Where Kilkenny became kill Kenny

True story…

Terence was having lunch with his colleagues when he got a call on his mobile. A quick glance and it showed that it was from an unfamiliar number.

“Hello” he answered.
“Siapa ni?” (Who’s this?)
“Kamu yang panggil saya. Kamu siapa?”
(You are the one who called me. Who’re you?)
“Ini serius. Saya tengah buat siasatan. Apa nama kamu?”
(This is serious. I am doing an investigation. What’s your name?)
“Siasatan? Siasat apa?” Terence thought it might be a gotcha call.
(Investigation? Investigate what?)

There was a slight pause…

“Ini Inspektor Halim dari cawangan X. Ada orang buat laporan polis yang kamu ni pembunuh upahan. Saya nak nama dan nombor kad pengenalan kamu sekarang”
(This is Inspector Halim from X branch. There was a police report saying that you are an assassin for hire. I want your name and identity card number now)

This was when Terence felt a bit uneasy as the tone of the voice didn’t sound as though they were from Hitz.fm. Hitz.fm is a local radio channel notorious in making prank calls. He apologised and informed Inspector Halim that he will have to verify his number before he discloses his details.

A quick check with the police headquarters in Bukit Aman confirmed that the call was indeed made from branch x police station. Terence nearly pissed in his pants.

What happened was --- Terence was in a pub drinking Kilkenny the day before. The pub was having a good deal where you get 2 Kilkenny for the price of 1. By the way, Kilkenny is a very famous Irish beer.

Such a good deal prompted Terence to sms “Kilkenny, 2 for the price of 1” to a friend named Gavin. In perhaps his tipsy-ness, Terence sent the sms to the wrong Gavin. Now, this is where it gets interesting…

Apparently, the wrong Gavin has terminated that number. Apparently, that particular number was recycled by the telecommunication operator and was acquired by this person, let’s call her (yes, it’s a she) Moron. Apparently, the Moron had a fight with her boss the day before. And apparently, the name of Moron’s boss was… Kenny!

When the Moron received an anonymous sms saying “Kilkenny, 2 for the price of 1”, she thought someone was offering to kill her boss (i.e. Kenny) for her. And the Moron… went and made a police report!

And so, poor Terence had to explain to the police that he doesn’t know the Moron, nor Kenny. And certainly, he is not a hitman for hire offering his service to kill Kenny. And not just any killing, 2 for the price of 1! When trying to explain the Kilkenny is actually a beer, the Moron even said that she is a drinker but has not heard any beer name Kilkenny before. Now you know why I call her Moron with a capital M.

On one hand, kudos to the police for taking police reports seriously. On the other hand, why didn’t the police investigate the Moron? For someone to have an argument and then made a police report when the word “kill” was mentioned, the Moron certainly have something in her mind, don’t you think?

Whatever it is, make sure you say “Kilkenny, the beer, 2 for the price of 1” the next time any of you intend to send such sms out.


1 year ago… “Doh Yu”

2 years ago… A take at the scandal