills they teach, or the things they can learn. I'm already seeing this in some of my schoolmates, and in my friends and younger siblings.

I admit, my cert collection may be lousy compared to the positions they have held (i go for skills and knowledge). But can they write and think and construct arguments like i'm doing now? Can they throw a person twice their weight? Can they participate in a theological debate and then conclude, summarize and make sure everyone walks away learning something?

I don't think so.

And this is the challenge we have: tell our kids not to worry about Moral or EST or even the islamic elements in our history that does not promote racial integration in our country. Tell them that they should join activities to learn, not to collect certs. And while we can't do much, we can love our school going kids (read: ppl like me ;P), we can tell them that academics isn't everything, and above all, we can give them the support they need as they transverse this faulty system we have under our kris weilding Education Minister.

End of my comment. (I think i can actually put this as a proper post in my blog ;D hehe)

Zewt: Well, you certainly can, and you did. And I hope others will find some light from your comment.

I hate it but I have to do it...

I’ve said it before that I will not do this tag thing ever again… sigh, I guess I will have to eat my word. Since my last tag, I’ve been tagged by muststopthis, vegemaster, tiuniasing and the one and only wingz. As always, gonna combine the tag.

Muststopthis… your type of tag has been completed earlier… check it out here. Hahahahaha! One done

As for tiuniasing and vegemaster… here it is:

Tell 5 jokes:
1. I am very handsome.
2. And I look like a hunk.
3. And I am very sexy too.
4. Becos of that, Jessica Alba is in love with me.
5. But I rejected her.
Are you laughing yet?

4 fellas that I adore:
1. The guy who died on the cross for you and me.
2. My gf.
Sorry… no more.

3 animals that resembles me:
1. Horse (born in such year)
2. Fox (cunning… hehe)
3. dolphin (smart!... haha… damn perasan)

Now, for wingz tag:

A is for “anything also boleh”, the theme of this country.
B is for “be yourself”, no one else you should be.
C is for “cum”, that’s how you and I exist today.
D is for “dumb people”, many of such people around nowadays.
E is for “everything also boleh”, an extension of A.
F is for . Need I say more?
G is for “GOD”, you would like it when He is angry, and I am not talking about Hulk.
H is for “How many As in SPM you got?”. 17 / 18?
I is for “Idiot”. Again, plenty of those around.
J is for “Just blog it”. Don’t hesitate.
K is for “Koo Kien Kiet”, Malaysia’s hope in Olympics!
L is for “lame”, that’s me… sometimes.
M is for “Malaysia”. The land of …. errr… cannot say, cos have to be responsible.
N is for “Night time”, when I am most energetic.
O is for “O”, my blood type.
P is for “penis”, the better name for dick/cock.
Q is for “queuing”, what we Malaysians never do.
R is for “responsible”, be a responsible blogger ler.
S is for “Stupidity”, check that link out!
T is for “time”, something we hope we have more.
U is for “Under control”, that’s what the boss said.
V is for “vacation”, I want endless of them.
W is for “whoever-tag-me-again-will-have-his-dick-cut-off”, it’s a curse.
X is for “xxx”. Xxxx xxx xxx xxxxx
Y is for “your-dick-will-fall-off-if-you-tag-me”, it’s also a curse.
Z is for zewt la…. What else!

This is the best part… 5 victims for the A-Z tag, and the oscar goes to:…

1. Maxforce
2. Kata Tak Nak
3. Dienasty
4. Politikus
5. June x 2

Trust me, they are randomly chosen.

WARNING: NO OTHER TAG WILL BE ENTERTAINED EVEN IF YOU SAY I AM LANSI OR ARROGANT OR DON’T GIVE FACE OR WHATEVER SHIT.

Lifestyle of the smart and stupid not so smart

It has been 2 days since the media flood the nation with news of the next generation of geniuses. They face the future with high hope, of course, we all know most of them will have their hope crushed soon enough; after all, reality is cruel, but that's another point altogther. To be fair to them, besides being kiasu and wanted to prove a point, I do believe that all most of them believe that results guarantee a bright future. Again, most of us know that is not true.

Friends, allow me to share a few stories real life experience with you (all names have been changed to protect the relevant person’s identity):

Smart people story 1: The high flyer new staff

Mary joined Zewt’s firm and was assigned to Zewt’s unit. She came with great credentials, apparently, a top scorer in SPM (number of As “berbelas-belasan”) and a 1st class degree graduate from a local public university. Impressive, no?

1 week into her employment, Zewt gave an assignment to Mary, a very simple calculation that require her to extract figures from the profit and loss account (“P&L”) and transfer the extracted figures into another statement. Yeah, kinda like data entry job. By the way, for all those soon-to-be graduates, just because you hold a degree, don’t expect to do some high level work once you start working, you’ll probably be doing some donkey jobs first.

After explaining on what needed to be done to Mary, she went back to her place. Half an hour later, Mary came to Zewt and told Zewt that she can’t reconcile the P&L, that she can't locate certain figures. I asked her to pass me the source document and Zewt proceed to try to locate then numbers. It was not found on the 1st page of the documents and naturally, Zewt turned to 2nd page and voila… Zewt found the figure and pointed the figure to Mary.

Mary’s reply (in the most innocent manner ever) was… ……”oh… got page 2 wan ah?”

Mary carried the nick… “Miss Page 2” since that day.


Smart people story 2: The CEO wannabe

Jane was the top student that shared the same faculty as Zewt. She graduated with (again) a 1st class degree. Jane told Zewt…”I wanna be a CEO one day”.

After returning from London (yes, degree from an Ang Moh country, don’t pray-pray), Jane joined Zewt’s competitor firm. Approximately 1 year later, Zewt found out that Jane has joined Zewt in the same firm. Reason being… she couldn’t take the pressure in her previous firm, translate: Jane failed to perform in her previous firm and is now trying her luck in the same firm as Zewt.

A few months passed and she told Zewt… “Working life is so tough, I just wanna find a rich man and marry him and stay home and be a tai-tai”. (tai-tai = rich housewife) What happened to CEO? Oh… she didn’t deviate much, tai-tai… CEO of the house… same la.

Last Zewt heard, Jane set off to do what she does best… study… for her Masters.

Stupid Not so smart people story 1: 2nd class (lower division)

“Must go to a reputable university, otherwise find a job” Eric told Zewt. Eric went to the UK one year ahead of Zewt, and it was indeed, a very prestigious university.

As the results rolled out, Eric only managed to obtain a 2nd class (lower division) honours. Yeah la, from an and-moh high class uni, but 2nd class (LOWER division) woh… die, habis, mati, hancur… It was the end of the world for Eric.

Eric struggled to find a job and finally settled for an executive position in a chap-pa-lang (low class) company and was the lowest paid amongst his peers. Zewt started his working life with a slightly higher pay. Eric didn’t enjoy his work and resigned soon after. He went on to do sales.

Now, Eric drives a brand new Honda Accord (heard he bought it with cash?). Eric owns one two three properties and is looking and buying one in Australia in a few years time. Eric’s company… I repeat… Eric’s company, owns a shoplot, a warehouse, and a 3 story building in a prime location.

And the best part… while you and I wake up early in the morning, put on our tie, report to work, work overtime to get out puny salary… Eric sleeps till 10+, probably go to lunch first before going into office. He plays mah jong with his friends in the office, go for a tea and then drives around in his brand new Honda Accord looking for people to play mah jong.

Stupid Not so smart people story 2: The SPM failure

Sam was Zewt’s school mate, but not class mate. Why? Cos Zewt was in the top class (clap a bit la) while Sam was at the … not so top class. Sam is the those fellas… ya’ know… skip class, distribute porn in school, never study and sure enough… Sam flunk is SPM. Flunk his S…P…M ya’ know! Tell that to those kids who scored ‘only’ 18 As… they might faint as the sound of such statement.

Zewt seldom meet up with Sam, the only time they will see each other are those festive gatherings. When Zewt was still driving a proton, Sam was already driving a Nissan Cefiro. The last time Zewt heard, Sam was working managing running a wood factory.

Sam told Zewt…”I am just a lorry driver”… well, let’s just say Zewt don’t really wanna spoil your day anymore with Sam’s story
Zewtpinion:

Indeed, the above are just a few stories… perhaps you may even call them the exceptional cases… or is it?

I am pretty sure many of us have heard the phrase “A degree is just a ticket to the working world”. We all know it and agree to it. However, how much do we understand that phrase? We probably fail to comprehend the true meaning of “a ticket”, or probably fail to grasp the true meaning of “the working world”.

The truth is, a 3rd class or general tickets doesn’t mean you will be not able to board the “plane of life”, while 1st class tickets doesn’t guarantee 1st class seats. You might miss out on your preferred “airlines” but never fret, how high your plane of life can fly and whether it will reach your destination, is often entirely up to you. What about those kids who scored 17As, 18As and 19As? Well… I dunno, you tell me.

So, is your “seat” right now reflective of the ticket you’re carrying?