How are things on your side of life? I hope you still drop by occasionally on my side to catch a glimpse of me or something.
If you have been dropping by, you would have known that I have done something you have always wanted me to do… get married. Julia has been a wonderful wife and how I wish you were around during our fairytale wedding dinner.
But amidst the wonderful celebration, I feel that I have not done what I should be doing, that is to truly mourn your death. I am really not sure if the 49 days of vegetarian was sufficient. Right after that, I proposed and all I did was preparing myself for the wedding and to a certain extent, I lived my life as if you have been gone for the longest time already. Despite me constantly saying I miss you, my actions did not seem agreeable.
I know you are a person who holds strong to customs and if dad was the one who moved on, I don’t think I would be married by today. You would probably want me to keep the mourning period properly adhered to.
But anyway, I have done it and I hope you are happy. I also know that you have been wanting to have a grandchild to play with. With things progressing lately, I am really not sure if that is even possible now. I am confused, with so many thoughts trapped in my mind that sometimes, I feel I am drowning beneath them all.
Things on my side have been rather rough lately. Although I don’t really tell you things about my life when you were around but now, I feel the sudden need to just let all things out to you. It breaks my heart knowing that you are not here to listen to me. At this moment in time, I feel that no one is listening to me besides God.
I once remembered you telling me that the journey that I will go through is still so long but things might have just taken a twist. I don’t know, my mind is jumping between high and low that I can't even talk straight at the moment.
It’s Mothers’ Day tomorrow and I wish I could take you to another vegetarian restaurant just like how I took you 2 years ago. I knew you were very happy with the place I took you then as you told cousin about it and was very proud of me. Well, at least I made you proud then.
Not exactly a very happy note to you in this motherly season but I guess I really wanted you to know that. Wish I could give you a hug and hear you calling me by the name that is almost foreign by me already.
I guess there isn’t exactly an appropriate gift to you in this occasion. As such, I would like to dedicate my 300th entry to you. So Happy Mothers’ Day and I want you to know that you are still very much alive in my thoughts.