An outdated zewtpinion

Someone mentioned to me last week that AZAIG is lacking in zewtpinions lately. Also, recent entries do not really justify my 5 times thinking blogger awards. Wow… looks like people actually have expectations on me! The life of a blogger gets even tougher nowadays, particularly in this country, know what I mean?

Well, not that I don’t have any zewtpinion to render, just that I don’t swamp the whole week with zewtpinions. But since zewtpinion is in demand… might as well…

Since Christianity is in the news lately, plus there’re a couple of gay pastors and some churches making heaps by praying for bigger boobs, I thought maybe I should talk about something which I once said that I dunwanna blog about. The topic has died a Malaysian death a.k.a. forgotten and I thought maybe I should give it a slight resurrection boost.

Initially, I was saddened by the judgement just like any Tom, Dick and Harry or Mary, Jean and Jane out there. But after reading an entry from Kata Tak Nak, I was compelled to look at the whole issue from a different approach. KTN said that the court cannot but rule that apostasy is illegal; the court has to uphold its religion.

What does this mean? A very good analogy would be to look at the movie “300”.

When Sparta was in the brink of an invasion, the King has to prepare his country for war. But before he can bring his legion of army to battle, he has to consult the witchdoctors known as “Ephors”. No matter how great a king is, the words of the Ephors must be strictly adhered to. It’s a tradition that the king swore to protect. Unfortunately, the Ephors gave him a negative answer. Despite the fact that the King knew his army is strong enough to take on the invaders, despite knowing a victory is possible, he can't help but to comply with the words of the Ephors. He cannot do anything but to uphold the tradition of the country, one which he swore to protect.

Similarly, the court has to uphold its religion. The judgement, to me, was correct.

Taking a look on the other side, I have known of a particular cell-leader in a particular mega church who was denied of her resignation from her post as a cell leader. The reason given: the church was afraid that it might open up the flood-gates and other cell leaders will follow suit. “afraid that it might open up the flood-gates”… does this sound familiar? How different is this from Lina Joy’s judgement?

We Christians always like to make fun of people who consider themselves Christian simply because they were born in a Christian family. To us, being born in a Christian family doesn’t make one a Christian. And of course, we always ask this breed of Christians an infamous question:

“Does being born in a garage make you a car?”

If that is the case…”Does having the word Islam in her MyKad make Lina a Muslim?”

I encourage you to read the words of Kata Tak Nak here.

A picture paints a thousand words?

(Please try not scroll down until you read the entry)

I was mentally prepared to pen down a zewtpinion until I realised it’s going to be Friday. Guess I will have to save it for next week. It’s going to be a little too heavy for our Friday brain. I hope I will still remember what I want to talk about when Monday arrives.

Speaking about my minds, mine decided to bring me back 2 years, to the time when I spent 10 days travelling between Cambodia and Vietnam. I will always remember that trip due to the amount of co-incidences in it. How many if you may ask… how many of you want to know? Well, trust me… there were quite a substantial amount of co-incidences. But I guess that’s a story for another day.

For today, I would like to show you one particular picture which my friend took during that trip. It was taken in one of the temples within Angkor Wat.

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So… does a picture paints a thousand words? My guess would be… you are not quite wordless. What do you think it is?

Happy weekend!

What’s with the name?

My parents never gave me an English name and when I hit the age of 10, I suddenly wanted one.

“Oh, don’t take that, it’s too common. Just like Steven or David (no offence), if you call out such names, 10 Stevens or 10 Davids will answer you”

That was my tuition teacher’s response when I told her I wanted to name myself Kelvin. I listened to her and decided otherwise. 2 years later, when I was 12, I had a dream, and in that dream; the teacher was marking attendance and she called out a name. No one answered. My friend sitting next to me gave me a nudge and said…

“Eh, cikgu panggil awak lah” (Eh, teacher is calling you)

I woke up from the dream almost immediately and that name became my English name since then. I will always tell this story to anyone who ask me how I got my name. Some chose not to believe, some found it strange, some started calling me “the man with a name from a dream”. No matter what, I am here to tell you… it’s true.

Yup, I do have a somewhat strange name. I never really use it until I went to the UK. But the as I entered the modern slavery kingdom, I gave my English name an official launch and everyone knows me by it since then. That’s me…

Now, I have noticed one very obvious trend with people lately. People here refer to parents with new born kids. Do you notice that more and more couples giving their newborn rather… glamorous name? Gone are the new Davids, Michaels, Johns (no offence again). None of my friends who are new parents name their child with “conventional” name. Currently, Ethan seems to be a hot name to give one’s newborn son. I personally know of 4 newly born Ethans. Other glamorous English name given includes Gabriel, Jayden, Aiden.

The baby girls are not losing out either. Gone are the Nancy(s), Wendy(s) and Mary(s). In fact, I have never known a single Mary in my life before. Some of my friends have named their baby girls Lauren, Isabelle and Megan. Quite glamorous indeed, don’t you think so?
One thing about baby girls though, the Chinese name “ann” seems to always appear in newborn nowadays. Gone are the leng, yeng, peng, ching… enters ‘ann’. There’s a multitude of li-ann(s), bee-ann(s), sze-ann(s), may-ann(s) and whatever ann(s). Are you one of those who are going to follow suit?

Our Malay comrades are not losing out either. While they cannot really take on an English name, they have creatively altered their spelling to make it more glamorous, mostly involved the letter ‘y’. Azyla instead of Azila… Dylaina instead of Dilaina… Adly instead of Adli. Again, no offence if you happen to bear such names.

Anyway, English name for Chinese has become almost a must nowadays, even if mandarin is spoken in such household. Oh no, I am not against it. But I am just curious what kind of glamorous names are going to surface in the new few years. Maybe in time to come, there will be no more David(s) and Michael(s) and when you call out the name Ethan, you will probably get 10 answers… it could happen.

So are you going to give your future child a glamorous name? One tip… if you really can't think of anymore glamorous name to make your child unique… perhaps you can sleep on it… who knows, your dream might just be fruitful.

P/S: Zewt apologises if the names above offended anyone.

The identity inquiry

My slave-mate colleague asked me a few days ago… “Do you introduce yourself zewt in front of other bloggers?”

This question brought me back to the time when I first attended the bloggers get-together party at Federal Hotel. I was asked to write my name on a piece of sticker and put it on me for identification purposes. I pondered for a moment… what should I put? Should I put… zewt… or my real name? I chose the latter.

As I entered the hall with my goodie-bag, I realised most of the people there put up their nick instead. But it’s ok, I reckoned most will not know zewt anyway. As I sat down on one of the table together with Jules, I introduced myself to 2 people already seated there and gave them my real name.

A few weeks ago, I attended the blogger booze at Plaza Damas. And again, there were some new faces and some introduction needs to be done. It did hit again whether I should introduce myself as zewt or disclose my real name. The decision made in that half a second was to disclose my real name.

It was all about disclosing my name until a few person came to me and said… “Hey, are you zewt?”

Well, obviously I said yes and thus begin the … “Hello, I am zewt” introduction line.

Honestly speaking, I am still grey on whether I should introduce myself as zewt or otherwise. What about you all? Those with an identity in the blogosphere, what do you introduce yourself as? Particularly those who has built up their blogosphere nick into designer brand status, do you go….

“Hi, I’m Tom. Pleased to meet you”

Or…

"Hi, I’m do-not-call-me-Tom-but-my-blogging-name. Pleased to meet you”

P/S: Those who would like to know what zewt means can read here.

Henry Suckers and the 4 schools of magic

In this magical kingdom, witchcraft and wizardry is the common practice. Without it, you are nothing. Knowing the magical art will get you to high places, achieve your dreams. Or so it was believed.

When Henry Suckers hit the ripe age of 21, he knew his time has finally come. While he has already decided on the course he wishes to take, the choice of institution has yet to be decided. There are many around, but 4 of them stood up due to their impeccable reputation.

Suckers’ first priority was to enter Peetwogs Witchcraft College, dubbed the best school of its kind. Graduates from this college hold high position in many castles in the kingdom. Make no mistake, it’s no easy feat to enter this college. While the quality of their intake has slowly been depreciating, Peetwogs Witchcraft College is said to only take the crème de la crème. Suckers will have to be at his best to get in.

Next is the Kenistry People Magic Garden. Situated in a prime location, this school offers a wide range of magical courses. It also boasts of its very own castle, one that bears its name. Though not as reputable as Peetwogs, Suckers will not hesitate to take up any offer from Kenistry.

Encharmed Yourself is another place where Suckers can learn their magical tricks. The reputation of this school was boosted due to its successful collaboration with Al-magic Assistance, which has since been totally absorbed by Encharmed Yourself. Suckers thought that this place is not that bad either, he will certain give it a thinker should an offer comes along.

Then there is the Dementours Killing College. As the courses offered here are pretty specialised, i.e. killing of dementours, it renders this college the least famous amongst the 4. As such, it is no surprise that Suckers will try to enter this college as a last resort. After all, Suckers will still get to learn the trade of magic. But the facilities here can be quite sub-standard. Rumour has it that students have share crystal ball during certain courses.

After a long process of sending out applications and attending entrance interviews, Suckers was rejected by Peetwogs while offers came from Kenistry and Encharmed Yourself. After much deliberation, Encharmed Yourself was chosen, due to its ample parking space for transporters. Encharmed is the only school amongst the top 4 that provides parking convenience, at a charge of course.

Upon entering Encharmed, Henry Suckers was quickly taught the very basic craft, the magic of duplicating transcripts. With this spell called “photo-copios”, a bright light will illuminates from a certain instrument and any paper based transcripts will magically duplicate itself. A very fascinating spell, but many students like Suckers get bored quickly with it. Nevertheless, this is an essential art for they will need to cast the “photo-copios” spell many times in time to come.

The next spell that Henry Suckers learnt from Encharmed was the magical art of balancing. It is a crucial trick in any dual presentation that the left side of the presentation reconciles to the right. Many students hate doing this and thus, they often refer to this presentation as a piece of shit. Due to this, the people in the witchcraft and wizardry kingdom often refer it as ‘balance shit’. When things do not balance, a spell called “balencio ette ol cost” is cast. A powerful element will emerge and force itself either to the right or the left side of the presentation, depending on needs. A powerful spell indeed, not many can master this spell.

Next is the art of disappearing. No, not physical disappearance, not yet, only lecturers can cast the self disappearing spell. Students will learn the basic disappearing trick first. When there are unwanted elements, often unable to be placed within the ‘balance shit’ or anywhere else in any presentation, there is a need to make these remnants disappear. This spell is called “immaterialisis”. Certain faculty in the school despise this spell. As remnants are very important to them, this faculty often complains to the lecturers of any abusive casting of “immaterialisis”. However, it is still widely cast; particularly when the “balencio ette ol cost” spell could not be conjured up.

One spell that Suckers have to master is the evil art of making others feel stupid. Others here refer people who are not exposed to the art of witchcraft and wizardry. Henry Suckers find this evil as it plays with the mind of others. But, it is the most important magic that one can learn from any magical school. This spell called “Ayem meh consultanus” can play with the mind of people and if cast with a level of authority, one can really feel that he is more intelligent compared to the rest.

As time goes by, Henry Suckers felt that everything points to the “Ayem meh consultanus” spell. In fact, it is the sole spell that all students wish to master upon entering these magical schools. But Suckers felt disillusioned after spending a few years in Encharmed, because casting the “Ayem meh consultanus” spell will only give a short term solution. Making others feel stupid doesn’t mean they are really stupid. Sometimes, it is the lecturers and the students of these schools who are totally oblivious about what they are doing.
Anyway, being in the witchcraft and wizardry practice is crucial in the demanding magical kingdom. After spending so much time studying, Suckers can't wait to graduate and leave. Will he succeed though? We will see…

P/S: The above is a fiction and any resemblance to real life existence is purely a co-incidence.
P/S/S: I have revealed the answer of last Friday’s question at the bottom of that post.

From the spoon to the cat

Last week, I mentioned about a particular spoon which happened to have travelled to a frontier where no spoon has gone before, and asked if we will ever allow such spoon to serve its duty again. Very interesting comments surfaced, but the general consensus was a bit “No”. A feeling of disgust is the natural reaction.

Notwithstanding the fact that a few readers actually use spoon to eat durian, have you ever thought about the things you have touched and with the same hands, you’ve fed yourself countless chicken wings, or durians if you eat them with your hands. Seriously, isn’t it the same? It’s all in the head, isn’t it? And sometimes, it’s just hypocrisy, because we knowingly choose to ignore the relevant.

Kat raised a very interesting point… would you spit your saliva into a spoon and drink the saliva again? Hmmm…. Sounds disgusting really… but would you?

Oh… to the one who said “what we put in our mouths is pretty sacred”… hmmm… I wonder if any blowing activity has been performed before. Or perhaps… it is indeed sacred thing that’s being blown… LOL!! Sorry… Friday mood kicking in…

Since Friday is here, I have a story to share…

There was a cat crossing a bridge one day. While crossing, it took a glimpse down the stream and saw a sausage. Naturally, the cat jumped down and dragged the sausage to dry land. It got itself wet but it was worth it as it had a good meal.

On the second day, as the cat was crossing the same bridge, it saw a sausage in the stream again but this time, the sausage is bigger than the one yesterday! Without a thought, the cat jumped in and since the sausage was a little bigger, it took a while for the cat to drag it off the stream. As it spent quite an amount of time in the water, it got itself really wet but again, it was worth it, the sausage was just delicious.

On the third day, the same cat crossing the same river saw a really huge sausage down in the stream and the cat just could not resist!!! It jumped down and tried to drag it into dry land. It struggled as this big sausage was really huge and heavy. But this big of meat was motivating enough to make the cat endure the cold water. After a considerable amount of time, it succeeded. The cat was totally drenched! But it was definitely worth it, this huge sausage was definitely worth it.

What do you think is the morale of the story?

Have a blissful weekend!

Updated 1: After 2 comments, I think I need to give a clue… think Friday.

Update 2: The morale to the story is... the bigger the sausage... the wetter the pussy. But it can variates though. One good morale is big sausage + wet pussy = a very good time.

Ecologically yours

Feeling rather fatigue today and need sleep and hence, going to take an easy way out. Have you taken the ecological test yet?

Do take it here.

Mine was 2.4 planets.
Someone left a comment asking me to blog about the environment. Well, let's just say it's in the pipeline.

How many footprints did you leave behind? How many planet(s) is needed if everyone is to live life like you?