Manglish or Engrish or ... whatever

For some very strange reason, I can log on to blogger though my office has blocked blogpost for a couple of weeks. So I am now in a bizarre situation where I can blog from my blogger home page but unable to view my blogspot page... bizarre isn’t it?

Anyway…

There are a lot of hoo-haas going around about some decision where some subjects in some school at some level will now be taught in BM instead of English. I am not going to blog about it, at least not in a serious manner. It’s Friday and I don’t want to stress my brain.

But speaking about the command of English, did you watch the repeat of MJ’s memorial service on Wednesday night, shown on 8TV?

For the uninformed, 8TV was having this thing where one can sms your farewell note to MJ to 8TV and it will broadcasted on 8TV during the memorial. And ya’ know, all the sms-es were written in English… errr… I mean… Engrish, or Mangrish (or whatever you want to call it).

And there they were… farewell notes to MJ… displayed on national television… written by people whose country is still thinking on whether English should be a compulsory “pass” in SPM… atrocious would be an understatement.

But the gem of them all has to be… “Mecheal Jakson, I am u biggest fan. I will miss u”

I seriously wonder if MJ does understand most notes posted there.

And ya’ know what? During Madonna’s memorial service (no offence, just an example), Malaysians will be sending messages like…

“Maradona, I am u biggest fan. I will miss u”


1 year ago… Teens raised dead baby in Guatemala… Gym tales – female version

2 years ago… Orgasm comparison

Do you know you work for the bank?

I think many of us are aware that banks make profit by charging you interest on your borrowings. Those lacking self-control on credit card spending will know exactly what I mean. But do you know how exactly does it work?

Banking operations are highly complex. There are many way a bank can make profit but for today, let us just focus on loans. And as always, let me put it in a very simple manner…

Let’s say there is this bank, called Z-Bank. In this bank, 100 depositors place fixed deposit of $50,000 each, totalling $5m. If Z-Bank just keeps the money, they will have to pay the customers interest which is a cost. Naturally, Z-Bank will take this $5m and lend to others to make profit.

Let’s say the entire $5m is then lent to John to buy a house and John said he will repay the loan in 30 years, which is a common tenure for a home loan. Let’s say John begins to pay mortgages from the first year and the amount paid by him on the first year was $300,000.

For those who have no idea about home loan; the answer is yes, the total amount that you need to repay to the bank after the entire tenure is very likely to be almost double (or more) of the original amount borrowed by you, depending on the interest rate. In this case, John will need to repay $9m in 30 years to Z-Bank. That’s life…

Now, under recognised accounting principle, Z-Bank will need to segregate the $300,000 into principal and interest. Principal refers to the original $5m lent out to John and interest refers to Z-Bank’s income. The exact splitting mechanism is complicated, but I am not exaggerating when I say that the interest portion recognised as income in the $300,000 paid by John could be as high as $250,000, thanks to accounting principle.

From this “income” of $250,000, let’s say Z-Bank pay interest to the 100 depositors and other costs amounting to $150,000. This means there is a profit of $100,000! From this $100,000, the bankers will declare that they make huge profit and pay bonuses.

But wait, let us take a step back…

A total of $5,000,000 was lent out. Only $300,000 was collected. Z-Bank has not even recover 10% of the money lent out, how can it declare that it has made a profit and started paying huge salary and bonuses?

Well my friend, the banks have been doing this for years. And if you seriously think accountants are square, think again! Mind you, if John goes bankrupt and fails to pay the balance $4.7m, it is the govt who guarantees the deposits that will have to pay the money back to the depositors, not those who have taken profits.

Have you ever heard of the saying… “We all work for the bank”? It simply means…

You work and with your salary, you pay your car and home loan, giving profits to the bank. After your spending, you place the balance in the bank as savings, giving more “principal” for the bank to make more profits. And if a bank goes bankrupt, the govt will save the bank by giving bail-out money; using that portion of your salary called… tax.

P/S: Some of you will probably comment… “Zewt, does that mean we shouldn’t place our money in the bank anymore?” My answer will be… This post is to enlighten you on some knowledge of life, not telling you what and what not to do.

1 year ago… 5 things I failed to fathom… A change in dominant language

That 10 + 5 that you pay

I realised a lot of people are actually quite confused about that additional “++” that you pay when you eat at a restaurant. The general understanding is that they are “govt tax”. But do you really know what exactly it is that you are paying for? Allow me to enlighten you.

The “++” is made up of 2 components.

The first component is “service charge”, usually at 10%. This is NOT a tax. In fact, there is actually no law to say that you must pay this amount. This additional 10% is what the restaurants charge you for the service you receive, namely; taking of your order, laying the towel on your lap, replenishing your water, recommending dishes to you, making you stand on the chair as the birthday song is sung to you, etc.

One should ask, does the additional 10% that you pay match the service that you receive? How many times have we been served by foreign waiters who have no idea of the dishes being served? Some can hardly pronounce the dishes in the menu.

There was once I was at this quite up-class restaurant and we asked the waiter whether this particular dish has got cheese, she just stared blankly at us. When we repeated our questions, her reply was … “I from Myanmar”. This is quite an up-class restaurant which charged us 10% of the bill for such service.

In effect, this 10% is to cover the restaurants’ labour cost in employing waiters to serve you. But you and I know that these labour costs have already been factored into the price of the dishes. Top that up with the I-from-Myanmar type of service, this 10% can be quite a rip-off. But then again, we are rich Malaysians who make a lot of money and since it’s for food, we just pay without asking.

The second component is “service tax”, at 5%. This IS tax. You are legally obligated to pay this under the Service Tax Act, 1975. And here is something you should know…

Previously, restaurants located outside hotels with an annual turnover (i.e. revenue, not profit) of RM300,000 are required to be licensed and collect this 5% service tax from their customers. Effective 1 July 2008, the threshold of RM300,000 was increased to RM3m. [Source: Service Tax (Amendments) Regulations 2008 – PU(A) 216/2008]

This effectively means for restaurants located outside hotel, only those with an annual turnover of RM3m should be charging service tax. So what if you happened to eat at a restaurant which you don’t think is making RM3m in turnover per annum and you are made to pay this 5% service tax?

Well, chances are this restaurant was licensed under the old rule (i.e. RM300,000 threshold) and lazy to go to the Customs and revoke its service tax licence. Since the people paying the additional 5% are you and me, these business people just couldn’t be bothered.

But all if not lost as you can put in a complain at the Customs if you seriously think a particular restaurant not making RM3m a year is charging 5% service tax. One thing though, don’t judge a restaurant by its set up. There are some very old looking coffee shops making millions every year.

And remember, you can only make a complaint if it’s service tax and not service charge. I hope you all have an idea on what’s the difference by now.

3 Jackson lessons

I am not exactly a fan so when I was told about his death, I was not overwhelmed with sorrow. No doubt, he was, and still is the best performer of his generation. But he also gave me the impression that he is somewhat a freak. One my Mom used to term as “yan em chi yan, gwai em chi kwai”, translated as “doesn’t look like human yet doesn’t look like ghost.

But after his death, many, including myself got to read more about his life. And, having seen a documentary about his lifetime, I actually felt quite sad for him. Not for his death, but rather for the life he lived.

I think there are 3 crucial lessons that we can draw from his life, which eventually led to a tragic death.

Lesson 1

His life should serve as a warning to parents who are robbing their children of a normal childhood. For all his talent, MJ was never allowed to grow as a child, or experience the joy of a normal teenager. From the very beginning, all he got was grooming on how to be a good entertainer.

“Neverland”, a strong attachment with Peter Pan, private video clips of him acting like a child, dubbed as someone who is overly fragile… all point towards a man who missed being a child. So if you are one of those “kiasu” parents who are sending your child to school and tuition and then force them to learn a new language and learn piano and learn violin and learn sports and expect them to excel in every single thing… beware!

Lesson 2

My Mom was not alone, there are tonnes of other people who gave MJ all sorts of names. And I am sure many of us here have received a classic forwarded e-mail comparing MJ’s look to an ape. Fans and foes alike, we have all made a mockery of his life.

But now that he is dead… suddenly we only see the good things about him. Suddenly, everyone is a Michael Jackson’s biggest fan. Besides an overdose of typical human hypocrisy, I suppose we can all learn that in life, one will only be seen as a wonderful person when one is dead.

Lesson 3

MJ’s life is the perfect epitome of a famous theme in AZAIG… “Modern Slavery”. Though heavily in debt, several reports claimed that MJ never agreed to do 50 concerts. It was not him, but rather those who will profit most from his concerts that urged him to do 50. Some reports even claimed that he was threatened into doing it.

We may all stand on this side of his world and envy his superstar status, but it does not eliminate the fact that there was a strong element of “modern slavery”. If you are good at what you do, profit oriented corporations will just squeeze the life out of you in the name of money. Never fall in love with your employers.

For what is worth, I am glad he can finally have his eternal rest.

1 year ago… Do you have a sweaty chest?

2 years ago… KY (A+B+2C) + KY

Sex 101: Basic instructions are essential

Case 1

A couple for married and after 3 years of marriage, the wife still failed to conceive. They started talking to friends and exchange ideas on the timing and technique of performing the bedroom-deeds in order to improve the chance of getting a child. Despite all that, there was no result. Not even a hint of result.

Left with no choice, they decided to seek medical help. A fertility test on the husband showed that he was perfectly normal. But lo and behold, the doctor’s examination on the wife showed that she was… still a virgin!

Apparently, the effort to create new soul turned futile as the pole has been entering the wrong hole.

I know it’s bizarre but hey, did you read the news about this German guy who is suing his neighbour whom he employed to have sex with his wife because he failed to impregnate his wife? Like I said… anything is possible in this world…

Case 2

This case is real because it was relayed to me by the relative of the couple…

Quite the same thing… a couple got married and after a couple of years, the wife failed to conceive. In this case though, they were really shy and did not talk about their predicament with their friends. They decided to seek medical help immediately, which turned out to be a very wise decision.

The consultation started out normally with the usual what’s-your-problem question and as the doctor probed further asking how the couple has been performing in bed, the reply from the wife was…

“Buat apa? Kita tidur bersama-sama lah?” (Do what? We just sleep together.)

Apparently, this couple had absolutely no idea that a new soul can only be created when the pole enters the hole followed by an in-out motion which will lead to the production of a white lotion. They believe a child is born by merely sleeping together.

On hindsight, this couple produced a dozen children after the consultation.

1 year ago… A time travelling twist

2 years ago… The 6-months journey… transformers there, transforming here

P/S: Many thanks to iamthewitch for the Uber Amazing Blog Award. It’s always good to get awards :)

1 of the 50 facts

Honestly speaking, I have never finished reading a book. The closest was Tuesdays with Morrie. But this changed about a month ago when I picked up a book from my sis-in-law’s room. The title of the book was “50 facts that should change the world” by Jessica Williams.

Therein lies much information that will make you think about life and how screwed up we are. This book inspired me to write Disparities Insanities Inhumanities, most of the stats I quoted in that post are from this book.

Having said that, humans are forgetful selfish creatures. We tend to forget meaningful and heart warming things in life and only care about issues that directly affect us. So put aside the facts about how many people are deprived of food, robbed of their lives, deprived of their rights, etc. Probably that’s why the book is called “50 facts that should change the world” and not “50 facts that will change the world”.

So let’s put on our true selfish nature and talk about 1 fact that directly affects us.

1 of the facts in that book states that people in industrialised countries eat between 6kg and 7kg of food additives every year. We Malaysians may not be living in what is considered as an “industrialised country”, but I am sure our intake of food additives is close enough.

If you look at the ingredient list a typical “Made in Malaysia” type of food produce, you should see things that you are familiar with and then at the end of it, you have the mother of all ingredients… “…dan bahan pewarna dan pengawet yang dibenarkan” (permitted colouring and preservatives). So on average, you may have eaten up to 7kg of these “pewarna dan pengawet yang dibenarkan”.

That’s the Malaysia Boleh type of product.

I am now looking at a product of Singapore and they have some extra-terrestrial-like name in their ingredients such as Sodium Sillicoaluminate, Sodium Casseinate, Stabiliser E340ii, Stabiliser E451i, Emulsifier E 472e, Emulsifier E471 and 7 more names which I can’t pronounce. This will certainly fail the 2nd commandment of 12C 4 HE, but I am sure many of us don’t care.

We might say the Singaporeans are “kiasu” as they must list out everything instead of saving printing cost and just lump everything as “pewarna dan pengawet yang dibenarkan” but at least they know the name of the stuff they are eating. For those who eat Malaysian products, do you even know what you are eating?

That aside, we all know that all sorts of chemicals and additives exist in our food and they are of course, maintained at a “permissible” level. But like the good ‘ol Malay saying… “Sikit-sikit, lama-lama jadi bukit” (little by little, soon becomes a hill), the accumulative amount of chemicals and additives that we eat is astonishing. The “bukit” that we are talking about here is a total of 6kg to 7kg a year.

In a world where profits is the number 1 priority, you have no idea what is inside the food that you eat to make them look better, taste better and last longer. All I know is that when I am thirsty, I should reach for water instead of a proclaimed thirst quenching fizzy drink.

But we all know what we should do, whether we will do it is another matter altogether.


1 year ago… More struggles

Why the KL Standard Chartered Marathon is truly a Malaysian marathon

It was the 10km run. As runners reaches Lebuhraya Mahameru, a Perodua Kancil came into the runners’ route. The car should not be there to begin with but the driver got the guts to honk, asking drivers to make way for him. Runners began to jeer at the driver, who has clearly disregarded the road-block. The jeering attracted the attention of a traffic police.

Just as we thought the driver was going to be in trouble, the police whistled and asked the runners to make way for the car… in the middle of a supposedly cordoned-off 10km run route.


1 year ago… Acts for reflection and sincerity of love

2 years ago… Blogging under the influence of alcohol… What’s your answer? … When the ‘if’ turns real… Closure and coffee man

Some Malaysians are brainless morons

Classic example of why some Malaysians are brainless moronic car whores…

“Wah, so hot lah! So hazy too! I wish it will rain. Please God, let it rain!”
And it rained…
“Freaking hell, why must it rain!!?? Stupid rain cause the bad traffic jam!”


Classic example of why some Malaysians are brainless moronic food whores.

“Wah, the haze so bad lah…”
“Yeah, very bad eh? Klang is worse!”
“We must not go out often. Must remain indoor as much as we can. Haze very bad for health lah”
“Agree!”

Lunch time…

“Let’s go! Makan time!” (Makan = eat)
“OK, where”
“Let’s have siew-yok today” (siew-yok = roast pork)
“Huh? It’s outdoor lah. Very hazy, go somewhere indoor lah”
“Haze what haze? It’s siew-yok OK!”
“OK let’s go”


1 year ago… 30 things we learned when we turn 30

Tambah Satu...

Bila tiba hari Rabu
Sampainya tiga-puluh campur satu
Adalah harapan harijadi aku
Bahawa semua sihat selalu


Tahun dulu… A page before 30

Between pride and necessity

I met up for lunch with a good friend of mine who happened to be in town today. This particular friend of mine is from Germany and believe me when I say that he is very proud of his country’s achievement and position amongst the Europe elite.

When you talked about European economy, he will tell you how well is Germany doing. Also, he is one who takes a lot of pride in German product. When I travelled to Cambodia with him a few years ago, he used only Germany made moisturiser and sun-block. His toiletries are also mostly German made. In the lunch today, he talked about how he went on a German made high-speed train when he visited Shanghai a few months ago.

He is one German who takes much pride of his German pedigree.

Naturally, the conversation we had today led to the quality of cars and we all know that luxury cars such as Benz and BMW are from Germany. And so he talked about such cars are really quality. One must also realise that VolksWagen is also a very good German made car.

It was that point that I mentioned to him that I have been thinking of changing my car for a while now. When asked which car, I told him… BMW, and I wasn’t pulling his leg.

“Zewt, what is wrong with you? Have you got too much money that you don’t know how to spend?”

Naturally, I was shock to hear such a comment from him. Here I am supporting his country’s product that he seems to believe that I should do otherwise?

“Yeah, it’s a good car, but doesn’t mean you have to get it. Your car now is perfectly fine”

He has a point, my car now is fine actually. A new car for me right now is more like a want than a need. But what surprised me most is that this very proud German friend of mine actually thinks that I should not get a German made car.

He went to say that though the car is quality, the current car that I am having now is serving its purpose perfectly. But what is most enlightening is that this particular friend of mine could draw a clear line between taking pride and necessity.

But for most Malaysians, owing something luxurious, though not a necessity, gave them a sense of pride, isn’t it?


1 year ago… Healing of the soul

2 years ago… Those typo experiences… A glimpse from the other side… A Zimbabwean tale… Good or bad, let it out

He asked 5 times

Ben and Jen are of the same age and have been dating each other for quite some time. For some very strange reason, it was Jen who seemed to be afraid of committing to the relationship. She made it quite clear to Ben that she will only marry him when she reaches 30. Uncommon isn’t it? Not to Jen.

Uncommonly amongst the uncommon, it was Ben who wanted to commit. And so, at the age of 26, after dating for quite a number of years; Ben bought an engagement ring and planned a romantic marriage proposal. I shall not go into the details but needless to say, Jen turned him down. She reiterated that she only wants to tie the knot at 30.

So Ben had with him a ring and a girlfriend who will not marry him for at least 5 years. What did Ben do?

Some may call it true love… Ben proposed to Jen every year, and Jen rejected Ben every year all the way till she was 29. Can you imagine… for 4 consecutive years, Ben will go on his knees… take out the ring (the same ring)… proposed……… and got rejected. Absolutely amazing…

When Jen finally reaches 30… guess what Ben did?
And on a related note, would you have done what Ben did?


1 year ago… Pelbagai lawak menuntut rebat

2 years ago… From poll result to postcard and a study

The 500th rhyme

And so, I have reached the half a millennium landmark. It has taken me 2 years 5 months and 18 days of blogging to reach here. Along the way, I have amassed a total of 349,688 hits (at the point of writing). Of course, I have also made quite a number of friends during the journey. You know who you are…

I think I have gone through a typical blogging life… which is…

You start a blog
You only want to pen your thoughts
Then you install a hits clock
As hits grow, you begin to love your hits log

Desire to get more hits commence
Next come desire for more comments
Hence you read others like days got no end
Before you know it, you’re part of the trend

Next is the craze for technorati ranking
To get up the ladder, you strive for more links
Crank up some jokes to get people laughing
Attention leads to links, that’s what you’re hoping

Then you might touch a bit on politic
For the happenings around make you sick
But we only scream and complain behind a nick
While many refuse to go the ballot to put a tick

Technorati ranking, hits and plentiful links
Will make you think you have achieved fame
But in reality, it means close to nothing
It’s merely a blogging world type of masturbating

As you pull your thoughts back together
You realised you are nothing but just another blogger
Hits and comments grow lesser and lesser
But you’ll feel it doesn’t really matter

You just know it in your bone
That only a small fraction in the virtual world you own
As you count this 500th milestone
It matters to no one but you alone

Ya’ know, there is really one thing that I really want to know. How did you first stumble upon As Zewt As It Gets? Friend’s link? PPS? I visited your blog? How? Tell me…