Monday, 30 June 2008

More struggles

A friend of Jules’ family called and said he has colon cancer. This sort of sparked a sudden need to get our colon-scope done. Mothers of 2 friends of mine have just gone through surgery for cancer and are now currently receiving treatment. 2 of my friends had cancer scare a few months ago.

I was at the clinic this morning seeking treatment for my injured toe and one lady walked out of the room telling her friends that the doctor suspects something. Another girl went in and came out needed to take x-ray and she wasn’t really looking very happy.

Such things never use to affect me, not at all. Maybe it’s because I have not had that many people around me getting sick. But things have certainly changed. Is it because I have suddenly come to realisation of the fragility of life? Or have I reached an age where such things are common and will become more pertinent in times to come… ?

One thing for sure, life is fragile and in the light of our current environment, the food we eat, the air we breath… and top that up with the attitude we carry, there may already be cracks.

After all the good feelings I had in the past weeks, I am now again being brought back to earth and will be heading to a specialist clinic again tomorrow for consultation on another medical complication. Why can't I just be healthy…?
While I sit here and struggle between faith in God and limited medical knowledge I have that clouds my human understanding, I feel lost… longing for that mustard seed size faith. The anxiety I had a just a few months ago seems so near again. I am awaken in the middle of the night, panting for breath… heart raced. I wonder if the struggles and the fights for what seems to be a bright future are worthwhile.

Hebrews 11:1
“Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of things you do not see”

What if you don’t even know what exactly you’re hoping for? What if… at times… at the back of your mind, you hope for death?

I truly wish that all your people out there will have the pinkest of health.

39 comments:

pinknpurplelizard said...

When one hopes, one always hopes for the best. If one hopes for otherwise then he/she should seek counsel for depression. We do not know what the future hold thus the 'you do not see part' :) which is why life is so interesting.

p/s Heb 11:1 is one of my fav verses.

pinknpurplelizard said...

Forgot to add that life can be scary also but still interesting la... Hehe...

Morpheus said...

Zewt, congratulations! You've reached a crucial crossroads in your life! You can take the Blue Pill and remain embedded in the 3D Matrix of Death, Decay and Debt... or swallow the Red Pill and awaken to the infinite dimensions within and without you. Between Consciousness and Blind Faith, the choice is simple: choose Consciousness and you will have to take on more and more "responsability" for your own reality... but you will ultimately reclaim your freedom and sovereignty as an evolving soul. Choose Blind Faith and remain forever bamboozled by artificial belief systems programmed by a cabal of black magicians posing as priests.

Seaqueen said...

Yes. I wish you the pinkest of health and hope that everything's alright.

day-dreamer said...

I wish you the pinkest of health too.

Dan-yel said...

Don't you worry Zewt. You'll be alright. :) I'm sure.

aamyy said...

Remember, faith resides in your heart and your mind must cooperate and work together with your heart so that you will soar above all your worries and concern. Will keep you in prayers, bro!

rainbow angeles said...

i hope it's nothing serious.. all the best..

sugarbaby said...

you'll be alright~ ya know wat, when i was 15 years old,i got a vvv weird disease, i tot i will die since that was a series of pains and miseries,i'd been sent in & out the hospital..NOW..still alive.. healthy...no worries lar~ :)

pavlova said...

hey zewt, sometimes life brings us struggles to reminds us of certain things.

one is perhaps to appreciate what we have at present and continue to make the best out of it.
sometimes it is also to test ourselves, to remind us not to be too complacent about life etc.

whatever it is, seek comfort in God, talk to Him, but at the same time (as hard as this sounds, do try to appreciate what you've got at the moment, the good bits anyway)

suituapui said...

Clinics and hospitals are the most depressing places to be. I know...cos I spent months there while keeping my mum company when she was admitted. But, if one looks at it another away, give praise to God that one is all right...and pray that He is merciful. Btw, to avoid colon cancer, have to detoxify regularly and at other times, drink green tea.

Huei said...

I wish that u have the pinkest of health too.

u should try n take it easy, stressing urself, and feeling depressed wun make things better. take care okies..just do wut u can..wut the docs ask u to do..n the usual..drink more water, eat healthier food, and i'm sure u'll be okie.

*hUGz*

take cares!!

HuntressMoon said...

take care. =)

me said...

well then, ask yourself what you did for your body 10 years ago? was it your best friend?

zewt said...

pinknpurplelizard - so i might be having depression after all... i shall try to look for the interesting stuff for now.

Morpheus - hey, welcome to AZAIG. faith sometimes... have to be blind... sometimes.

Seaqueen - thanks... hope so.

day-dreamer - :) thanks.

Dan-yel - that's very encouraging.

aamyy - indeed... doubt begins in the head.

zewt said...

rainbow angeles - hope so too.

sugarbaby - well... good for you. all the more you should cherish life ! :)

pavlova - Yes, God has been real but it is still a struggle... it's always bad when u have too much knowledge.

suituapui - how to detoxify regularly? cant be just drinking green tea right?

huei - yeah... drink more water and no alcohol... thanks.

huntressMoon - thanks.

me - indeed... it has not... yes and no i guess.

CarolineL said...

My grandmother of 80 was diagnosed with breasts cancer. The first sentence that came out from her mouth was "I'll leave this to God". A week has passed since her surgery and she's recuperating very well. All thanks to the Almighty One.

Grace be with you too.

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

i think its the years of accumulating isnt? dont worry..30 is the new 20..im sure all this is just temporary and will heal in due time..

take care la dude..its been awhile since we caught up..go for a coffee? (good way to detox)

lingzie said...

hey zewt... i do hope you're alright.
and that you will find that faith that you seek.

i too need to have a lot of faith right now. its not easy, having faith. especially when things get daunting and threaten to go terribly wrong.

take care yeah! waiting for more posts to come. :)

Happysurfer said...

Feeling unwell over an extended period can be depressing and negative thoughts can surface. The fact remains that things will work out in the end, you'll see. I hope you will be well again in the quickest time, Zewt.

Talk about detoxification, some friends of mine are just as we speak in the process of undergoing detoxification. The process takes about a week. Let me get the action plan from them and I shall post it.

Kenny Mah // Life for Beginners said...

My brother, I wish you the best of health and for you to be well and overcome this.

Btw, I've heard good things about detoxification as well but also that one shouldn't do it too often as it is an intrusive procedure and may damage the body, which is reverse of what one might hope to achieve.

Caffenny Tan said...

Get well soon

andrew said...

lol!! zewt get own domain!! yeay!! finally!! and best of health ya!! pray to God...

myop101 said...

dear zewt,

if you read the context from which you quote the verse, the things you should hope for lies not in our mortal flesh and desires.

sickness and death are part and parcel of life. as a former patient, i only know too well. but like i said, learn to cherish the living and the loved ones around you. there will come a time when we too must return home.

but let's live a meaningful life today and everyday...:)

Zawi said...

zewt,
I am 58 years young. I consider myself living the bonus years. Many of my peers knock off when they were younger mainly due to cardiac arrest.
Make the best of your life and make people happy cos in a way you will make yourself happy too.
May you always be healthy.

drumsticks said...

Zewt, really hope you'll get better soon.

How about changing your diet to organic fruits and vegs? read testimonies from book about wheat grass, lots of organic fruit juice and veges.. they help people feel better and improve their health.

Happysurfer said...

I agree with Kenny Mah. Anything in excess is counter-productive. Make people happy as what Zawi said is wonderful to adopt, so is be kind to everyone we meet because everyone is fighting his own private battle. Be well, Zewt.

3POINT8 said...

Death is not such a bad thing, yes?
After all, those who passed away never complained how bad the afterlife is....

Anyway, i'm have a feeling that this is a bad time to say this to you. But i'm gonna try my luck anyway.
Basically, a bunch of small time bloggers are trying to start something that compiles the few of the most thought provoking and witty blogpost in one place. And I was hoping that you would join us considering your are famed as a "thinker". I sure hope you'll drop me a mail @ jommakan@gmail.com

Anyway, cheer up! Life goes on, yes?

mar said...

Zewt,I hope u have insurance. If not life,medical at least...I know it's not gonna make u feel better but at least it's a financial-wellness (is such word exists)...
I forgot where this verse is but it goes something like this:
"Those who are filled with the Holy Spirit go wherever the wind (God's plan) blows them"
God bless you Zewt...Trust in HIM above all things...

zewt said...

CarolineL - hi there, welcome to AZAIG. Amen to that... Amen to that!!!

constant craver joe - after my half year reporting dude. i promise u.

lingzie - yeah, i certainly got what you mean.

happysurfer - been wanting to do all that... maybe i shuld really look into it. yah... hope to read your detox remedy.

Kenny Mah - am looking forward to doing one bro... need discipline.

Caffenny Tan - hey there. Welcome to AZAIG. will do... thanks :)

zewt said...

andrew - will do... :)

myop101 - yeah... which is why i am now insisting on some things... u will find out what they are soon.

zawi - 58 is definitely young and surely... our heart is a tender organ we must strive to preserve. here is to many years to come!

drumsticks - yeah... i have been eating really healthily lately... certainly not me.

3POINT8 - sure... will drop you a mail.

mar - i am learning how to surrender everything to Him and not worry... not easy... but i think it is do-able.

Yvonne Foong said...

I am not there yet. But I think you feel this way when you are living for people. You may be living for your partner, your dependent parents, your children... and that fear of not being able to privde, leaving them in troubles, cares you. I see it in my mom.

gina said...

Yvonne is right. I guess we always live for other people, that is why it scares the living daylight out of us.

I have been quite a selfish person. I have been having hypertension for over 5 years now.. and I didn't do anything about my health.

I should get a slap on my head to get healthy!

Anyway, I don't really bother now. Now what I do.. I live to the fullest. Spend time with the family, being goofy in the office at the same time, do proper work lah.. and do basically whatever I want... and yes.. I even wrote a will.

I wish you good health too, Zewt. Hope God reveals Himself in the times you need Him the most.

KittyCat said...

Good idea to get it done and find out, whatever it may be.

I agree with yout that healthy folks tend not to think or worry about health.

Anyways...I'm sure you know or hear of many folks out there who struggle AND succeed with every imaginable ailment.

I will post about one such success story (who is actively helping others see the bright side) on my book blog soon...

In the meantime, go figure out your template. And if you find a problem-free one, please let me know!

Been changing templates more than I change diapers :P

sharlydia said...

I'm not sure wat complication are u into, but pls dont lose ur faith in God. I'm sure u know wat u'r hoping for, and surely NOT DEATH! Dont u hope for good health so u can spend rest of the happy moments with Jules? Dont u hope for God to come to your rescue each time u need Him there? Hold on to your faith, and I'm sure God is out there watching u...

littlepolaris said...

When u need any medical help, I'll be all ear to u. Just msn me or drop me a msg somewhere.

zewt said...

yvonne foong - well... we still need to live for something at the end of the day. and i guess... God is tellng me... that it should be Him.

gina - heyy... do some exercise and drink some celery juice in the morning, it certainly helps. u know... hypertension can lead to a lot of other things... trust me, you dont want to screw up your health.

KittyCat - hahaha... yeah, why you change so often lah... until commenting is a problem... aiyooo...

sharlydia - faith restored... my 40days with him will make me even stronger i am sure.

littlepolaris - hey... thanks :)

Andrew said...

I was also recently searching about issues of faith in God. Mainly about trust. I came about an article by Christian evangelist Benny Hinn who said that faith is something that you cannot cause by yourself. Its not something you "can do" by your will power or effort. Faith, he says, is given by the Holy Spirit. There is nothing you can do to earn it. I suppose I can just pray and beg for the power of faith and hope I get it.

zewt said...

andrew - very profound. but faith must start from us i guess. it's also true that the Holy Spirit can grant us more faith.