They clever... or I stupid?

I dunno about you, but I feel damn stupid today. No, not because I did something overly foolish, but I feel stupid by reading, reading the news to be exact. Reading can make someone stupid? Of course it’s possible! That’s when you read about super intelligent people.

During the time when I took my SPM, getting straight As means something in the region of 8, 9 or 10. I took 10 subjects, and I was struggling like hell… ok la, I didn’t really study much, just enjoy my final days of schooling life. But that’s not the point here. My point is, kids are taking 17,18 and 19 subjects in SPM and they are actually producing results… incredible results!

Check out the geniuses of today:
It’s incredible, that kid at the bottom left actually said getting 16As was not enough, as he missed out on 1. And that kid at the bottom right, “only” got 18As instead. Woooahhhh…. Only 18!!! Only 18!!! Like so damn little!

I am very curious to know, how the hell do you study for 19 subjects in school? I mean, school starts at 7.30am and ends at 1.15pm, hat was during my days, not sure if that’s the case now, do enlighten me if I am wrong. If the hours are more or less the same, how the hell do you squeeze 19 subjects into those 5 days week of approximately 6 hours a day? How many hours do they spend on a subject in school a day? Someone, please do enlighten me.

Ya’ know, if they really just spend 1 or 2 hours on a particular subject a week… wooaaah!!… then I feel even more stupid. People of my time used to spend 5 – 6 hours a week on a subject, and you throw in all the tuition, all the tips from con-man tuition centre, we were dying just to get perhaps… 6 – 7 As? Ok la… me and mates were busy playing computer games then… but still!

So, what’s the reason for the As galore?

1) SPM standard has dropped tremendously?
2) Kids in the last decade (you and I) are stupid not so brilliant?
3) Kids nowadays are really brilliant?
4) Con-man tuition centre finally giving accurate tips?

Take your pick.

Also, I am curious to know, why in the world would someone take so damn many subjects?

1) They are kiasu?
2) Their parents are kiasu?
3) Parents and kids both kiasu?
4) Trying to prove and you and I are stupid?
5) They are really trying to prove their brilliance?

Ok, let us all pause for a moment and give them the benefit of the doubt. Let’s just say that they are really brilliant… let’s just say our country’s education system is really producing geniuses… then….
1) How come the number of the unemployed graduates keeps increasing?
2) Why are employers nowadays keep complaining about the low quality of graduates?
3) Why do I have to work with stupid juniors in my first job?

Alright, perhaps I am being too judgemental, this is just SPM, shouldn’t relate them to graduates. But really, I have dealt with junior staff in my first job who was a top SPM student (with more As than me) and a top graduate… but that junior was just so stupid and totally incompetent.

So are kids nowadays the new breed of geniuses? Or are they just a bunch who only knows how to transfer words from text books to exam sheet. I dunno… you tell me.

How to be famous amongst women... real quick...

Do you wanna be famous? More specifically… if you’re a man, do you wanna be famous amongst women? Things you should have or do in order to be hot amongst women:

1. Looks like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise; and/or
2. Be as rich as Billl Gates; and/or
3. Be extremely intelligent; and/or
4. Have a long dick.

Basically, if you satisfy the above, chances are you will most probably be the talking point of women. But let’s say you’re ugly… you’re old… and so happen you have a pea size dick and/or brain, don’t worry, there’s hope for you! Just say all bloggers are liars AND claim that 80% of unemployed bloggers are women.

No kidding mate! Latest statistics show making such statement will make you an instant hit amongst women. Within 2 days, no less than 60+ women bloggers will put your name in their blog. Damn famous right? Even if Zewt looks like Brad Pitt, as rich as Bill Gate, is a damn smart ass and have a long dick, don’t think that many women will blog about Zewt in such a short period of time.

There you go… this is the latest “Skim Cepat Famous” in our beloved country.

Warning: As all bloggers are liar, this entry could be is a lie.

I was at the party

A little not so serious entry…

When I introduced myself the man a.k.a. wingz, he said “oh, you’re the one who can't make up his mind… and I f**k you kau kau to call you to come!”

Yeah, I was in caught in 2 minds on whether I should attend the just ended blogger gathering. You know, though official office hour ends at 5pm on a Friday, but we all know, as a modern slave, we can't just leave sharp at 5pm.

Anyway, I am glad I made a decision to go and me and my gf had an enjoyable time. Besides the food and the prices, I made the following discoveries…

Me and my gf thought we will be in the company of people in their early 20s, we were wrong… so wrong! There are many bloggers who are… well… let’s just say… more matured than you think they are. Matured is good… means they are wise people. Thus, we should read their blogs… those matured people with blogs are…. … on second thought… think it's not wise to name the ‘matured’ blogger.

There’s this guy who is my senior in secondary school, and he is actually the guy who owns arguably one of the nicely titled blog. He is zeroimpact. I remember him as a gangster in school… you know… those ‘hah hah bah bah’ type… zeroimpact, you’re not going to bash me up… are you? Anyway, seems like you’re doing very well now… good la. Don’t bash me up ok?

When I first read this blog… it has quite a heavy Malaysian flavour in it. Never crossed my mind that the blogger behind it is a ‘kwai lo’! Now that I know he is a white guy, I realised he did review his identity in his blog, just that I am oblivious about it. should have been more observant.

And of course, the organising chairman… wingz… didn’t really expect him to look like that. No no no…. that is not an insult ok… I meant never expect him to be so yau ying! And so … commanding!
Basically, one just can't put a face behind a blog for if you try to do that with your own imagination… you are definitely in for a surprise. One thing though… that fella behind kukujiao.com does have a k*k*jiao… that’s for sure.

All in all, it was a nice party to get to know people and an eye opening experience… for me at least… hope the next one will be much more successful. Here are some pics courtesy of wingz and shaolintiger. And for the last time.... Zewt is NOT/bukan/"bu shi" a girl!

Can u spot my signature?

On a totally non related note… tiuniasing tagged me. But sorry bro, I’ve said I won't do another tag, so I can't honour your tag.

It's a boss thing

exThose who know me will know that my first job was a hell hole. There are 2 peak period in a year and minor peak here and there which means… the whole freaking year can be quite ‘peak’. I stayed there for more than 5 years and only a job opportunity overseas was able to tempt me away, do you know why?

If there’s one factor that keeps a person to a jog, it’s the boss. Trust me, when you have to slog out all the late nights, and if you have a crazy boss breathing down your neck, you won't last long, unless you’re desperate for the job.

Having worked for quite a number of bosses, let me share some pointers with you. Believe me, you will need this guidance when you switch job.

You seldom hear people call their bosses ‘bastards’, but you will usually hear people call bosses ‘bitches’… or sometimes… ‘crazy bitches’. Yeah… generally (and I mean generally), men bosses are easier to work with compared to the female species, as sexist as this may sound. Those agree say ‘oh yeah!’…. ah… I hear that.

Women bosses are petty and would generally fail to see the bigger picture. They usually carry the scared-to-die genes as compared to men who usually carry the dare-to-die genes. Of course, this would translate to higher risk in working for men. So it’s crucial to have a men boss who won't blame you if anything goes wrong. I had the privilege of having such in my first job.

If the female boss is not married… you’re most certainly in for deep shit. If you’re a guy, maybe… just maybe you may find favour. But if you’re a girl… you’re most certainly in for smelly deep deep deep shit. If the female boss is past 40 and not married… wah… I don’t even wanna begin to describe it. There is a Chinese term called ‘pin tai’. If you don’t understand, ask your friend what it means.

If the female boss is married, generally they are ‘normal’. But you must also be careful if she is married to a rich man. There are 2 possibilities here… one of which being she doesn’t really need this job and as such she is quite ‘relax’, which is good. On the other hand, she could be in that job because she is passionate about it.

“Passionate”… this is a very dangerous term, particular if the female boss is married to a rich man. This will usually means money is not that important to her and this is bad… very bad! She will just work, money is secondary… which means you will also be working (a lot) and money will also be secondary. Job satisfaction is orgasmic, so you will be doing assignment after assignment, more jobs, more late nights, stay back… money? It’s all about job satisfaction. Maybe they think your good appraisal letter can buy you a car.

It’s very important that your boss see money as an important element. If your boss thinks you’re highly paid despite you getting puny salary, tough luck, your boss won't be fighting for higher increment or bonus for you. You might hear them say…”how much more do you want? When I was your age, I was getting xxxx and I have to take bus and still can't afford a motorbike la.” They usually don’t understand what is the meaning of inflation and increase in cost of living. Makes you want to do this.

Last but not least, try to avoid a boss that has been in a company for umpteen years. Why? Somehow, when bosses have worked in a particular company for a long period of time, they tend to think they own part of the company. Trust me, this is very bad.

Why? Because if you claim your allowance, they will give you a lecture, saying things like “you’re already highly paid”… they think the company is giving you (and the boss) too much annual leave (trust me on this one, it’s possible)… if you print single page on A4 paper, they will lecture you to print double-page, as though they are paying for those papers… and one classic example where if you die, it’s ok, but business must be able to go on, as mentioned here. There are many more not-so-nice things if the bosses think they own the company, just too much to mention.
I am sure there are many factors to determine a good and a bad boss. In my zewtpinion, a good boss is the one who is able to see the big picture, the objective of a particular assignment, and not worry about whether a comma should be a comma and a full stop should be a full stop. A good boss is a boss who can put himself/herself in your position and understand your concern from job satisfaction to monetary orgasm. And finally, a good boss is one who realise that he/she is just like you… an employee.

Breaking News: Earthquake!!?!!?!???... and lil update...

As I was staring at my computer screen, I felt a bit dizzy and I noticed my cursor started moving but I wasn’t moving my hands. The next thing I know, everyone started shouting:

“It’s shaking”…”The building is shaking”… “Eh eh, bergoyang lah!”

Apparently some offices in Malacca have been closed down since afternoon today whilst tremors were felt throughout the peninsular Malaysia. My office is contemplating evacuating the building.

Update:
For the very first time, I experienced a so called minor quake. Really... a mere 10 seconds of tremors made me wanna puke and felt dizzy. One thing though, when my cursor started to move and my hands were shaking without me moving it... I tot I was suffering from parkinson disease hahaha !!!

You know what is the best part? When we were talking about evacuating... one of the senior manager came up and said "what about our business continuation plan"?

At the possible point of death... all she is concern of is work...!I guess it's time to write modern slavery part II!!! ... but not today... I am having a severe headache from the lack of sleep due to blogging... I need some rest today. Goodnight everyone!

Chinese Culture… what’s not… what’s lost…

“Where is your girlfriend?”

“She is in Phuket… holiday with her family”

“Why didn’t you go with her?”

“If I go, I won't be here for reunion dinner”

At that point, I could see a smile slowly but surely appearing in my aunt’s face, a clear sign of happiness. Of course, the above conversation occurred in Cantonese, as I am the only person who can speak English in the family besides my siblings.

CNY, a very significant festival in the Chinese calendar just ended yesterday. I always wonder, when the current senior generation of Chinese kick the bucket, will CNY continued to be ‘celebrated’? And I mean ‘celebrate’… not taking the whole week off or goes off somewhere for a holiday or gamble all your money away or giving ang pows. Of course, one would ask, how do you celebrate CNY. Well, why don’t you tell me?

One very interesting point of debate in the comments of my previous entry… how do you differentiate between cultural practices and religious practices? I did some thinking today and I realised that the line can be quite obvious.

To me, religious practices are those things that one does which involve an element of spirituality. At this juncture, I shall not brand anything as Chinese religious practices simply because Chinese in Malaysia may embrace Buddhism (mainly), Taoism (mainly), Christianity, Islam or other religion, thus I think we should no longer stereotype anything as “Chinese religious practices”. Besides, there many Chinese out there who may be practising certain religious orders, but yet, are utterly confuse about what they truly believe in. They suffer from the I-do-it-cos-my-parents-ask-me-to-do-it-and-I-have-no-freaking-idea-why-I-do-it syndrome.

What then is Chinese culture? If you do a Wikipedia-search for “Chinese culture”, you will probably get confused reading it. It talks about artifacts, history, evolution… all the heavyweight stuff. For simplicity sake, let’s just keep to ‘practices’.

I believe the following resembles Chinese culture Malaysia:

1) Reunion dinner during CNY eve;
2) Giving of ‘ang pows’;
3) Tea ceremony during wedding;
4) Giving of ‘lai kum’ during marriage;
5) Torture session during the ‘collect the bride’ mission;
6) “Yaaaaaaaaammmmmm Seng” session during wedding dinner;
7) Asking “sik pau mei?” (have you eaten?) when you meet an aunty or uncle by the street;
8) Can you think of others?

I’m of the zewtpinion that Chinese cultural practices are practices that will only be practised by Chinese (under normal circumstances), like those mentioned above. You may see people from other races going to a Chinese temple and put joss sticks, but only the Chinese guys are stupid enough to let a bunch of girls dictate terms at the door-step of their bride’s home and stupid enough to pay the girls for it despite knowing that the bride will marry the groom regardless. That’s what make a Chinese wedding… a Chinese wedding. Get the drift?
Those protocols that may be practiced by people of other races, due to them embracing the common Chinese religion (i.e. Buddhism / Taoism) are not Chinese cultural practices. These are the religious practices, one that may be abandoned by a Chinese when he or she embraces other religions. The threat to Chinese religious practices comes in the form ‘other’ religion’.

On the other hand, Chinese culture is facing the threat of extinction due to evolution. It is something that I believe, will not stand the test of time, particularly in Malaysia.

For example, how many of you didn’t make it for your reunion dinner? Or thought that reunion dinner is a hassle you wish you can avoid. How many of you want a romantic church wedding despite not being a Christian and is willing to do away with the ‘jam cha’ (tea) ceremony? How many of you think shouting ‘yam seng’ during your wedding dinner makes you feel ‘low class’ and it’s something that is “too chinese”?

Of course, I will agree with you if you say practising such practices does not make one a Chinese. But what I am trying to say here is that we, as Chinese, should preserve what is uniquely ours. Although I do believe it is a lost cause, let us try our best in this quest, for Chinese sake… for Malaysian Chinese sake.

[Here ends Zewt’s Chinese series]

Other related entries:

1) Chinese... A...B...C

2) More on Chinese...A...B...C

More on Chinese.. A...B...C

I must admit that I am very flattered to receive a multitude of comments from my previous entry, and I am very happy that many people enjoyed it very much. Many admitted to being Type A with a good portion of readers claiming to be a hybrid of Type A and C. One thing for sure, no one wanna admit that they are a pure breed Type B… wonder why.

For the record, I grew up as a Type C and over the years, I was heavily influenced by Type A thus causing me to evolved into a hybrid of Type A and C. I did receive some exposure to Type B but somehow, I just didn’t quite pick up its traits. I don’t speak English with an accent (errr…I think), but I do try to eliminate the use of ‘la’ in my formal conversation. I speak Cantonese, picked up a little bit of Mandarin during my short stint in China. I would like to believe my spoken and written English is “ok” but I am definitely not proud that I can't read nor write Mandarin (not much at least). As for diet, I eat almost everything. That’s me.

“I shall reserve my comment, I think it’s not fair”… someone told me that after reading my “Chinese… A… B… C”.

Although humour is an element I try to incorporate into my blog, I wasn’t really trying to offend nor make fun of anyone. (Oh… you won't find much humour in this post). The reason I wrote that entry is because I think something is not quite right with the Chinese race. And since I am a Chinese, I guess I can say a thing or two about us...

Type A Chinese:

To be fair to Type A, there is a small population of them who aren’t that proud to be Type A, like some of my friends. Mostly, it’s the way they are brought up, so I can't blame them. They do realise that they are Chinese and play their part in picking up some Chinese traits from their friends, like speaking Cantonese and eating rice. Trust me, there are Type A out there who try very hard to avoid eating Chinese food… and rice.

This try-not-to-speak-‘Chinese’-and-try-not-eat-‘Chinese’ is the most fucked-up type of Chinese. If I am not wrong, they are the only people in the world who will reject their own race, their own identity. One thing I really hate about them is that they are the ONLY people in the world who will say:

“Ewww… that is so Chinese!”… describing a certain type of food, decoration or behaviour, usually in a negative context.

You will never hear a Malay or an Indian referring to their own race in such a disrespectful manner. Aren’t we Chinese fucked-up?

They are not the OCBC (Orang Cina Bukan Cina) this type is still ‘ok’, they are the OCTMJC (Orang Cina Tak Mahu Jadi Cina). Referring them as Chinese or speaking Chinese to them is worse than saying “F**ck your mother smelly c**t” to them.

I may not have the right to tell them what to eat, I may not have the right to tell them what to speak, but they should never forget, that at the end of their glamorous and fanciful English name, there are 3 syllabus that make up their Chinese name, even if you can't write, read or pronounce them. That means you’re Chinese, no matter what.

One final thing to the Type A Chinese, even if you eat only pasta, or maybe you don’t even eat pork, speak only English, or even speak beautiful British/American/Australian English, and even if you have 101 English names in front of your Chinese name…. when you die… when your body returns to earth… and some archaeologist dig up your bones 100 years later… after he had done some DNA test and study your bone structure… you are going to be just… CHINESE.


Type B Chinese:

Honestly speaking, I don’t really have much thing to say about Type B Chinese. At least they didn’t lose the identity of the Chinese race. They may be the Ah Bengs and Ah Lians, but they speak, eat and live as a Chinese, which is good enough. As for the hair colour and heavily modified cars, I guess I am still ok with it… maybe I am just bias.

One thing though… Type B should make an effort to pick up the English language. I am not asking you to speak English with an accent, not asking you to totally remove the ‘la’ in your sentence… but please, no “is I cute?” or “how is you?” having the ability to speak Chinese with a decent command of the English language will make you much more cooler than just having rainbow hair.

Remember, just because you know how to say “T*u lia ma chau hai”… doesn’t mean you should not say “F**ck your mother smelly c**t”…. try it… you may just give someone a surprise.

Type C Chinese:

Growing as one, I guess I don’t really have much problem about being a Type C. After all, they are the true breed of the Chinese race, bearing the all the good traits, and the bad.

But if there is one thing that I am not proud of, that will be greed. Calculative is one thing, but greed, is a totally different issue altogether. They say everyone has a price… a Chinese is just more expensive. The greed for wealth and power can turn a Type C against their own kind.

A Chinese made a remark in relation to the recent Batu Talam election that threw me off my chair. He said something like….

“I hope the Chinese people in Batu Talam will not sympathise the Chinese candidate and vote him”.

That Chinese may be calling for a fair and just election, but the only thing I read from his remark is …. A Chinese telling the Chinese not to sympathise a Chinese. This made me think… will that Chinese sympathise us Chinese when we need sympathy?

There you have it my friends… we have Chinese to refuse to be Chinese, we have Chinese who are too rigid to learn other cultures, and we have Chinese will turn against each other… aren’t we fucked up?

I am proud to be a Chinese, and yet I am not proud to be a Chinese.

[The blog owner render his apology to anyone who feels offended by this entry]